


Interrupting Lunchbox

by rudy0924



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: F/F, Holly Stewart needs a hug, Perik is a bastard, Pregnancy, Pregnant Gail
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2018-09-19 12:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 149,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9439163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudy0924/pseuds/rudy0924
Summary: Gail has some important news to share with her wife. If only Holly would stop talking (and hyperventilating) long enough to hear it. Established Golly relationship. Spoiler alert: pregnancy fic. Multi-chapter fic.





	1. Chapter 1

 

When Holly walked in the door, the only thing on her mind was pajamas. It was only 7:30, but her day had been long and wet. The morning had started with a visit to a crime scene in the woods on one of the rainiest days to hit Toronto all year. Combine that with the floater and the lightning-induced power outage that had erased half of the journal article she was working on and Holly couldn't imagine one more minute in the clothes that had never quite dried out. She wanted flannel pants, an oversized sweater and a giant cup of hot tea. Oh and snuggles. A ridiculous amount of snuggles with her wife. 

Ahh. Her wife. Just the thought of her favorite blonde made her shoulders relax a little. Despite the reputation that Gail had carefully cultivated, Holly's wife was capable of great sentimentality. She was known as a snarky, badass cop to her colleagues, but to Holly, she was the best friend who had once found someone to make a giant lunchbox-shaped pillow so Holly would have something to sleep with when she had to go to a two-week conference in Vancouver. (Holly never pointed out that, technically speaking, since "Lunchbox" was Gail's nickname for Holly, it was sort of like she was sleeping with herself. The thought was what counted and metaphorically accurate or not, once she had wrapped the pillow in Gail's unwashed sweatshirt, it made a workable substitute for her first choice.) 

Now that she had peeled off her damp clothes, Holly began to wonder about the whereabouts of her wife. Gail had texted her a couple of hours ago to let her know she was headed home, but Holly had been so busy trying to salvage the remainder of her day that she hadn't checked in since then. 

"Gail?" Holly called into the otherwise silent house. "Are you here, Honey?" 

She made her way up the stairs to see if the blonde had drifted off in their king-sized bed. Holly's day had been long, but Gail's week had been longer. New rookies and end-of-the-month quotas had landed Gail in bed before 10PM every night this week. 

Holly walked into the bedroom and immediately saw Gail sitting cross-legged at the end of their bed, staring at one spot on the wall across from her. Holly noticed that her wife was wearing one of her flannel shirts and a pair of her yoga pants. Gail wasn't usually one to borrow Holly's clothes, but she brushed it off as Gail needing some extra comfort after a rough week. 

"Hey Babe, how was the rest of your day? Mine was ridiculous. The power went out for ten minutes at four o'clock and I lost like ten pages of that paper I've been working on. And that was after I had to trek down a muddy trail to look at a body found by a jogger in the woods. And then McNally came over with a floater and talked about whether she and Sam should get a dog for over an hour. I mean, I know she's our friend, but she just kept talking and I was still wearing soggy socks and it was just too much." 

Holly hadn't noticed that while she was changing out of her wet clothes and rattling off the details of her day, Gail hadn't moved an inch or made a single sound. In fact, she hadn't acknowledged her wife's presence at all. 

"Gail?" 

"Holly, I need you to stay calm." Gail still hadn't moved her eyes from that same spot on the wall. 

"Um, ok. About what, Gail? Are you okay?" Now that she had noticed her wife's odd behavior, Holly was focused on determining the source. With Gail, it could be anything. 

"Before I tell you, you have to promise you're not going to panic or pass out or start hyperventilating." Gail had finally adjusted her gaze to her hands, one thumb kneading the palm of the other hand nervously. 

"Gail." Holly's tone had switched from curious to tense. The brunette made her way over to sit next to her wife. "What are you talking about? Did something happen at work?" Holly's mind began to race with possibilities. Had Gail gotten in trouble at work? Had one of her friends been in an accident? Had Gail gotten assigned to go undercover? Oh god... 

With that thought, Holly jumped to her feet. "No. Gail, you can't. We agreed. You said you would tell them. What if...? I mean I know it hasn't worked yet, but it could and if you leave then we have to put everything on hold and that's just not fair..." Holly started to pace back and forth in front of Gail. 

"Holly." 

"And you have put in your time. Why can't they send someone else? McNally can go. They could send her and Sam together. They wouldn't even have to pretend to be a couple. They don't have a dog yet so it would be fine..." 

"Holly," Gail tried again. 

"You went undercover six months ago and you were gone for an entire month. And you got hurt because you had to tackle that three hundred pound guy and I didn't even know you were back until Oliver came to pick me up at the lab. And I don’t want to pick you up at the hospital. Your shoulder still gets sore when it rains and next time it could be worse. You could get shot or stabbed or..." 

"Lunchbox!" Gail didn't like yelling at Holly, but her wife was working herself into a state of frenzy. 

The tactic worked. Holly stopped talking and turned to look at Gail. "Just tell me." Her voice was filled with defeat and her eyes were beginning to shine with unshed tears. 

"I'm not going undercover." 

At that, Holly visibly sighed. The tension drifting away as she took her former seat next to Gail on the bed. "Thank god." She moved her glasses to the top of her head, slumped forward and put her face in her hands. 

Gail grabbed one of Holly's hands and held it between both of her own. "But I do still have to tell you something and you have to promise you won't freak out like you just did about something that isn't even happening." 

Holly looked up into her wife's icy blue eyes and felt that familiar panic begin to rise again. "Gail." 

"Promise me, Holly." 

Letting out a long breath while still trying to discern some clue from Gail's serious expression, Holly said, "I promise, I will try." 

A few seconds of silence ticked past while Gail tried to determine whether her wife was sufficiently calm. 

"Gail, I need..." 

"I'm pregnant." 

"What? Can you repeat that?" Holly wanted to make sure she had heard correctly. 

"I'm pregnant." 

Hearing the words a second time caused Holly's eyes to go wide and her mouth to drop open slightly with a gasp. 

Gail, still clutching her wife's hand, held her breath, waiting for a scream that didn't come. Instead, Holly just stared at Gail with a look of shock affixed to her face. 

"Holly?" Gail needed some kind of response. 

Instead of speaking, Holly just turned her head toward the wall, staring at the same spot Gail's eyes had been trained on just a couple of minutes ago. Gail couldn't take it anymore. Rambling she could handle. But silence? Holly wasn't the silent type and it was throwing the blonde off. 

"Lunchbox! Say something!" 

Holly jumped before turning to her wife, raising her hands to either side of Gail's face and leaning in for a long, sweet kiss. Gail sighed into the kiss because this was a part of Holly she could understand. This was a reaction she could deal with. 

When her wife moved her hands so that they rested at the brunette's sides, Holly felt the tears returning to her eyes. She continued to kiss Gail while she moved one hand down from her wife's face to now rest on her wife's stomach. The gesture made Gail smile into the kiss. 

Holly had never felt so happy. She couldn't believe this was happening and even more than that, she couldn't believe it hadn't occurred to her that this might be the news Gail needed to share. But Gail had told her two weeks ago that she had started her period. It's why she hadn't yelled when Gail had told her she had run after a knife-wielding suspect earlier in the week. She hated when Gail was in danger, but she knew that was part of the job. But if Gail had been pregnant when she did that? Wait. Oh god... 

Holly suddenly pulled away from the kiss and looked at her wife with wild eyes while Gail just looked back questioningly. "You have to wear your vest." Holly grabbed her wife's hands and pulled them into her lap. "And you can't chase people with weapons. You have to let someone else do that. And you can't let the rookies drive when you are in the car with them. Or Dov. Dov can't drive. He is a good cop but you told me he always tries to get to a call first so he can make his mark. But you're pregnant and so you can't be making marks anymore." 

"Holly." Gail shook her head with a slight smirk on her face. This was the freak out she had been anticipating.  

Holly stood and started pacing again. "Do you wear your vest at the station? Because Sam got shot at the station once. And you can’t touch hazardous chemicals. If you find another meth lab, you have to stay outside. Those chemicals are so dangerous. Maybe they will just let you work the desk until you go on maternity leave." 

"Holly." Gail knew she was going to have to yell again but truth be told, her wife's rambling was adorable so she wasn't in any rush. 

"I know that's like eight months away. Or really like nine because you're actually pregnant for ten months. But you'd be safer on the desk. Unless someone like Ford snuck in again. Oh god, you should wear your vest at the desk too. You can’t die now. I mean you can’t ever die, but especially now. And you can't get hurt either. Not even like little bruises or cuts. I mean normally those are ok because you didn’t have our baby inside you, but now you're pregnant and..." 

"Lunchbox!" Gail had to stop her wife before she descended into hyperventilation. She had learned that lesson the hard way. 

Holly turned her face back toward her wife. "Gail. You're pregnant." 

"Yeah, nerd. I'm aware." She could barely contain the laughter bubbling up inside of her as a result of the look of sheer terror on her wife's face. 

"Gail. You're pregnant and you're a police officer." 

"If you're trying to play two truths and a lie, you're gonna need to add in a lie. Also I think you're supposed to say things about yourself, not me. You really suck at this game. I thought you were a genius?” 

Shaking her head quickly and once again taking a seat next to her wife, Holly said, "Gail, this isn't a joke. You have to be more careful." 

"So what you're saying is I shouldn't have taught the rookie how to do donuts in the squad car today?" 

"What?! Gail, that's so dangerous, you could have..." Holly's eyes looked like they might explode at any second so Gail decided to take pity on her panicky wife. 

"I'm joking, Holly." Gail couldn't keep the smile off her face. "How are we going to do donuts without ice on the roads? Duh." Holly was so gullible when it came to Gail's claims of reckless behavior. 

Holly breathed a sigh of relief before bringing her hand to her forehead. "Oh my god. Gail, that's not funny at all. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" 

“Actually yes. With you gone, I will be free to name the kid whatever I want.”  

“Gail. I’m serious. You’re pregnant. You’re carrying our baby. You can’t just run into burning buildings and tackle suspects like nothing has changed. You may not feel differently, but you have to think differently. You have to take care of yourself. If something were to happen…” Holly’s thoughts started to circle back around to the worst-case scenarios.  

“Nothing is going to happen. Women have been having babies for thousands of years. And now even delinquent teenagers have babies in high school bathrooms after eating Hot Pockets and Funions for nine months. If those idiots can do it, then I think I will be fine.” 

“Gail, those teenagers aren’t dodging bullets and chasing junkies with knives through dark warehouses.” Holly’s voice had calmed considerably, but there was still an edge.  

“That happened before I knew I was pregnant, Holly. How was I supposed to know women can still ‘spot’ while pregnant? One of the only perks of pregnancy is not having a period for nine months so that better have been a one time thing. And what was I supposed to do? Leave the rookie alone with a doped-up buffoon waving a weapon around? Even I don’t hate Gerald that much.” Gail was starting to get defensive. She was a police officer after all. It was her job. 

Holly saw the shift in her wife’s eyes and knew she had to keep Gail from shutting down. She grabbed the blonde’s hands for the third time that night. “I know that, baby. I know. You were doing your job, which you are really, really good at. And I love that you’re a badass cop who keeps me safe, chases bad guys and always has her partner’s back. But things are different now. You have to protect that baby inside of you. You’re the only one who can keep her safe right now. She needs you. You’re her mom. And I need you. It sounds crazy, but I already love this baby and if anything were to happen to you or her, I don’t know what I’d do, Gail. I can’t handle that. So if anything, do it for me.” 

“Ugh, okay, Lunchbox. No need to start crying.” Truth be told, Holly’s tears were one of Gail’s weaknesses. When the brunette looked so much as slightly misty, Gail’s resolve on whatever subject immediately began to crumble. She couldn’t stand for her wife to feel sad. “But I can’t be on the desk for 9 months. I will die of boredom and the only part of your tirade that I listened to was the part about how I shouldn’t die. And also, we aren’t supposed to tell anyone that I’m pregnant until the end of the first trimester and if I request to work the desk, people are going to know. Pecks don’t ride the desk, Holly.” 

Holly hastily wiped the tears that had escaped. “Ok, I’m not going to tell you when you have to start working the desk exclusively. I trust you. I know you will be smart and that you’ll make good choices so that our baby stays right where she is until it’s time for her to come out. Just promise me you will be extra careful? Please?”  

Gail studied her hands for a couple of seconds. 

“Gail?” Holly wasn’t sure what was going through her wife’s mind. A few more seconds passed without a peep from the cop. 

“Gail?” Holly’s heart was racing. What if Gail was about to shut down? What if she decided she didn’t need to be more careful? 

“Gail! Please, say something!” 

Gail finally looked up at Holly with an ornery grin on her face. “Ha! I just wanted you to know what it felt like. Of course, I promise, Lunchbox. No need to go nuclear on me.” 

“Oh my god, Gail.” Holly put a hand over her chest in a halfhearted effort to calm the pounding. “Is there any way I could convince you to stay under our covers for the next nine months? I’m not sure my nerves are going to survive.” 

“Not a chance, Lunchbox. Plus this will be great preparation for when you have to start freaking out about me teaching the kid to do things like snowboard on trashcan lids or become a real life fruit ninja, complete with samurai sword.” 

Holly rolled her eyes. “I’m going to ignore that comment.” The brunette reached over and took her wife in her arms, deciding to push away her fears in favor of the joy and love she felt for this sometimes careless woman. She pulled them down so that they were lying on the end of the bed, Holly’s head in the hollow of Gail’s neck, her hand rubbing soft circles on her wife’s stomach. 

“Holly?”  

“Hmm?” 

“Is it really ten months instead of nine?” 

Holly could hardly contain her laughter. Of the many things the brunette had said, this was the part her wife had latched onto. “Yes, Honey. You will really be pregnant for ten months.” 

“Well that’s just not right. Someone should have told me that. You should have told me that. You’re a doctor, Holly! Someone should be sued for false advertising because I only agree to nine months of torture. Ten is just obscene. That’s almost an entire year! I’m not happy about this Holly.” 

After chuckling into Gail’s shoulder, Holly tried to provide some soothing words. “You will be fine. I will be here with you every step of the way. You won’t be alone. I know you can do this.” 

Gail sighed. And for a couple of minutes after, the only sound either could hear was the rhythm of their collective breathing. 

“Holly?” The blonde’s voice was barely above a whisper. 

“Hmm?” 

“I’m pregnant.” And this was a response Holly could understand. A slow recognition of all that had changed finally reaching her wife’s mind, causing her to hiccup with the tears she was trying to keep inside. 

Holly lifted her head to kiss her wife on the neck and then held Gail just a little bit tighter. “I know, Baby. I know.” 


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a couple of weeks since Holly and Gail had found out that Gail was pregnant. The blonde had shown very few signs of being pregnant, except for being a little more tired than normal. Holly had already started reading books and studies, trying to prepare herself for what to expect. She was a doctor, but pregnancy was definitely not her expertise. And of the two of them, Holly was the one who was expected to know things. To know if things were normal or if there was cause to worry. The brunette had yet to be tested on this knowledge until Gail was almost two and a half months pregnant.

They had been sleeping soundly, the alarm not set to go off for another hour. Holly felt Gail stirring but thought she was likely just having an intense dream. But Gail started to moan and then flew out of bed, heading for the master bathroom.

“Gail?” Holly sat up in bed, but was still slightly dazed. Then she heard the sound of her wife throwing up and realized what was happening. She made her way to the bathroom almost as quickly as Gail had. She made it just in time to see her wife heave a second time.

“Oh, baby.” The brunette filled a cup with water and grabbed a towel. She sat down on the floor next to her wife and started rubbing the blonde’s back.

“Ugh. I feel like my insides are doing somersaults.”

“I’m sorry, sweetie. Here, drink some water.” Holly continued to rub circles on her wife’s back, trying to be as comforting as possible.

 "I can’t. Swallowing sounds like the worst idea ever right now. I’m pretty sure it would get rejected immediately. Holly, this is worse than being hung over. At least when you throw up after drinking too much, you feel better for a little while. But I feel just as nauseous as when I woke up.”

“Well here’s a towel if you want to wipe your mouth. You can rinse your mouth out even if you don’t want to swallow. Is there anything else I can do? Do you want to move back to the bed? Do you want me to get you some crackers?” Holly felt helpless and hated to see her wife feeling so miserable.

“Ugh, don’t talk about food. Ever again. Like until the baby is born. Because just the mention of it makes me want to vomit everything I’ve ever eaten. I think if I just sit here for the next seven months, I’ll be okay.” Gail took the glass of water, rinsed out her mouth and spit it into the toilet.

Holly rose up a little to flush the toilet and then sat next to her wife again. “I’ll never mention it again. But you can’t stay here forever. Why don’t you let me help you back to the bed? You will be more comfortable there. We can bring the trashcan in case you need it.”

“Ugh. Okay. The churning is starting to subside. Quick, let’s go before it comes back.” Gail used the side of the bathtub to help her stand up. As soon as she was upright, her head spun and she started to sway forward. Holly quickly grabbed her wife’s shoulders in order to steady her.

“Oh god, are you okay? Do you feel dizzy? Do you need to sit back down? You need to drink some water.” Holly went into worried-wife mode.

“I’m okay. I just got up too fast. I just want to get back in bed until I have to get ready for work.” Gail started to move toward the door. Holly wrapped her arm around her wife’s back and held onto her arm with her free hand.

“It’s not terminal, nerd. It’s just morning sickness. I will be okay.”

“I know. I just don’t want you to fall. You could hit your head. Maybe you should call in sick today.”

As soon as Gail was sitting on the bed, Holly went back for the glass of water and brought the trashcan just in case.

“No, I can’t stay home from work every time I get sick. I’m sure I will feel better in a little while. Stop worrying.”

“Worrying is what I do. Even before you were pregnant. Now I just have a new tiny person to worry about. Here drink some water. Just a few sips.”

Gail took the glass of water and took a very tiny sip. Her stomach, although not as bad, still felt a little squeamish so she set the glass on the nightstand. “I know. And I love that you want us to be safe, but you are a doctor. You know that morning sickness is completely normal and that plenty of women throw up every morning and then go to work.”

Holly sighed and sat down next to her wife. She grabbed the blonde’s hand. “I know. I just hate seeing you miserable and I wish there was something I could do.”

“You are doing it now. Just be here. But just metaphorically because your alarm would have gone off about ten minutes ago so you need to get in the shower.” At the look of hesitation on Holly’s face, Gail continued, “Go. I’m fine and I’m just going to lay here until I have to get up to shower.”

“Alright, but just yell if you need me, ok? I will be quick.” Holly wanted to stay a little longer with her wife, but if she was going to make it in time for the department meeting at 8, she had to start getting ready now.

Holly finished showering and started getting ready. Gail, who was feeling better, started to make her way to the shower. Holly stopped drying her hair so she could watch her wife walk into the bathroom. She looked for any more signs of dizziness but didn’t find any. Forty-five minutes later, Holly and Gail were sitting in their jeep outside the station.

“Alright, I’ll see you later, babe. Go cut up some dead people.” Gail leaned over, grabbed her wife’s cheek and gave the brunette a kiss. After a few second, Holly pulled away and pulled the blonde’s hand down into her lap.

“Nice. Are you sure you don’t want to eat a granola bar? I put some in your bag.”

“I’m not hungry yet, but thank you. I have to go so I don’t miss parade. I love you. Stop worrying.”

“Not possible. And I love you too. Be safe. Text me later, ok?” Holly wasn’t sure why she felt so reluctant for Gail to leave. They did this every morning. And even though she always had a small amount of anxiety that lived in the back of her mind, she could usually keep it from affecting her emotions. Holly was glad that Gail had already turned to open the door because she didn’t want her wife to see that her eyes were growing misty.

“Always. Bye, Lunchbox!” Gail called just before she shut the door.

Holly watched the blonde strut inside, something about putting on her uniform made Gail walk differently. More confidently. Holly took a deep breath and tried to summon some confidence of her own. The appearance of symptoms had somehow made the pregnancy seem more real for Holly. Her anxiety level was through the roof. But she was going to have to find a way to control these feelings because there were still seven more months to go.

Holly made her way to the lab. She tried to focus on work. At her morning meeting, she took extra notes to keep her mind from wandering. Instead of delegating tasks to her intern, she performed most routine tests herself. She took her time on the autopsy of a suspicious death even though she knew ten minutes in that it had been an embolism. As much as she tried to keep her worries about her wife out of her mind, Holly could not stop imagining the paleness of her wife’s face this morning. She hadn’t heard from Gail all morning and even though she knew her wife was probably just busy, she couldn’t help but worry about the possibilities.

By the time Holly had finished the autopsy and gotten the body back in cold storage, she had made up her mind. She had to talk to her wife. She knew she could just call, but she needed to see her. Gail had a habit of trying to keep Holly from worrying which meant downplaying any discomfort she may be feeling. Holly needed to see for herself that Gail was okay.

The brunette drove to the station and checked in at the front desk. She was making her way toward the detectives’ desks to ask Traci if she knew where Gail was when she saw the blonde round the corner. Gail made that adorable confused face that always appeared when Holly showed up unexpectedly.

“Holly, hey. What are you doing here?” Gail stopped a couple of feet in front of her wife. As affectionate as she was outside the station, the blonde had a fairly strict ‘no PDA at work’ rule.

“Oh um, I needed to talk to Traci about a case. Give her some results from some tests.” Holly averted her eyes. She wasn’t very good at lying, but she was especially bad at lying to her wife.

Gail tilted her head, knowing that if she waited long enough, Holly would cave and tell her the truth.

“Okay fine. Come with me.” Holly grabbed Gail’s arm and lead her into the nearest interrogation room. Once the door was closed, Holly turned and gathered her wife into a hug.

After a few seconds, Gail said, “Holly, what’s going on? Is everything okay?”

Holly pulled back and looked in her wife’s eyes. The blonde looked a little tired, but the paleness from this morning was gone. The relief she felt came rushing out. “I was worried. I know you said you were okay, but I just kept seeing the image of your pale face from this morning. I was trying to distract myself with lab tests and taking twice as long on an autopsy, but I just needed to see you. I know we’ve known about you being pregnant for a while, but you haven’t had any symptoms and you don’t look any different so it hadn’t really hit me. But then when you got sick this morning, it was real. You’re carrying our baby and I just don’t want anything to happen.”

Gail was smiling now. “Holly, I’m fine. I promise. I didn’t get a chance to text you because the computer in the evidence room decided to die so I had to do everything by hand and I just lost track of time. And as adorable as it is that you want to take care of me, we have seven more months to go. I don’t want you to be constantly freaked out.”

Holly put her hand to her chest. “I know. I promise I’m not going to show up here every day. I think I just needed to see that you were really okay. I’m not ever going to stop worrying completely, but soon it will be normal that you’re pregnant. But right now it’s still new so I’m being a little crazy.”

“You’re not being crazy. Okay, you’re being a little crazy. But it’s ok. I will try to text you more often so you know that I’m fine. Will that make things better?” Gail was holding her wife’s shoulders now.

“Yeah, that will make me feel better. Just promise you won’t hide anything from me ok? If you’re sick, I want to know. Even if it’s not a big deal, I still want to know.”

“I promise. Any time I smell ground beef and vomit out the window, I will let you know.”

Holly winced. “Ground beef, huh? Is that new?”

“Yeah, let’s not talk about it. As soon as we’re telling people, I’m going to threaten to de-pants Dov if he doesn’t stop cooking in the break room.”

“Gotcha. Okay well I’m going to go back to work now. Thanks for letting me be crazy.” Holly turned toward the door, but then remembered a question she hadn’t asked yet. “Oh, did you eat your granola bar?”

“Lunchbox. You’re being crazy again.” At Holly’s warning look, Gail confessed, “Not yet. I got busy and didn’t feel hungry. I’m going to eat lunch in about an hour though. And lucky for you, after this morning, I really don’t want anything heavy or greasy so I’ll probably get a salad.”

“Ok good. Just make sure you eat lunch.” Holly stopped to look at her wife. She loved this woman. She loved that she could freak out and hover and Gail didn’t feel threatened or annoyed. Holly wrapped both arms around her wife’s neck and pulled her in for a kiss.

After a few seconds, the brunette pulled away and whispered, “I love you, Gail.”

Gail smiled, gave her wife one more peck on the lips and then whispered back, “I love you too, nerd.”


	3. Chapter 3

Over the next week, Gail continued to get sick every morning and often in the afternoon as well. Things that had never bothered her before now repulsed her. Any and all food was unappealing and certain smells sent her flying to the nearest bathroom. She was working overtime to keep her nausea a secret, not wanting to answer questions about why her normally iron stomach had become increasingly sensitive. She and Holly had agreed that they didn’t want to share the news of the pregnancy until the risk of miscarriage was much smaller.

Holly was still concerned that Gail was so sick, but she had taken comfort in books and studies that only confirmed what she already knew: morning sickness was normal. And Gail had been true to her promise to check in with Holly and to keep her informed on how she was feeling. Even though she was glad to be kept up-to-date, the brunette hated when she got a text from her wife that informed her yet again of her wife’s continued misery.

 **Wife** : :(

 **Lunchbox** : Again? 

 **Wife** : I swear when we are telling people, anyone who wears cologne in the squad is going to get a nightstick to the Adam’s apple.

 **Lunchbox** : That bad eh?

 **Wife** : I stopped at a mini mart and forced Chris to go in for chap stick and then opened my door and threw up as soon as he was out of sight. I’m not sure what type of wildlife he is trying to attract with his cologne, but even skunks would label it a turn off.

 **Lunchbox** : I’m sorry, honey. I wish I could help.

 **Wife** : Don’t worry. I just decided that I’m not going to throw up anymore.

 **Lunchbox** : Oh really? How well do you think that will work?

 **Wife** : Oh it will work. The only other alternative is just not being pregnant anymore.

 **Lunchbox** : Let’s not discuss that option. Mind over matter it is. Have you eaten today?

 **Wife** : I did have a granola bar in my stomach for 30 minutes. Does that count?

 **Lunchbox** : :( No. You need to eat something. And drink a sports drink of some kind to replace your electrolytes.

 **Wife** : I will get right on that. Directly after I feast on a bowl of tomatoes. And eggs.

 **Lunchbox** : Gail.

 **Wife** : :) Must go serve and protect!

 **Lunchbox** : Eat something! I mean it. And be safe. 

 **Wife** : Never fear. I shall serve my city by bravely giving tickets to the idiots who can’t be bothered to use their turn signals.

 **Lunchbox** : Traffic duty. Can’t say I’m sad about that. 

 **Wife** : I thought as much. Talk to you later. <3

 **Lunchbox** : Still be careful though. And eat! I love you too!

Holly was worried about how often Gail was getting sick. She knew morning sickness was normal, but it wasn’t normal to not be able to eat or drink anything at all. The brunette’s anxious thoughts were cut short when her office phone rang, alerting her to a dead body at a dry cleaner in Rosedale. 

Few things shocked Holly anymore, but the smell inside the dry cleaner gave the brunette pause. At least 10 bottles of industrial dry-cleaning chemicals had been emptied around the small room in the back of business. Emptied wasn’t exactly the appropriate word. It was clear that something violent had happened in that room. The bottles had been casualties of what had appeared to be a vicious fight. The body in the middle of the floor had been beaten beyond recognition. There was a large pool of blood around the victim but there was also a trail of destruction scattered throughout the room. The floor was coated in liquid and still giving off a nauseating stench. Holly reached in her bag and pulled out a mask which she quickly affixed to her face in an effort to lessen the effects of the chemicals.

“Looks like this guy was on the losing end of the fight, huh?” Holly quipped to Traci, who was holding a handkerchief to her nose and mouth.

Traci pulled the cloth away to answer, “Yeah, someone was definitely not happy with him. According to his ID badge, he’s the owner of this place. Glad that stayed on because his face is too smashed up to recognize him.”

“We will verify with DNA just in case someone was trying to be clever and switch their badges around.” Holly was taking samples from the blood on the floor when she heard a familiar voice just outside the door.

“Good god, what is that smell? Did someone drown themselves in a bathtub filled with rubbing alcohol? Why exactly did we get called in for this?” Gail was clearly not happy about entering an establishment that was even more saturated by an odor than her squad was with Chris’s cologne. 

Holly’s hand froze as soon as she heard her wife’s voice. She felt a shock of cold fear shoot through her chest and immediately rose to her feet just as the blonde was about the cross the threshold to the room. “Gail, no! You can’t come in here!”

“What? Holly what are you…” Gail barely had time to process that her wife was yelling before the brunette started up again.

“I mean it! Get out of here right now!” Holly’s mind was fixated on the safety of her wife. She knew she wasn’t communicating this in the best way, but she couldn’t think clearly. Panic had taken over and turned her usually kind disposition into a rather abrasive and controlling one.

“Don’t tell me what to do! I’m doing my job!” Gail wasn’t sure where this outburst came from. Her wife never raised her voice, even when she was angry. The blonde did not respond well to yelling and Holly knew that.

“Gail, now!” With that, Holly stripped off her gloves, walked over to her wife, grabbed her by the arm and practically forced her out of the room. Every pair of eyes in the room was fixated on the couple. They had never seen Holly lose her cool like that.

As soon as they were out on the sidewalk, Gail started doing her own screaming.

“Holly, what the hell?! What is wrong with you? You can’t treat me like that at a crime scene! I’m a cop!”

“Gail, I’m sorry…” In the short time it had taken to walk outside, Holly had realized she had made a big mistake.

Gail continued to rant, “I mean what were you thinking?! Traci and Chris saw that! They are going to think I am whipped! 

Holly was trying to squeeze a word in, but Gail was wound up now. “Gail, if you just let me explain…”

“No. I can’t talk to you right now! Tell Chris I went to go canvas the neighborhood.” Gail had started to walk down the street.

“You shouldn’t go alone.” No matter how angry Gail was, Holly couldn't stop trying to protect her.

Without even turning around, Gail shouted, “Leave it, Holly!”

After taking a few moments to collect herself and come up with an explanation for her outburst, the brunette walked back inside. Everyone tried to pretend they weren’t watching her out of the corner of their eyes, but their sudden silence gave them away. Holly ignored them and kept walking until she reached the back room. Walking up to Chris, but without looking in his eyes, she said, “Officer Diaz. Officer Peck went to canvas the neighborhood. She was headed toward the restaurant next door if you’d like to join her.”

“Um thanks. I’m supposed to stay with the body though so…” Chris was hesitant. He didn’t want Holly to take out whatever had just happened with Gail on him.

“Chris, it’s fine. Go find Gail and make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid. I will take care of this.” Traci was talking to Chris, but she was studying Holly’s body language. 

“Sure thing, Traci.” Chris turned and hurried out the door, thankful to not be party to the awkwardness any longer.

When the detective and the doctor were alone, Traci proceeded carefully, trying to discern what was going on with her friends. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just…that was stupid. I didn’t want her to contaminate evidence in case we could find something near the door. I overacted. I’ve been stressed lately and I took it out on her. I shouldn’t have yelled.” She hoped Traci was buying her cover story.

“Not that I’m questioning you, but why didn’t you freak out about Chris coming in. It sounded like you were worried specifically about Gail not coming in.”

“I just…I saw Gail first.” Holly was getting nervous now. She should have known a detective would poke holes in her story.

“Okay, Holly. Clearly something is going on, but it’s obvious you don’t want to talk about it right now so I won’t pry. But know I’m around if you need to talk.”

“Thanks, Traci.” The doctor let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

“So how mad was Gail?” Traci was smiling now.

“I think I saw smoke coming out of her ears. She doesn’t respond well to yelling. I didn’t mean to. It just came out and then she walked off before I could explain.” Holly was rubbing her forehead now. She hated fighting with her wife.

“She’ll cool off. Just give her a little space.”

“Yeah, I will. Ok so let’s get the liver temp and then get the body back to the lab for more answers.”

* * *

 

Down the street, Gail was still fuming. When Chris had shown up looking sympathetic, the blonde had simply held up her hand and said, “don’t.” And he didn’t. They asked questions of those at surrounding businesses and then headed back to the station to report back to Traci. 

The cop’s anger was soon replaced by exhaustion. She felt as if she was running on fumes. Even though she knew she should eat something or drink a sports drink like Holly had told her to, she was still too upset with her wife to heed any of her orders.

After checking in with Traci, Gail and Chris headed to the break room. The blonde had a granola bar she was going to attempt to choke down and Chris was cutting up an apple.

“Why can’t you just eat the apple like a normal person?” The blonde was standing at the counter, working up the energy to open her snack.

Not looking up from the chopping, Chris answered, “I used to cut up apples for Christian and I just got in the habit. I guess it reminds me of him and the short period where I thought I was a dad.”

“Ok, Steel Magnolias, easy on the melancholy.”

“Hey, you were the one who asked – ow! Oh shoot. I cut myself.” Chris held his hand up to inspect the wound.

Gail turned her head at her partner’s exclamation. Her eyes landed on Chris’s finger and the blood that was now running down his hand. Something about the sight and the smell of the blood made her head swim. Her vision started to cloud over and she gripped the counter for support.

“Chris, I don’t feel so…” She never completed the sentence because her vision went entirely black and she swayed backward. Luckily Chris had heard her muddled statement and had reached out just in time to catch the blonde and ease her to the floor.

* * *

 

She could not stop thinking about the fight she had had with her wife. Holly felt a weight on her chest that she knew would not be lifted until she was able to make up with Gail. She hadn’t heard anything from the cop since the fight. The silence was particularly difficult because her wife had been so diligent over the last week about regularly checking in. Holly had tried sending several texts. 

 **Lunchbox** : Gail, I’m sorry. Please call me.

 **Lunchbox** : Honey, I’m sorry I yelled. Please let me explain.

 **Lunchbox** : Please acknowledge existence?

After several hours and still no response, Holly had started to worry. She knew Gail was upset, but she usually didn’t freeze her out like this. Just as she was about to pick up the phone to call her wife, the doctor’s cell phone rang. She picked it up without looking at the caller ID.

“Gail?” Holly knew her voice sounded desperate, but she didn’t care.

“Holly, hey. This is Traci.”

Holly’s heart sank. “Oh hi, Traci. I don’t have any results from the dry cleaning murder yet.”

“No, that’s ok. I’m actually calling about Gail.”

“Is she still upset? She won’t answer my texts. I was just about to call her."

“Well this isn’t about your argument. I’m calling because Gail passed out about an hour ago?”

“What?! Oh my god, is she okay? What happened?” Now Holly wished she had called Gail earlier. The mixture of panic and guilt was making the doctor’s heart race. 

“She’s fine. She’s here at the station and we had a medic check her out. She came to after a few seconds and Chris caught her before she hit the floor.” 

“Thank god. Can you put her on so I can talk to her?” Hearing her wife's voice was the only thing that would ease her tension.

“Well that’s the bad news. She told me not to call you.”

“What? Why would she do that?” Holly’s relief at her wife being okay was short-lived. Now she felt angry. How could Gail try to keep this from her?

“She was embarrassed that she fainted and I think she was still pretty upset about earlier. But I thought you needed to know.”

“Thank you, Traci. I will come over right now. Don’t let her leave.” Holly was already taking off her lab coat and gathering her purse and keys.

“No problem. And don’t worry, I took her keys away so she’s not going anywhere. She’s laying on a cot in the locker room.”

“Good thinking. I’m on my way.”

Panic. Guilt. Confusion. Terror. These were just a small sampling of the emotions the doctor was currently experiencing. She couldn’t understand why Gail would tell Traci not to call her. She had fainted, for god’s sake. Her pregnant wife had fainted. The mental image caused Holly to pause before opening her car door and momentarily close her eyes with fear. What if something was wrong? She shook her head and decided not to entertain the thought. She just needed to see her wife.

When Holly arrived at the station, she made a beeline for the locker room. As soon as she walked through the door, she called out a bit frantically, “Gail? Are you in here?”

“Mmm.” The sound had come from a nook just behind the main row of lockers. Holly could see that Gail was lying on a cot, wrapped up in on of those emergency blankets. The brunette made her way over and sat down on the floor next to her wife’s head. She reached her hand out and placed it on Gail’s shoulder.

“Gail? Are you okay? Why do you have an emergency blanket?”

“Yes, Holly. I’m fine. I have an emergency blanket because I was cold and we were fresh out of chenille,” Gail replied tersely. She was definitely not over her anger.

“Traci told me you passed out. Are you still feeling dizzy?” Holly was too relieved that she was touching her wife to care that the blonde was acting so petulant. 

“Traci is a traitor. She wasn’t supposed to call you.”

“Gail, I know you’re mad at me, but it isn’t fair for you to faint and then tell our friends not to call me. I, for one, am glad that Traci isn’t afraid of your threats.”

“You yelled at me. For no reason.” Gail’s voice had turned timid, filled with hurt.

Holly reached one arm across her wife’s middle and continued to grip her shoulder with the other. “I know. I’m really sorry, sweetie. I feel terrible. I just panicked when you walked in.”

“You never yell. It made me feel small in front of my friends. And I was just trying to do my job.”

The blonde’s face was covered by the blanket, but Holly could tell from her shaking voice that her wife was on the verge of tears. The brunette moved her hand up to pull down the blanket and then caressed her wife’s cheek. “I know you were. I’m really sorry. Listen. That room? It was covered in dry cleaning chemicals. I mean the air was saturated. And those chemicals are really harmful to pregnant women. They can cause birth defects or even miscarriage after extended exposure…” 

“What?!” Gail turned to look at her wife, her eyes wide with concern.

Holly started rubbing her thumb over her wife’s cheek. “It’s ok, honey. You weren’t in there long enough to hurt the baby. But as soon as I heard your voice, I couldn’t think straight. The only thing going through my mind was that I had to keep you from coming in that room. My protective instinct came out as panicked yelling and I’m very sorry for that. I just had to get you out of there.”

“So the baby will be okay? It’s not going to come out with two heads or a tail or something right?”

“No, sweetie. You’re fine. Well not exactly fine because you fainted. What happened?” The doctor noticed that her wife’s face still looked paler than normal.

“Chris cut himself with the tiniest knife ever and his finger started bleeding. When I looked at it, my head started spinning and I just blacked out. It was mortifying. I woke up with my head in his lap.” Gail closed her eyes and covered her face with one hand.

“I’m glad he was there to catch you. If you had fallen and hit your head, it could have been bad. Trust me, I already considered all the scenarios and your head landing in Chris’s lap was one of the better options.” Holly pulled her wife’s hand from her face and held it.

“Yeah, I guess. It was still humiliating.”

“Well once they know you’re pregnant, they will understand. So what did the medic say? I think we should go to the hospital just to be safe.”

“No! We don’t need to go to the hospital. I have that appointment on Monday. And anyway, the medic said that it had just been too long since I had eaten something substantial.”

“Wait, how long has it been since you ate a meal?”

“Um…like…three days?” Gail squinted her eyes in anticipation of her wife’s reaction. 

“Gail! Three days?! You told me you were eating! No wonder you passed out.” Holly was squeezing her wife’s hands now.

“Well, technically, I did eat. It’s just that my meals consisted of granola bars that I promptly threw up. Nothing else sounded good and I wasn’t ever hungry.” Gail was purposefully sounding whiny in an effort to earn some sympathy. 

“Granola bars definitely do not count as a meal, especially if you throw them up immediately. Gail, you should have told me.” With the last sentence, the brunette closed her eyes and shook her head.

“I know. I just didn’t want you to worry. I thought I would feel better in a few days.”

Holly gave Gail her signature crooked smile. “Honey, I appreciate that, but I’m not going to stop worrying. You’re pregnant, you’re a cop, and you attract trouble. I’m going to worry. But not knowing things freaks me out way more than dealing with the truth. You have to tell me things. We’re in this together.”

“I’m sorry,” Gail said sheepishly and averted her eyes.

“And you can’t tell people not to call me. That’s not allowed.”

“Yeah, ok.”

“Gail. I’m serious. How would you feel if I told my coworkers not to call you if I fainted in the lab?”

“You wouldn’t do that because you know I’d murder your entire staff.” Even the thought of Holly getting hurt and her not knowing about it, made Gail’s cheeks burn.

“Well, now you know how I feel. Never again, Gail. It doesn’t matter how mad you are at me. No matter what happens, I need to know. I deserve to be there with you. I have to be there.” Holly moved one of her hands under the blanket to cover her wife’s stomach.

“I know. I’m sorry. I just hate how much you worry. But I promise I won’t keep things from you. If it makes you feel better, you were the only person I wanted to talk to when I woke up in Chris’s lap.” Gail moved one of her own hands down to cover Holly’s. 

“Aww. It does actually. I’m so glad you’re okay. I never get used to getting calls about you being hurt. My heart stops every single time.” Holly closed her eyes, trying to block out the memories.

The blonde sat up and held her wife’s face in both her hands. “I know. I’m sorry. But I’m really okay.”

“You better be. Cause I need you, you know that?”

“Yeah, nerd, I know.” Gail leaned in for a quick kiss and then dropped her hands to Holly’s shoulders. “Can we go home now?”

“Yes, please. You’re going to eat as soon as we get there.”

“Ugh. Gross. Food is the worst.” Gail crossed her arms to emphasize her pout.

“I will make you whatever you want, but you have to eat at least half of whatever I put on your plate.”

“I am not agreeing to that.”

Holly reached one hand up to Gail’s face to rub her cheek. “Gail, my love, this is not a negotiation. You fainted. Because you haven’t eaten a meal in _three_ days.”

“Ugh fine. But you better be glad no one is in here to hear you bossing me around because after this morning, they are already not going to let me hear the end of it.”

“I really am sorry. But let me remind you that you told your friends not to call me after my _pregnant_ wife fainted.”

Gail flashed her biggest, most charming smile. “I love you?”

Holly chuckled and held her wife’s hands in her own. “Yeah well you’re lucky I love you too and can’t imagine what I’d do if anything happened to you because otherwise I’d kill you.”

Gail pretended to protectively cover her stomach, but didn’t let go of her wife’s hands. “Remember the baby, Holly.”

Holly rose to her feet, helping Gail to stand up as well. “Trust me, honey, the two of you never leave my mind.” The doctor moved her hands down to her wife’s hips. “You okay? Feel dizzy at all?”

“Relax, Lunchbox, I’m fine.” Gail started to move toward the door, pulling her wife by the hand.

“Ok, but tell me if you start to feel lightheaded.” Holly turned her head to inspect the blonde’s face, looking for any signs that she might not be as fine as she claimed.

“If I say yes, can I drive?” With a hopeful smile on her face, Gail turned to look at her wife.

The doctor’s fact softened and she smiled warmly at her love. “Not a chance, sweetie.”

Gail huffed, but still held Holly’s hand as they walked out of the room together.


	4. Chapter 4

The remainder of the week had passed without incident. Mostly because Holly checked in every day to make sure Gail had eaten actual meals. And Gail found that having something in her stomach made her feel less nauseous, which meant she was keeping the meals down. She still threw up every morning, but once per day was far better than three or four.

When Friday rolled around, Gail was feeling far less miserable so she agreed to meet her friends at the Penny after shift. She knew Holly had some paperwork to catch up on, but she hoped her wife would be able to join them later. Before heading inside the bar, Gail sent her wife a text.

 **Wife:** I’m headed to the Penny to hang out with the losers. You gonna be able to join us later?

 **Lunchbox:** Such a lovely term to use for your friends. And yes, I should be out of here in an hour or so.

 **Wife:** Just because they’re my friends doesn’t mean they aren’t also losers. I have a random question?

 **Lunchbox:** If this is about lesbian habits, you are one now so you don’t need me to answer those.

 **Wife:** Don’t put me in a box, Holly. Besides I’ll never be as gay as you. I don’t own any flannel.

 **Lunchbox:** And yet you sleep in mine any time I’m out of town.

 **Wife:** ANYWAY…is it true that pregnant women in France drink wine sometimes?

 **Lunchbox:** I’m afraid to answer this question. Why do you want to know?

 **Wife:** Edification, Holly.

 **Lunchbox:** Doubtful. But the answer is yes. French women do drink more wine while pregnant than women in other countries.

 **Wife:** And does this increase in wine consumption cause a larger amount of birth defects in France?

 **Lunchbox:** Gail…I know where this is going and the answer is no.

 **Wife:** But the French do it! And there are no significant studies that prove that mild alcohol consumption has negative effects on babies.

 **Lunchbox:** So you’ve already researched this, I see.

 **Wife:** I know how to google, Holly.

 **Lunchbox:** The answer is still no.

 **Wife:** I wasn’t exactly asking for permission.

 **Lunchbox:** Ok well, I will leave the health of our unborn baby in your hands. If you feel like birth defects are a risk you are willing to take for a glass of wine, then go for it.

 **Wife:** Mad face.

 **Lunchbox:** You know there’s an emoticon for that, right?

 **Wife:** I was too mad to look for it.

 **Lunchbox:** Well, I’m sorry you’re mad. I just love you. I hope you can still have fun with your friends.

 **Wife:** Doubtful

Holly didn’t think Gail was really angry. After all, Gail had to have known that she wouldn’t say it was ok for Gail to drink alcohol while pregnant. As a doctor, she knew the studies about mild alcohol consumption during pregnancy didn’t show any measurable harm, but when it came to her own wife and child, she preferred to stay on the safe side. But Holly did have a few minutes of nagging doubt about how upset Gail was until her phone buzzed one more time.

 **Wife:** <3

Holly smiled at the text. The two had an agreement to always respond when one said “I love you”. It helped to keep any insecurities from festering, which was particularly important when considering Gail’s history of letting her doubts get the best of her.

Holly tapped out a quick reply and then hurried to finish her work for the night.

 **Lunchbox:** Thank you, my love.  <3 you more!

* * *

 

Still brooding over her inability to drink any alcohol, Gail walked into the Penny. As she made her way toward the table in the back that she and her friends normally claimed, she thought about the text conversation with Holly. She knew that her wife would not want her to drink while pregnant, but in all honesty, Gail hadn’t really intended to drink anyway. She had just hoped that Holly would respond with some knowledge of a new study that said it was healthy to drink wine while pregnant. Gail had already done research, but she was hoping against hope that her genius wife would know something that she hadn’t found.

When she strolled up to the table, Gail noticed that Dov was holding his glass in the air while Traci, Chris and Andy watched.

“Gail! You are just in time for my toast! Today is Chris’s third year being clean and sober. First drink is on me. Want your usual?” Dov stood from his chair, gesturing toward the bar.

“Well way to go loser. Glad you figured that mess out. I’ll just go grab something from the bar.” When Dov started to protest, Gail just held up her hand and started walking away. Dov knew better than to try to force his chivalry on her.

After waiting a couple of minutes for the bartender to come over, Gail put in her order, “I’ll have white grape juice in a wine glass.”

With a confused look on his face, the bartender responded, “White wine?”

“Is that what I said? White grape juice in a wine glass. Do you need to write that down?”

Realizing it was better not to ask questions, the bartender poured her drink, took the cash and quickly moved to the next customer. The blonde returned to her friends with a grin on her face.

Eyeing her glass, Andy asked, “Since when do you drink white win at the Penny?”

Gail snapped back, “Since I felt like it, McNally. Do you want to write a paper about it?”

Holding up her hand and laughing, “Nope.” Andy knew better than to take Gail’s caustic response to heart. They knew it was the blonde’s defense mechanism.

Over the next hour, Dov made his toast, Chris blushed a lot and Gail refused to let anyone refresh her drink for her, including the waitress. Instead she left in the middle of her friends’ work stories from the week to go back to the bar.

* * *

 

Holly’s paperwork had taken much longer than she had intended. By the time the brunette arrived at the Penny, Gail had already been there for over two hours. For once she was hoping pregnancy symptoms would cause her wife to feel tired and ready to head home. All Holly wanted was to curl up on the couch in her pajamas with Gail, a movie and a cup of tea.

Winding her way toward the back of the bar, Holly thought she heard Gail’s voice, even over the substantial crowd. When she was a few feet from the table, she verified that she was correct. Gail was standing next to the high top, holding a wine glass in the air, swaying back and forth while singing very loudly to whatever was playing on the jukebox.

“Baby you’re firework…come on let your flowers burn…Holly!” Gail had seen her wife approaching and stopped singing long enough to shout a hello. “Lunchbox, you came juss in time! Dov’s gonna show me how to Doogie!”

“I think she means Dougie, but I definitely do not know how to do that dance. Someone mentioned dancing and she just fixated on learning the Dougie. Although she has been slurring the pronunciation for about an hour.”

With wide eyes and cheeks starting to flush with anger, Holly spat out “Has she been drinking? How much has she had? Is she drunk?”

“Well she’s been drinking white wine all night. I think she’s on her fifth or sixth glass maybe? I don’t know, I lost track.” Dov knew enough to look sheepish.

Holly turned to Gail and took the wine glass out of her hands. “Gail! What is wrong with you? You aren’t supposed to drink!”

Screwing up her face, Gail said, “Lunchbox, I feel sick. Lez go to the bathroom.” She stood up and started to stumble toward the back of the bar.

Holly grabbed her wife’s arm and as soon as they walked through the door to the bathroom, she turned to face her. “I can’t believe you were drinking! I know I said it was up to you, but I really didn’t think you would do something so dumb! Have you heard of alcohol poisoning?”

“Holly…” Gail tried to cut in.

“I mean seriously. You’re pregnant! And you’re not even out of the first trimester! Do you know how much damage you could do to the baby? What is wrong with you?”

Gail put her hand over Holly’s mouth. “Holly! I wasn’t drinking and I am definitely not drunk.”

“Wait what? Dov said you’d had 6 glasses of wine. And you were slurring your words and singing.” Holly scrunched her eyes in confusion.

“I was drinking white grape juice in a wine glass. I didn’t want to answer questions about why I wasn’t drinking. And I was really thirsty so I kept getting refills, but if I had drunk that much actual wine, I would be super drunk so I just played the part. You know I sing when I’m drunk.”

Holly put her thumb and forefinger on her eyelids under her glasses. “God, Gail. I was ready to kill you. I’m sorry, I should have known you wouldn’t do something like that. You are really good at pretending to be drunk.”

Gail smiled and stood a little taller. “I am aren’t I? I saw your neck turning red like it does when you’re really mad so that’s why I pretended I was gonna barf.”

“Good plan. Next time maybe you should text me before I arrive so I know my pregnant wife is just pretending to be drunk.” Holly crossed her arms and looked at the ground.

“Hey, I’m sorry, but come on. You didn’t really think I was going to get drunk while I was pregnant did you?”

“No, I know you wouldn’t. I guess, I just thought after our text conversation that maybe you were mad that I had said no and you…I don’t know.”

“I’m going to try to not be offended by the fact that you thought I would risk the health of our baby just to spite you.”

“I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t do that. I just…I know I’ve been trying to control everything. It’s just hard sometimes knowing that something could happen to you and the baby and there’s nothing I can do about it. I love that you are pregnant. I love that you are carrying our baby, but I sometimes wish it was me.”

Gail slipped her arms onto her wife’s hips. “Holly. Why didn’t you say something?”

Holly put her hands on Gail’s arms, but continued to look at the floor. “Because most of the time, I love that you are the one that is pregnant. I love taking care of you and I’m so excited for you to get a little baby bump. But you’ve been so sick lately and I hate it when you’re sick because I just feel so helpless. And when you go to work, I know that you could get hurt. And I know you’re being careful, but something could happen that you can’t stop and I try not to think about it, but sometimes it’s just hard.”

“Holly. We talked about this before we started trying to get pregnant. You said you were ok with me having the first one.”

“I am ok with it. I really am. I just didn’t realize how worried I was going to be. I mean I always worry about you, even before you were pregnant. But now that you’re carrying our baby, it’s like I can’t stop thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Most of the time I can keep my emotions under control, but other times, it’s like I can’t think clearly and I just react.”

Gail reached up to tilt Holly’s chin so she was looking into her wife’s eyes. “Hey, it’s ok. I’m not the easiest person to be married to. Sometimes I’m reckless and even when I’m trying to be careful it seems like I have really bad luck. But I am doing my best to take care of this baby.”

Holly shook her head and cupped Gail’s cheek. “I know you are. I don’t want you to think I don’t trust you. None of this is because I don’t think you are being safe. I just don’t want anything to happen to you. And even though that’s always true, something about you being pregnant has heightened my anxiety level.”

“I think you’re forgetting that I’m a badass, Holly.”

Holly chuckled, glad to feel the tension ease a bit. “Oh I could never forget that.”

“Seriously though, I’m going to be fine. The baby is going to be fine. Do you want me to go on desk duty now?”

“As much as I want to say yes, I know that will make you miserable. And I don’t want my irrational fears to keep you from being happy. I’m just probably going to be a little crazy until the baby is born. Think you can put up with me?” Holly smiled and wrapped her arms around the blonde.

“Maybe. As long as you promise to go get my cheese puffs at 3 am when I’m fat and cranky.”

Holly leaned back to look into Gail’s eyes. “Deal. So are you ready to go home? I just want to snuggle with you on the couch.”

“Yep. I am exhausted. Pretending to be drunk is really tiring.” Gail leaned in to kiss Holly, running her fingers through the brunette’s hair at the same time.

Holly pulled back again. “I’m sorry I thought you were drinking. I should have known better.”

“I forgive you. Only because when you’re pregnant someday, I know I will be crazy overprotective.” Gail grabbed her wife’s hand and made her way toward the door.

Holly smiled and followed her wife out into the hallway.

Gail stopped and turned to look at Holly. “Alright don’t be alarmed. I am going to act super drunk again when we walk past my friends.”

“Hilarious.” Holly put her arm around Gail’s shoulders and started to lead her toward the exit.

Gail pretended to stumble as she approached the table where her friends were laughing at something Traci was saying.

Chris saw the couple and stopped laughing long enough to address them. “Oh hey guys. Is she ok? Sorry we let her drink so much.”

“It’s fine, Chris. I’m just going to take her home. See you guys later.” Holly reached over to grab Gail’s purse.

“Wake up in the morning feelin’ like P Diddy…Guys I’m gonna change my name to Kesha, but not with the dollar sign cause I’m poor. Except Holly makes a lot of money so she’s my sugar mama.” Gail was swaying as Holly started to lead her away.

“Ok that’s enough. Let’s go.” Holly patted Gail on the back and led her away. As soon as they were out of earshot, Holly leaned over and whispered, “You really are good at that.”

“Badass, Lunchbox. I’m a badass.”


	5. Chapter 5

The weekend had passed without much to report. Gail had gotten sick each morning, but with both she and Holly having the days off, it meant she could milk it for all it was worth. Holly was right by her wife’s side providing wet towels, crackers, and a comforting touch. She made the blonde stay in bed or on the couch, insisting on waiting on her for whatever she needed.

By the time Sunday evening rolled around, Gail was feeling rested and loved while Holly was glad to have had time with her wife to see she was (mostly) healthy. That night they fell asleep in each other’s arms, Holly placing one hand over Gail’s stomach, which always made the blonde grin.

Several hours into what had been a peaceful slumber, Holly was awoken by a noise next to her. Thinking that maybe it was morning already, she mumbled, “Are you nauseous, honey?” But the reply she received wasn’t words or even a groan, instead she heard a whimpering cry. Suddenly very alert, the brunette rolled over to find her wife curled up in the fetal position with her arms wrapped firmly around her middle while she rocked back and forth.

Concerned that Gail was in pain, Holly asked, “Sweetie, are you okay?”

When the blonde didn’t respond, Holly noticed that between whimpers, her wife was panting and mumbling.

“No don’t….please…I can’t.”

Having dealt with Gail’s nightmares in the past, Holly recognized the signs and knew what to do. The brunette encircled her wife with her arms and began to gently jostle her awake.

“Gail, wake up. It’s just a dream. I’m here and you’re okay. Come on, baby, wake up.”

“No, no, no…please no.” After Holly shook her a little harder and spoke a little louder, Gail jolted awake, sitting straight up in the bed.

“Holly!” The blonde immediately started searching the room for her wife, not quite realizing where she was.

Holly sat up and grabbed Gail’s hands. “I’m right here, love.”

After realizing her wife was right next to her, Gail practically tackled Holly with a hug, wrapping her arms around her and digging her head into her wife’s chest.

“Hey, you’re okay. Take some deep breaths for me. You’re safe and I’m here.”

Gail listened to her wife’s instructions and inhaled deeply, but what came out was a sob. She buried her face deeper into her wife’s chest and continued to cry for several minutes while Holly tried to comfort her.

“Honey, what’s the matter? You’re okay. It was just a dream. You’re safe. You are here with me and I’m not going anywhere.”

With those last words, Gail only wept harder and squeezed her wife tighter. Holly continued to hold the blonde, but began to worry. Gail had had many nightmares in the past, but she usually took a few minutes to talk about it and then went right back to sleep. Sometimes she would get up and run on their treadmill to help clear her mind of whatever dark images she had seen. But Gail had never cried, let alone wept, after a nightmare.

“Gail, sweetie, I need you to breathe. You’re going to start hyperventilating and I need that to not happen. Just listen to the sound of my heart and copy my breathing ok?”

Gail didn’t speak, but she nodded her head. She concentrated on the rhythm of her wife’s breaths and tried to slow her own to match. Focusing on the familiar smell of her wife’s skin, the blonde began to regain control of herself.

After several minutes, Holly could tell that Gail was much calmer. Angling her head so she could look down into her wife’s face, she asked, “Feel better? Do you want me to get you some water?”

Gail squeezed her wife again, but tilted her head so she could look into Holly’s eyes. “No. Just stay with me. I need you to stay.”

“Love, I’m not going to leave. I’m just going to get you a glass of water and some tissues. I will be right back, ok?”

Releasing her hold on her wife, Gail simply said, “Ok.”

Holly leaned over to kiss Gail on the forehead before getting up to retrieve the items from the bathroom. She didn’t want to leave the blonde for even a minute, but experience had taught her that the best way to help Gail in situations like these was for her to give her wife a few moments to compose herself so she felt in control of her emotions again. Holly would always be there when needed, but what Gail really needed now was to not feel weak and vulnerable.

While her wife was gone, Gail continued to breathe deeply, reminding herself that the dream was not real. Holly was safe. She had seen her and held her. The blonde made up her mind – she was putting this dream behind her immediately. No dwelling on the terror she had felt. It was just a dream. Gail wiped her face and propped herself up in the bed just as Holly was returning.

Handing her the glass of water and putting the tissues in her lap, Holly said, “Here, drink some water. You doing okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Sorry I freaked out.” Gail drank half the glass of water and then placed it on the nightstand. She took a tissue and wiped her nose.

Holly could tell that Gail had composed herself, but now she seemed a little distant. “So you want to talk about your dream?”

Gail shook her head. “No. I’m fine. Let’s just go back to sleep. We have to be up in a few hours for the appointment.”

Taking her wife’s hand, Holly tried again, “Honey, that one was really bad. You were telling someone to stop and then you said my name. Was I in the dream?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, ok? Maybe tomorrow. Let’s just go to sleep, please?” Gail removed her hand and slid down under the covers, signaling the end to the conversation.

“Alright. Wake me up if you need me though, ok? I love you.” Holly was reluctant to end the conversation considering how upset Gail had been, but she didn’t want to push.

“I love you too. Goodnight.”

* * *

 

The next morning, Gail acted as if nothing had happened. When Holly tried to bring it up, the blonde brushed it off and quickly changed the subject. She assumed Gail was just trying to feel in control and trusted she would open up when she was ready.

Both women had taken the morning off work so they could go to Gail’s OB appointment together. The blonde had been fairly quiet all morning, including the drive to the doctor’s office. Now in the waiting room, Holly tried to get her wife to talk about something safe.

Grabbing her wife’s hand, Holly said, “Are you excited for the appointment?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Hey, are you okay? Are you nervous?”

“I’m fine. What’s there to be nervous about?”

Just as Holly was about to inquire further, the nurse called Gail’s name, prompting the blonde to rise quickly from her chair and start walking toward the door. Once she got to the door, she turned around to make sure her wife was following.

“Let’s go, Lunchbox. We gotta make sure this isn’t actually a parasite growing inside of me.”

Holly chuckled and hurried to grab her wife’s hand.

About forty minutes later, after answering questions about Gail’s symptoms and a physical exam, the pair were waiting for the ultrasound technician to set up the equipment. The blonde was still talking very little. She hadn’t even made any snarky comments when the doctor had asked about the severity of her morning sickness. Holly was concerned but was hoping that getting to see their baby would turn things around.

“Alright. I’m going to spread some gel on your stomach. I’m sure you have seen enough movies to know it will be cold.” The tech smiled amiably as he squeezed the blue liquid onto Gail’s abdomen causing her to jump dramatically.

“Oh geez! Here’s a tip. Use the word ‘frigid’ in the future. It’s much more accurate.”

“Noted. Ok just give me a second to find the baby.” The tech moved the wand over Gail’s stomach for about thirty seconds before stopping on one particular spot.

Holly, who was already holding Gail’s hand, squeezed a little tighter and whispered, “Oh my god.”

“What? Is everything ok?” Gail turned to look at her wife, who had tears in her eyes.

“Everything is great. This is your baby right here.” He pointed to a bean-shaped white spot on the screen. “I’m going to turn the volume up so you can hear the heartbeat.”

Gail continued to stare at the screen and her eyes began to water. “Is he okay? I mean is he healthy?”

“He or she looks very healthy. It’s too early to determine the sex, but everything looks perfectly normal.”

“Gail, that’s our baby. I can’t believe it. We’re having a baby.” Holly allowed the tears to roll down her face as she leaned down to kiss her wife on the forehead. The brunette pulled the entwined hands up to her chest and held them there. “I’m so happy and I love you so, so much.”

Gail had not taken her eyes away from the screen. She slurred out an “I love you” but was obviously quite distracted by the image on the screen. When a tear began to roll down her face, the spell was broken. Gail visibly shook her head, scrubbed her hand across her cheek, and said, “So is that all? Am I good to go? I need to get to work.”

Removing the wand from his patient, the tech replied, “Oh sure. I will just print a copy of the picture for you to take home and you can set your next appointment at the desk on your way out.”

“Great.” Gail sat up and wiped her stomach with a towel nearby. She jumped off the bed and began slipping on her pants. As soon as the tech left the room, she change out of her gown and back into her uniform as quickly as possible.

Holly, who was still slightly stunned from the sight and sound of the baby, was the one who stopped at the desk to pick up the ultrasound picture and schedule the next appointment while Gail stood by the door, looking antsy.

The cop was acting very strangely and Holly wasn’t really sure why. She was in such a hurry to get out of the doctor’s office that the brunette nearly had to jog to keep up. As soon as they were outside the building, Holly called out to her wife.

“Gail! Wait up!”

“I really need to get to work.” Gail had stopped, but only because she needed to cross the street to get to the parking garage and the light was currently red.

“We have like 45 minutes and we’re only 20 minutes away. We have plenty of time.” Holly had caught up and placed her hand on Gail’s shoulder, trying to look into the blonde’s eyes.

“I just don’t want to be late.” Gail would not meet her wife’s gaze. She didn’t shrug off the brunette’s hand, but she didn’t move to return the contact either.

“Honey, what’s wrong? You have barely said anything all day and you looked like you were in a race to get out of the doctor’s office.”

The blonde pointed her eyes toward the ground and shook her head slightly. “I don’t know why you let me do this.”

“Let you do what?”

Gail turned toward her wife and yelled out, “Get pregnant! Have a baby! What were you thinking? I can’t have a baby! I can’t be pregnant! This is a giant mistake.” She turned and began to pace back and forth on her small square of concrete.

“Gail, where is this coming from?” Holly stood glued to her spot, watching the blonde begin to gesture wildly along with her rant.

“I’m a cop, Holly! I get shot at and tackled and kidnapped! Even when I’m trying to be careful, I get hurt. I have the worst luck. And I eat like a teenage boy. I don’t like fruit or vegetables. I think cheese puffs are a food group. My blood is probably 75% coffee. That’s not good for a baby, Holly.”

“Sweetie, calm down.” Holly reached out to grab her wife in an attempt to halt her pacing, but the blonde hardly noticed, continuing her path on the sidewalk.

“I can’t calm down. I do stupid stuff all the time. Dov once dared me to do a back flip on a trampoline at a party we went to. And I did it! I didn’t want anyone to think I was scared. But now I’m pregnant and I’m supposed to be scared. I’m supposed to worry about losing the baby. But I’m a cop. I can’t do my job if I’m scared.”

Gail hadn’t noticed that her steps were inching closer and closer to the edge of the curb.

“Honey, you are getting really close to the street. Can you stop pacing for a second?”

The blonde did not give any indication that she had heard anything the brunette said. “I mean what were we thinking? Why did I even want to get pregnant? Such an idiotic idea to think I could keep a baby safe. And it’s not even a full-grown baby yet. It’s so tiny and fragile and what if I do something stupid or a drug addict sticks me with a needle or…”

Holly looked away from her wife just in time to see an approaching SUV that was perilously close to the sidewalk where Gail was standing. The brunette screamed “Gail!” and yanked the blonde away from the curb.

The cop looked up at her wife with wide eyes. “I can’t even keep myself from walking into traffic!”

Taking a moment to breathe a few sighs of relief, Holly said, “Baby, you have to calm down. What’s going on? Where did all this come from? You were fine yesterday.”

“I have to go to work.” Gail turned to see that the crosswalk light was now green. She looked both ways before hurrying across the street.

Stunned at how suddenly Gail had walked away, Holly took a few seconds to catch up. She quickly jogged after her wife, only catching her as she entered the parking garage. The pair had parked on the ground level so it was only a matter of seconds before they reached their car. Gail pulled her keys out of her pocket and made her way to the driver’s side.

“Gail! Can you please talk to me?” Holly walked around to the driver’s side as well, knowing that refusing to get in the passenger’s seat would slow her wife down. She placed her hand into the crook of Gail’s elbow in an effort to get her to turn around.

“Holly, I need to get to work. Let’s just go, ok?” The blonde ignored her wife’s touch, continuing her attempt to open the door.

“No, I need you to talk to me. You were freaking out just now. You did this last night too, after your dream. You were so upset and then all of a sudden you shut down and wouldn’t talk to me. What is going on?”

Gail sighed and let her arms hang at her side, her head pointed toward the ground. “Holly, I don’t want to talk about this now. Please, I need to go to work.”

“Gail. You’re scaring me. I really don’t want you to go to work like this.”

The blonde spun around to look her wife in the eyes. “Do you not trust me?”

Holly reached out to grip Gail’s arms with both hands, hoping to prevent her from turning away again. “That’s not fair. You know that I trust you. One hundred percent. But I am worried. Because all of a sudden, you’re really upset and saying that you shouldn’t be pregnant and I just don’t want you to leave and go out on patrol and that be the last thing you said to me. That freaks me out. And you’ve seen how crazy I’ve been lately so I would probably end up following your squad car around town and no one wants that.” Holly smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

Gail chuckled briefly before schooling her face again. “Holly, when I saw that tiny dot on the screen, it just hit me. I am responsible for this baby’s safety. And if I get hurt, the baby could get hurt. I mean I knew that before, but hearing the heartbeat and seeing that little bean squirm around – it just made something click in my brain. And I’m scared. What if I can’t keep the baby safe? And what if I can’t keep you safe? And what if I try to keep the baby safe and then I don’t protect my partner like I should? I feel like I can’t win.”

“Honey, you can’t think about it that way. The odds are that nothing is going to happen. You will be on patrol for a little longer, but then you won’t physically be able to do it because your body will change so much. You’ll be much safer working the desk or evidence. And until then, I trust that you will do what you need to in order to keep everyone safe. But hey, one person you don’t have to worry about is me. I work in a lab and I’m definitely not fragile.” Holly’s attempt to keep the conversation light fell flat. The blonde’s face was darkened by the demons she had been trying to keep at bay.

Gail put her hands on her wife’s hips. “Holly, that dream I had? It was terrible. Perik got you. He had you on that table and I was tied to a chair and I couldn’t save you. I kept begging him to take me instead, to not hurt you, but he wouldn’t listen. He had a knife and you were screaming and it was so real. I can’t lose you. I need you. And I’m worried about what I would do if I had to protect both you and the baby.”

“Protect the baby, Gail. If it came down to me or the baby, you should protect the baby.”

Gail closed her eyes and shook her head. “Holly, I love this baby. But I can’t promise that I won’t try to protect you. You can’t ask me to do that. I don’t want anything to happen to the baby. But when I think about losing you? I can’t breathe. I wouldn’t survive it. I have to do everything to keep you safe.”

Holly slid her hands down Gail’s arms to hold her hands. “Okay, well, I’m not in danger right now so let’s not worry about this for no reason, ok? It was just a dream. Perik is in jail. He’s not getting out. I am going to be fine, the baby is going to be fine and you’re going to be fine.”

Gail nodded and then wrapped her arms around the brunette, pulling her in for a hug. With her head buried in Holly’s collarbone, Gail mumbled, “That dream was just so real, Holly. I could smell the blood. It was so vivid.”

Holly cupped the back of the blonde’s head with one hand and held her back firmly with the other. “I’m so sorry, love. I wish you had told me sooner. Vivid dreams can be a side effect of pregnancy. If it happens again, you have to talk to me, ok? I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on.”

“I know. I’m sorry. But when I think about losing you, I just can’t take it. I just didn’t want to think about it anymore.”

“I understand. But we’re in this together, remember? I need to know what’s going on so I can help.”

“I know.” After a few silent seconds, Gail lifted her head, which now sported her characteristic smirk. “So how adorable was that tiny bean?”

“Oh my god. We have the cutest baby ever. On the planet. I mean, I know every parent says that, but I’m a scientist so I’m pretty sure my opinion counts more and I think our kid is going to be the most adorable ever.”

The smile on Gail’s face could light up a room. “You are such a nerd. I mean clearly you’re right, but still a nerd.”

“I can’t help it! I’m just so in love with our life and our family. And seeing our baby for the first time – I just never imagined I could be this happy.”

“Alright, Lunchbox, you’re about to launch into a Maria Von Trapp song and that’s where I draw the line. I really have to go to work now.”

“Oh alright. Are you sure you’re okay now?”

“Yeah. I’m better. I’m okay to go to work now.”

Holly lifted her hands to cup both of Gail’s cheeks. “I love you, you know that?”

Gail put her own hands over her wife’s and then leaned in for a kiss. After a few seconds, the blonde pulled back abruptly and while turning around to unlock the door, said, “Yeah, I know. Cause I’m your baby mama.” Gail climbed in the seat, but before she shut the door, she flashed a big cheesy grin to the brunette who had been left floundering by their kiss.

Holly shook her head. “You’re the worst.”

She made her way around to the passenger side and as she opened the door, Gail flashed another smile. “I love you!”

Climbing in, still shaking her head but also smiling, Holly said, “Yeah, yeah. Let’s go, baby mama.”


	6. Chapter 6

A few days later, 15 was abuzz with the newest undercover assignment. There was a new ring of gun smugglers in Toronto and Guns & Gangs had recently gotten a tip about an upcoming shipment. Many of the former rookies had thrown their names in the hat to be considered. Gail had talked to Oliver several months prior and asked that she not be assigned to any undercover ops because of some circumstances in her personal life. Oliver knew Gail well enough to not ask for details. If a Peck was asking to be left out of potentially career-altering opportunities, it was for a very good reason.

The competition had been fierce, but Chris had ultimately been chosen. He had worked really hard since his time in rehab and was excited to have a chance to prove himself. The plan was for him to leave that night, meeting up with the CI and pose as a friend willing to do any job for the right price. He would report back in a few days with what he had seen.

Chris, Dov, Andy, Traci, Chloe and Gail had gathered in the break room at the end of shift to wish him luck.

“Are you nervous?” Traci asked.

“Yeah. A little. But not because it could be dangerous. I just want to make a good impression. I’m hoping it will lead to a spot in Guns & Gangs.”

“You’ll be great, Chris. Stay safe though. Keep your eyes and ears open and use your exit strategy if things look like they’re going south.” Andy grabbed Chris’s arm affectionately.

“Yeah, I will. Don’t worry.”

Gail chuckled. “Worry? We all saw you work those tight white pants, Diaz. Even years later, those hips don’t lie. No one would have the heart to hurt someone with such a pretty figure.”

Chris was smiling, “Yeah, I don’t think the white pants will make an appearance this time.”

Shrugging her shoulders, Gail said, “I’m just saying, I think fellas from all walks of life can appreciate that ass.”

“Ok, Gail. I think Chris will do just fine without the tight pants.” Traci wanted to break this discussion up before it took a turn.

“I’m just trying to help him utilize his ASS-ets.” Gail giggled at her own joke.

“Chris has plenty of skills. I’ve been helping him practice his angry glare.” Dov chimed in.

“I hope you didn’t use your own face as an example.” Gail shot back.

“Well, I, for one, can’t wait for Chris to come back and tell us all his stories about the seedy underbelly of Toronto.” Chloe’s voice was high with excitement.

“I will only be gone a few days. Not sure how many stories I will have.”

“Just don’t do anything stupid. I don’t want to have to put on my dress blues for your funeral. The hat makes me look like a boy.” Gail said.

Despite the seemingly self-centered comment, Chris understood that this was Gail’s way of telling him to come home safe. He smiled at her and the group continued to talk until it was time for Chris to leave to meet up with the detectives handling the case. They all hugged and told him to be careful and alert. Despite the fact that they had all gone undercover several times and accepted the danger, there was still something uncomfortable that settled into their stomachs until their friends came home safely.

* * *

Later that evening, Gail sat up in bed, continuing to stare at the same page in a pregnancy book that she had first started nearly twenty minutes earlier. Holly had promised to give Gail a “nag-free” week if she finished the entire book. But even the promise of endless cheese puffs and no kale wasn’t enough to distract her from the thoughts that were currently keeping her attention.

“A penny for your thoughts?” Holly put down her medical journal and took off her glasses. She had noticed that her wife hadn’t turned a page in quite some time.

“Wow. Only a penny? You must think I’m really cheap. I’m insulted.”

“Well how about I give you an IOU? I’m a little short on change.”

“Fine, but I’ll warn you, my interest rates are exorbitant.”

“I’m good for it. But seriously, is everything ok?” Holly grabbed Gail’s hand and rubbed her thumb over the pale skin.

“I was just thinking about Chris.” The blonde put the book on her bedside table, resigning herself to the fact that she was finished reading for the night.

“He left tonight, right? For his undercover op?”

“Yeah. It’s a big deal for him. He was excited.”

“So what’s bothering you?” The brunette squeezed her wife’s hand in encouragement.

“Nothing. I’m happy for him.”

“Gail. You’ve been staring at the same page for over fifteen minutes. Something is clearly on your mind.”

“Your Jedi mind tricks really get in the way of me maintaining an impenetrable, icy facade.” 

“What can I say? When it comes to knowing you, the Force is with me.”

Gail turned to look at Holly so she would be sure to see the blonde rolling her eyes. “You are such a nerd.”

“I’m not going to point out that you made the first _Star Wars_ reference because you’re trying to distract me from finding out what’s wrong.”

“Is it working?" Gail flashed her signature cheesy grin.

Instead of answering, Holly just tilted her head slightly. The look on her face communicated more than words ever could.

“Ugh. Fine. It’s just weird when someone’s on undercover assignment. It feels like something’s missing.” She looked down at the blanket, feeling embarrassed by the confession.

Holly reached up to turn Gail’s face back toward hers. “Honey, you said he’d be back in a few days, right?”

“Yeah. He will and he will be fine. It’s not a big deal. I’ll just feel better when he’s back.”

“I understand, love. I hate it when you go undercover. It feels so empty around here. Truth be told, part of the reason I was glad you wanted to get pregnant was because I knew it would mean you wouldn’t be able to go undercover for at least a year.” Holly pulled their clasped hands into her lap.

Gail grinned, “Well aren’t you underhanded?” 

Holly flashed a giant smile, not feeling the least bit guilty. “Hey, you were the one who suggested that you get pregnant. I just happily agreed.”

“Well normally I would give you a really hard time, but considering how I feel about Chris being gone for a few days, I will cut you some slack.”

“Sweetie, Chris will be fine. He is a good cop and he’s smart. In a few days, you’ll be celebrating at the Penny.”

“Did that argument ever make you feel better about me being gone?”

Sighing in defeat, the brunette responded, “Nope. Not even a little bit.”

“Thought so. I appreciate the effort though. Anyway, are you tired yet? Emotions exhaust me.” Gail closed her eyes dramatically.

Holly chuckled. “Yeah, let’s go to sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning. And it’s supposed to storm tonight so I want to be asleep before the thunder starts.” 

“Aww, are you scared? Need me to hold you?” Gail scooted down in the bed, pulling her wife with her until the brunette was the big spoon to her little one.

“I will never turn that offer down.” Holly kissed the blonde’s temple before settling her hand over Gail’s stomach. “I love you”

“Love you too, nerd.”

* * *

 

A few hours later, heavy rain began to pound the windows while intense lightning shown through the windows. Gail began to stir and mumble in her sleep, however, this time, the sound did not rouse Holly.

The blonde was sweating now and shaking her head. “No. Please, no. Chris, help me.” For several minutes, Gail’s whimpers grew louder until a particularly loud clap of thunder startled her awake. She shot up into a sitting position and immediately wrapped her arms across her stomach and began to cry.

The bed began to shake due to Gail’s sobbing, finally causing Holly to emerge from her own, more pleasant, dreams. She turned over to cuddle back up with Gail, but saw she was already awake. She immediately knew something was wrong by the way she was holding her body.

“Gail? Are you okay?” She sat up and placed a hand on the blonde’s back.

Gail didn’t answer. She continued to cry, her head buried in the knees she had brought up to her chest.

“Gail. Honey, talk to me. Was it another nightmare? Are you in pain?” Holly dipped her head to try to make eye contact.

Gail continued to sob, but also tried to craft a response. “N-nightmare…the baby…couldn’t make it stop.”

Concerned at the mention of the baby, Holly placed her free hand on Gail’s knee. “Honey, what about the baby? Take some deep breaths. I can’t understand what you’re saying.”

Taking a deep breath, the blonde tried to clear her throat and speak more clearly, “It was…another nightmare. Perik had me on his table.” She hiccupped and sniffled. “He wanted to hurt the baby. Chris was there, but he couldn’t hear me. I kept begging him to help me.”

Holly pulled her wife into her arms, placed one hand just above the blonde’s ear and began to stroke the soft hair. “It’s ok. Perik is in jail. You are safe and the baby is safe. Nothing is going to happen. I’m sure you dreamed about Chris because you are worried about him. But you know he would do anything for you. You’re his family.”

Gail squeezed her eyes shut and tried to concentrate on Holly’s words rather than the horrific images that had just felt so real. “I couldn’t keep the baby safe, Holly.” 

“It wasn’t real, sweetie. It was just a dream. The baby is safe.” The brunette snuck her free hand under Gail’s so that she could rub her stomach for emphasis.

“It was like I was back in that room. It felt…” Gail was cut off by the shrill tone of her cell phone on the bedside table. Before Holly could protest, the blonde had sat up to retrieve the phone.

Clearing her throat before touching the “answer” button, Gail said, “Peck. This better be good.”

Holly waited in silence while Gail listened to the person on the other end. At least thirty seconds passed before Gail answered.

“I will be there in ten.” In one hasty movement, Gail hung up the phone, got out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. Without turning around, she said, “I have to go in.”

“What? Who was on the phone?” Holly was having trouble shifting gears. Three minutes ago, Gail had been sobbing in her arms. Now she was in the bathroom, putting on her uniform.

“It was Oliver. Chris didn’t check in like he was supposed to. No one knows where he is. I have to help find him.” Gail leaned over the sink to splash her face with water, hoping to remove some of the indications that she had been crying.

“Gail, no. It’s insane outside. You can’t go in.” Holly had gotten out of bed and was standing in the doorway.

Pulling up her pants and shaking her head, Gail said, “I have to, Holly. Chris is missing. He needs me.”

“Gail, can you just slow down? Two minutes ago you were sobbing. I don’t want you to go out in this weather, especially when you’re upset.”

The blonde’s face was stony, revealing none of the emotion she had been feeling just moments ago. “Holly, I have to find him. It’s like you said. He is family.”

“Are you gonna try to find those gun smugglers? Gail that could be so dangerous. At least take a few minutes to catch your breath.”

Gail was buckling her belt, “Holly, I can’t take a few minutes. Chris may not have a few minutes. It was a stupid nightmare. I will be fine.”

“Honey, please. “ Holly placed her hand over her mouth, the fear she felt starting to manifest itself as tears in her eyes.

Hearing the fear in her wife’s voice, Gail crossed the room and grabbed Holly’s hips. “Holly, please don’t ask me not to go. Because Chris is missing and if you’re upset when I leave, I’m not going to be able to concentrate. He needs me Holly. You said Chris would do anything for me. That goes both ways. So right now I have to be a cop, not your pregnant wife who just had a breakdown after a nightmare. I am going to be careful, just like I always am. I’m going to come home to you. But I need to make sure Chris comes home too.”

Holly squeezed her eyes shut and took a shaky breath. When she opened them again, a tear rolled down her cheek. She wrapped her arms around the blonde and pulled her in for a hug. “Find him. But, please be careful.”

“I will.”

“I mean it, Peck. If Chris turns out to be fine and you end up in the hospital? I will kill you. Promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”

Gail pulled back so she could look into her wife’s eyes. “I promise. But I have to go now. I will call you when I can.” Breaking away from the embrace, she made her way through the bedroom, down the stairs and to the foyer where she gathered her keys and raincoat.

Holly had followed her downstairs, but watched silently while Gail gathered the last of her things.

After she put on her second boot, Gail turned to Holly, grabbed her face with both hands and kissed her quickly. “I love you, Lunchbox. I’ll be back soon. Try not to worry.”

“Not possible. I love you too. Be careful, Gail.”

Gail opened the door and just before she walked out, she mumbled, “Mmhmm, I will.”

Holly closed and locked the door before walking across the room to sit on the couch. She knew she wasn’t going to get any more sleep tonight.

* * *

 

When Gail walked into the station, she headed straight for the parade room. The room was buzzing with the nervous energy of what seemed like every officer at 15. Gail sat down next to Dov.

She asked, “Has there been anything new?”

“Not yet. I’m sure this is all a big misunderstanding. I’m sure Chris is being a total badass right now.” Dov’s voice lacked the confidence that his words contained.

“He’s going to be fine. We will find him.” Gail stared straight ahead as her brother walked up to the podium.

“Alright, here’s what we know. Officer Diaz was supposed to meet up with the CI at 7pm. They were then to meet up with Gabriel Muñoz, cousin of Angel Muñoz, the leader of the new gun smuggling operation in Toronto. The CI was asked to find guys to help with the physical labor of the operation. Officer Diaz was to meet up with Gabriel to try to break into the group. He was supposed to send a coded text message to me at 10pm each night to communicate that things were going as planned. He did not send a message and after several hours of trying to contact his burner phone, we are declaring him officially missing. We don’t know where he is and we don’t know what happened. We need everyone to spread out and hit all the places that the members of this ring are known to frequent. If you spot Officer Diaz, do not approach. We do not want to blow his cover. Use whatever excuse you need to in order to disguise your reason for entering these establishments. If you find him, phone it in immediately. Ok people get to work. We don’t lose one of our own.”

The officers began to pair up and head out. Gail turned to Dov and clapped him on the back. “Come on, Epstein. Let’s go find him.”

* * *

 

 Six hours later, Gail was reaching her breaking point. She was tired, hungry and even more worried about her friend than when they had first begun searching for him. She and Dov had been inside so many dive bars, pretending to do surprise inspections that she thought she might never get all the peanut shells out of the soles of her boots.

Walking out to the squad car after “inspecting” a particularly disgusting bar, Gail was fuming. One of the patrons had “accidentally” spilled beer on the bottom of her pant leg after stumbling over a barstool. This was on top of the fact that her pants were already damp from the pounding rain. “If Diaz just forgot to hit send on that text message, I’m going to make him hand wash my uniform.”

“He didn’t forget, Gail.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just tired and cranky and I thought we would have found him by now.”

“I know. Me too. Let’s head to…” Dov was interrupted by the sound of his cell phone. “Officer Epstein.”

Gail pulled the squad into the nearest business to wait for Dov to relay the latest news. “Did they find him?”

“Thank god. I knew he was fine. So we can head in now? Roger that.” Dov hung up the phone and turned to Gail. “Chris is fine. He finally sent a text. Apparently the CI also reported in that they had initially taken Chris’s cell phone to check it. They didn’t give it back to him until they were sure they could trust him. Standard protocol apparently, which for some reason the CI just so happened to leave out of the initial briefing.”

“Idiot. I hope my brother kills that guy. Alright, let’s go home. I’m sure Holly is freaking out. I didn’t even have a chance to call her. She’s probably about 30 minutes away from storming 15 for answers about my whereabouts.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time. God, I’m glad Chloe is a cop. Makes it so much easier.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. I mean I wouldn’t change being married to Holly for anything, but sometimes, for her sake, I wish she were a cop too. But then I’d have to worry about her safety and I would suck at that. I’d probably forbid her to go places. We wouldn’t have lasted long.”

“Yeah, you got lucky with Holly. She’s better than most civilian spouses I know.”

“Trust me, I know.”

* * *

 

Back at their house, Holly was still sitting on their couch, having only gotten up to bring her cell phone and the medical journal she had been reading downstairs. She had tried to read in order to distract herself, but had given up on that idea hours ago. Instead she had alternated between playing games on her phone and just staring at the door, thinking of all the things that could go wrong. She was in the midst of playing Angry Birds when she heard the key turn in the lock of their front door. She immediately threw her phone on the couch and crossed the room.

“Hey, Holly, I’m sorry I didn’t…” Gail’s apology was interrupted by Holly nearly tackling the blonde with a hug. The brunette buried her face in Gail’s neck and inhaled the familiar scent, paying no attention to the fact that Gail’s clothes were damp from the rain.

Gail took a moment to delight in the feeling of being in Holly’s arms once again. Now that the intensity of the last several hours had ended so quickly, she let herself wilt with relief. “They found him. Chris is okay. The smuggling ring took his phone to make sure he was trustworthy. Damn CI didn’t tell the detectives that that was standard protocol. Chris was never in danger. Well, not any extra danger than comes with going undercover.”

Holly hadn’t moved an inch. “I’m glad.”

“Yeah me too. But now I’m exhausted. And I have to go back in for my shift in a few hours. Thank god I’m working the nightshift. Poor Dov didn’t even go home because it was only 30 minutes until his shift started.”

“Mmhmm.” The brunette still hadn’t lessened her hold on her wife.

“I’m really sorry I didn’t call. I was driving and we were just trying to hit as many bars as possible to see if we could find Chris. I’m sorry you were worried.”

Holly finally pulled away to look Gail in the face. “I’m just glad you’re home. I really hate it when you leave in the middle of the night. For some reason it freaks me out more than usual. Probably the exhaustion. It makes my mind race. I couldn’t stop playing out these ridiculous scenarios in my head. Like you were going to find Chris, but then get trapped undercover so you wouldn’t blow Chris’s cover. Even though that makes no sense because you’re wearing your uniform so they would know you’re a cop right away. But for some reason that just seemed like something that could definitely happen. Or Perik was the real leader of the smuggling ring and this was all just a ploy to kidnap you again, which is ridiculous because he’s in jail and I know that. I know I’m rambling. I’m just so tired and I was so worried.”

Gail touched Holly’s cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You were doing your job. If you had been missing, I would have wanted everyone to be out looking for you. I know why you had to go. It’s just hard being the one who has to wait. But it’s ok. You’re safe and you’re home now. And I’m sure you are more tired than me. Let’s just get back in bed until you have to go back to work.”

Gail nodded her head and grabbed Holly’s hand. The pair went upstairs and got ready for bed again. Gail fell into bed, barely able to keep her eyes open long enough to give Holly a goodnight kiss before she rolled over and passed out.

It took Holly a bit longer to wind down. She was once again the big spoon to Gail’s little spoon, with her hand lying gently on Gail’s stomach. But this time, she was squeezing her wife just a bit tighter and mumbling prayers of thanks to whomever had gotten her wife home safely.


	7. Chapter 7

The days following the scare with Chris were much more low key. Chris returned after a few days with glowing reviews from those in charge of the undercover op. The intel Chris had been able to gather led to not only the interception of the gun shipment but also the arrest of ten people involved with the smuggling ring.

All of the former rookies plus Holly and Steve had gotten together at the Penny to celebrate Chris's success. After about 30 minutes of storytelling from Chris, compliments from the group and doe-eyed questioning from Chloe, Gail had had enough with the feel-good sentiments.

"Well, I'm mostly just glad you're back because if I had to spend another night checking every Hepatitis C hotspot in Toronto with Dov, I would have taken a razor to…"

"Gail! Do  _not_  finish that sentence." The look on Holly's face was enough to let Gail know she was serious.

After freezing, mid-sentence with her mouth open and eyes pointed toward Holly, Gail hastily said, "Well, you can use your imaginations."

"I'm sorry you guys were worried. But the good news is that CI got an earful and well, a few other things I won't describe in front of the ladies." Chris smiled.

Steve shook his head and lifted his drink. "Working with CI's is pretty much the worst part of my job. It's like trying to get information from a jittery ten year old. Actually I take that back, Leo would be more useful than most informants."

"Not to change the subject, but I think we should all go camping next weekend at Oliver's cabin. He said we could use it whenever and it would be nice to get away before it gets too cold." Dov looked around the group to see if anyone was interested.

"I'm in!" Chloe sang out followed by an excited clap.

"Yeah I could go for a trip to the great outdoors. Maybe do some fishing." Chris said.

Nearly everyone at the table voiced their agreement, prompting Dov to turn pointedly to Gail and Holly. "Gail? Holly? You guys in?"

Holly's face looked genuinely sad. "Well Gail can join if she likes, but I will be out of town next weekend."

The blonde snapped her head around to look at Holly, obviously surprised by her wife's statement. "Wait, what? Where are you going?"

"I have to speak at that conference in Vancouver, remember?" Seeing the look of confusion, Holly continued to speak. "Honey, it's on your calendar on your phone. I told you about it a long time ago."

Gail ignored the stares from her friends and family. "Holly, I only use my phone for three things: texting, making calls and taking videos of the rookies passing out in the morgue. You are in charge of all things related to scheduling."

Holly was unmoved by Gail's complaints. "Nope. I told you that you have to start looking at that calendar. I can't remind you of everything five times, Gail."

Gail frowned and picked up her drink, asking one more question before she lifted it to her lips. "Well you could at least remind me of the ones that take you to the other side of the country. How long are you going to be gone?"

Bracing herself, Holly answered, "A week. I leave Thursday."

The blonde all but dropped her glass when she turned back to her wife with wide, unbelieving eyes. "A week?! What could a thousand nerds possibly need to talk about for an entire week? Wait. Nevermind. I answered my own question."

Holly chuckled, knowing Gail, in fact, loved nerds. Or one nerd, at least. "Nice, Gail. It takes a day of travel to get there and back. Plus I'm giving a presentation so I have to be there early."

"Why? Do they think you need to practice or something?"

The brunette sighed and shook her head. "That's just how these things work, honey. I told you all of this before I even agreed to go."

"Well I am pre…" Holly's eyes opened to the size of saucers and she subtly shook her head. Luckily Gail saw this and quickly changed the course of her sentence, "pre- eeetty terrible at remembering things. Anyway, let's go home. I've had enough of these losers." Gail stood from her chair, finished off her drink in a couple of gulps, slammed the glass down on the table and started walking away.

Everyone had been watching the discussion between the two women, always fascinated by how quickly Holly could deflect Gail's snarky comments. No one was surprised by Gail's abrupt exit. It was sort of her trademark.

"We love you too, Gail!" Traci called out, receiving a dismissive wave of the blonde's hand in return.

Holly stood from her chair. "Well, I guess we're leaving. Congratulations, Chris. Goodnight, everyone. Have fun camping! I'm in for the next trip." She then turned to follow her wife out the door.

"How did Gail ever score someone that nice?" Steve asked.

After a brief moment of silence, Chris and Dov whispered in unison, "That ass." The entire table, save Steve, erupted in laughter.

The detective screwed up his face and said, "Gross. That's my sister, you pervs."

* * *

As soon as Holly and Gail got in the car, Gail started talking. "Yes, I did almost say 'pregnant' which I can't really be faulted for on account of pregnancy brain. It's a real thing. Also I definitely did not remember you were going out of town for an entire week. And yes, I know I need to start looking at the calendar."

Holly chuckled, "It's ok, honey. We've had a lot going on. I scheduled this trip before you were pregnant. Before we even started trying to get pregnant. It's the same conference I go to every year. But if I'm being honest, I am not thrilled about being across the country from you for a week."

Looking straight ahead while she drove, Gail responded, "Yeah. A whole week sucks." The blonde's tone gave nothing away.

Holly turned to look at Gail's face, trying to find some clue there as to how Gail really felt about her leaving. "Are you going to be ok while I'm gone?"

Gail sensed that her wife was looking at her, but she didn't turn to meet her eyes. "Yeah. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure? You don't sound excited about it. I can pretend to have the flu if you don't want me to go."

"No, that's ridiculous. Of course, I'm not excited that you're leaving for a week, but I am a big girl. And anyway, you love these things. All the other nerds will be really disappointed if they don't get to hear a presentation from their queen."

Holly smiled. "I'm not sure I'm quite as infamous in real life as I am in your mind."

"Nonsense. You're Lunchbox. The nerds should bow at your feet. You know all the things."

"Yeah, I definitely don't know all the things. Like how I feel about you waking up alone after having a nightmare. I don't like that image in my head." Holly frowned out the passenger-side window.

Gail flipped her fingers off the steering wheel to signal she didn't think much of this concern. "Meh. I'll be fine."

"Mmhmm. Well you have to promise to call me if you have a nightmare, even if it's the middle of the night. In fact, call me if anything happens. Even if you get a bump on the head, I want to know about it."

"Relax, Lunchbox. I will keep you informed. But nothing is going to happen. I'm sure it will be the most boring week of my life."

Holly closed her eyes and started shaking her head. "Don't say that. You'll jinx yourself."

Gail laughed. "You don't even believe in jinxes."

"Well, maybe, I do now. Or maybe I just know you have a penchant for getting hurt and attracting trouble and I don't want to tempt fate."

"Hey! I'm a badass and you know it. It's gonna be fine so just focus your energy on your presentation. I'm sure it will be so awesome there will be a thousand nerdgasms at once."

Holly laughed out loud. "Nerdgasms? Where do you come up with these things?"

Feeling pleased with herself, Gail said, "You love it."

Holly reached out and put her hand on the back of her wife's head. "I love you. And I'm going to miss you while I'm gone."

Still training her eyes on the road, but pushing back slightly into Holly's hand, Gail said, "Yeah me too."

* * *

That night, after watching a documentary on serial killers (Gail's choice), the two had crashed for the night. It wasn't more than a couple of hours before Holly was woken up by screams.

"NO! Don't leave! Please don't leave me!" Gail's hands were balled into fists and held stiffly at her sides. Her hair was matted with sweat and her face was covered with a mix of sweat and tears.

Holly rolled over quickly and wrapped her arm around Gail. "Gail! Baby, wake up. You're dreaming."

Unaffected by her wife's voice, the blonde continued to cry out. "No, no, no! NO! Don't leave me, Holly. Please don't leave."

Holly raised her voice to match the level of Gail's. "GAIL! Wake up!"

Gail's eyes opened and she started looking around, whimpering. "Holly? Please, Holly."

"Sweetheart. I'm here. Calm down. I'm right here." The brunette pulled Gail closer, trying to confirm her presence by providing more physical contact.

Gail closed her eyes and attempted to hold back tears. She brought her arms up to cover Holly's, allowing her wife's closeness to bring her out of the haze left by her nightmare. Despite her best efforts, Gail choked out small sobs every minute or two, using the time between to take deep breaths.

"Just keep breathing, sweetie. It's ok. You're safe. I'm here and we are safe." Holly continued to whisper comforting words into her wife's ear, allowing her to calm down in her own time.

After at least 5 minutes, Gail began to wipe the tears from her face and finally spoke. "Wow. I cannot get used to those vivid dreams."

Holly took a deep breath before responding. "Yeah, me either. They seem to only be getting worse. You were screaming this time."

Still not looking at her wife, Gail said, "Really? Well I don't know why I'm surprised. That dream was violent."

"Do you want to tell me about it? You were saying my name and telling me not to go."

"Yeah that was the second part of the dream. It started with me really pregnant and Perik getting in the house by hitting me with the door. I crashed into a lamp and fell on the floor. That's when he started choking me. And then you appeared out of nowhere. You walked down the stairs and through the room and I had just enough breath to yell for you, but you just kept walking toward the door. It was like you didn't even see us. I couldn't get you to stay."

Holly grabbed Gail's hand and squeezed. "Okay, we are going to come back to the part where I leave you, which by the way is NEVER going to happen, but let's start with why you are dreaming about Perik being so violent?"

"Well I dreamed about what happened when he kidnapped me, except I was super pregnant and couldn't fight back."

Holly's eyes widened. "Wait, what? He threw you into a lamp? I thought he just stuck you with a sedative?"

"He did stick me with a sedative. After he threw me into a lamp and choked me until I was unconscious. I've told you this before."

"No, you definitely did not. You never wanted to talk about the details and I never pressed you. My god, Gail. He choked you until you were unconscious?"

Gail nodded and reached one hand up to her neck. "Yeah. I had bruises in the shape of his fingers on my neck for weeks."

Holly closed her eyes against the wave of nausea that swept over her. The image of anyone else's hands on Gail's neck made her sick. "Gail. That's…ugh. That breaks my heart. I hate that I didn't know you then. I wish I could have been there after it happened. And to be honest, I want to do unspeakable things to that man."

Gail nodded sympathetically. "I wish you had been there too. But that was years ago. It was just a dream. Although that dream felt like it was happening for real all over again."

Turning back to look at her wife, the doctor asked, "Why do you think you're dreaming about Perik? Have you been thinking about him?"

Gail looked up at the ceiling to ponder. "No, not really. I mean he is being transferred soon, but I haven't really thought about that since I found out."

Holly squeezed the pale hand she held. "Um what? Why didn't you tell me about that?"

"I didn't think anything of it. Prisoners get transferred sometimes. It's not a big deal. Gosh, Holly, you've seen  _Orange is the New Black_."

Holly took Gail's other hand. "Ok fine. So let's go back to the part about me leaving you. You know that isn't going to happen right? You know that I would do anything to protect you. I would never leave you alone."

"I know that. Trust me, these dreams just take things that are happening and turn them into something terrifying. We were talking about you going to your conference. My pregnant brain just combined that with Perik and warped it into something else."

"I'm not going to that conference." Holly's expression was staunch.

Gail pulled her wife's hands into her lap. "Holly, no. You have to go. I will be fine. I want you to go."

Holly shook her head and looked down at their joined hands. "I don't want to go. I don't like that you are dreaming about me leaving you. If you wake up looking for me, I want to be here. And I don't want to be gone when Perik gets transferred. If something happens, I need to be here."

"Holly, look at me. I mean it. Look at me." The brunette looked up. "You have to go." Holly immediately started shaking her head, but the blonde just continued. "They are just dreams. Perik is going to be traveling in a heavily guarded convoy of vehicles. That happens all the time without incident. And I don't want you to not go to something you have been looking forward to for a long time because I'm having bad dreams. That will make me feel ridiculous and weak. And you know I hate that. I will call you if I have a nightmare or if anything slightly interesting happens, but nothing is going to happen. I will be fine. And I can always call Andy to sleep over if I feel like I need it."

Holly answered with a pout, "But you shouldn't have to call Andy. I should be here when you need something."

Gail reached over and brushed Holly's cheek. "You are always here for me. And one week at a nerd conference isn't going to change that."

"Ugh, I know. I just don't like leaving you." Holly collapsed into Gail's arms, burying her face in the blonde's neck.

Gail brushed her fingers through her wife's hair. "I know. But it will be ok. You will have so much nerd fun and you'll be back in no time."

"I will be thinking of you the entire time."

"Well duh."

Holly chuckled. "You are shameless, you know that?"

"Uh yeah. It's one of my better qualities."

* * *

The nights leading up to Holly leaving were filled with more bad dreams, followed by Holly refusing to leave and then Gail convincing her, yet again, that the nightmares shouldn't rule their lives. The day before Holly was supposed to leave, she wasn't feeling any better about leaving Gail alone. The thought of her wife having to endure the torture of those dreams any longer than usual because no one was present to wake her up when she started screaming? It made Holly shudder. No part of her wanted to leave her pregnant wife for a conference. Yes, she had committed to speaking many months ago and cancelling now would be very inconvenient for the conference organizers (and might mean that she wouldn't be asked to speak again), but those things didn't feel very important as she replayed Gail's whimpers and screams in her mind.

As brave as Gail was acting, she knew the dreams had be getting to Gail at least a tiny bit. Perik had always been a vulnerable subject for the cop. She rarely talked about what happened and if she ever did, her comments were brief and stoic. The fact that Holly hadn't been aware that Perik had choked her wife before kidnapping her showed how very little Gail discussed the incident. Holly knew the bare bones of the story, but she hadn't ever pressed for more out of respect for how difficult it was for Gail to talk about. And truthfully, Holly was afraid of how she would react to hearing the full details. The thought of anyone hurting her wife made the usually even-tempered doctor fantasize about putting into practice all the knowledge she had about making bodies disappear.

Despite all of these distracting thoughts and images, Holly was too busy to dwell on her anxieties about leaving. Being away from the lab for a week meant catching up on every bit of paperwork and tying up every loose end from all her open cases. She also had to prepare the forensic pathologists who reported to her, giving them all the information they may need for the week she was gone. Holly had locked herself up in her office, trying to get everything done at a reasonable hour so she could get home and pack and still have a little time to spend with Gail before she left the following morning.

The doctor had been working tenaciously for several hours when Gail appeared in the doorway to her office. While the brunette noticed her wife, she was so fixated on the task at hand that she barely looked up from the stack of papers in front of her.

"Oh hey, babe. I know I said I could probably go to lunch today, but I have too much to get done before I leave. I'm just going to get something from the vending machine."

"Holly?" Gail's voice was quiet and shaky.

The odd sound of her wife's voice snapped Holly out of her determined concentration. She looked up to find Gail leaning meekly against the doorjamb, her head pointed toward the tile floor. "Gail? Are you okay?"

Gail didn't speak. Instead she brought the palm of her hand up to cover her face. It was then Holly noticed the blonde was shaking.

Holly's mouth went dry and her heart froze with worry. She rose from her chair and hurriedly crossed the office so that she was standing in front of her wife. "Honey, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

Again, Gail didn't answer verbally. Instead she moved forward so she could wrap her arms around Holly and bury her face in the doctor's neck. Holly could tell from the shaking of the blonde's shoulders and the barely audible sniffling that Gail was crying. This did nothing to alleviate her concern.

Holly bent her head, trying to look into her wife's eyes. "Gail. I need you to talk to me. Tell me what happened."

"N-nothing happened. I just…I was riding with Chloe today and she wouldn't stop talking about Dov. She was going on and on about how sweet he was. Then she started talking about how he is going to visit his family in Quebec in a few weeks and how much she was going to miss him. She would not stop talking for even a second and she sounded so sad and for god only knows why, I started crying. And I couldn't make it stop!"

Holly started sniggering. She tried to contain it but her whole body soon began to shake with laughter.

Gail pulled pack to look at her wife's face. "Are you laughing? It's not funny, Holly! I'm a cop! I can't be crying at the drop of a hat!"

Holly cupped one of Gail's cheeks. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry. I don't mean to make fun of you for crying. But honey, it's just pregnancy hormones. They will make you more sensitive."

Gail shook her head and then dropped her forehead onto Holly's shoulder. "I don't like it. Make it stop. I can't just burst into tears for no reason."

Lifting her hand to the back of the blonde's head, Holly said, "Well it's not for no reason. Probably all that talk about Dov leaving and Chloe missing him made you think about me leaving."

"But I'm not that upset about you leaving." Gail mumbled.

"Gee thanks!" Holly replied.

"Wait, that's not what I meant. I mean, of course, I am going to miss you. I never want you to leave town if I have a choice. I just mean that I was doing ok with it. I mean I know it's just for a week and we will talk and text and you'll be back in no time. So I just don't understand why all of a sudden I was crying profusely."

"Hormones, honey. They are probably going to sneak up on you from here on out. You will probably find yourself crying about things that aren't that sad. And when you feel slightly sad about anything, the hormones will amplify that."

"Ugh. I hate crying. I don't know if I can handle being pregnant." Lifting her head to show Holly the pouty look on her face.

Holly smiled sympathetically and lifted her hand up to wipe some of the leftover tears from Gail's cheeks. "Well I think it's a little late for that, honey."

"It's never too late." Gail replied grumpily.

Holly scrunched up her face and squeezed the cop's arm. "Ok, I don't like the sound of that."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything stupid. I just didn't want to give in that easily."

"Ha ha, ok then. Well, are you feeling better? Do you need anything? Have you eaten? Do you need a drink of water?"

"Woah there, mother hen. I'm fine now that my face has quit leaking. And I am just about to head over to the sub shop on third. Do you want me to bring you something back?"

"Sure. I still have a ton of work to do before I can leave. But I want to work through my lunch so I can leave and still have time to spend with you tonight." Holly slid her hand down to clutch Gail's wrist

"Ok, I'll grab your usual and drop it off. I don't have much time anyway now that I spent most of it trying to stem the flood erupting from my eyeballs. So pathetic."

Holly grabbed Gail's hand and shook it a little. "Cut yourself some slack. You can't help that hormones are affecting your emotions."

"Yeah, yeah. Alright I am going to head out. I will see you shortly." The cop leaned in for a kiss. Holly put her hand on the side of Gail's head and rubbed her cheek with her thumb.

Holly leaned back. "Are you sure you're gonna be ok when I leave? It's not too late to cancel. I can just…"

Gail broke away and turned around to exit. She called over her shoulder, "Nope! We are not discussing this. It might cause severe dehydration if I start crying spontaneously."

Holly laughed as she walked back over to her desk, ready to get her work finished so she could get in plenty of time with her wife before she left.

* * *

Later that evening, Gail and Holly were trying to soak up every minute of their time together. When Holly had gotten home, only slightly later than normal, she had quickly packed her bag for her trip. They had then ordered a pizza and settled in for a night of movie watching and cuddling on the couch. They were halfway through their second movie when Gail motioned that she needed to get up to take off her sweatshirt. Holly looked up to see Gail's t-shirt rise up slightly as the blonde lifted her arms over her head. With her sweatpants sitting low on her hips, Holly caught a glimpse of Gail's midriff as she took off her sweatshirt.

The brunette shot up with a stunned look on her face. "Oh my god, Gail!"

Gail immediately stopped moving, her arms frozen in midair. "What?"

"You have a baby bump!" Holly pointed for emphasis.

"What? No I don't." Gail looked down. She tugged her t-shirt so that it was pulled tight against her body. She smoothed her hand over the slight slope of her belly. "Oh god. I do. That's so weird."

"Come over here right now." When Gail looked suspicious, Holly waved her arms wildly and the blonde obeyed. The doctor scooted into the corner of the couch, signaling for Gail to sit across her lap while leaning against the arm of the couch. Wrapping one arm around her wife's back and placing the other gently on Gail's stomach, Holly looked up at her wife with a beaming smile. "You have a baby bump."

"Ugh. I don't know how I feel about that. I don't want to get fat."

"You're not going to be fat. You're going to be pregnant and so beautiful. I can't believe you have a baby bump! It's so cute!" Holly rubbed Gail's belly for emphasis.

Gail pulled Holly's hand away and moved like she was going to get up. "No, no, no. I am NOT cute."

"No, don't get up! I promise I won't use the c word." Gail looked at her skeptically. "I promise." With that, Gail settled back down and allowed her wife to move her hand back up to her midsection.

"Hi baby. I'm your mommy." Holly looked up at Gail questioningly. "Am I mommy? Or are you mommy?"

"You're mommy. I'm mom or ma or something."

"Right. So this is your mommy. I love you so much and I can't wait to meet you. You have the best mom, little bean. She's so brave to keep you safe until you are big enough to come out. She is taking such good care of you and she loves you already. We are so happy that you're going to be ours."

Gail let out a little sniffle. "Dammit, Lunchbox. You can't say things like that!"

"Aww, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm just so happy. There's a tiny little baby in there that is ours and you are starting to show and you have never looked so beautiful."

Crying even more now, Gail wiped her eyes and said, "Holly, stop it! That is not helping. I can't control it."

Holly laughed out loud now. "Honey, it's ok to cry. Especially in front of me. And you better get used to it because I am not going to be able to keep myself from saying super sappy things. I can't help it."

Wiping her eyes, Gail mumbled, "I will never get used to crying like I'm in a Hallmark movie. It's unnatural."

"Alright, I'm just saying you have many more months of this. The hormones are not going to go away. I predict you will cry on the phone at least 2 times this week."

Gail swatted at Holly playfully. "Take that back! I will not!"

Trying to catch Gail's hands, Holly giggled. "Nope. I stand by that!"

"I am going to prove you wrong. I refuse to be that pathetic. Besides, I think you're going to be the one crying every day."

"Well I don't deny that. I can't believe I have to leave right after I discovered your baby bump. I don't want to go." Holly buried her head in Gail's chest.

Gail wrapped her arms around her wife, one hand rubbing her back, the other caressing the back of her head. "It's only a week. And the baby bump will still be here when you get back."

"It better be. I know that I'm being more emotional about leaving than I normally would be, but I just don't like the idea of my wife and baby being so far away. I know that being pregnant doesn't make you any less badass, but I just feel this crazy strong urge to protect you. And I don't feel like I can do that when I'm across the country."

"I know. But again, it's just one week. When you get back, I will be extra needy to make up for it."

Holly pulled back just a little so she could look into Gail's eyes. "Promise?"

"Absolutely. I won't let you out of my sight. You can rub my feet and make me tea. And I will let you hold me when I cry after waking from a horrifying nightmare."

Holly closed her eyes. "Gail! Ugh, don't remind me that I'm leaving you to suffer through those alone."

"I'm just kidding! I will be fine. Seriously, I can handle it."

"Ugh. No matter how much we talk about this, I am not going to be happy about leaving, so let's just go up to bed so I can get you naked." Holly flashed one of her crooked grins.

"Wow. No foreplay, doctor? I am truly offended. Do you think I'm so cheap?"

Holly slowly moved her hand over Gail's stomach while speaking in a low voice. "I don't think I can keep it together long enough for foreplay. That baby bump has me all hot and bothered. I want to take off all your clothes so I can pay it the proper amount of attention."

Gail swallowed thickly and opened her eyes wide. "Well who ever said that cheap was a bad thing, right?"


	8. Chapter 8

Neither woman had gotten much sleep that night, despite the fact that Holly's flight left at 6:30am, meaning they had to be up well before the sun. Holly had been true to her word, showering Gail's newly discovered baby bump with affection. The two had only been asleep for a couple of hours when Gail woke up screaming from another nightmare. Instead of going back to sleep, they decided to get up and have a long breakfast together before Gail had to drop Holly off at the airport. The meal and the subsequent drive to the airport were fairly quiet as a result of the fatigue but also the anticipation of the impending departure.

When Gail pulled up to the curb outside the airport, she wasted no time getting out to retrieve Holly's suitcase from the trunk.

Holly hurried to catch up with her wife. "Gail, let me get that. You shouldn't be lifting heavy things."

Pushing out her elbow a little so that her wife couldn't take the bag, Gail replied, "Oh please, nerd. It's not that heavy. And besides, you are still my wife and I'm going to get your bag out of the car until my fat belly gets in the way. And then I'll just turn sideways."

"Oh geez. Well after this trip, I'm not going anywhere without you for a long time so I won't have to worry about that." Reaching down to raise the handle of her bag, Holly tilted her head and said, "But thank you."

Feeling shy, Gail pushed on to the next subject, "Make sure you blow those nerds' minds. But tell them you already have a president for your fan club and that she's very territorial."

Holly took Gail's hand in her own. "Ok. I will." Holly paused to collect her thoughts. "Listen, you have to be careful while I'm gone. You need to eat regular meals, that aren't cheese puffs or granola bars. You aren't allowed to pass out while I'm gone. And don't stay up late playing video games. You need sleep. And you have to wear your vest. Just…just wear it."

Gail listened patiently until Holly stopped talking. "Holly, I always wear my vest when I'm out on patrol. And I only passed out that one time. I will eat and sleep and be very safe."

The doctor looked down at the ground, trying to hide the tears that had started to accumulate in her eyes. "I know. I just…I'm freaking out a little bit aren't I?"

Gail squeezed her wife's hand. "Yeah. But that's ok."

Holly lifted her head slightly and brought her free hand up to cover Gail's stomach. "I'm going to miss you. Both of you."

"Aw, Lunchbox, don't cry. Cause that's gonna make me cry and then that's gonna make you more upset to leave me." The blonde reached over to lift Holly's chin so she could see her eyes. "You will be back in no time. It's just one week."

The eye contact was all it took for Holly to lose it. Despite her best efforts, she couldn't choke down the tears. Gail gathered the brunette in her arms and rubbed her hands over her wife's back soothingly. Holly turned her head so that it pressed into Gail's neck. She started to shake with the force of her sobs. The sound of her wife's tears caused Gail to feel her own emotions taking over. Tears began to roll down her cheeks and the blonde sniffled in response.

Holly quickly leaned away so she could look at Gail's face. Seeing the blonde's tears, she lifted her hand up to wipe them away with her thumbs. When the doctor spoke, her voice was low and shaky. "Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. I kept telling myself all the way here that I wasn't going to cry, but when I looked at your little baby bump, I just couldn't help it."

"Ugh. It's fine. I'll be fine. You will go to your conference and learn a lot of science facts and then you'll teach better science facts and all the nerds will elect you patron saint of the nerds." Gail was trying to use humor to lighten the mood, but the joke fell rather flat as tears streamed down her face and her voice broke.

The brunette cupped the blonde's cheek. "You have to text me all the time. And call me every day. I want to know everything that's happening. I need to know that you're ok. Even if you think I will freak out, you have to call me. But nothing that I would freak out about is going to happen while I'm gone right? Most boring week ever. And if you have nightmares, you have to call and wake me up. It doesn't matter what time it is. I'm going to ask you about it every day if you didn't call me the night before and you know you can't lie to me."

Holly's ramblings had done nothing to stem Gail's tears. No matter how hard she tried to collect herself, she just kept seeing the image of Holly's side of the bed empty and a fresh batch of hot tears would run down her face.

Gail cleared her throat several times to no avail. She managed to choke out, "It's ok. I don't want you to miss your flight."

The brunette grabbed onto Gail's upper arms and rubbed her thumbs up and down. "Honey, I am not going to leave you like this. I can't leave you like this. You're already sleep-deprived. You can't go on patrol this upset. And I can't have this be the last image of you in my mind."

Gail shuffled forward and put her head on Holly's chest. She took deep breaths, trying to calm herself by repeating the facts in her mind.  _It's just a week. You will be fine. She will be back in no time. You are a badass cop. You can do this._ Soon her breathing had returned to normal and her eyes felt considerably less watery. She took a deep breath and stepped back, careful not to look her wife in the eyes. "I'm okay. Anyway, we're being ridiculous, it's only a week."

Holly dipped her head down to try to see into her wife's eyes, but Gail shook her head.

"No, no. I can't look at your face or I won't be able to hold it together." Her voice started to shake again and she cleared her throat to try to control it. "Seriously, give me a kiss and I will see you soon."

Holly put her hands on Gail's sides and leaned in for a kiss. After a few seconds, she leaned back and looked at Gail's face. Even though her gaze was averted, the doctor could tell that the cop's eyes were red. Holly tilted her head up and kissed her wife's forehead. "I love you. I will text you when I board." She dropped her hand down to Gail's stomach and tilted her head in the same direction. "I love you too, little bean. Be nice to your mom, ok?"

Gail closed her eyes and cleared her throat again. "I love you too. Text me when you get there."

Holly reached in for one more hug, squeezing her wife tightly. "Ok, I'm going. Ugh, I hate this. Ok, just one week. We can do this. I'll talk to you soon." Holly pulled her bag toward the door and turned just before she went through the revolving door to wave to her wife.

Gail had looked up as soon as Holly started walking away and now smiled and waved back. As soon as Holly disappeared through the door, Gail hurried to get back in the driver's seat. She pulled away from the curb and began the half hour drive back to their house. Gail was still crying so she decided to turn on the radio to distract herself. The song that was playing was "Stay with Me" by Sam Smith. This was the final straw. If Gail had been crying before, she was now blubbering. Unable to see the road through her tears, Gail pulled over on the shoulder and put her head on the steering wheel.

She felt ridiculous. Holly had left for conferences before and she hadn't ever cried. Sure, she missed her wife. But the logical part of her brain that knew it would only be a few days or at most a week had been able to override the sadness she felt about being away from her wife. Holly and Gail loved each other and loved spending time together, but it wasn't as if they were never apart. Holly often hung out with her doctor friends while Gail went to the Penny with cop friends. And sometimes when Gail couldn't get out of work, Holly went to visit friends from college in Montreal. They never cried about being apart.

Gail heard her phone buzz from the center console. She picked it up to find a text from Holly. Seeing her wife's nickname pop up on her phone brought on a fresh wave of tears.

 **Lunchbox:** So that was embarrassing. I could not stop crying after you left. I think the airline agents thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I'm still weepy here at the terminal.

 **Wife:** I see your suspected nervous breakdown and raise you an actual nervous breakdown brought on by pregnancy hormones. I turned on the radio and 'Stay with Me' came on the radio. I actually think something broke inside me. I haven't cried this much in my entire life.

 **Lunchbox:** Are you still driving?!

 **Wife:** Holly, I'm a cop. I pulled onto the shoulder.

Barely five seconds after she had hit "send," her phone rang. She hit the button to pick up the call but was barely able to croak out a word, "Hello."

"Gail! Are you ok? I mean I know you're not ok because you're on the side of the road weeping, but I mean, do you need me to come back?" Holly's voice was filled with concern.

"I'm fi-fine. You don't…I'm ok." The blonde could not put together a proper sentence due to the deep gasps she was taking between sobs.

Holly stood from her seat. "Ok, you don't sound fine. I'm not going. Come pick me up where you dropped me off. I'll have them deliver my bag later."

"NO! Holly…just…tell me something sciency for a minute." Gail took deep breaths, trying to concentrate on regaining control of her emotions.

The doctor pinched her nose with her fingers and began pacing. "Ugh. Ok. Um, did you know that cats rub their faces on the legs of their owners in order to mark their territory? They have glands in their cheeks and when they rub up against something, a scent is released. Other cats are deterred from going near something that is marked with another cat's scent."

"Holly, why do you know that? We don't have a cat." The blonde's voice was steadier now.

"Because I read things." Holly sighed. "Gail, I don't want to go to this conference."

"Lunchbox. I'm fine. Seriously. The pregnancy hormones are just out of control. You have to go to this conference. Otherwise we are going to officially be the grossest couple on earth. And it's way too late for you to cancel. It's just a week."

"I know. I just haven't ever seen or heard you cry like that. Except after that first nightmare. And you used the phrase 'something broke inside me.' I don't like it, Gail."

"Oh you know how dramatic I am in text messages. But seriously, it's just the hormones. Normally, I would be sad, but I wouldn't cry like that. Your sad face did me in."

"I'm sorry. I tried not to cry. But to be fair, you knew I was a crier before you married me."

"Yeah, yeah. Isn't your plane boarding?"

"Yes. I have to go now if I'm going to make this flight. Are you sure you're going to be ok? I'm nervous about you going to work upset. Maybe you should call in sick."

Gail laughed. "Holly, I'm fine. I'm not crying anymore. I just needed to get it out of my system. I can't call in sick to work because I'm crying about you leaving town for a week. That is not badass."

Holly paused and then nodded her head. "Ok yeah, when you say it out loud like that, it does sound pretty pathetic."

"So pathetic, Lunchbox. We are grown women. What is wrong with us?"

"It's the baby. That little bean has us all discombobulated."

"Well the baby is inside of me so what's your excuse?" Gail smirked.

"Our baby is inside my wife who just so happens to be a cop that has been in the hospital more times than I have fingers."

"Ok, ok. I get it. Get on your plane, Lunchbox. The nerds need you. Text me when you land."

"Ugh, ok. I love you. Call me if you need me!"

"Love you too. Bye."

* * *

The rest of the day had been a long one for both women. They were emotionally and physically exhausted. They had texted each other throughout the day and Gail had called her wife on her lunch break and again after she had eaten dinner. Holly told her all about the other speakers, what their specialties were and which lectures she was most excited to attend. Gail told Holly about the weird calls she had gotten while working the front desk today (she had volunteered, telling everyone she was nursing a hangover. They all bought it because her eyes were puffy and red). They had agreed not to talk about missing each other lest they dissolve into tears again. Holly did get a little misty when they were saying goodbye, but nothing like the airport debacle. Before they hung up, Holly had made Gail promise to call her if she had a nightmare.

Gail was so tired that she went to sleep earlier than normal. She was hoping her exhaustion would keep her from having a nightmare, but unfortunately that wasn't the case. At about 3 am, Gail woke up in a cold sweat, heart pounding. She turned to look for Holly but found the empty side of the bed instead. Despite her reservations about waking Holly up, Gail picked her cell phone up off the nightstand and hit the speed dial for her wife.

Holly picked up after only a few rings but her voice indicated she had been sound asleep. "Gail, honey? You ok?"

Gail settled down under the covers. "Yeah, I'm ok. I just had a nightmare and you wanted me to call you."

Sitting up, Holly felt her mind coming into focus. "I'm glad you called. Do you want to tell me about the dream? Was it a bad one?"

"It wasn't as bad as some of them. I don't think I was screaming. But I was strapped to the table in Perik's basement. I couldn't see anything because I was blindfolded, but I could feel the IV in my arm. I could hear him coming down the stairs and picking up instruments from a table nearby. I heard him coming toward me, but I couldn't move. I didn't know what he was doing, but he was talking about how he was going to hurt me."

Holly closed her eyes, trying to mentally block out the image. "Oh sweetie. I hate that I'm not there. But you are safe. Perik is in jail and he can't hurt you. And I still stand by the fact that I want to do unspeakable things to that man. I can't stand that he hurt you."

"I know. I'm ok. This one really wasn't that bad. I didn't wake up crying or anything."

"Well I'm glad for that. Do you need to talk some more or are you ready to go back to sleep?"

"I'm so tired, Lunchbox. I just want to go back to sleep." Gail's eyes were already starting to droop.

"Ok, honey. Thank you for calling me. Call me if it happens again. Or if you need anything. Or if anything happens. Just call me."

"I will call you if anything even remotely interesting happens. I love you."

"I love you too, honey. Goodnight." Holly could tell from the deep breathing on the other end of the line that her wife had already nodded off. Holly smiled and hung up the phone.  _One night down._

* * *

Friday came and went quickly. Gail had been assigned to booking and she thought there must be a full moon because her colleagues had been bringing idiots into the station all day long. The cop had barely had time to talk to her wife because the doctor's schedule had also been packed with preconference events.

After her shift was over, Gail joined her friends at the Penny. They had decided to postpone camping because Traci had caught a case and they all knew Gail was more fun when Holly was around (Gail didn't deny that.) Much to her annoyance, Gail's friends had teased her relentlessly about missing Holly and how she would possibly feed herself for seven days. But after Gail landed a few well-placed burns, they moved on to other subjects.

The blonde called it a night earlier than most as she was working the next day. When she had found out Holly would be out of town, Gail had traded weekends with Chris so she would at least have work to distract her. The cop made a brief call to her wife before heading to bed, promising to call again if she had a nightmare. Unfortunately, she had to do just that when she woke up at about 1 am with the sheets balled in her fists. Holly was at a cocktail party for the conference speakers, but she excused herself when she noticed her phone ringing.

"Hey honey, you okay?" Holly snuck out into the hallway adjacent to the hotel bar.

"Yeah. Had a nightmare." Gail was still panting slightly. She squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to expel the images from her dreams.

"Okay just take some deep breaths. You're safe." Holly could hear her wife inhaling and exhaling with purpose. "That's it. Do you want to tell me about it?"

"I don't know if I can, Holly." Gail tried to keep her voice from breaking.

"Sweetheart, you don't have to if you don't want to, but it usually makes you feel better." Holly moved around the corner when she saw a group of conference attendees approaching.

"It was really bad, Holly. I don't think you want to hear about it. It's going to upset you." Gail wiped some of the leftover sweat from her brow.

"Honey, you having to deal with this alone will make me more upset than hearing about the dream."

"Ok, well, I was in Perik's basement and I was tied up. But this time when he started to walk toward the table, I got free of my restraints. I jumped off the table and tried to get away, but he grabbed my wrist and…he um…he…"

The pain she could hear in her wife's voice was causing the doctor's eyes to sting. "What is it, love?"

"He um…he kneed me in the stomach. I fell on the ground and started cramping and bleeding." The last line was barely above a whisper. "I was losing the baby."

"Oh sweetheart. That's awful. I'm so sorry. Ugh, I wish I was there with you." Holly tucked her chin to her chest and put her free hand to her forehead.

Gail's voice was thick with unshed tears. "Me too."

The two sat in silence for a couple of minutes, not knowing what to say and feeling heavy with the weight of the distance between them. Gail was the first to speak. "I'm sorry. You're probably out at a really fancy nerd event in a really hot dress and I'm like a wet blanket."

"Gail. Don't. You know there is nowhere I'd rather be right now. Well besides holding you, of course."

"I just hate bringing down the mood. You're probably having so much nerd fun."

The brunette pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers and sighed. "Please don't do that. I'm miserable enough being so far from you right now."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just wish you were here." Gail covered her face to hide her embarrassment.

"Sweetie, you have no idea how badly I wish I was there right now. I hate that you're alone." Holly's voice started to grow thick with emotion.

"It's ok. It was just a dream. The baby is fine. I'm just going to go back to sleep." Gail moved back under the covers and turned the bedside lamp off.

"Honey, are you sure you don't want to talk some more?" Holly did not feel good about getting off the phone. She had no desire to go back to the party.

"Yeah, I'm really tired and I have to work tomorrow. I just want to sleep."

"Ok, baby. Just call me if you need me. I love you."

"I love you too. Night."

Holly hung up the phone but she didn't make a motion to move. Now that she wasn't on the phone, she had time to process the dream that Gail had described. The thought of Gail losing the baby at the hands of a monster like Perik…it made her feel sick. Despite the relatively early hour, the doctor made her way back up to her room. She knew she couldn't muster any more energy to discuss research projects and analytical techniques. She wanted nothing more than to be at home, holding her wife. Instead she headed to her room, drew a bath and went to bed early. Her sleep was marred by nightmares of her own.

* * *

The next day, Gail woke about 15 minutes before her alarm went off. She rolled out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. After she showered and put on her uniform, she went downstairs to get some breakfast. As she was crossing the living room, she caught her toe on the leg of an armchair. She tripped forward until she caught herself on the kitchen counter. The blonde started muttering curse words under her breath, standing on one foot and squinting her eyes against the pain. After a couple of minutes, Gail let out a breath and walked over to get cereal down from the top of the fridge. As she poured the cereal with one hand, she reached into her pocket and hit the speed dial on her phone with the other. It was very early in Vancouver, but Gail knew her wife would be up early in anticipation of her presentation.

"Good morning, beautiful." Gail could hear the smile in Holly's voice.

"Holly, I have to tell you something." Gail stifled a laugh and waited for her wife to respond.

Holly, who had been in the middle of pulling up a stocking, froze with fear. "What? Is something wrong? Did something happen?"

"I stubbed my toe." Gail smiled broadly.

Holly closed her eyes and let out a breath. "Oh my god, Gail. That is not funny. You scared me."

The blonde chuckled and took a bite of her cereal. She mumbled while chewing. "Hey, you said you wanted to know everything that happened. I was just following orders."

"Nice, Gail. You know what I meant."

"Well maybe you should have been more specific."

"Ok, well how was the rest of your night? Any more nightmares?"

Gail brushed by the subject quickly, not wanting to stir up the fear she had felt the night before. "Nope. Just the one. Slept like a baby after that. How was the rest of your party?"

"Oh I didn't go back. I just took a bath and went to bed early. I wasn't really in the mood to party."

Gail tilted her head to the side. "I'm sorry I ruined your night."

"Hey! You did NOT ruin my night and I don't want to hear you talk like that. Besides I just wanted to get back to my room so I could snuggle with my Lunchbox pillow."

Gail feigned annoyance. "Is that where my favorite sweatshirt went?"

"Feel sorry for me because I miss you?" Holly tried to act a little ashamed even though she didn't feel it.

"Yeah, yeah. I will give you a pass because I smell so good. Are you ready for your presentation today? Stupid question. Of course, you're ready. You're Lunchbox, Sultan of nerds."

Holly laughed and stood up to find her jacket. "Yes, I'm prepared. I always get a little nervous at these because there are so many people."

"Whatever, you don't need to be nervous. The nerds can't resist you."

"Well thank you for that vote of confidence, honey. But remember I normally work with dead people."

"Meh. Irrelevant. You're gonna crush it."

"Well thank you. I actually need to leave so I have time to look over my notes one more time."

"Alright well, text me after to tell me how awesome you were."

"I will. Be safe today. And call me later."

"Of course. I love you."

"I love you too, sweetie."

* * *

Gail had been paired with Dov for the day. The two had been manning a speed trap for a couple of hours and Gail was not happy about it. She hated working on Saturdays.

"I'm officially over this. I'm so tired of idiots pretending they didn't know they were going 20 miles over the speed limit."

"Well, I never get tired of classic police work. We are bringing order to the city." Dov pointed the radar at a passing car.

"Oh my god. You will never stop being a boy scout." Gail shook her head and pulled her phone out of her pocket. She saw that she had a couple of texts from Holly

 **Lunchbox:** Well the presentation went well. What are you up to?

 **Lunchbox:** I know you're at work, but text me when you can.

Gail smiled and typed out a response.

 **Wife:** Something happened on shift today.

 **Lunchbox:** What? Was it bad? Are you okay?

 **Wife:** I got a vicious paper cut today. A band-aid was required.

 **Lunchbox:**  …

 **Wife:**  :D

 **Lunchbox:**  You're killing me.

 **Wife:**  Just trying to keep you up-to-date

 **Lunchbox:**  Alright, I'm moving on. What's your assignment today?

 **Wife:**  Hell. Otherwise known as speed traps.

 **Lunchbox:**  Must be your punishment for torturing me.

 **Wife:**  Ugh. I can't believe you wish misery on your vulnerable pregnant wife.

 **Lunchbox:**  You know I love you. And you know how I feel about speed traps.

 **Wife:** Yeah, yeah. If you didn't love me so much, you'd marry them cause they are the safest assignment outside of the front desk and booking.

 **Lunchbox:**  I'm sorry you are miserable, but I'm not sorry you're safer.

 **Wife:**  Well I'm not surprised your presentation was boss cause you're the bossest nerd. Dov just snagged an idiot though so I gotta run. Love you.

 **Lunchbox:**  I love you too!

After a couple more hours of issuing speeding tickets, Dov and Gail picked up lunch. The blonde made a quick call to Holly before going back out for a couple more hours of patrol. The two had just finished investigating a report of a suspicious vehicle (which turned out to be nothing) when Dov got a call on his cell phone. Gail could, of course, only hear Dov's side of the conversation.

"Hey Oliver, what can I do for you? Yeah she's driving, want me to give her a message. Sure I understand, we'll head back now." Dov hung up the phone and turned to Gail. "Oliver wants us to head back to the station. He said there's something he needs to talk to you about. And he said to tell you that no one is hurt and no one died. He didn't want you to freak out."

Gail's mind started to race. "Well if no one died, why the hell do we need to go back to the station?"

"No clue. Maybe you're in trouble."

"For what? Making bitchy faces at people who think they can get away with driving 80 miles an hour?"

"I really don't know, Gail. He just said we needed to come back now."

Gail turned around at the nearest intersection. She had no clue what was going on. If she hadn't just talked to Holly, she might have worried that something had happened to her. Oliver said no one was hurt so it couldn't be her parents or brother. The blonde's curiosity and annoyance was sky high by the time she got to Oliver's office. She didn't understand why Oliver couldn't have just told her whatever this was over the phone.

"Peck, have a seat." He motioned to the chair across from his desk. Oliver was the only one that didn't get corrected when he used Gail's maiden name instead of her married name.

"Staff Sergeant, did I do something wrong?" Gail clasped her hands together and started twiddling her thumbs

"No, darlin'. You're a good cop." Gail relaxed a little in her seat. "I'm not going to beat around the bush though. I do have some bad news. I got a call a little while ago that Ross Perik never made it to the prison they were transferring him to."

Gail could feel her heartbeat start to speed up. She brought her hands up to clutch the arms of the chair.

"Now we don't know that he escaped. They know that he left the facility he had been in, but he didn't show up with the other prisoners who arrived at the new facility. It could just be one huge mistake. But until we find out, I'm assigning a detail to stay with you at all times. We will find him, Gail."

Gail's vision began to swim slightly. She felt as if ice was slowly making its way through her veins. Her nightmares were coming true. "I have to call Holly."

"Gail, I can call Holly if you need to take some time. Remember that this might all turn out to be nothing. And none of us are going to let anything happen to you."

Gail was already rising from her chair. "I know, Oliver. But I have to be the one who calls her. It has to be me."


	9. Chapter 9

Gail barely registered anything else Oliver said. She quickly made her way to the locker room and closed herself in a bathroom stall. She sat down and propped her elbows on her knees, holding her face in her hands. In order to try to get control of her thoughts, the blonde took long slow breaths while reminding herself she was completely safe. She was in a police station, surrounded by cops. Her closest friends and family would soon find out what was happening and wouldn't let her out of their sight. And Perik might not even be out. It could be a clerical error. Those things happened and usually turned out fine.

Once Gail felt more in control of her emotions and was sure she could talk without her voice shaking, she pulled out her cell phone and hit the button to call Holly. The brunette picked up immediately.

"Hey honey, how was the afternoon? Are you off already?"

"Holly, hey, what are you doing right now?" Gail tried to sound as normal as possible.

"I'm actually driving to a luncheon that the conference organizers are providing for all the speakers." Gail could hear the sounds of traffic in the background of the call.

"Holly, I have to tell you something, but I need you to stay calm and pull over."

Holly scoffed. "Very funny, Gail. I'm not falling for that again. What did you do this time, get a hangnail?"

Gail shook her head. "I'm not joking this time, Holly. I really do have to tell you something."

Holly couldn't believe her wife was sticking with this ruse. "Honey, I may be gullible, but I'm not that gullible."

"Holly, you have to listen to me. I know that it's hard to believe what I'm saying because I've been teasing you, but I promise you I am telling the truth. I have to tell you something and it's a big deal."

"Gail. This isn't funny." Holly's voice had turned serious. She was no longer amused.

"I'm really not trying to be funny. Please just pull the car over." The blonde tried to keep her voice even and calm despite feeling frustrated. She knew if she raised her voice, it would escalate the emotion of the conversation and there would be no turning back.

Panic started to seep into the brunette's mind. She clenched the steering wheel. "What happened? Are you hurt? Did something happen to the baby?"

"Did you pull over? You can't be driving when I tell you this, Holly. I just…I need you to pull over." Gail brought one hand up to her face, bracing herself to deliver the bad news.

"Gail, you're scaring me. Please just tell me what's happening." Holly sounded desperate now. She put on her turn signal so she could turn into the nearest parking lot.

"Baby, I swear I'm going to tell you just as soon as I know you aren't driving."

"I just pulled over. I'm in a parking lot. Now tell me what's going on, Gail." The doctor gripped the steering wheel, trying to brace herself for whatever was coming next.

"Ok, don't freak out because we don't know exactly what happened yet. We found out that Perik left the prison he had been at, but he never made it to the facility he was being transferred to. They don't know where he is." Gail held her breath, waiting for her wife's inevitable outburst.

Holly's eyes opened wide, but she didn't make a sound. She was too horrified to speak.

When Holly didn't answer, Gail just kept talking, trying to fill the silence with comforting words. "They don't know that he escaped. All we know is that he left one prison, but he never showed up at the prison he was being transferred to. But it could just be a mistake. It doesn't necessarily mean he's out."

Holly still didn't say anything. Her heart was racing and she was finding it difficult to breath.

"Holly? I'm safe. He's not going to get to me," she said. "Please say something." At the moment, the cop felt more concern for her wife than for her own wellbeing. Screaming and crying she could handle, but the silence was unnerving her.

Holly moved her glasses to the top of her head and put a hand over her eyes. She blurted out, "Where are you?"

Taken aback by the seemingly unimportant question, Gail answered hesitantly. "I'm at the station. Holly, I…"

Holly quickly interrupted. "Don't leave the station. I don't want you to leave."

"Baby, I'm not going back out today. And Oliver already assigned units to follow me when I go home."

Holly's voice raised an octave and clearly betrayed the panic she felt. "No! You can't go home. You're safer at the station. I want you to stay at the station."

"Ok, I won't leave. But listen, it's going to be fine." The cop knew trying to convince her wife that this was no big deal was mostly pointless, but she tried anyway.

"This isn't fine, Gail. Nothing about this is fine." Holly let out a long breath. "I'm coming home. I am going to call the concierge at my hotel and ask them to book the first flight back."

Gail sighed and replied timidly. "Holly, you don't have to do that. We don't even know if he's out."

Holly's response was immediate, her words spilling out rapidly. "Gail? I know you aren't trying to convince me to stay on the other side of the country when there is even a small possibility that the psycho who assaulted, kidnapped, drugged and intended to  _kill_  my now  _pregnant_  wife has escaped from prison with the possible goal of picking up where he left off. How does this even happen? How do you lose a deranged serial killer? I shouldn't have ever left. I didn't feel right about it and I let you convince me."

Gail was not offended by this jab. She knew her wife was just trying to hold it together however she could. Right now, anger was the tactic she had chosen. "Hey, that's not fair. There's no way I could have known this would happen."

The doctor took a deep breath. Blaming her wife was not going to make either one of them feel better. "Ugh. I know." She brought a hand up to her forehead. "I'm sorry, honey. I know it's not your fault. I am just genuinely freaking out right now. When I think about what he did to you…"

Gail cut her off. "Don't think about that, Holly. Nothing is going to happen. He's not going to get to me. This time, the entire Toronto police force knows about him."

Holly shook her head. "I know. I'm trying to stay calm. I really am, but you're pregnant and I'm on the other side of the country. I just…I can't lose you, Gail."

"Holly. You are not going to lose me, ok? We don't even know that Perik is out. This could all amount to absolutely nothing."

Holly paused and tried to focus on her wife's confidence, willing herself to soak some of it up. "Ok. But I'm coming back. I need to be there with you." Suddenly, something dawned on the doctor. "Oh my god, I haven't even asked how you are feeling? I'm so sorry, love. You must be so scared."

"It's ok. I knew you would be freaked. But I'm doing ok. I was shocked at first, but I'm alright. My idiot friends aren't going to let me out of their sights for a second. There's no way Perik can get to me. And again, we don't even know if he's out."

"Well, I'm glad you are feeling ok about it. But you know you can tell me if you're afraid. You don't have to put up a front with me."

"I know. I really am ok right now. We don't know anything definitive yet so I'm not going to worry until I know there is something to worry about." Gail thought to herself that this wasn't entirely true. She was really worried about her wife at the moment.

"Ok, well just know you can talk to me." She said and then paused. "Ok so I'm going to drive back to the hotel and call the concierge on the way. I will call you back as soon as I know what flight I'm on." Holly put her key in the ignition and started the car.

There was no point in trying to convince Holly not to come home. The blonde knew her wife would not be deterred. "Ok just let me know what time you get here so I can come pick you up from the airport."

Holly nearly shouted her response. "No! Gail, I don't want you to leave the station. Send someone else to pick me up."

"Holly, I can't live at the station forever. And I want to pick you up." Gail was whining now.

Holly felt tears begin to prick her eyes. "Gail. Please. Just please stay there until I get back. I know it's not logical, but I just don't want you to go anywhere until I'm there. I just…please. Honey, I need to know you are safe."

Gail could not maintain her argument when she could tell that her wife was starting to cry. "Holly, don't cry. I will stay here if it will keep you from crying. And please don't freak out. I know you're worried, but just remember that we don't know anything conclusive yet."

Holly cleared her throat, but her voice still sounded nasally when she spoke. "I'm trying to focus on that, but even the possibility is terrifying." Holly took a deep breath before continuing. "Ok, I am heading to the hotel now. I will call you back in a bit. And Gail?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you. So much. Please be careful."

"I will. I love you too. Talk to you soon." Gail hung up the phone and took a deep breath. After taking a few moments to calm her thoughts, she headed back out into the chaos.

* * *

The next hour had been torturous. Dov was hovering around like she might crack at any moment, Holly had texted her three times to see if there had been any news and she still needed to complete her paperwork from her shift that day. She was trying to concentrate on the last of her reports when Steve and Traci came rushing over.

"Gail. Hey, I just heard. Are you ok?" Steve sat on the corner of a nearby desk. Traci sat in the chair.

Gail looked up from her paperwork. "Yeah, I'm fine. We don't even know anything yet. I mean he might not even be out."

"How did Holly take it?" Traci had a concerned look on her face.

"About as well as I expected. She made me promise not to leave the station and she's getting the first flight back."

"Well, I don't really blame her. But you can tell her that we are going to stay with you until this all gets sorted out." Traci said.

Gail shook her head. "That's not necessary, guys. I mean, I'm sure Dov and Chris will volunteer to be my detail."

"You're stuck with us little sister. Get used to it." Steve left no room for argument.

"Thanks guys." Gail turned toward Traci. "How are you? This can't be easy for you either?"

"I am trying not to freak out that Jerry's killer might be on the loose until we know for sure that he's out." She said.

Just as she was about to respond, Gail's phone rang.

"Oh, hang on, it's Holly. She's supposed to tell me what flight she's on." Gail hit the button to answer the call. "Hey, Lunchbox."

"Hi, honey. Has there been any word yet?" Holly's voice was low and scratchy and Gail noticed.

"Nothing yet. Are you ok?" She turned her chair away from Steve and Traci.

Holly had been trying to control her tears, but she couldn't hold it in any longer. "Umm…they didn't…I couldn't get a flight until tomorrow morning. There was nothing left." Gail could hear her wife's gasping sobs.

"Holly, it's ok. Everything is fine here. I am safe. Steve and Traci are here and Dov is hovering around, ready to do anything I tell him to. He would probably rub my feet and buy me cheese puffs if I just made a pouty face." Gail was trying to keep the conversation light. She hated when Holly cried. "I know you're upset, but I'm going to be ok."

"I just want to be there. I don't want to be away from you for another night. Especially not tonight. Maybe I can rent a car."

Gail smiled out of sympathy. "Baby, it takes days to drive across country. The flight tomorrow will get you here earlier than a car."

"Ugh, I know. I just hate it. I need to be with you." The brunette was still sniffling.

"And you will be. You will be here tomorrow morning. It will be here before you know it."

"Not soon enough." Holly said. "Listen, I know I made you promise to stay at the station until I got there, but now I won't be there until tomorrow and I know you don't want to sleep there. It's not comfortable and you need your rest. But if you go home, someone is going to stay with you right? And they will post someone outside?"

"Yes, baby. Traci and Steve will stay at our place tonight." Gail turned back around and raised her eyebrows at the couple to make sure what she was saying was true. When they both nodded, the blonde continued. "Oliver assigned a detail to follow me and they will be stationed outside. I'm sure Dov and Chris will volunteer for that. There's no way anything will happen. I will be fine."

"And you're not going to go out by yourself, right? To like prove a point or something?" The doctor knew she sounded ridiculous but she couldn't help it.

Normally Gail would respond with a snarky comment, but now was not the time. "Holly, I don't have a point to prove. I will be smart."

"I know. I'm sorry." Holly squeaked out. "I just…I don't think I have ever been this scared, Gail. Even when you were on undercover assignments and I didn't know what was going on. I feel like I haven't been able to take more than a shallow breath since you told me and I can't think straight."

Gail's heart constricted. She hated that her wife was so upset. But she knew she could do nothing more than repeat the same reassuring words. "I know. But I'm safe and you will be here tomorrow. Everything is going to be ok."

"I'm not going to believe that until I'm there with you." Holly used her free hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"I know. And you will be soon." Gail said. "Listen, I need to finish my paperwork so I can get home. I'd rather be there before it starts getting dark. Are you going to be ok?"

"Not really, but I will survive. Please call me when you leave the station and when you get home. And call me tonight after you have dinner. And call me if you find out anything. Just call me ok?" Holly felt anxious about getting off the phone again.

"I will, I promise. Ok, I love you. Try not to drive yourself crazy with worry. I want you back in one piece."

"Yeah, I can't make that promise, honey. I love you though. So much. Please be careful."

Gail promised she would do everything she could to stay safe and then ended the call. Steve and Traci had enough tact to look like they hadn't been listening. Shortly after Gail finished her paperwork, the rest of her friends began calling, having heard from Dov and Traci what was happening. They all asked how she was doing and if she needed anything. But truthfully, Gail just wanted to go home and pretend like everything was fine. She refused to let the possibility of Perik being out make her anxious. She was a badass. And her friends and brother were badasses. They could handle this.

Just as she thought they would, Dov and Chris had volunteered to be her detail. After a quick call to Holly, Gail rode home with Steve while Traci followed them in Gail's car. Steve knew better than to try to talk to Gail about how she felt so he just put some music on the radio and let Gail look out the passenger-side window.

When they got to the house, Steve, Traci and Gail ordered Chinese food and let "Friends" play on Netflix while they ate. Steve took the leftovers out to the boys in the squad and Gail decided she would just go to bed early. She made up the guest bedroom for Traci and then brought a pillow and blanket to Steve (she knew he would sleep on the couch so he could watch the doors.)

Gail headed upstairs and took a long, hot shower before she climbed into bed wearing one of Holly's hockey jerseys. As strong as she was trying to be for her worried wife, there was nothing Gail wanted more than for Holly to hold her.

Just as she was about to call her wife, Gail's phone rang, the caller ID indicating it was Oliver.

"Tell me something good, Oliver." Gail nervously picked at the comforter.

"I'm afraid I only have bad news, darlin'. Perik got out." Gail let out a heavy breath and brought her hand up to her forehead. "It was a perfect storm of circumstances. Apparently, he was in a holding area, awaiting transfer. There were other inmates there, including a couple who were being released. A mentally-ill inmate who was getting out had a panic attack and was taken to the infirmary by the guards. Shortly after, that inmate's name was called to be released. Apparently the guards hadn't communicated who they took to the infirmary because the correctional officer in charge of discharging prisoners was unaware of anything happening. This guy is new so when he called the name of the inmate who was getting out, Perik walked up and convinced him he didn't look like the intake picture because he had shaved his beard. Apparently, the two share quite a resemblance otherwise. It wasn't until the transfer vehicle arrived a couple of hours later that they realized Perik was missing."

Gail spoke through gritted teeth; the anger she felt was palpable. "How does that happen, Ollie? How does a serial killer just stroll out of a prison, pretending to be someone else?"

"I don't know, darlin'. But they have sent his name and picture to every bus station and airport within a 100 mile radius. Local PD's have been alerted and are driving main roads in case he is walking toward nearby major cities. They will find him. In the meantime, I'm going to add another detail to the front of your place. There's no way he will get anywhere near you."

"Oliver, how am I going to tell Holly? She couldn't get a flight back until tomorrow. She is going to lose it. Maybe she shouldn't come back. I don't want her to be in danger too." Gail's mind started spinning. She still could only think of her wife, paying little attention to her own safety.

"I think you and I both know that nothing is going to keep Dr. Stewart from getting back to you as soon as possible. Are you alright? Need anything from me before I update everyone?"

"No, I'm ok. I know they'll catch him. I'm just worried about Holly." Gail pulled off the covers and walked into the bathroom.

"She'll be ok as long as you're ok and I'm gonna make sure you're ok." Oliver left no room for doubt that he took his responsibility to protect one of his own very seriously.

"Yeah. Thanks, Ollie. I'm going to call her now. Keep me updated." When Gail hung up the phone, she rubbed her eyebrows with her thumb and forefinger, trying to think of how she would possibly comfort her wife. She turned on the tap and splashed water on her face. It was imperative that she was calm when she talked to her wife. If she seemed freaked out, there's no telling what Holly would do. Gail dried her face off, took a series of long, slow breaths and then returned to the bedroom with her phone. She sat on the edge of the bed and reassured herself that she was safe. If she didn't believe it, she would never get Holly to believe it. After a few more deep breaths, Gail hit the button to dial her wife.

Holly picked up right away, already sounding like she was on the verge of tears. "Gail? How are you? Are you ok?"

"Hey, I'm ok. I'm in bed. Traci is in the guest room and Steve is sleeping on the couch. Well he probably won't sleep, but he's down there. Chris and Dov are still out front. I'm safe." Gail knew she was beating around the bush, but she was having a hard time figuring out how to bring the bad news up.

While Holly was glad to hear her wife was still safe, she was desperate to hear any recent news. When she asked her next questions, she sounded a little unhinged, like she was barely holding on to her sanity. "Do they know anything yet? Are there any updates?"

Gail winced. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't delay this any longer. "Yeah, actually. Oliver just called me. We got some new information. But I want you to remember what I just told you. I'm safe. There are a lot of cops here right now making sure nothing happens to me."

Holly felt like her heart was filling with ice water. "Oh god. He's out isn't he? Just tell me."

Gail closed her eyes and said the thing she never thought she'd say. "Yeah. He got out."

Holly couldn't breathe. In fact, she thought she might pass out. Her vision clouded over and she felt like she might throw up. This couldn't be happening. The doctor started crying and gasping for air.

"Holly, I know you're freaking out, but listen, I'm safe right now. There is no way Perik can get anywhere close to me. He doesn't have any resources and every cop in a 100 mile radius has his picture. They have an alert out at the bus stations and airports. They will find him."

Holly had heard what Gail was saying, but she couldn't respond. She felt like her blood had been replaced with fear and it was now rushing through every vein in her body. Her lungs could no longer expand like they were supposed to. The weight on her chest was going to crush her at any moment.

Gail could tell that Holly was losing control. If she didn't bring her around soon, she was going to descend into a full-fledged panic attack. "Holly, listen to me. You have to breathe. Take long slow breaths. Concentrate on what I'm saying. I am safe right now. I am here and I'm safe. Nothing has happened to me. Traci and Steve are here. Chris and Dov are out front. Oliver ordered another squad to sit out front with them. Please, baby, you have to calm down. I need you to calm down." Gail was trying to hold it together, but if Holly didn't come around soon, she wasn't sure she wouldn't lose it too.

Holly was forcing herself to think about the facts and not the possibilities. Her imagination was dangerous. She needed to focus on the fact that Gail was safe. She had cops all around her. Everyone was looking for Perik. She could feel her breathing beginning to return to normal and her heartbeat beginning to slow.

"Holly, please, I need to stay calm for the baby." She felt no shame in mentioning their unborn child in order to soothe her wife. She was willing to pull out all the stops at this point. "And in order to stay calm, I need you to be calm. Because hearing you cry is going to cause the hormones to kick in and then I'm going to start crying." Gail's voice broke a little. "And if I start crying, it's going to be ugly and could turn into a panic attack and we both know that isn't good for the baby. Not to mention, you will only be more upset because you're on the other side of the country and…"

Holly had heard when Gail's voice took a turn. While she started out calm, the more she talked about crying, the quicker her words came out. The panic that Gail had been keeping at bay was inching its way to the surface and Holly couldn't let that happen.

"Ok sweetie, listen, I'm calm now. Please don't have a panic attack. Just keep breathing. And you're right. You are safe and surrounded by people who will do anything to protect you. I'm sorry I lost it. I know that's not what you need." Holly was starting to feel guilty. Gail shouldn't be the one having to provide comfort and reassurance in this situation.

"It's ok, Lunchbox. I know you're scared. And I hate that you aren't here. When Oliver told me, the only thing I wanted was for you to hold me." Gail hated admitting things like that out loud. Even after years of marriage, it still made her feel vulnerable, which in turn made her feel weak.

"Ugh, there is nothing I want more than that, my love. I want to be there more than anything I have ever wanted. This is a nightmare." Holly was being honest, but she refused to let herself sink into despair again. Gail needed her to be strong.

"Yeah tell me about it. Apparently my dreams are prophetic," Gail huffed out casually.

Holly's response was severe. "No,  _don't_  say that. Because in your dreams, that monster gets to you and that's not going to happen. I am going to be home tomorrow and he will have to go through me before he can get anywhere near you."

Gail closed her eyes and shook her head. "Ok, but you don't say  _that_ , Holly. I don't want Perik anywhere near you. I don't even want him to know you exist. In fact, maybe you should stay there. At least until they catch him. You are safer in Vancouver."

"That is not happening. There is no way in hell I would stay on the other side of the country while this is going on." The brunette didn't sound angry, just very certain of her position.

"But Holly, what if…" Gail started. Her mind had started to spin with the possibilities.

Holly shook her head. "No. Absolutely not. I am going to be with you, Gail. You're my wife and you're carrying my baby. This is not a discussion we are having."

"Ok, but if you think that I would let Perik hurt you before I got in his way…he isn't going to touch you. Ever. No matter what that means for me and my safety." The thought of Perik laying even a single finger on Holly had turned Gail's stomach. She needed to be clear that she would do whatever it took to keep her wife safe.

Holly's sigh was laced with anxiety. "Gail, that's not…let's not talk about anything regarding your safety unless it involves you being surrounded by cops and Perik nowhere near you. I'm not going to be able to sleep as it is."

"I'm sorry. I just have to keep you safe from him. I have to protect my family." Gail had to make it clear that no one was going to touch Holly.

"Ok but Gail, you are pregnant. It's more than just me. The baby is part of our family now. The baby can't protect herself; you have to stay safe for the baby. I can protect myself." Holly was desperate to make Gail understand.

"Holly, you can't ask me to not protect you. I know I'm pregnant but you're my wife. I am not going to let anyone hurt you."

Holly scrubbed her face with her free hand. "Ok, we have to stop talking about this because I am already filled to the brim with panic and this conversation is not helping."

Gail sighed. "I know, I'm sorry."

"It's ok. You don't need to apologize. I just don't want to think about anything happening to you or the baby. Or me for that matter. I can't think about that." Holly took a deep breath, attempting to keep her pulse steady.

"Ok so let's not think about it. Let's talk about something else." Gail said.

"Ok, so what else should we talk about? I'll admit I'm having a hard time thinking of anything else."

Gail paused for a couple of seconds while she considered. "Girl or boy?"

Holly smiled the tiniest bit. "What?"

Gail's voice took on a teasing tone. "Girl or boy, Lunchbox? What do your nerd instincts tell you? And don't tell me that you just want the baby to be healthy because that's a cop out."

Holly welcomed the distraction. Talking about the baby was possibly the only thing that could take her mind off her dread for even a few minutes. "Ok well I do want the baby to be healthy. That's all I care about. But if I had to predict boy or girl, I would say girl."

"Nope. Wrong answer. It's a boy." Gail moved to get under the covers.

Holly chuckled. "Oh really? And you know this how?"

"I just know, Lunchbox. I can feel it." Gail quipped.

Holly practically shouted her response. "You felt the baby move?!"

"What? No. It's too early for that, Lunchbox. I thought you were a genius?"

"Oh, right. I just got excited. I can't wait for when you get bigger and I can feel the baby moving." The look on Holly's face was whimsical.

Gail scrunched up her face. "I do not look forward to that. It's going to feel like an alien is nesting inside of me."

"Lovely image. Remind me again why you wanted to get pregnant?" Holly asked.

"For the cheese puffs, Holly. Being pregnant means I can eat cheese puffs at any time of day and blame it on a craving. Also I really love throwing up every morning and being exhausted by two pm every day." The return of Gail's sarcasm was welcomed by both women.

"I see. Well, I love that you are pregnant. Except for the fact that I live in a constant state of terror about your well-being." Holly's brow furrowed.

"Alright, well let's not go back to that subject. Anyway, I am so tired. I really need to go to sleep." Gail had already pulled the covers up to nearly her nose.

"Ok. Will you call me in the morning? As soon as you wake up. And call me if you have a nightmare." Holly said. "And if you get any updates, don't wait until morning to call me. I want to know as soon as you know."

"I promise I will call you as soon as I know anything. And I will call you in the morning too. And I'm sure I will be calling you in a couple of hours when I wake up terrified." Gail continued to use humor to tamp down the fear in her gut.

Holly closed her eyes. "Ugh, Gail. I don't like that. I need it to be tomorrow. I want to be with you."

"I know. Me too. But you will be here soon." Gail was already closing her eyes.

"Still not soon enough." Holly said. "Ok, love, get some rest. I will talk to you soon. Call if you need anything. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Lunchbox." Gail's voice drifted off with the mention of the nickname as her body gave into exhaustion.

Before she hung up, Holly took a few minutes to listen to the sounds of her wife sleeping. She allowed Gail's steady breathing to reassure her that her wife was safe and would still be so in the morning. Despite her best efforts, she knew it was going to be a long night.


	10. Chapter 10

That night was far from peaceful for either woman. Holly found that she was too tense to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she imagined all the horrific ways that Perik could hurt her wife. Gail had fallen asleep, but had been jolted awake, three times, from nightmares. She called Holly each time, finally breaking down into tears after the third one, more from exhaustion than from the content of the dreams. Hearing her overtired wife cry had only caused Holly to join her. She desperately wanted to be able to hold and soothe Gail. It was too much to hear the anguish through the phone and not be able to do more than offer comforting words.

After Holly had gotten Gail to calm down and go back to sleep after the third phone call, she packed up her belongings and called for a cab. There was no use in pretending she would get any sleep and at least leaving the hotel for the airport would make her feel like she was one step closer to her wife. After much pleading to be allowed to pick up her wife and staunch refusal from Holly, Gail had conceded that Traci alone would pick her up from the airport. When the time came to board the plane, Holly was relieved. She felt like ages had passed since Gail had first told her about Perik's escape. She was desperate to be near her wife. To see for herself that Gail was ok and to try to discern how Gail was really doing. She knew that Gail was putting up a strong front, trying to express her confidence that Perik would be found. But Holly also knew that when it came to Perik, Gail was fragile. She had a feeling that her wife was going to reach a breaking point and she needed to be there when that happened.

Despite the nagging worry that she felt, Holly had drifted off during the flight, her need for sleep finally overriding her overactive imagination. When the plane finally landed in Toronto, Holly felt part of the weight on her chest lift. She wouldn't feel completely relaxed until Perik was back in jail, but at least she was home. As she exited the terminal, she saw Traci standing near the baggage claim with two cups of coffee in her hands.

"Hey Holly, you look about as exhausted as I feel. I thought you might need a little caffeine to deal with today." Traci handed over one of the cups.

Holly took a long drink from her cup and sighed. "Thanks, Traci. I am exhausted. I didn't sleep at all last night. Gail called me three times because of nightmares and I was too upset to fall asleep between the calls."

"Yeah, I grabbed a couple of hours, but I don't think Steve slept any either. He was too obsessed with watching the doors and windows." Holly handed Traci her cup so she could retrieve her bag from the conveyor.

"I honestly can't say I'm sad about that." Holly said. "So how has she been, Traci? The truth." The doctor directed her pensive face toward the detective.

Traci took a deep breath. "She's doing ok. Or at least she seems to be doing ok. You know how she feels like she has to be strong for everyone. She didn't talk very much last night and she went to bed early. She didn't even come down to talk to us after she found out that he had really escaped. I think you're the only one who is going to be able to see if she is more rattled than she is letting on."

"Yeah, I'm worried that she is trying so hard to hold it together when what she really needs is to just feel what she feels. I mean this is terrifying. I am genuinely terrified. And I think she knows that so she's trying to stay strong for me. But I should be the one who is supporting her through this, not the other way around."

The two women had reached Traci's car and paused their conversation to load Holly's bag and get in their seats. "Well, that's just Gail. After she was kidnapped, she just kept telling me that she wanted to do something for me. I know she felt guilty that Jerry died, but that's also just how Gail is. She copes with tragedy by focusing on others."

"I love her for that. I just want to be able to take care of her during all of this." Holly said. "Also, how are you feeling? This must be difficult for you too?" Holly reached over and squeezed Traci's upper arm.

"I'm ok. I mean I am angry at the possibility of Jerry's killer being free forever and I'm worried for Gail, but Perik never really knew about me so I'm not in any danger."

"Well, I'm glad for that, at least. I just have to keep believing that they will catch him. Otherwise I will lose my mind with worry. How would I ever let her leave the house again?" Holly laughed nervously and looked down at her fidgeting hands.

"They will catch him, Holly." Traci reached over and patted Holly on the knee. "They have to."

* * *

The next 20 minutes in the car was silent, both women lost in their own thoughts. As they pulled into Holly and Gail's neighborhood, Holly felt like she might burst with the need to see her wife. At the end of their street, the doctor had turned to Traci and said, "I'll come back for my bag." Traci simply nodded, not feeling the need to tell her she would bring the bag in herself.

The doctor had her seatbelt unbuckled and was opening the door before the car came to a complete stop. She jogged up to the door and used her key to get in. Once inside, she threw her purse and keys on the table and didn't bother to close the door (she knew Traci was right behind her.) She saw Steve in the kitchen making coffee and instead of greeting him, she just said, "Where is she?"

"She's still sleeping." Steve wasn't offended by the lack of pleasantries. He understood what Holly was feeling.

Holly took the stairs two at a time, only slowing down as she reached the door to her bedroom. She slowly opened the door, not wanting to startle her wife if she was still sleeping. She found the blonde still bundled under the covers, her face paler than usual and puffy bags under her eyes. She could still see the evidence of the brutal weeping from the previous night. Gail was hugging a pillow and her face was scrunched up. Holly walked over to the empty side of the bed and climbed in gently. She got right behind the blonde and wrapped her arms around her, the flat of her palm landing on Gail's stomach. Holly carefully buried her nose in Gail's neck and breathed in the familiar scent. She allowed the closeness to ease some of the tension she had been carrying since that first terrible phone call. Her eyes began to water with relief.

Gail began to stir and mumble a bit so Holly whispered in her ear, "Sweetie, I'm here. It's ok, you're safe." Her voice was thick with emotion.

The blonde felt like she was emerging from a fog. She registered the arms around her and the hand on her stomach. She heard Holly's voice and prayed it wasn't a dream. She croaked out, "Lunchbox?"

"Yes, my love. I'm here now." Holly kissed Gail's temple.

As soon as Gail realized that her wife was truly home, she spun around and buried her nose in Holly's chest, clutching to her desperately. Gail could not hold back the hot tears that spilled from her eyes. She was so relieved to finally be in her wife's arms. "I'm so glad you're home."

"Me too, honey. You have no idea how happy I am to hold you." Holly rubbed her hands up and down Gail's back. "Are you ok?"

Gail started to shake with emotion. "I'm so tired, Holly."

"I know, baby. Why don't you go back to sleep, get some more rest. You and the baby need it." Holly reached her hand back down to rub Gail's abdomen.

"Yeah. The baby misses you. He is making my stomach feel funny." Gail still sounded like she was half asleep.

Holly tensed and stopped rubbing her hand on Gail's stomach. She started asking a rapid series of questions. "What do you mean? What feels funny? Like you're nauseous? Or are you in pain?"

"I'm ok. I just feel a little off. I'm just so tired, Lunchbox." Gail reached down and grabbed Holly's hand, moving it up and down to get her wife to continue her movements.

"Ok, why don't I get you some water before you go back to sleep? You might be dehydrated." Holly made a movement like she was going to get up from the bed.

Gail pulled her wife back down and clenched the fabric of her shirt. "Don't leave."

Holly put her hand on the back of Gail's head and moved her fingers through the blonde's hair soothingly. "Sweetheart, I'm not leaving. I was only going to the bathroom. Trust me, I am not going to let you out of my sight any time soon."

"Just…stay. Please. I'm not thirsty. I just want to sleep. Will you stay with me?" Gail rarely sounded this vulnerable.

"Of course I will." Holly said. "I am here for anything you need." Holly used her feet to slip off her shoes and then climbed under the covers. Gail lay on her back and opened her arms. Holly put her head in the space between Gail's chin and chest. She brought her hand up to her wife's stomach and again started massaging the tiny hard bump. She felt some of her anxiety ease, allowing herself to be comforted by the feeling of Gail safe in her arms.

Gail mumbled, "I missed you, Lunchbox."

The doctor sighed. "I missed you more, sweetie. Get some rest. I will be here." Holly felt Gail's body relax and heard her breathing deepen. Despite her own exhaustion, Holly stayed awake for a little while longer, breathing in her wife's scent, slipping her fingers under Gail's shirt to feel her soft skin. She was just so happy to be home and to have her wife safe in her arms. She wanted to savor it just a little longer before she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Several hours later, Gail jolted awake, sitting up abruptly. Having been thrown off her wife when she sat up, Holly woke up and rubbed her face. When she saw Gail hunched over, Holly sat up and placed her hand on the blonde's back. "Are you okay, honey? Another nightmare?"

"Yeah. The baby." Gail had her hand on her stomach.

"What about the baby? Are you feeling ok? Or was the baby in your dream?" Holly was trying not to panic, but the vagueness of Gail's statement was causing her imagination to fill in the blanks.

"Perik took the baby. He took the baby." Gail was taking heavy breaths and her words were coming out in spurts.

"Ok, listen. The baby is safe. You are safe. Perik is not going to get to you or the baby. Steve, Traci and all your other friends are not going to let him anywhere near you. Not to mention me. Just take some deep breaths," Holly had grabbed Gail's free hand and was rubbing the back of it with her thumb.

Gail tried to regulate her breathing and allowed herself to come out of the haze. A thought struck her and she turned to look at Holly with an expression of terror on her face. "Holly, what if Perik gets to me? What if he finds out I'm pregnant?"

Holly grabbed Gail's cheek and wiped away tears with her thumb. "Ok, Gail? Listen to me. That is  _not_  going to happen. Perik doesn't know anything about the baby and he's not going to get anywhere near you. We will keep you safe. Nothing is going to happen. Do you understand me?"

"Yeah, ok. I know." Gail took a few more breaths and then said whimsically, "You're here."

"I am. You were pretty sleepy when we had that conversation before, huh?" Holly pulled Gail into her, holding her close at the back of her neck and lower back.

"Yeah. I thought it was a dream." Gail mumbled.

"Not a dream. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. How are you feeling? Do you still feel weird?" Holly hadn't forgotten the comment Gail made earlier.

Gail shook her head. "I just feel tired and thirsty."

"Ok well why don't we get up and get you some water and something to eat? You can take another nap after if you're still tired. You don't have to be anywhere today. And well, frankly, I don't want you to go anywhere. We can hole up in bed all day if you want."

"Water yes. Sleep yes. Food no." Gail sat up and scrubbed her face with her hand.

Holly's voice took on a stern tone. "Gail. You need to eat."

"I know. Just please don't make me eat now. I will eat later. I just can't stomach it now." Gail covered her stomach with her hand for emphasis.

Holly grabbed Gail's upper arm. "Are you sure you're feeling ok? You need to tell me if something is wrong."

Gail looked Holly in the eye. "I'm fine. I'm just exhausted and kind of nauseous. I don't have the energy to throw up my breakfast."

"Alright. But you have to eat lunch. That's not negotiable."

"Yeah, we can talk about that later." Gail hurried to get out of bed and put on some clothes.

"Gail." The warning tone in Holly's voice was evident.

"Come on, Lunchbox. I'm thirsty." Gail walked to the door but stopped to wait for her wife. Holly shook her head and rose from the bed. When she reached the door, Gail took her hand and led her down the stairs.

* * *

The two women touched base with Traci and Steve, inquiring about any updates. Oliver had called while they were sleeping, but he didn't have any new information. Andy and Chloe had replaced Dov and Chris out front. After Traci left to pick up Leo, Gail moved around the house, moving objects, straightening stacks of books. She didn't know what to do with herself. She hated that she couldn't just go out and look for Perik herself. And part of her was too petrified to do that anyway. She just wanted it to be over so she could go back to her normal life.

Holly had been watching Gail pace around the living room and couldn't help but worry. She could tell that her wife was agitated and still very tired. After she had watched her for about 15 minutes while she made tea, she couldn't take it anymore. She moved from the kitchen to a corner of the living room where Gail was straightening artwork on the walls and knickknacks on shelves. She grabbed the cop's shoulders from behind.

"Gail, sweetie, why don't you sit down and try to relax? You are going to wear a hole in the carpet." Holly used her hands to turn the blonde around to face her. The look on Gail's face was pained and it broke Holly's heart.

"I can't, Holly. I need to do something. I can't just sit around and wait for him to show up. This is driving me crazy." Gail ran a hand through her hair, stopping at the back of her neck to squeeze forcefully.

"I know this sucks. I'm not going to be able to make it better for you, but what if we just try to distract ourselves for a little while, huh? We can put something terrible on Netflix and you can make fun of it." Holly offered a weak smile. The doctor was doing the best she could to keep the mood light, but she too was nervous.

Gail exhaled heavily and dropped her head onto Holly's shoulder. "Ok, yeah. We can try that."

Holly reached up and removed Gail's hand from where it was squeezing her neck. She replaced it with her own, gently massaging her wife's tension-filled muscles. After a few minutes, she dropped her hand down and grabbed Gail's so she could lead her over to the couch. Holly sat first, nearest the armrest. Gail chose to sit in the middle of the couch, near her wife, but not touching her. The doctor was not offended; she understood that sometimes her wife needed space in order to properly process her feelings. Holly used the remote to turn on a scientific documentary as those most often caught the brunt of Gail's sarcasm.

The two sat listening to the show, but only half paying attention. Gail was rubbing her hands together apprehensively and Holly felt like she was holding her breath, worrying that her wife was not going to fair well if Perik wasn't captured soon. After about an hour of the documentary, Gail heard her phone ring in her pocket. Holly looked over eagerly, hoping it was good news. Gail stopped to look at the number; she didn't recognize it but figured she should answer it just in case it was an update.

"Hello?" Gail usually answered by stating her name, but she never did this with a number she didn't recognize.

"Oh my lovely Gail, how I have missed the sound of your voice."

Gail froze with fear. She had no doubt who was on the other side of the line. For a few moments, she could say nothing. She felt like she was strapped to that table again, unable to move.

Holly saw the way her wife's face had paled and the rigid way she held her body. She immediately reached over and grabbed Gail's arm. "Honey, who is it?"

Ross Perik spoke again, "What's the matter, Gail? Didn't you miss me?"

Gail suddenly snapped out of her daze and stood from her seat. She spun around until she found Steve sitting on one of the stools in the kitchen. She covered the speaker on the phone and whispered to him, "Is my phone tapped? It's him."

Steve nodded and reached for his own phone, pulling it out to call Oliver with the development. The redhead whispered back, "Keep him talking."

Holly had been watching this and now understood that the serial killer who had kidnapped her wife and was now out free somewhere had somehow managed to obtain Gail's cell phone number. The brunette felt nauseous and wanted to cover her face, but she couldn't take her eyes off of her love.

"Where are you, Perik?" Gail's tone had changed. She was now holding back a rage that was clearly bubbling just below the surface.

"If I told you that, we wouldn't get to carry on our chat, now would we?" Perik's cadence was sing-songy, giving the impression that he didn't have a care in the world.

"What do you want, you miserable son of a bitch?" Gail clenched her fists.

"Oh I just missed you. Tell me, sweet Gail, what are you wearing?"

The cop's stomach churned. She was sure she would vomit when this conversation was over. "You are a sick bastard."

Perik was unfazed. "Oh, don't you want to play along? I know you have missed me."

"I will never miss you. I want you to rot in hell." Gail was nearly growling with anger.

"Now I know that's not true. You came to see me. I know we have a connection."

"I came to see you so I could save a girl's life. You and I will never have a connection. I could go a thousand years and never see you and that wouldn't be long enough. My truest desire is for you to die a slow, painful death, knowing you are alone without a single person who cares whether you live or die." The venom in Gail's voice caused Holly to rise from the couch and approach her. She stood as close as she could without actually touching her.

"Are you alone, Gail? Did the man you cheated on stay with you? Or have you found someone new to hold you at night? What would you do to keep them safe?" There was a smile in Perik's voice. He knew how easily he could unnerve people and it thrilled him.

Gail's eyes widened and she turned to look at Holly, shaking all over. The look on her face sent chills down the doctor's spine. It was a combination of shock, fear and disgust. Holly couldn't take it anymore. She clutched Gail's elbow and said authoritatively, "Hang up the phone."

Gail shook her head. She took one of her trembling hands and used it cover her slightly rounded stomach. Holly did not miss this gesture and only spoke more commandingly, "Gail, hang up the phone."

Just then, Steve, who had been paying close attention to Gail, while still listening intently to the phone held to his own ear, crossed the room to where Gail stood and spoke calmly. "They got it, Gail. You can hang up."

Gail didn't hesitate. She heard Perik start another series of questions, "Are you scared, my lovely? Do you…" But she cut him off when she slowly pulled the phone away from her ear and pushed the button to end the call. She then just stood staring at the phone, not moving a single inch.

Steve was quick to speak. "You did good, Gail. They tracked him to a pay phone in Greater Napanee. They have units on the way now."

Holly could see that tears had started to fall down her wife's face, but the blonde wasn't moving to wipe them away. "Gail? Honey? Talk to us. Are you ok? Do you want to sit down? Do you want to tell us what he said?" She was still holding onto her wife's elbow, refusing to break the connection.

The last question caused Gail to suddenly pull away from Holly. "I just need a minute." Gail said tersely. She started making her way toward the first floor bathroom. She quickly closed and locked the door. Holly was so stunned that she had barely moved by the time Gail was behind the door.

Inside the bathroom, as soon as she had closed the door, Gail leaned up against the door and began to pant. She felt her stomach roll and dashed for the toilet. She vomited twice, flushed and then sat against the wall, clutching her stomach. After a few minutes, she stood to rinse her mouth out. She caught a glimpse of her own haggard, distressed face. She stared at her reflection and felt her face turn hot with anger. She couldn't believe she had let Perik get to her. And even more so, she hated him with a white, hot passion for making her question whether she could keep Holly safe. Gail gritted her teeth and seethed until she finely reached her breaking point. Before she really knew what she was doing, Gail had driven her fist into the mirror, causing it to shatter and spill its pieces onto the counter and sink.

Holly, who had been standing vigil on the other side of the door, heard the loud crashing noise and immediately tried to get in. She shook the handle, despite knowing it was locked and screamed for Gail to let her in. "Gail? Open the door! Are you ok? Gail, open this door now!"

Steve too had heard the thunderous crash and came rushing over. After only a few seconds of Holly trying to get Gail to let her in, Steve told the doctor to move and rammed his shoulder into the door. It took only two attempts for the wood doorframe to split and the door to swing open wildly. Holly rushed in to find Gail hovering over the sink, cradling her bleeding hand.

"Oh my god, Gail!" Holly grabbed a towel off a nearby rack and gingerly wrapped her wife's hand up.

Gail couldn't concentrate on what was happening. She registered that her hand was bleeding and that her wife had come into the room, but she felt as if her ears were ushering a train through. She began to breathe heavily until it turned into gasps. The weight on her chest was crushing her and her vision was swimming. She hunched over trying to draw in air. She couldn't stop hearing Perik's voice and fearing that she wouldn't be able to protect her family.

Holly had been so focused on containing the blood that she had only just noticed her wife was gasping wildly. "Gail? Honey, breathe. Take deep breaths." She turned her head in Steve's direction and yelled, "Get a paper bag!" Holly grabbed Gail around the waist when she saw her bend over, trying to catch her breath. When she felt her wife's knees buckle, Holly let go of the towel-covered hand and wrapped both arms around the blonde in order to support her weight. She slowly lowered her wife to the floor.

"Gail. Listen to me. Put your head between your legs. You are hyperventilating." Holly placed a hand on the back of Gail's neck and tried to ease her head down.

Gail felt as if her heart might explode right out of her ribcage. And she thought she might be ok with that as it would probably relieve some of the pressure she felt in her chest. Her ears were still ringing and she could only see out of two pin-sized holes, the rest of her sight having gone black. She could hear Holly talking but she couldn't focus on the words.

Steve rushed into the room with a small paper bag and practically threw it at Holly. The doctor promptly placed it over Gail's mouth and gave more instructions. "Gail, you need to take deep, steady breaths. Breathe into the bag." Holly grabbed her wife's chin so she could point her face toward her own. She saw Gail's eyelids drooping occasionally as if she was going to lose consciousness any second. Holly held the bag firmly in place and put her face directly in the line of Gail's eyes. "Sweetheart, listen to me. Copy my breathing. Take a deep breath in." Holly stopped to demonstrate the action. "And let it out. In and out. Slowly. Concentrate on my voice. You are safe. I am here with you. No one is going to hurt you."

Gail had seen Holly imitate inhaling and exhaling and understood that she needed to try to take deep breaths. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to focus only on Holly's voice. It had the desired effect; only gasping occasionally now, Gail felt her pulse slowing. She opened her eyes to see that her vision was returning to normal.

Holly rubbed Gail's back with her free hand. "That's it, baby. Keep breathing. Just take normal breaths now." As Gail began to calm down, Holly felt herself release a breath she hadn't realized she was holding.

Gail pulled the bag away from her mouth, feeling like she could finally draw in the appropriate amount of oxygen unassisted. "What happened?"

Holly set the paper bag aside. "Well you punched a mirror and then had a panic attack."

"Oh yeah." Gail lifted her injured hand slightly and said, "Ouch."

"Yeah, I need to clean that up and then we probably need to take a trip to the hospital to see if you broke anything." Holly's voice was calm but laced with concern.

"I'm sorry, Lunchbox." Gail looked down at the floor. "I kind of freaked out."

"It's ok. I wish you hadn't punched a mirror, but I know you were upset. Maybe just don't lock the door next time, yeah?" Holly caressed some hairs at Gail's temple. "Do you want to tell me what he said?"

Gail stiffened. She did not want to think about that phone call right now. "Not now." When Holly started to protest, Gail quickly cut in, "I will tell you about it, I promise. But I need to not think about it yet. I don't want to break my other hand."

Holly sighed and closed her eyes. "Too soon for that joke. Ok let's sit you up." Holly reached over and closed the lid of the toilet and helped her wife up off the ground. As Gail straightened her jelly-like legs, she felt a strange pain in her abdomen. Her breath hitched and she brought her hand up to cover her stomach.

"Gail? Are you ok? What's the matter?" Holly felt ice in her veins. She had one arm wrapped around her wife's back, continuing to support her weight. The other she tensely held out in front of Gail's stomach, not quite touching.

"I don't feel so good, Hol…" Before she could even complete her wife's name, Gail felt another sharp pain and grunted in response.

Holly held her wife tighter and turned to Steve who had just re-entered the bathroom with a first aid kit. "Steve, pull the car up, right now. We need to go to the hospital." Steve didn't ask questions, he just quickly made his way out the door.

At the mention of the hospital, Gail began to panic. "No, no, I don't need to go to the hospital. It was just a quick pain. I think I stood up too fast." Just as soon as she got the bluff out, Gail felt another pain and winced.

"Gail? You're going to the hospital. We need to make sure the baby is ok." Holly helped her wife to walk toward the front door. When they reached the entryway, she bent down to put shoes on Gail's feet. She stepped into her own shoes, grabbed her purse and continued out the door, not bothering to lock it.

Before they made it ten feet, Gail doubled over again. She began to pant, the fear she felt causing her to breathe irregularly.

Noticing her wife's response, Holly said, "Honey, it's ok. Just breathe. Everything's going to be ok."

Steve jumped out of the car and opened the back passenger-side door. Holly helped ease her wife into the backseat and then ran around to the other side with Steve. Catching his arms before he got back in the car, Holly whispered tensely, "Steve, she's pregnant. Drive fast." The detective's eyes widened in shock, but he quickly recovered, nodded his head and turned to get in the driver's seat.

When Holly opened her car door, she could see that Gail was leaning over again, her face scrunched up in pain. The blonde reached her hand out blindly and whined, "Holly? It's not stopping."

Holly grabbed the outstretched hand and scooted close to her wife. She buckled her own seatbelt and then reached around to buckle Gail's, all the while speaking soothing words. "It's ok, honey. I know it hurts, but just keep breathing ok? The best thing you can do is stay calm." Holly tried to keep her voice even, working hard not to let on how terrified she felt.

Gail nodded and took some deep breaths. Holly reached over with both hands to cover Gail's stomach. She moved them around, sometimes pushing in. "Does that hurt? Does it feel like contractions? Are you bleeding?"

The blonde felt the crotch of her pants and when her hand came back clean, she croaked out, "No blood. It doesn't hurt when you press. I don't…I don't know if it's contractions." Gail turned to look at Holly. Her eyes were wide and filled with fear. "Holly, what if…"

Cutting her off before she could finish the question, Holly said, "Hey, it's going to be ok. It's a really good sign that you aren't bleeding. We are gonna be at the hospital in no time and they are gonna check everything out. Just breathe and stay calm ok? I don't want you to have another panic attack."

Gail took a shaky breath, but her eyes began to water. When she lurched forward with another stabbing pain, the tears spilled out. Holly had one hand at the base of Gail's neck and the other covering the hand Gail had clutched to her own stomach. "Shh. It's ok. Just breathe through the pain. We're almost there." Holly looked up into the rearview mirror and caught the driver's eyes. "Steve."

The tone of Holly's voice was all Steve needed to reach over for the magnetic light he kept for emergencies, slap it on the dashboard and flip on the siren.


	11. Chapter 11

When they arrived at the ER, they didn't have to wait long for a doctor. Holly was standing at the head of the bed holding Gail's hand. Her heart was beating so fast, she thought she could feel it in her throat. Gail's injured hand (still wrapped in the towel) was resting protectively over her stomach. She was trying to control her breathing, but was still panting somewhat heavily as a result of the fear she felt.

The doctor started scanning the intake paperwork. "Hi Gail, I'm Dr. Klerick. This says you're having some stomach pain?"

Gail nodded silently. Holly filled in the blanks. "She's 11 weeks pregnant. The last couple of days have been unusually stressful. She had a panic attack and when she stood up, that's when the pain started. She had about five pains before we got here."

The doctor had looked up to take in the information Holly was relaying. Now she turned back to Gail. "Ok and are you still in pain? How intense was the pain?"

"Um, it hasn't happened for a few minutes. Since we were in the car. It started out as just a twinge, but then it got worse, like a stabbing." Gail's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Alright and have you experienced any other problems during your pregnancy?"

When Gail didn't speak up right away, Holly jumped in. "She had severe morning sickness and passed out from dehydration. But she's been ok for the last few weeks. She had a check up and she and the baby were fine." Holly squeezed Gail's hand reassuringly.

"Alright and I see in the chart there was no bleeding. What about your hand? I see it's wrapped up."

"I um…I punched a mirror. It was stupid. I had just gotten a phone call from…from…" Gail couldn't get the words out. The heart monitor she was attached to started to beep faster.

Holly brushed her hand through Gail's hair comfortingly. "Hey, it's ok. You're ok." Holly turned back to the doctor. "She had a rather traumatic experience. She punched the mirror and then had the panic attack. That's not something that happens regularly."

"Well, I'm not here to judge. Let's examine you and check on this baby okay? Scoot down the table for me." The doctor put on some gloves and began to examine Gail's abdomen.

Gail closed her eyes and squeezed Holly's hand while Holly ran her thumb over Gail's fingers. Both women held their breath, unable to relax until they had heard the verdict. Their lives could change at any moment.

The doctor continued to examine Gail, explaining along the way what she was doing. After a few minutes, the doctor looked up at Gail with a smile. "Alright, I have good news. Your cervix isn't dilated and your uterus doesn't seem to be contracting at all. That means you haven't gone into preterm labor. I want to get an ultrasound to check for gall stones or appendicitis."

"How likely do you think those things are?" Holly's medical knowledge kicked in, she knew what the treatment for either one would be and she knew she wouldn't be able to breathe again until they were ruled out.

"What I'm seeing doesn't lead me to believe that either one is the case, but I want to be sure." The doctor took off her gloves and stood from her stool. "I will order the ultrasound, but before I do that, let me take a look at that hand."

The doctor rolled over a tray of instruments, put on a fresh pair of gloves and gently removed the towel. The bleeding had stopped and she determined there was no need for stitches. She cleaned the abrasions and wrapped Gail's hand in gauze. "We will get an X-Ray after the ultrasound. I'll be back in a few minutes with the machine. Just sit tight."

When the doctor left, the two women sat in silence. Gail put her bandaged hand over her stomach again, but winced with the movement.

Holly felt her heart seize and moved her hand so that it was hovering over Gail's stomach. "What? Did you have another pain? Do I need to get the doctor?"

"No, it was just my hand. It's sore, but I'm ok." Holly let out a breath and grabbed Gail's uninjured hand again. "Holly? I'm sorry I punched the mirror. I don't know what came over me. I just…Perik…he said…"

Holly could see that Gail was starting to get upset with the memory. The machines began to speed up with Gail's pulse. "Sweetheart, it's ok. I want you to tell me about it, but let's just wait a little bit alright? I don't want you to have another panic attack." Holly softly massaged Gail's scalp.

Gail nodded. "Ok." After a few more seconds of silence, she asked hesitantly, "Holly, what happens if I have appendicitis or gall stones? How serious is that?"

Holly's heart broke at the anguish she could see in Gail's face. "Honey, let's not worry about that until we have to."

"Holly, please." Gail's eyes were glassy and her lip was trembling.

Holly sighed. "You would need surgery, to remove either your appendix or your gallbladder." Holly rushed on when she saw Gail's eyes widen. "But we don't need to worry about that yet, ok? The doctor said she didn't think that was the case."

Gail looked down at her bandaged hand and mumbled. "If something happens to the baby, I will never forgive myself."

"Hey, don't say that. There is nothing to forgive because this isn't your fault, ok? The baby is going to be fine. We have to believe that." Holly reached over and placed her hand on Gail's stomach. When Gail didn't respond, Holly used her other hand to lift Gail's chin so that she was forced to make eye contact.

"Yeah, I know." Gail put her own pale hand over the tan one on her stomach. "I'm just scared."

Holly leaned down and kissed Gail on the forehead. "I know, honey. I am too."

* * *

About a half hour later, the doctor came back with the ultrasound machine. She lifted Gail's gown and paused before squeezing gel on her stomach. "Alright, this is gonna…"

Gail cut her off. "Be frigid, yeah I know."

The doctor smiled. "That is the technical explanation, yes." She placed the wand on Gail's abdomen and began moving it around. Both Holly and Gail stared anxiously at the screen, waiting for movement of any kind. After a few seconds, the room was filled with a rhythmic swooshing sound and a bean-shaped spot appeared on the screen. "Ok, there's the baby's heartbeat. From what I can see, the baby looks perfectly normal. Heartbeat is right on target. Let me move up to look at the appendix and gallbladder."

Holly closed her eyes and covered her mouth with her hand. She had never felt more relieved. When she opened her eyes again, she saw that Gail had tears running down her face. The brunette used her thumb to wipe the tears from her wife's face. "She's ok, honey. She's ok."

Gail closed her eyes and nodded her head. She didn't trust herself to try to speak, afraid she would break into sobs. Holly leaned down to kiss her and felt tears sting her own eyes.

"I hate to interrupt ladies, but I have good news. The appendix and gallbladder look normal. No signs of infection or stones."

"Oh thank god." Holly said. "So there isn't anything wrong? Gail and the baby are ok?"

"From everything I've seen, both of them are perfectly healthy." The doctor turned off the machine and turned to wipe off Gail's stomach.

Holly was so happy to hear that her wife and baby weren't in danger, but the scientist in her couldn't help but wonder what had happened. "So what do you think caused the pain?"

The doctor stood from her stool and began writing something in the chart. "I can't be sure, but if I had to guess, I think what started out as round ligament pain was exacerbated by Gail's panic response. It's normal for pregnant women to feel twinges or even sharp pains when they change positions. The ligaments that attach to the uterus get stretched as it expands to accommodate the growing fetus. When you move positions suddenly, it can cause those ligaments to tighten too quickly resulting in a stabbing pain near the groin. When you stood up and felt a twinge that was probably round ligament pain. But not knowing this probably caused you to have a stress response resulting in more intense pain."

Gail scrunched up her face. "Wait, so I'm just crazy?"

"Absolutely not. The pain you feel during a panic attack or a stress response is very real. It's just not tied to a medical illness, which is a good thing." The doctor put the chart back on the end of the bed. "I would like to keep you overnight for observation. I want to make sure you don't exhibit any other symptoms or have another panic attack. The baby is fine right now, but too much stress can be harmful so we want to make sure we keep you relaxed and comfortable. Someone will be by in a little while to take you for an X-Ray and then they'll take you to a room for the night."

Holly nodded. "Thank you, doctor." When they were alone again, Holly let out another deep breath and scrubbed her face with her hand. "God, Gail, I have never been so scared or relieved in my life. And that's saying something considering how I felt last night."

"Yeah, tell me about it. I was sure we were going to lose the baby." Gail admitted.

"She is resilient, just like her mom." Holly smiled and rubbed her hand back and forth over Gail's belly.

Gail smiled back until she remembered something else. "I'm not happy about having to sleep here tonight, Holly. If I'm fine, I should just get to go home." Now that Gail knew the baby was ok, she felt agitated by her surroundings. "Hospitals creep me out. Can't you use your doctor connections to get me out?"

Holly chuckled. "Yeah, I don't know what connections you think I have or why you think I would use them. I would rather we be extra cautious. Besides, it's just for one night. And anyway, you better get used to this place because you'll be spending some time here when the baby is born."

Gail's face showed disgust. "Ugh, don't remind me. Maybe I'll just go the hipster route and have the baby at home. There are better snacks there."

Holly shook her head. "Yeah, that's not happening."

Gail was indignant. "What? Why not? I thought you'd be a fan of that natural, organic birthing crap. And shouldn't I get to choose where I spend hours of my life in blinding pain?"

"Normally I would say yes. But in this case, I am using my veto card. I want you in a hospital near doctors and medicine and machines." Holly didn't want to think about anything happening to Gail or the baby, but after the events of the day, she couldn't help but feel the need to be prepared in case something didn't go according to plan.

Gail scoffed. "Nerd, you're a doctor. You could handle anything that happened."

"I'm also your wife and if something happened, I would be terrified. I don't trust myself in that situation. Besides, I want you to be treated by doctors who regularly deal with the living. I haven't delivered a baby since my residency. That was a long time ago."

"Well, I still think I am the one who should decide." Gail pouted. "Also, since when do we have veto cards? I can think of a lot of times I could have used that over the years, starting with kale."

"I'm the only one who needs a veto card because I don't regularly try to do things that put me in danger. The veto card is for your safety. And my sanity."

Gail rolled her eyes. "Oh please, I'm not a child, Holly."

Holly raised her eyebrows. "Need I bring up the bet you had with Dov about whether you could jump from the roof of the lake house into the pool?"

"I could have made that jump." Gail defended.

Holly bit back. "Yeah and killed yourself in the process!"

"We all die eventually." Gail said dismissively. The look on Holly's face told Gail she had chosen the wrong snarky comment. She had sense enough to look sheepish. "Ok sorry, not the right time for that joke."

"There is never a right time to make that joke, Gail." Holly said through clenched teeth.

Before Gail could respond, an orderly came in with a wheelchair to take her for the X-Ray. He told Holly what room she would be admitted to after the test was over. Holly gave her wife a kiss and told her she would be waiting for her upstairs. The brunette then made her way to the ER waiting room to update Steve. After he heard the news, Steve gathered Holly in his arms and just held her for a minute. When she broke away, her eyes were watery. Steve had the grace to not comment on the tears and just agreed to pick up clothes and food for them. He said the unit that had been outside their house was also on the way to sit outside Gail's room. She thanked him and then made her way to the eighth floor.

On the elevator, Holly felt the weight of everything that had happened in the last 24 hours start to settle in. Gail and the baby were ok, but Perik was still out and apparently just as obsessed with her wife as ever. Something he had said had caused Gail to smash a mirror and then have a panic attack. Holly felt tears spill out of her eyes and run down her face. She was still terrified. Terrified that Perik would find a way to get to Gail. Terrified that the stress of the situation would be too much for her wife. Terrified that if the time came, she wouldn't be able to protect Gail.

When the elevator reached the eighth floor, she wiped the tears from her cheeks and made her way to Gail's room. She was surprised to find that Gail was already there, trying to get the remote for the TV to work. The blonde looked over when Holly entered the room. "Oh hey, this remote isn't working. Also, my hand isn't broken so there's some good news." Gail noticed that Holly's eyes were red and puffy. "Hey, are you ok?"

Holly sat in the chair near the bed, placed her glasses on top of her head and buried her face in her hands. She choked out, "Yeah."

"You are a terrible liar, Lunchbox. Get up here." Gail scooted to one side of the bed to make room.

Without looking up, Holly shook her head. She was embarrassed that she was so upset, especially now that she knew Gail and the baby were fine.

"Holly, you get up here right now." Gail was using her "cop" voice.

Holly put her glasses on the table and climbed over the railing on the side of the bed. She pushed her stomach up against Gail's side, tucked her head into the pale neck and clutched tightly to the hospital gown. She allowed herself to cry openly now; she didn't have any remaining energy to spend on self-control.

Gail put her arms around the sobbing woman and held on tight. She didn't need to ask what was wrong. She understood that the events of the day had finally caught up with Holly. All day, she had been the strong one, keeping a watchful eye on Gail, trying to anticipate her needs and then being the voice of hope and reason when Gail was panicking about the pain. But the fear and anxiety and exhaustion had finally pushed her over the edge and so now she just needed to let some tension out.

"I'm…I'm sorry." Holly choked out pathetically.

"No apologizing. It's ok to be upset. It's been a long, intense day." Gail ran her fingers through Holly's hair.

Holly tried to catch her breath, but her rambling just came out in stunted, shaky gasps. "I just…I've never been so scared, Gail. First Perik…and…and I was so far away. And then I was so wo-worried about you. You didn't want to eat an-and when he called you, your face just went white. And then you locked yourself in the bathroom…I didn't…I had no idea what was happening…"

Gail winced and cut in. "Yeah, that wasn't one of my finer moments."

After letting out a few more sobs, Holly continued. "But it just kept getting worse because then I heard the mirror break and I couldn't get in…and the blood…and you couldn't breathe…and then you grabbed your stomach and…I just…my heart stopped."

Gail tilted her head to kiss her wife on the forehead. "I know, baby. But we're ok now. The little bean is ok and I'm ok. We're both safe. I just had an epic freak out."

"But if something had happened…if the baby…or you…" Holly couldn't bring herself to say the words. "I would have been devastated, Gail. I would be…lost."

"I know. But nothing happened. We are both perfectly fine. It's been a terrible day, but we're all still here. And I promise I will eat some dinner and stay in this bed and try not to complain at all. Or maybe try to not complain a lot." Gail paused. "Ok, I'm going to complain, but I'm going to stay in bed."

Holly took a deep breath and spread her hand over Gail's baby bump. She had calmed considerably, but she wasn't quite ready to make jokes. "I love you so much it hurts sometimes."

Sensing that Holly wasn't quite ready to move on yet, Gail replied seriously. "I love you too, Lunchbox. And if our positions had been reversed, I wouldn't have handled it nearly as well as you did."

Holly wiped the tears from her face. "You definitely would have punched someone by now."

"Holly, let's be realistic. I would have murdered someone by now."

Holly smiled and gently rubbed Gail's stomach. "I'm not sure how you will ever cope when I am the one who is pregnant."

"Um, I won't cope. I will cover you in bubble wrap and not allow you to leave the house. I will point my gun at anyone who even thinks about making you cry. I will utilize my night stick with little to no restraint. It will be terrible for everyone."

Holly laughed and then leaned up to kiss her wife. When she broke away again, she looked into Gail's eyes with a half-smile on her face. "You're insane, you know that right?"

As Holly settled back into her wife's side, Gail smiled. "You may have mentioned that once or twice."


	12. Chapter 12

Steve showed up with clothes and food a little while later. After putting everything down on a nearby table, he walked over to the bed and pulled Gail into a hug.

"Alright, easy brother. I'm fine." Gail patted her brother's back uneasily with her uninjured hand.

Despite the gravity of everything that had happened in the last 24 hours, Steve knew that Gail would probably need to laugh a little and forget all the burdens weighing heavily on her mind. So when he pulled away from the hug and looked his sister in the eyes, he was sporting a cheeky grin. "So you convinced Holly to let you reproduce, eh?"

Gail's eyes went wide and she stuttered in shock. She was off her game, so instead of a witty comeback, she choked out a series of fragmented sentences. "Um, what? That's crazy. No…I don't…"

As much as Holly enjoyed when her wife was caught off guard (it happened so rarely), she took into account Gail's already stressful day and interrupted her embarrassing attempts to lie. "Gail, honey, I told him. He knows you're pregnant."

Whipping her head around, Gail practically yelled in response. Not that Gail particularly cared about Steve knowing. She was more upset that she didn't know that he knew. "What? Holly! We agreed!"

Holly raised her hands and shook her head. "Uh you don't get to be upset about that. I was freaked out and I needed someone else to know. And I wanted him to drive faster." Holly had tried to make a joke at the end, but the memory of the worry she had felt caused it to fall flat.

Internally, Gail knew she couldn't argue with Holly's reasoning. But she had to put up a little bit of a stink so she crossed her arms and huffed out, "Well you could've at least told me that he knew so I wouldn't have looked like an idiot!"

The look on Holly's face did not change. She did not feel at all guilty. "I had other things on my mind, Gail."

"Ugh, fine." Gail scowled and turned back to look at her brother. "Well now that you know, go ahead and get all your jokes out. I'm giving you a three minute window." Gail closed her eyes in anticipation. The two of them had been needling each other their entire adult lives about what the other's "mini-Peck" would be afflicted with as a result of having the other for a parent.

Steve chuckled. "Well I hate to disappoint, but under the circumstances I will refrain. I'm just glad you're ok." Steve looked down at his hands. He refused to get choked up. He forced a smile and lifted his eyes to meet Gail's and then Holly's. "And I'm happy for you guys."

Holly smiled. "Thanks, Steve. I wish you were finding out under different circumstances, but you were always going to be the first person we told."

Gail spat out. "Alright enough sappiness." Gail pointed at her brother. "And don't even think about blabbing to anyone, gossip queen."

Holly rolled her eyes and sighed. "What she means to say is that we aren't really ready for everyone to know. We'd like to wait until she's in the second trimester when there's a smaller risk of anything going wrong."

Gail looked at Holly and raised her hands in exasperation. "That's exactly what I just said." She turned back to Steve. "Don't blab."

Steve waved his hands in surrender. "Don't worry, I'm not going to tell anyone. I'm a lockbox for secrets." Steve said. "Are you, um…are you going to tell mom and dad?" He was hesitant to ask the question. Neither of the siblings had spoken to their parents in several years, since before Holly and Gail were married. The elder Pecks hadn't approved of Gail's relationship with Holly and Steve had taken Gail's side. Their parents hadn't even been invited to the wedding. Holly had tried to convince Gail that she might regret not having her family there, but the blonde had simple shrugged and replied "You're my family." Gail rarely spoke of her parents, but Steve wasn't sure how the prospect of becoming a parent herself would affect her opinion of them.

Holly jumped in. "Let's table that discussion for another day. Gail is supposed to stay calm right now and that topic isn't going help." Holly hadn't even broached the subject with Gail. She figured the blonde would bring it up when she felt comfortable. And if she needed to, Holly would ask about it, but at a less vulnerable time.

Just as Holly finished her sentence, Traci walked into the room. "What subject are we not talking about?" Traci had a drink holder with three coffee cups. She handed one to Steve and Holly and then took a sip from her own. Gail could see Traci's eyebrows raised over the lid of the cup? "You being pregnant?"

Gail's eyes widened and she was speechless for a moment. She then reached over and hit Steve on the arm. "You blabbermouth! You weren't supposed to tell anyone! You've only known for like 4 hours!"

Steve laughed and tried to grab his sister's flailing hands. "Hey, don't look at me. I didn't say anything!"

Gail continued to assault him with punches to the arm. "You have never been able to keep a secret!"

Traci shook her head. "He didn't tell me, Gail."

Gail froze with her hand mid-air and then turned back to look at Holly. She whined, "Hooolllyyyy!"

The brunette glared and pointed at Gail. "Don't even think about it. It wasn't me either."

"Gail. You know I'm a detective right? You passed out from the sight of blood because you were dehydrated, Holly lost control like I have never seen when you tried to go into a room full of dry cleaning chemicals and I can tell the difference between wine and grape fruit juice." Traci took a sip of her coffee, smirk still on her face. "Oh and you didn't throw a fit just now when I didn't hand you a coffee."

Gail sat with her mouth open for a couple of seconds and then finally sighed in defeat. "Well, why didn't you say anything?"

Traci shrugged. "Because I am way more thoughtful than you and the two of you were clearly not ready to talk about it with anyone. I was respecting your privacy."

Gail frowned. She started turning the last few weeks over in her mind, trying to land on any clues she may have accidentally given her friends. "Dammit. I wonder how many other people know?"

"Oh I wouldn't worry about it," Traci chuckled. "Even if they have suspicions, they are all too afraid of you to ever say anything."

"Well, that's a small consolation." Gail said.

"So now that I can talk about it, how are you feeling? Is everything ok?" The concern Traci felt for her prickly friend was evident.

"Yeah, everything is fine. Just had a good ole fashion panic attack. Perik called me and I gave into his sick head games. I can't believe I let him get to me! That bastard makes my blood boil." Gail was clenching her fists so tight her knuckles were turning white.

Holly reached over and laid her hand on Gail's forearm. "Honey, maybe you shouldn't talk about that just yet." She was concerned that discussing the conversation with Perik would send her into another panic attack. Or that she'd punch something else with her uninjured hand.

Steve looked up from his phone, which had beeped shortly after Traci arrived. "Yeah, just hold off until Oliver gets here. He's on his way so he can take your statement about the call. No need to relive it twice."

Holly's brow furrowed. "Does she really need to do that today? They already got a trace on the call."

Gail turned to look at her wife's worried face and then reached for her hand. "It's ok. They just need to get as much information as possible. It's better to get a statement as close to the incident as possible to preserve the accuracy of the details."

"But you're supposed to be avoiding stress. And we both know you won't forget any details between now and when you're released from the hospital." Holly did not like this situation at all. She didn't want Gail to revisit that conversation at all, let alone only a few hours after she had had a panic attack over it.

"It's just procedure, Hols. I will be ok. And you will be here with me. And anyway, I'm already in the hospital so if I'm going to have a panic attack, it might as well happen here right?" Gail flashed a cheesy grin.

Holly grimaced, shook her head and looked down at her lap. Joking about Gail having a panic attack was not ever going to be ok with her.

"Smooth, Gail." Traci teased. "Holly, if she starts to get too upset, Oliver will stop. He won't push her."

Still not feeling comfortable with this development, Holly just nodded without looking into her friend's eyes.

Gail reached over and lifted Holly's chin so that she could see her wife's eyes. "Hey, it's gonna be ok. I know I freaked out before, but I'm good now." Gail tried to convey a confidence she didn't quite feel.

"Just promise me that you'll say something if it's too much." Holly said. She knew that Gail was always trying to put on a brave face for her fellow cops. She didn't like to show any sort of weakness in front of her coworkers, despite the fact that they were her friends. Holly wasn't convinced that Gail would know when to draw the line between what she could and couldn't handle.

Gail put a hand over her heart and answered reassuringly. "I will. I promise."

As if on cue, Oliver strolled into the room, carrying a box of donuts. "Greetings, Peckling! I have brought you a delicious snack, mostly to fill your mouth so that your lovely wife will have at least a few minutes free of your complaints about being stuck here. I do know how you love being in the hospital."

"You always were my favorite." Gail said wistfully. She stretched her arms out and wiggled her fingers, grabbing the box as soon as it was in reach. She dropped it on her lap and opened the lid. After perusing her options, she selected a plain glazed and took a huge bite. "Mmmm. I swear I have never tasted anything so delicious."

Holly rolled her eyes but also chuckled. "Alright, easy there. Don't eat it too fast. The last thing I need is to have to perform the Heimlich on you."

Gail tried to respond with a mouthful of donut. "Bud, iz sho gud, unchbock."

Everyone had a much-needed laugh watching Gail inhale two donuts in less than two minutes. When Gail went to grab a third, Holly reached over and shut the box. "Alright, that's enough for now, ok? You haven't eaten anything else today. I don't want you to get sick."

"Aww, Holllyyyy! Just one more! Pleeeaasseee!" Gail opened her eyes wide and pouted her lips.

"Ugh, fine. One more, Gail." When Gail clapped and opened the box, Holly just shook her head. She never could resist that pitiful face. Luckily, Gail didn't want her wife to build up an immunity so she used her powers sparingly.

Steve turned back to Oliver. "So have there been any developments? Any news on Perik?" The detective couldn't wait any longer. He needed to know the latest information, even if it interrupted Gail's rapturous snacking.

Oliver nodded. "Well, yes, we do have an update, but I'd like to ask Gail about the phone call from Perik before I get to that."

"Oliver, please just tell us what's happening." Holly's whole body was rigid. She placed her hand on Gail's side since her wife's hands were still busy with the donut.

"I promise I will get to that. I don't want to keep you in the dark, but I think it's best, considering everything that's happened, that I get Gail's statement first. It won't take long. Are you ok with that, darlin'?" He took out a pad of paper and pen from his shirt pocket.

Having just swallowed her last bite, Gail closed the box and began wiping off her hands with a nearby napkin. "Yeah, it's fine. I'm ready. It was a short conversation anyway." Gail's voice had taken on a much more serious tone. She was in "professional" mode now.

Oliver gestured with his pen. "Alright, just start from the beginning and take your time."

"Well my phone rang and I didn't recognize the number; but I thought I should answer in case it was an update from someone. I recognized Perik's voice right away. He told me he missed me and asked if I missed him. Before I said anything, I told Steve to start a trace. And the first thing I asked him was where he was, but he wouldn't tell me. I knew I had to keep him on the line so I asked him what he wanted. That's when he asked me what I was wearing." Gail's voice was filled with revulsion.

Holly grabbed Gail's still sticky hand and squeezed it. Gail didn't look over, but squeezed back.

"Did you hear any sounds in the background?" Oliver asked.

Gail shook her head. "Just a lot of people, but nothing specific. It sounded like he was in a crowded place."

"Ok, good. What happened next?"

"Well he kept trying to get me to say that I had missed him. I just told him he was a bastard and he could go to hell. Then he brought up that I had come to see him and was trying to say that I felt a connection to him. I told him I was just trying to find that missing girl and then said a few other choice words to him about where he could stick it."

Steve smiled. "Don't mess with Pecks."

"Especially not this one. Ok, so what happened after that?" Oliver gestured for Gail to continue.

"Well, that's when…he um…he asked me if I was still with the guy I had talked about when I went to see him. He asked if I was seeing anyone new and then he um…" Gail paused and looked down at her lap.

"Do you need to take a break, honey?" Holly was watching her wife intently, looking for any signs of an oncoming panic attack.

Gail shook her head. "No, it's ok. I'm ok. He um…he asked me what I'd do to keep the person I was with safe." Gail glanced over at Holly, but didn't look her in the eyes.

"Gail." Holly moaned. Her eyes started to water and she wrapped her second hand over the one she was already holding.

"Ok, was that the end of the conversation? Did he say anything else?" Oliver was trying desperately to wrap this up, but he was dreading what was coming next.

Gail turned back to face Oliver. "He was still talking, but I wasn't responding. He asked me if I was scared, but then Steve told me they got the trace so I hung up before I heard anything else."

"Ok good. Do you remember telling him anything personal, anything about yourself or your life?" Oliver tipped his head toward Holly indicating he was referring to her.

"Absolutely not. As far as I'm concerned, that son of a bitch will never know that Holly exists." Gail pulled Holly's hand into her lap.

"I knew you wouldn't give him anything, but I have to ask." Gail nodded her understanding. "Can you think of any way Perik could have gotten your phone number? Has anyone you know visited him, called him, written him letters or received any contact? And have you?"

Holly's eyes widened, "What? Oliver, she wouldn't…"

Gail cut off Holly's outburst. "Hey, it's ok. He has to ask. It just procedure." She turned back to her boss. "No to both. I haven't had any contact with him and I don't know anyone else who has."

"Ok, is there anything else you can think of?" Despite the question, Oliver closed his notepad. He knew Gail wouldn't leave anything out.

"No, that's it. It was a short conversation." Gail straightened up in the bed. "Oliver, tell me what you know." Gail was bracing herself for bad news. She had seen it in Oliver's body language as soon as he entered the room.

"Alright, darlin'. Unfortunately I only have bad news for you. As you know, they tracked Perik's phone call to a pay phone in Greater Napanee. That pay phone is a at a bus station there." Gail tensed in response to this new information. "When units arrived, they searched the entire station, all the buses scheduled to leave and every building within a mile radius. They were there only 5 minutes after your call ended, but there was no sign of him."

Both Gail's and Holly's shoulders sunk. Steve reached his hand out to Traci who took it when she came to stand next to him.

"But they did find something else. A body was found in the men's restroom. The man's neck had been snapped and his clothes and wallet had been taken. Once the man was identified, they talked to a clerk on duty and she remembered selling him a bus ticket…but that ticket wasn't found on or near the body. We looked at CCTV footage and found video of a man we believe to be Perik entering the restroom shortly after the victim entered. Perik came out of the restroom about 5 minutes later and boarded a bus a short time later. He called you right before he boarded and the bus departed just before the cops arrived."

"Dammit!" Steve exclaimed. Traci squeezed his hand.

Holly stood from her chair, lowered the guard rail on the bed and sat next to Gail. She wrapped one arm around the blonde's shoulders and grabbed a pale hand with the other.

"What was the bus ticket's destination, Oliver?" Gail had a hard expression on her face and spoke through gritted teeth.

Oliver sighed. "Toronto."

"Oh god." Holly whispered.

Oliver shook his head and continued, "We had the station contact every bus by radio to determine their location, pulled them over or intercepted them at stops and stations along the way, but a couple of hours had passed before they were able to determine what ticket Perik had taken. We know that Perik didn't make it all the way to Toronto, but we aren't sure yet where he got off. We have people interviewing the bus drivers now. Unfortunately we don't know exactly what bus he was on because the murder victim paid in cash and the clerk couldn't remember what time the ticket was for. We have footage of Perik getting on a bus, but several were boarding at the same time and there were no distinguishing marks visible in the video. "

Gail felt a burning in her chest and a pressure in her head. She wasn't sure whether she was terrified or enraged. More than likely a combination of both. Her stomach began to roll uncomfortably. She couldn't believe Perik was able to get on a bus or that he had killed someone else in an attempt to get to her.

Holly watched Gail clench her jaw and take deep breaths. "Gail, are you ok?" she asked, but Gail didn't answer. She just continued to burn a hole in the bed sheets with her stare.

"I have a unit placed outside this room and more at each entrance. We've also placed a unit at your house. When you go home, we will have two units there at all times. Steve and Traci have been placed on special assignment and will accompany you wherever you go." Oliver was trying his best to make Gail feel safe. He knew it was little comfort. "We are going to find him."

Gail suddenly turned to look at Holly. "I want you to go somewhere safe. They can take you somewhere until they find him."

Holly's answer was firm. "Gail, no. I'm not leaving you."

"Holly, please. I need you to be safe." There was desperation in her voice.

Holly shook her head. "Not unless you come with me."

Gail's expression turned dark. "I am not going to run from that bastard."

"But you want me to? Honey, he's not going to get near us. They will keep us safe." Holly assured her.

Speaking again through gritted teeth, Gail's voice was low and harsh. "I won't let him get near you. He will have to go through me first."

Holly turned to look at Oliver, Steve and Traci and said, "Can you give us a minute?" All three nodded and left the room without a word.

Before Holly could speak, Gail said, "Holly, please. Just let them take you someplace safe. If something happens to you…"

Holly's response was shrill and wild. "And what if something happens to you?" Before she continued, she took a deep breath, softening her tone. "Gail, I'm not going to leave you. I know you're scared, but I have to be with you. I've already felt what it's like to be away from you during this and I can't do that again. I am already petrified. Please don't ask me to go away where I won't be able to know you are safe every minute. You know I would do anything for you, but please don't ask me to do that." Holly's eyes were tearing up.

"Holly, what if he takes you? What if he does to you what he did to me? Or worse? If he knows about you, he will try to torture me. He could know about you, Holly. He could…" Gail's voice broke and she swallowed forcefully. The thought of Perik getting to Holly, strapping her to a table, injecting her with sedatives…it was making Gail's stomach revolt. "I think I'm gonna to be sick."

Holly jumped off the bed and reached for Gail's hand. "Ok, that's ok. Can you make it to the bathroom?"

Gail nodded her head, too afraid that if she spoke, she would spew the contents of her stomach everywhere. She scooted out of the bed, covered her mouth and raced to the bathroom. Holly rubbed Gail's back as she retched into the toilet, whispering soothing words. After Gail had heaved three more times, she dropped heavily to the floor, put her elbows on her knees and hunched over with her head in her hands. Holly flushed the toilet and then sat across from her wife, rubbing the blonde's thighs.

"Feel any better?" Holly asked worriedly.

"Ugh. I should NOT have eaten that third donut." Gail closed her eyes and covered her stomach with her hand.

"I'm sorry, love. Let me get you a paper towel." Holly got up and wet a couple of paper towels and then handed them to Gail. She immediately used them to wipe her mouth before throwing them in the nearby trash can. Holly then left the bathroom to retrieve a cup of water from the tray beside the bed. She sat back down and held the cup out to her wife. "Here you go, drink some water."

Gail took the cup but just held it in her hand. She was still looking at her lap and rubbing her stomach with her other hand. "Give me a sec. I still feel like my insides are on spin cycle." Holly sat silently, running her hands slowly over Gail's legs. After a couple more minutes, Gail took a few sips of water and then handed the cup back to Holly. "Ok, that's all I can manage for now. I don't think I can keep any more down."

Holly nodded, even though Gail wasn't looking at her face. "Do you want to try to get back in bed?"

"While moving sounds terrible, being on this floor is creeping me out. You're gonna have to help me up though." Gail said.

"Ok, just go slow and lean on me. If you feel dizzy or faint, you need tell me. Let's sit you on the toilet to start with." When Gail nodded, Holly stood up, set the cup on the sink and closed the toilet lid. She then grabbed Gail underneath her arms and helped to gently lift her onto the toilet seat.

Once she was seated, Gail steadied herself by placing a hand on the wall. She closed her eyes and willed the spinning in her head to stop. "Ok, I definitely feel like my eyeballs are rolling around unaided inside my head."

"Ok, let's just sit here for a minute to see if it subsides. Do you feel like you're going to pass out?" Holly stood in front of Gail and held her shoulders.

"I don't think so. I feel like my brain is floating though." Gail leaned forward, wrapped her arms around Holly's hips and rested her forehead on Holly's stomach.

Holly held the back of her wife's head with one hand and rubbed her upper back with the other. After another couple of minutes, Gail moved her head back. "Ok, I think I can stand up now."

"Are you sure? I don't want you to fall. We can sit here as long as you need." Holly studied her wife's face, not happy that it was even paler than usual.

Gail nodded. "Yeah, I just want to get back in bed. I need to lie down."

"Ok, when you stand up, if you think you're going to pass out, just sit back down." At Gail's acknowledgement, Holly placed her arms under Gail's and around her back. She gently lifted the blonde into a standing position and then held her tight to support her weight. "You doing ok?"

Gail moaned and wrapped her arms tighter around Holly's neck. She buried her head in Holly's chest and took deep breaths.

Holly rubbed her arms up and down Gail's back, waiting for a sign that her wife was ready to move. After a couple more minutes, Holly said "You still with me?"

"Mmhmm. I think I'm ready to walk now. Just don't go far." Gail said uneasily.

"Ok, but are you sure you can walk? Maybe I should get a nurse or Steve to help." Holly looked out into the room, even though she knew no one was there.

"No, please. I can make it. I don't want anyone else to touch me." Gail's voice was quiet. "Please, Holly."

Holly sighed. "Ok, but you are not allowed to pass out."

"I won't." Gail shook her head.

"I mean it, Gail. The last thing you need is a concussion because you fell and smacked your head on the tile floor."

"I promise, I won't. I will tell you if I need to sit down." Gail leaned back and pointed her face toward Holly's, but didn't open her eyes.

Holly's brow furrowed. "Ok, but you need to be able to open your eyes to see where you're going."

"I'm waiting til the last second, Lunchbox. Because I don't like it when the picture does circles." Gail's explanations sounded almost nonsensical and yet somehow completely accurate.

"Gail." Holly breathed out with concern.

"It's ok. Let's just start moving." Gail opened her eyes and pulled away slightly from Holly so that she was standing side-by-side with her wife. Holly's arm was still around Gail's back and her free hand had moved to grasp Gail's bicep. The blonde moved forward a couple of steps only to sway slightly. She threw her hands out and grasped the door frame.

Holly tightened her grasp. "Not ok, Gail. Please just let me get a nurse. You are too dizzy to walk."

"No, I'm ok. Those first steps were just a little weird. It's just like 6 more steps to the bed. I can make it." Gail didn't wait for a response. She just started moving albeit very slowly. She was silent with concentration, which did not please Holly.

"Are you ok?" Holly asked tentatively.

"Mmhmm." Gail responded queasily. Being vertical was making her nauseous again. She just had to make it to the bed. Despite her attempt to focus only on staying upright, a sudden thought occurred to her. If she was in this condition and Perik tried anything, she wouldn't be able to fight him off. She could barely stand up, let alone fight to protect herself or her wife. "Oh god."

Holly panicked. "What? Are you ok? Stay with me, we're almost there." Gail reached out for the bed and fell into it heavily; she managed to get herself in a seated position on the edge and then buried her face in Holly's chest, trying to hide her tears. She clutched at the sides of Holly's shirt, squeezing a fistful of material in each of her hands.

"Honey? Talk to me. Do you feel sick again?" Holly tried to move back so she could bend down to look in Gail's eyes, but the blonde threw her arms around Holly and held on impossibly tight. Holly could feel her heartbeat speed up. "Gail, I need you to say something. What's wrong?"

Gail began to shake from the force of her sobs, but she attempted to speak anyway. "I can't…he could…can't keep you safe…"

"Sweetheart, I can barely understand you. Just take some deep breaths ok? You're ok. I'm here with you and we are safe right here together. Everything is going to be ok." Holly rubbed her hands up and down Gail's back.

Gail tried to concentrate on her breathing. She slowly began to regain control, allowing herself to believe her wife's comforting words. When she trusted she could form full sentences, she spoke into Holly's shirt. "Holly, I can't keep you safe like this. I can barely walk let alone fight off Perik. If he gets to you…"

"Gail." Holly leaned back slightly and lifted Gail's chin so she was forced to look in Holly's eyes. She wiped some tears away from Gail's face with her thumb. "He is not going to get to either one of us. And you aren't going to fight anyone, ok? You are going to let Steve and Traci and all your other cop friends, whom you trust, keep us safe. You are going to keep the baby safe, by resting and relaxing. And I'm going to stay with you to make sure nothing happens to either one of you."

Gail began to protest. "But Holly, I don't want you to…"

Holly grabbed Gail's shoulders. "No. This is not a discussion. I am not going to leave. You are going to let me take care of you and we're not going to talk about you risking your life and the baby's life to protect me because that isn't an option."

"Holly, I will die before I let him touch you." Gail growled.

"Gail!" Holly yelled, causing the blonde to jump. "I don't want you to die for me! If you die, I will die with you. I have nothing without you. You, that baby, our life…it's everything. Don't you understand that? You giving your life to protect me won't actually save me. It will kill me. So I don't want to hear about you sacrificing yourself for me. I don't want you to ask me to leave you so that I will be safe while you are in danger. I want you alive and our baby safe and Perik nowhere near you. And I need you to get on board with that because I am freaking out!" Holly closed her eyes and covered her mouth with her hand. Tears started to spill down her face.

Gail sat stunned for a moment, but then grabbed Holly's arm. "Holly, I'm sorry. I'm an idiot." She shook her head. "I'm just so terrified. I…all those things you said, I feel the same thing. I can't bear the thought of anything happening to you. When Perik asked me what I would do to keep the person I love safe…it just…Holly…"

Holly nodded and wiped some tears from her face. "I know."

"But I'm sorry that I'm making this harder for you." Gail rubbed her thumb back and forth.

Holly looked down and touched her hand to her forehead. "I just…I'm already so scared, Gail. I feel like we are living in a nightmare and some moments I'm not sure I will be able to keep breathing because I think the fear is going to fill up my lungs. And on top of all of that, you just keep talking about dying and sacrificing yourself and god, Gail, you're pregnant! And so I feel a whole different level of terror because you are carrying the baby and if something happens to you, then I lose you both. And I just…I don't know if you understand how terribly in love I am with both of you." Holly sniveled and more tears spilled out of her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Hols. I really am. I don't want you to feel worse than you already do. I should be helping you cope, not causing you more worry." Gail looked down. "I just can't think straight when it comes to Perik. I love you so much and just the thought of him doing anything remotely close to what he did to me…it makes me crazy. And I'm a cop, so my first instinct is to serve and protect. I'm not trained to run from a fight."

Holly caressed Gail's cheek. "I know, my love. What that man did to you makes my stomach turn. Just thinking about it makes me want to hunt him down and do unspeakable things to him. But I need us to be safe together. I need you to let me take care of you and let other cops deal with Perik. And for god's sake, please stop talking about dying." Holly smiled weakly at the last line.

Gail nodded. "Ok. I promise I'll do my best. And really the last thing I want is for you to leave. I just want you to be safe." She closed her eyes and tipped slightly forward, allowing her forehead to rest on Holly's chest again. She mumbled into her wife's shirt, "Not to change the subject, but I feel like the inside of my head is on a carousel that's going way too fast.

Holly let her hands slide down so that they were gripping Gail's upper arms. "Ok, I want you to lie down right now. Do you feel nauseous again?" Holly helped Gail to lie back on the slightly elevated bed and moved to pull the covers over her legs, but Gail protested.

"Mmm, no covers. Too hot. Gonna make me throw up." Gail was trying to breathe deeply in order to squelch the churning in her stomach.

Holly quickly walked over and retrieved a pink basin. She returned to Gail's side and placed the basin in her hands. "If you feel like you're going to be sick, use this. You're too dizzy to make it to the bathroom safely."

"Ugh, I don't feel good, Holly." She swallowed thickly. "Everything feels like it's swirling." Just after she finished talking, Gail leaned forward and threw up the little that was left in her stomach. She then dry heaved a few more times while Holly held her up and rubbed her back. When she finally stopped gagging, Gail collapsed back onto the bed and moaned. "Holly, I can't…I don't…unnn." Gail covered her stomach with her hand and frowned.

"Ok, I'm going to call the nurse." Holly felt the worry creep back into her chest as she reached for the call button.


	13. Chapter 13

When the nurse arrived, Gail was dry heaving again, but with nothing in her stomach, the experience was considerably worse than usual morning sickness. Holly hadn't even been able to convince her to drink some sips of water. The blonde had shook her head and begun to cry, the misery she felt written all over her very gray-looking face.

The doctor had been paged and only a few minutes after setting foot in the room, she ordered nausea medication and an IV for Gail, stating again that she needed to stay as stress-free as possible. An hour or so later, Gail's stomach had finally settled and she had been unable to keep her eyes open any longer, falling asleep quickly and easily.

Holly, feeling worried and exhausted, was seated next to the hospital bed, holding Gail's hand in her own. She had her chin on her chest with her eyes closed when Traci came in the room.

Holly looked up and gave the detective a tired smile. "Hey, Traci."

"Hey, how is everything? I see Gail is finally sleeping." Traci spoke softly as she sat in the chair next to Holly.

Holly ran her hand over her face. "Yeah, they gave her some medication to settle her stomach and an IV since she wasn't able to keep anything down. She fell asleep as soon as the medication kicked in. She's had very little sleep lately anyway and last night she couldn't have gotten more than three or four hours. She needs the rest."

Traci could see the fatigue on Holly's face. "I don't think she's the only one. How are you holding up?" Traci placed a hand on Holly's arm.

"Oh, I'm worried and terrified and utterly exhausted." Holly let out a laugh that had no humor attached.

Traci nodded. "Gail does have a flare for the dramatic huh? She can take a tense situation and amp it up to twelve."

"Yeah, that's my wife. I swear sometimes I think the worry might put me in an early grave." Holly looked at her sleeping wife and rubbed her thumb over the pale one she was holding..

Traci winced. "To be honest, I'm a little surprised you agreed to Gail getting pregnant for that exact reason."

"Yeah, I don't want to say I regret it, but I absolutely wish it were me right now. She's doing the best she can, but it's not like we can ask her to not be stressed in a situation like this. And I don't think the hormones and the pressure she feels to keep the baby and me safe are helping. I'm just afraid it's going to be too much." Holly's eyes started to tear up.

"I know things are rough, but Gail is strong. And we are all here for her. We won't let her do anything stupid." Traci moved her hand up to Holly's shoulder and squeezed it.

Tears spilled out of Holly's eyes and she quickly wiped them away. "Thank you." Holly sniffled. "I keep thinking if I go to sleep, I'm gonna wake up and find that she's snuck off to hunt down Perik on her own."

"She wouldn't do that." When Holly turned to meet her eyes, Traci conceded. "Ok, she might try."

"She's so worried about keeping me safe that she barely thinks about herself. But she's the one in danger." Holly whispered.

"Well then, we'll take care of her." Traci sat in silence for a moment. "They are going to catch him, Holly. You have to believe that."

"I do." Holly shook her head. "I just hope no one else gets hurt before that happens. She hasn't said it, but I know Gail is blaming herself for Perik killing that man."

Traci nodded. "I know." After a few minutes of silence, Traci spoke up again. "Why don't you take a little break, go take a nap in an on-call room? Steve already talked to the nurses and I will stay with Gail."

"I appreciate that, but I don't want to leave her. If she has another nightmare, I want to be here when she wakes up." Holly leaned forward and put her second hand over the pale one she was already holding.

"I thought you might say that. Ok, well how about we talk to the nurses about getting a cot in here? You've got to get some sleep. I know you slept less than Gail did last night." Traci stood from her chair to indicate her intention to put this plan in motion.

Holly closed her eyes and nodded. "Yeah, ok. As long as I can stay with her."

Traci nodded and left to make the arrangements. A short while later, an orderly brought the cot in and placed it near the window. As soon as he left, Holly scooted the cot so that it was right next to Gail's bed. She lay down and then reached her hand through the railing on the side of the bed so she could hold Gail's hand again. The awkward angle didn't keep Holly from falling asleep in less than two minutes.

* * *

A few hours later, Gail startled awake. She hadn't been having a nightmare, but she did feel disoriented. She looked around, remembering she was in the hospital and what events had landed her there. She noticed an aching in her injured hand as well as the IV bag hanging next to her bed. On the other side of the bed, she saw Holly in the cot, still sleeping. Their hands were intertwined and Gail rubbed her thumb over the back of her wife's. Gail needed to pee and was actually feeling a little hungry, but she didn't want to press the call button, for fear that a nurse would wake her wife. Instead, Gail gently eased her good hand away from Holly's and turned her body so she could lower the railing on the side of the bed opposite her wife. As soon as she had managed it, Gail sat up slowly, testing to see if she felt dizzy. When her equilibrium held up, Gail eased out of the bed quietly, grabbed her IV pole and walked out of the room.

Just outside the door, two officers were seated against the wall. They looked up and said hello. Gail nodded, told them where she was going and continued her trek down to the nurses' station with one of the officers following closely behind. A middle-aged, white-haired nurse glance up from the desk. "Ms. Peck, you shouldn't be out of bed."

Gail rolled her eyes. "It's Officer Stewart-Peck and there was never anything wrong with my legs. What does a patient have to do to get some food?"

"We can arrange to have something brought up, but you really need to get back in bed." The nurse stood from her chair.

Just as she had made it around to Gail's side, both women heard yelling from down the hall. "GAIL! Where is she?" Holly was standing just outside Gail's hospital room, yelling at the officer sitting there. After he recovered from his shock, the officer pointed down the hall to Gail. Holly turned her head, saw Gail standing at the nurses' station and then sat heavily in the extra chair next to the door. She put her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands.

Gail moved as quickly as the IV pole allowed and dropped down to her knees in front of Holly. She put her hands on the outsides of the now crying woman's thighs. "Hey, it's ok. I'm right here."

Holly leaned forward, wrapped her arms around Gail's neck and buried her face in the blonde's shoulder. Gail spoke soothing words to her wife for a couple of minutes before leaning away slightly to look in her face. "Hey let's go back in the room, ok?"

Holly nodded but didn't say anything. She took Gail's hands and helped her get to her feet. The pair walked into the room and sat on the edge of the hospital bed. Holly held Gail's hand and looked at the floor. When she spoke, her voice was thick with emotion. "I woke up and you were gone."

Gail squeezed her hand. "I'm so sorry. I didn't want the nurse to wake you up if I pushed the call button so I just went down to the nurses' station to ask about getting some food. I didn't think you would wake up before I got back."

Holly took a deep breath and then spoke shakily. "It's ok. I just didn't know what had happened. I overreacted."

"It's allowed, baby." After a few silent seconds, Gail smiled and said, "But hey, you can't get rid of me that easily. You're stuck with me."

Holly turned to look Gail in the eye. She knew her wife was trying to lighten the mood, but the brunette answered without a hint of levity in her voice. "I'm counting on it."

* * *

The rest of the evening passed without incident. Holly had made Gail promise to wake her up next time and Gail had known it was best to agree without making jokes. She was able to eat dinner (and keep it down) and after another visit from Traci and Steve, the women went to sleep early. Luckily the exhaustion they both felt resulted in a much-needed restful night's sleep for each of them. The next day, Gail was able to eat breakfast and lunch without any nausea and was released from the hospital a short while later.

Once back at home, Holly and Gail took a nap and then ate the dinner that Steve and Traci had ordered. After watching a movie with their new constant companions, the pair retired to their room for the night. They showered, got ready for bed and then snuggled up under the covers, Holly acting as the big spoon, her hand rubbing Gail's baby bump. They hadn't turned the light off yet, both sensing that the other just needed some time to process before going to sleep.

Gail interrupted the silence. "Holly, are you happy?"

Holly froze and scrunched up her face, surprised by the random question. "What?"

Gail repeated the question. "Are you happy?"

"Honey, you know how much I love you."

Gail nodded. "I know you love me. But are you happy?"

"Sweetheart, where is this coming from? Of course I am happy. I mean I'm not exactly happy about the current threat of danger in our lives, but I love our life." She grabbed Gail's hand and pulled it tight against her abdomen.

Gail's next question was tentative. "You don't ever regret marrying a cop?"

Holly sat up on her elbow and smoothed the hair off Gail's face so she could look into her eyes. "Ok Gail, what's this about?"

The blonde turned slightly so that she was flat on her back. "You didn't ask for any of this, Holly. You could have had a normal life, not one where you have to worry about a serial killer showing up at your door."

Holly put her hand on Gail's cheek. "Gail, you didn't ask for this either. And it's not your fault." She ran her thumb over her wife's cheekbone. "If you're asking if I wish this wasn't happening? Yes, I absolutely wish that Perik had never gotten out of jail or even better that he just never existed so you would never have gotten hurt. But I don't ever wish that you weren't in my life."

Gail nodded. "I know you don't. I mean, I just wonder if it would have been easier for you if you had married an accountant or something. You wouldn't have to worry so much."

Holly paused and then asked, "Do you remember how you first proposed to me?"

Gail made a funny face. "Of course. I was there. Sunset at that cabin on the lake. It blew your mind."

Holly's mouth twisted into a half grin. "I meant the first time you asked me."

Gail scowled. "Um, that was the first time I asked you, Lunchbox. Are you having a stroke?"

Holly chuckled. "Actually it wasn't. I never brought this up because I thought maybe you were embarrassed about it or that you just didn't remember. A couple of months before we went on that trip was when you got shot in the shoulder during that raid."

"I definitely remember getting shot. Hurt like a bitch." Gail massaged her shoulder for emphasis.

Holly made a face and then continued. "Well what you clearly don't remember is that when you woke up from surgery, you asked me to marry you."

Gail's eyes widened. "I did not."

Holly nodded. "You most certainly did. You were high as a kite so it doesn't surprise me that you don't remember. You told me that when you got shot, all you could think about was that I wasn't going to get to see the ring you had picked out. You rambled on and on about how you hadn't paid it off yet, but it didn't matter because you couldn't wait to ask me anymore. You said a lot of very sweet things, asked me to marry you and then fell back to sleep before I could even say a word."

Gail grabbed her wife's arm. "Holly! I can't believe you never told me this!"

"Well, when you woke up, you didn't say anything and I figured you would ask when you were ready. And I didn't want you to feel bad that you had proposed to me from a hospital bed after getting shot." Holly explained.

Gail covered her face with her hand. "Wow, I am super smooth."

Holly took the hand from Gail's face and held it. "I didn't tell you this to make you feel bad. I told you because I want you to know that I knew what I was getting into. When you asked me to marry you from that hospital bed, I didn't even think twice about the fact that you had just been shot. Of course, I was worried about you, but in that moment, the only thing I felt was joy. I felt so lucky to be the person you love. And I knew in that moment that even if something happened to you because of your job, I would still choose that life because not spending every day with you for as long as either of us is here would be the real loss. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And while I certainly will never feel ok about you getting hurt or being in danger, those things will never make me regret marrying you. Any other life wouldn't have you in it and no matter how normal it was, that's not a life that would make me happy. You make me happy." Holly moved her hand back down to Gail's stomach. "This baby makes me happy. Waking up every morning knowing that I'm the person who gets to be with you? That makes me happy."

Tears were rolling down Gail's face by this point so she reached up to wipe them away. "Ugh, damn hormones." Gail cleared her throat. "I want to say a whole lot of things to you right now, but if I try, I am going to be a sobbing mess so I will say the most important thing: I love you. You and the bean are…" Gail choked down a sob. "You're it. And I am the luckiest woman in the entire world."

Holly smiled and laid her head down on Gail's shoulder. "Yeah, you are lucky." Holly giggled.

Gail gasped in faux shock and started poking Holly in the side. "Thanks a lot. Way to ruin a moment."

Holly laughed whole-heartedly and then rose back up on her elbow. She smiled and leaned down to kiss Gail. A few seconds later, she pulled away and said, "I am the lucky one, my love." She settled back down onto Gail's shoulder and after switching off the light the blonde wrapped her arms tightly around her wife. Holly placed the flat of her palm just below Gail's belly button and whispered, "Now let's get some rest. Tomorrow is a new day."


	14. Chapter 14

The next day started out fairly normally. Holly coaxed Gail into eating oatmeal for breakfast, reminding her that an empty stomach would exacerbate the nausea. And while Gail wouldn't admit it, she knew her wife was right. Oliver turned up mid-morning to check on Gail, but also to share updates on the search, which were few. One of the bus drivers had reported that a man matching Perik's description had demanded to get off the bus just outside of Toronto, near the town of Pickering. They had canvassed the surrounding area, but so far, no one else had seen him. Units were driving all routes from Pickering to Toronto and a province-wide alert had been sent out, warning citizens to report any sightings of Perik.

Gail had taken the news pretty well, simply asking Holly to accompany her to the back porch so she could get some fresh air. The blonde didn't want to talk or to be touched, but she also didn't want to be alone. She stood at the railing taking deep breaths while Holly sat in a chair nearby, watching her wife carefully for any signs of distress. After about ten minutes of silent contemplation, Gail turned back toward the door, grabbed Holly's hand and led them back inside.

After lunch, Gail decided to work out on the treadmill. She had a lot of nervous energy that she needed to burn off. Usually when she felt like this, she went for a run on a nearby trail; however, she knew that Holly would be upset at the idea of Gail leaving the house. While she didn't like the feeling that her actions were so restricted, she also knew that Holly was worried enough and decided not to push the limits of her wife's sanity. At least not today. Instead Gail requested some time to be alone to sort through her thoughts, promising that she wouldn't do anything crazy like punch another mirror. As reluctant as Holly felt, she knew that crowding her wife wouldn't be helpful so she nodded and asked that Gail take it easy since she had only just gotten out of the hospital. Gail thanked her with a kiss and went to put on her sneakers.

Plugging in her headphones, Gail turned on some music and began walking. After a short warm-up, she moved into an easy jog. As her feet pounded the treadmill, she thought about Perik. She wondered where he was, if he had hurt anyone else and if she would have to see him before this was all over. She thought about the man in the bus station, an innocent victim of Perik's obsession with Gail. She logically understood that she had no reason to feel guilty, but knowing something is true and really believing it are two very different things. Her thoughts were interrupted by a new song that started to play. It was a favorite of Holly's; one that often brought a tear to her eye. The brunette said it made her think of the little family they had made and even though Gail teased her relentlessly for her sappiness, if Gail were being honest, she'd have to admit she loved the song too.

Gail's thoughts moved to the tiny life inside her. The ultrasound had impressed upon her the responsibility she had to keep the baby safe, but she still didn't feel used to the idea of being pregnant. And right now, a part of her wished Holly was the one who was pregnant. That way everyone she loved and ached to protect would be in one bodily unit. She wouldn't feel so torn between her desire to protect Holly at whatever cost and the knowledge that any decision she made could be harmful for the baby. She couldn't imagine anything happening to the baby, but she also hated the timing of Perik's escape. What if he wasn't caught before the baby was born? What if she had to spend years with a nagging thought in the back of her mind that Perik could take her kid away? With a shudder, Gail slowed the treadmill to a stop and moved to a nearby yoga ball. She sat down, put her hands on her knees and hunched over to take some slow breaths.

Using the meditation techniques given to her years ago by her therapist, Gail reminded herself that she was safe, the baby was safe and Holly was safe. She let herself concentrate on the things she knew were constant: Holly's love, her brother's loyalty, her friends' companionship. Her heartrate had just begun to normalize when her phone rang. The sight of an unfamiliar number caused a shot of cold fear to course through her chest. Gail rose quickly to her feet and moved into the living room where Holly and Traci were sitting. She held her phone in the air and spoke tersely. "I'm getting a call."

Traci immediately rose from the couch and pulled her cell phone from her pocket. "Answer it. We have a trace on your phone." Steve, who was in the kitchen, pulled his phone out and started placing a call while making his way to the living room.

Gail hit the answer button as she crossed the room to sit on the couch, her legs touching Holly's. "Hello?" She switched the call to speakerphone and placed the phone on the coffee table.

"Lovely Gail. So wonderful to hear your voice again." Perik's voice was sickly sweet.

Gail gritted her teeth. "Where are you, Perik?"

"Now now, my sweet, we already played that game. You know I can't tell you. But I do love how badly you want to find me." Perik said.

Gail extended her hand toward Holly and the brunette grasped it with both of her own. "I only want you found so you can go back to rotting in prison."

"Oh my beautiful, I know how you truly feel. But we will be reunited soon enough. I have an offer that I know you won't be able to refuse." His confidence oozed through the phone.

"There is nothing you could offer me that would ever make me want to be near you. You disgust me." Gail's voice was low and angry.

"Oh I know that's not true. I know you have to put on a show for those people listening in. But I know that you are secretly hoping for an excuse to come to me. And I will give you one; just like last time."

Gail froze and felt panic seize her heart. "What did you do?" Not quite picking up on what Perik was insinuating, but seeing the change in Gail's demeanor, Holly gripped Gail's hand tighter.

"Only enough to bring you to us." There was a smile behind his words.

"Did you kidnap another girl, you bastard?" Gail growled. Holly's eyes opened wide in shock and she turned to look at the cell phone as if waiting for it to reveal more information.

"Join me, my sweet. But just you or I will be forced to treat this one like the last." Perik warned.

"PERIK! Who did you take, you sick son of a bitch?!" Gail yelled.

"Oh don't worry. I will introduce you when you arrive. Time for me to prepare. I will see you soon, lovely." And with that, Perik ended the call.

Gail stood from the couch and began pacing in front of the coffee table. "DAMMIT!" That bastard!" The blonde's normally pale face was flushed red with anger and she was clenching and unclenching her fists.

Traci spoke first. "They traced the call, Gail. He's on a cell phone. They are getting the records to they can identify who the number is registered to and see what tower he was near when he made the call."

Steve added. "Oliver is on his way."

Gail stopped pacing and brought her hand up to her forehead. "I just…I need a minute. Let me know when Oliver gets here." She turned toward the stairs, but paused when she reached the bottom. Without turning her eyes away from the railing she was gripping, Gail said, "Holly, can you come?" Having already risen from the couch, Holly nodded and followed the blonde to their bedroom.

Gail walked directly into the master bathroom and turned on the faucet to splash water on her face. Holly stood pensively in the doorway, but didn't speak. After a few splashes, Gail turned off the water and then leaned on the sink while taking deep breaths. Holly made no attempt to move, deciding to be nearby if she was needed, but still allowing Gail her space. A couple of minutes later, Gail straightened and turned to look at Holly. "I need to sit down." Her voice was still angry, but it had lost some of its bite. Holly nodded, turned and walked over to the bed to sit down, leaving room next to her. Gail sat in the space and put her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands. She continued to take deep breaths, not saying anything for several minutes. When she did finally speak, she sounded determined.

"Holly, I need to say some things. Some of them I'm not proud of. But I need you to let me say all of them without interrupting me. I just need to get all of my thoughts out. Is that ok?" Gail turned to look into Holly's eyes.

Holly put her hand on Gail's leg. "Of course, honey. You know you can tell me anything."

Gail nodded and turned her face toward the wall. She took a deep breath and continued. "Holly, every part of me wants to get in the car and go wherever Perik is. I feel like my blood is boiling because I am livid that Perik got another chance to hurt someone. First he killed an innocent man and now he has kidnapped another woman. And logically I know it isn't my fault. I didn't have anything to do with it. But he's doing this because he wants me. He is trying to get to me and these people are just tools to him. And I feel responsible for that." Gail stood from the bed, ran a hand through her hair and started to pace.

"And even though I know it's probably a trap or a trick, I want to get in a car and go find that bastard so I can kill him. I feel like it should be me who goes because I understand what that girl is going through. I know how it feels to be strapped to a table without any way of knowing whether or not you will ever be found. And I know that that doesn't make me better at finding that woman; there are plenty of other cops who would probably do a better job than me because they won't be affected by emotions. But I still feel like I should be out there looking for her. I feel like I am failing her if I don't go meet Perik." Holly nodded but didn't interrupt.

"But I also know that going to meet him would be so dumb. There's no way Oliver would let me go alone and who knows what Perik would do if he found out I wasn't alone? He might kill the girl, he might kill me. The whole thing might just be one big head game. Maybe he didn't kidnap anyone at all and he's just waiting for me to show up so he can pick up where he left off. But even though I know all of that, even though I know how dangerous it is, I still feel like I should go." Gail stopped pacing and sat back on the bed.

"And then there's the baby. Even if I went without any other cops, I wouldn't be going alone because the baby would be coming with me. And there is something inside of me that keeps telling me that I have to protect the baby. And I know that's right. I know it's ok to want to protect the baby, but the part of me that's a cop wishes that you were the one who was pregnant. Because then I wouldn't feel so torn between this instinct I have to keep the baby safe and that other part of me that has trained for years and years to put myself in harm's way in order to help people."

Gail turned to look at Holly again. "Holly, I know I can't go. I know it would be stupid and dangerous. But I hate that I can't. I hate it."

Holly reached up and cupped Gail's cheek. "I know, sweetie."

Gail looked down at her hands. "Ok. That's all I needed to say. You can talk now."

Holly moved her hand down so that it was gripping Gail's. "Honey, I don't know what to say other than I understand. I mean I can't completely understand because I didn't go through what you did. But it seems very reasonable that you would be feeling the way you're feeling."

"So you aren't mad at me?" Gail asked uncertainly.

"Sweetheart, why would I be mad at you? I know how hard this must be for you. Perik did terrible things to you so it only makes sense that you would want to keep it from happening to someone else. And even though you're right that none of this is in any way your fault, I understand why you would feel responsible. But you didn't cause this. You never asked for Perik to fixate on you. And it wasn't your mistake that allowed him to escape from jail." Holly rubbed her thumb over Gail's hand.

"Yeah, I know. But if I had fought harder when he broke into Andy's apartment…"

"No. We're not going down that road. Perik is twice your size and you had no reason to think someone was after you. What if the same thing had happened to Andy or Traci? Would you have blamed them for what happened?" Holly asked.

"Of course, not." Gail said dejectedly.

Holly grabbed Gail's second hand. "Ok, so it's the same for you. None of this is your fault. The only person responsible is Perik."

Gail pondered Holly's words for a moment. "And you aren't upset about the stuff I said about the baby?"

"No, honey. If it makes you feel better, there have been times during all of this that I wished I were the one who was pregnant. Because I know how difficult this all is for you and I hate that on top of everything, you are sick and worried about the baby. I just wish I could carry some of the burden. I know you don't think of the baby as a burden, but I just…I don't know…I'm not saying any of this right. I just hate that all of this stress is on you and I feel so powerless." Holly rambled.

Gail looked into Holly's eyes. "Hey, you aren't powerless. You're the only reason I have survived any of this. If it weren't for you, I'd have gone searching for that bastard a long time ago."

Holly's eyes flashed with something serious. "Yeah, about that. Oliver isn't the only one who wouldn't let you go. I mean, you already said you aren't going so I'm not going to give a big speech, but you need to know that I was ready to throw down every veto I have left."

Gail shook her head and looked back toward the wall. "Oh trust me, I know. As much I want to go, I wouldn't do that to you. But if I'm being honest, I don't know what I would do if I wasn't pregnant. It would be a lot harder to say no."

"And if I'm being honest, I'd have to admit that there's a part of me that's really happy you're pregnant during all of this." Holly made a face like she was a little ashamed of her confession.

Gail smirked and shook her head. "Lunchbox, I already knew that. And I can't really blame you."

The two sat in silence holding hands for a couple of minutes. Holly was the first one to fill it. "So are you ok?"

Gail sighed. "No. Not even close."

Holly nodded. "Is there anything I can do?"

Gail laid her head on Holly's shoulder. "You're already doing it."

Holly wrapped her arm around Gail and pulled her into her chest. Gail turned her face into Holly's neck and the brunette whispered, "We're going to be ok. We are going to make it through this." Gail nodded, trying her best to believe that was true.


	15. Chapter 15

When Gail and Holly went back downstairs, Oliver was sitting on the couch with Traci. Steve was in a nearby armchair. They all stopped talking as soon as the pair entered the room.

"Hey, Oliver. Sorry to keep you waiting." Gail said as she crossed the room.

Both Traci and Oliver got up from the couch to make room for Holly and Gail. Oliver sat across from them on the coffee table while Traci sat on the arm of Steve's chair.

"No worries, darlin'. I haven't been here long. How are you holding up?" He asked sensitively.

"I've been better." Gail sighed. "Listen, Oliver, I know Perik wants…"

Oliver held up his hand. "Gail. There's no need to discuss this because there's no way I'd let you walk into a meeting with Perik alone or even with back-up. For so many reasons, but the most important of which is that they'd never find my body after your wife killed me." He smiled knowingly at Holly.

Gail turned to Holly and smiled weakly before grabbing her hand. Holly nodded and said, "I love you, Oliver, but not enough to let my wife walk into whatever Perik has planned."

"But Oliver…" Gail was going to explain the real reason she couldn't meet with Perik – the baby.

Shaking his head, Oliver jumped back in. He knew something was going on with Gail, aside from just the fear associated with an escaped serial killer who happened to be obsessed with her. But now was not the time for Gail to feel the need to reveal anything. "It's just not smart, darlin'. Even if you begged me, I wouldn't let you go." He paused. "We do, however, have a plan. I am going to share this plan with you even though I know you're not going to like it. But what you need to know about this plan is that it's the plan. Nothing you say is going to change it and I am solely responsible for this plan. So there's no use getting riled up about it. Got it?"

Gail made a sour face, but agreed. "Alright, fine. Tell me."

"We were able to trace the call to a cell phone registered to a Molly Schmidt. Background check didn't pull anything suspicious, but her last known address was 423 Keele St."

"What?!" Gail yelled.

"That's where Gail and the guys used to live!" Holly gasped as she leaned forward.

Oliver nodded. "We are guessing that Perik thought you still lived there. After the news about all of this traveled through fifteen, one of the rookies told his TO that while he was working the front desk he got a call from a man claiming to be your father. When we looked at the records, the time of the call was just before Perik contacted you the first time and it was made from the same pay phone he used. The man said he needed your phone number and address because he'd lost all his contacts when he got a new phone. Unfortunately, the rookie knew who your father was and was afraid of getting reprimanded so he gave him your information from the system. Luckily your address hadn't been updated."

"Did he tell him about Holly?!" Gail had a panicked look on her face.

Oliver reached over and put his hand on Gail's knee. "No, darlin'. The conversation was short, but he didn't give him any other details aside from your phone number and the old address."

Gail squeezed Holly's hand tighter as she collapsed back into the couch with relief. "Oliver, never tell me the name of that rookie."

"I want to know who it was. I have scalpels I'd like to strategically place." Holly's words were filled with anger.

Steve growled out as well. "Oh I will find out who it was, Holly. I will hold him down for you."

"Rest assured that rookie will be dealt with. I will make sure of that." Oliver said.

Holly turned to Gail with a mixture of horror and rage showing on her face. "Gail, if your address had been updated…"

The blonde squeezed Holly's hand and cut her off. "Then he would have been stopped by one of the two units outside. That rookie is an idiot and I want to put a dent in his reproductive parts, but my friends and Traci and Steve would have kept me safe. He wouldn't have gotten to me." Gail turned back to Oliver. "But he probably did get to Molly Schmidt who was just unlucky enough to live in a house that I used to occupy. Have you found her?"

"We contacted her place of employment and some relatives to see if she has been seen, but it's the weekend so no one knew what her schedule or plans were supposed to be. Perik has the cell phone so we couldn't call that." Oliver said.

"Has anyone been to the house?" Gail asked. She had switched into "cop mode," working the details in her mind like she would with any other case.

Oliver nodded. "We've had unmarked cars drive by, but nothing suspicious was spotted. Molly's car was seen out front about thirty minutes ago. We don't want to spook Perik if he's inside though so we haven't sent anyone to the door just yet. That's where the plan comes in."

"Who are you sending in?" Now that Gail had more information, she had figured out what the most logical course of action would be.

"We will send officers in plain clothes into the surrounding houses and buildings to clear and secure them. That will also give us a chance to make sure Perik isn't hiding nearby or to find anyone he may have paid to be a lookout. Once all of that is complete, we'll send in Officer Davenport from twenty-seven. She has around the same build as you and we'll get her a wig and contacts. We've gotten some clothes that approximate your look and she'll be fitted with a microphone and camera so we can see everything. She will have her gun and a back-up on her ankle. We'll have units on standby a couple of blocks away. If she spots him or feels like she is in any danger, she has a code word to signal everyone to move in." Oliver stopped to assess Gail's response to the plan.

Gail shook her head and looked down at her lap. "I don't like it, Oliver. Perik has to know we would trace the number. Do we really think he's just hanging out waiting for me to show up?"

Oliver smiled sympathetically. "I told you that you wouldn't like it. But this is all we've got. We have to follow the lead."

"It should be me." Gail said softly.

"Officer Davenport is a highly respected officer in her division. Her superiors expressed their confidence in her abilities. And she volunteered willingly. She did not have to be persuaded. And I think we both know that if the situation was reversed and you were asked to do something similar to assist a fellow officer, you wouldn't think twice. We protect our own."

"I know. That doesn't mean I have to like it." Gail grumbled.

"That, my dear Peckling, is exactly right. But I don't have time to convince you." Oliver stood from his seat "This plan goes down in about two hours. The two units are remaining outside and despite Steve's request to be the person who escorts Perik back to prison, he and Traci are on orders to stay with you and the good doctor."

"I was only going to have a chat with him." Steve said through a smile.

"I'm sure you were, eldest Peck. I'm sure you were." Oliver teased.

Gail stood and Holly quickly followed. "Thanks, Oliver. Let us know as soon as you know anything."

"You know I will. Try not to drive yourself crazy." Gail stared at him. "Alright, at least try not to drive your wife crazy."

"Too late." Holly quipped, but she put her hand on Gail's back to indicate that she was teasing.

Oliver pulled Gail in for a quick hug. "Off I go. You take care of yourself, darlin'. This will all be over soon."

"I hope so." Gail sighed, feeling considerably unconvinced.

As soon as Oliver left, the group returned to their seats. Gail was the first to speak. "He's not going to be there. Perik may be a monster, but he's not stupid. He has to know he's a sitting duck if he's in that house."

"I don't know, Gail. He sounded pretty delusional on the phone. He seems to believe that you really want to be with him. I think his obsession with you is clouding his judgment." Traci said.

"I do think he believes that I want to go to him. But still, something doesn't add up. Even if he really thought I'd show up to save that girl, he can't think I would be allowed to go alone." Gail said with a confused expression on her face.

"I'm not sure we can trust that a deranged serial killer is using sound logic, Gail." Steve said.

"How about we just try to not think about Perik right now?" Holly said. "We will know in a couple of hours where we stand, but for now there isn't anything we can do. How about we make some popcorn and put on a movie? Distract ourselves."

"Ok sure." Gail didn't think she would be able to concentrate on a movie, but she knew her wife needed to do something to keep her mind from wandering. And it wasn't as if there was anything else Gail could or should be doing. She hated waiting, especially because she wanted so badly to be involved in Perik's capture. But for now, waiting was all she could do.

* * *

Holly made popcorn and tea while Traci and Steve argued over what movie to watch. They finally settled on "Anchorman" and neither Gail nor Holly protested. Traci settled on one end of the couch, her hand joining Steve's in the distance between the couch and armchair. Gail had snuggled up between Holly's legs, her back against Holly's front and her head resting on Holly's shoulder. The doctor was tracing her finger up and down Gail's arm in a soothing pattern. The motion was comforting Holly as much as it was Gail.

As suspected, the blonde had been unable to concentrate on the movie. The movie was nearing its end and Gail hadn't once stopped trying to puzzle out what Perik was up to. Sure he was insane, but he was also very smart. It seemed unlikely that he was so obsessed with Gail that he'd risk his freedom for the slight chance of seeing Gail for just a few minutes. He had to know he'd get caught. So what else could he be planning?

Gail's thoughts were interrupted by Steve's phone ringing. He rushed to answer it. "Detective Peck."

All eyes were trained on Steve as he responded with grunts and "OKs" to whomever was on the other line. Holly was gripping Gail's arm and the blonde had both hands on Holly's thighs. Steve said "Ok, I'll tell her" and then ended the call.

"What happened?" Gail said expectantly.

"They found Molly, but there was no sign of Perik." Steve said stoically.

Holly's head dropped and she brought her free hand up to her forehead, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. Gail rubbed her thumb over Holly's leg to provide some comfort.

"Was she alive?" Gail asked without betraying any emotion.

"Yes. She was beaten and tied up, but she will make it. They took her to the hospital. She was unconscious so they couldn't ask her any questions." He replied.

"Dammit. I knew he wouldn't…" Gail's words were interrupted by a series of loud sounds and shouting from outside. The three cops quickly rose to their feet, Traci and Steve pulling out their guns. Gail moved her hand automatically to her hip before realizing she wasn't in uniform and thus did not have her gun on her. Holly recovered from her shock, stood up and grabbed Gail's wrist tightly. Steve pointed at Holly and whispered, "Get her in the bedroom and lock the door. Do not open the door for anyone but me."

Gail grabbed Holly's arm and pushed her toward the stairs. "Go, Holly!" She shouted in a whisper. Holly raced up the stairs, turning around at the entrance to their bedroom to make sure Gail was with her. The blonde pushed Holly into the room and whispered, "Lock the door. I'm going to get my gun from the study."

"Gail, no!" Holly said urgently, but Gail had already closed the door. "Dammit, Gail!" Holly turned around, looking for something she could use as a weapon. She remembered her hockey stick and moved to the closet to retrieve it. Stick in hand, Holly moved back to the door just as it opened and Gail came in, loading bullets into her gun.

"I told you to lock the door!" Gail said fiercely.

"I wasn't going to lock myself in here without you!" Holly said, the pitch of her voice revealing the terror she felt.

More sounds echoed from outside, followed by indistinguishable yelling. Gail pushed Holly so that they were ducking behind the bed. "Were those gunshots?" Holly asked with wide eyes.

"Yes." Gail replied tensely. She pointed at the floor and ordered, "Holly, lie down on the floor. If he comes in here, I don't want him to see you."

Holly shook her head. "No, Gail…"

"Holly, please!" Gail said desperately. "We don't have time to argue!" Just then, the women heard footsteps on the stairs. Gail turned her face back toward the door and stood up. "Holly, now!" The blonde trained her gun on the door, her finger ready to pull the trigger, if necessary. Adrenaline made it so she could barely feel the ache in her injured hand as she gripped the gun. Holly, who had refused to heed Gail's instructions, stood up just behind the blonde, hockey stick still in hand, her heart beating wildly in her chest.

Footsteps echoed as they moved down the hallway. There was a split second of silence before a knock at the door caused both women to jump. "Gail, it's me. Everything's ok now." Steve said from the other side of the door.

Gail breathed a heavy sigh of relief and lowered her gun as she moved to the door. Holly collapsed heavily into a sitting position on the bed, her head in her hand, the hockey stick acting like a crutch to hold her up.

Gail pulled the door open and Steve stepped inside the room. She looked at her brother anxiously. "What was that, Steve?"

"It's over, Gail. Perik's dead." He said with eyebrows raised. He put a hand on Gail's shoulder.

The blonde's eyes went wide and across the room, Holly turned her face quickly toward the door. "What? Are you sure it's him?" Gail asked, bewildered.

Steve nodded. "I'm positive, Gail. I checked his pulse myself. He's dead."

Gail turned around, placed her gun on the dresser and then stood by the bed without saying a word. Holly leaned her stick up against the wall and crossed the room to pull Steve into a hug. "Thank you." She breathed out, a hint of relief in her voice.

Steve simply nodded, still training his eyes on his sister who was staring at the wall. After a few seconds, Holly leaned away and turned around to look at her wife. She then turned back to Steve. "Can you give us a couple minutes?"

"Yeah. Take your time. Oliver and forensics are on the way. We'll let you know when the body is gone." Steve turned to leave, closing the door behind him.

Holly walked over to the bed and stood next to Gail without touching her. The blonde seemed to be in a daze and Holly didn't want to scare her. "Honey? Are you ok?"

Gail turned to face Holly, her expression blank. "He's dead, Holly."

The brunette nodded and placed a hand on her wife's shoulder. "I know, sweetie."

Gail wasn't sure what to do with herself. She didn't know what she was supposed to be feeling. Should she be happy? The imminent threat of danger was over and she felt relieved by that. But everything had happened so suddenly. Perik had just called her on the phone a few hours ago and now he was dead. She had been convinced that he had some master plan to torture her, but now the monster could never hurt her or her family again. He was dead, which also meant he didn't have to pay for his crimes by spending the rest of his life in jail. But maybe he paid the ultimate price because he was no longer alive? Part of her wished that she had been the one to shoot him. She wasn't sure whether she was happy or angry and so she decided to not think right now. She would just keep moving.

Abruptly, Gail said, "I need to lock up my gun."

Before Holly could say anything, Gail moved to pick up the gun and then walked out the door. Recovering a couple of seconds later, Holly followed her wife down to the study. Gail stood in front of the safe, emptying bullets from the gun and placing them in a container. Holly watched as Gail put both the container and the gun in the safe, closed the door and turned the knob to lock it. When she was finished, Gail didn't immediately turn around, but when she did, she had a determined look on her face.

"Honey?" Holly took a step closer to her wife. She wanted to touch her wife, but she wanted it to be on Gail's terms, not her own.

"I need to see him. I need to see that he's dead." Gail said. Her face showed no emotion and Holly couldn't quite discern what her wife was feeling.

Holly hesitated. "Are you sure that's a good idea, Gail? We don't know what condition the body is in."

"I need to know it's him. I need to know he's really dead." Gail didn't wait for a response before moving to leave the room. But Holly stepped in front of her and placed her hands on the blonde's shoulders to keep her from leaving.

"Ok, hold on a second. Let's just…can we talk about this for just a second? I'm not saying I don't understand, I just want you to think about this for a minute before you rush into something you won't be able to take back." Holly made a sympathetic face and searched Gail's eyes for any clues to what was going through Gail's mind.

Gail looked back into her wife's eyes with a hard expression on her face. "I've seen dead bodies before. I'll be fine."

"Okaaay." Holly stretched out the word, trying to figure out what to say next. "So what if you see him after they take him to the morgue? He'll be cleaned up by then." Holly didn't like this idea either, but she thought if Gail agreed to it, at least it would give her more time to change her mind about ever seeing Perik's body.

"He wasn't my friend or my family, Holly. I don't care if there are bullet holes and blood. I don't care about him." There was a considerable amount of venom in Gail's voice.

"Ok, but, honey…" Holly started but Gail interrupted her.

"No, I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm going. You can come if you like." And with that, Gail slid out from under Holly's hands and walked through the door.

Holly sighed, put her hand to her forehead for a moment and then turned to follow her wife. This did not make her happy. Gail had barely recovered from being in the hospital, a visit that was precipitated by a panic attack she had about Perik. Holly understood her wife's need for closure, to see for herself that Perik was dead and would never again torture her, but she was worried that seeing him would be emotionally stressful and that wasn't something Gail needed right now.

When Holly reached the first floor, she found Gail standing at the front door, putting on her shoes. She walked up next to her wife and started to put on her own. Gail stood waiting for Holly to finish, but she didn't look at her. Instead she stood tensely with her hand on the knob, an angry expression fixed to her face. When Holly stood back up, Gail wordlessly opened the door and stepped out onto the porch. She scanned the scene in front of her.

There were flashing police cars blocking the street in front of the house and a perimeter had been put up with caution tape. Uniformed officers were moving about, performing various tasks or talking amongst themselves. About ten yards in front of the porch, near the sidewalk, a few forensic techs were standing and kneeling near the body, taking pictures and collecting samples. Perik's face was turned away from Gail, but she could see the darkened patches of grass around him, where blood had seeped into the earth. A few feet from the body, Steve, Oliver and Traci stood in a cluster, talking in hushed tones. Steve was the first to see them standing on the porch. He and Gail began to move simultaneously, but he broke into a jog to cut her off.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Steve asked gently, placing a hand on Gail's bicep.

"I want to see him." Gail didn't look at her brother; she just kept staring at the body on the ground. She couldn't believe that the source of all of her nightmares was no longer a threat. Days of anxious worry had ended with a few bullets and only a matter of minutes. The only wounds Gail had to show for the whole ordeal were self-inflicted.

He started to shake his head. "Gail, I don't know if that's…"

Gail lifted her icy blue eyes to meet his and pleaded. "Steve, please."

He sighed and turned to look at Oliver, who had seen the look on Gail's face. Oliver nodded and moved closer to the body to signal the forensic techs to take a step back. Steve stepped out of Gail's way and looked apologetically at Holly. The brunette just shook her head in resignation.

Gail stood still for a few seconds before she continued on her path to the body. She walked so that she could position herself to see Perik's face. There were bullet holes in his chest and blood that had started to dry was covering his shirt. His limbs were stretched out as if he had just stopped to rest in the grass. Gail had yet to fully look at his face, instead following his arm down to his hand. She noticed a handgun on the ground next to him, only a few inches from Perik's fingers. Gail took a deep breath and trailed her eyes up to Perik's face. It was pale and his lips had a bluish tint; specks of blood were spattered on his cheeks. Gail stared for a few seconds, some irrational part of her waiting for him to open his eyes and laugh. But there was no movement. Perik was actually dead. Someone had been able to stop him before he could get to her. Without turning her head, Gail asked. "Who shot him?"

Steve spoke first. "Chris and I did."

Gail nodded slightly and then without saying anything else, turned back toward the house. Holly and Steve shared a look before Holly turned to follow her wife.

Once she was inside, Gail didn't stop to take off her shoes. She walked directly to the stairs and ascended to the bedroom. Watching her path, Holly hesitated in the living room, unsure whether to follow her wife or give her space. Gail didn't seem to be in the mood to talk and Holly didn't really blame her. But while it was true that Gail sometimes liked to be alone in order to sort through her feelings, Holly felt like she should be nearby in case Gail needed anything (or had another freak out). Feeling torn between her nurturing instinct and her respect for Gail's way of processing, Holly finally decided to just ask her wife what she needed. If she preferred to be alone, Holly would choose to be okay with that. And if Gail wanted Holly to stay with her, well that wouldn't be difficult because it was what she wanted most right now.

Holly made her way up the stairs and peaked into the bedroom. Gail was sitting motionless on the edge of the bed, staring at the open closet door. Holly stopped in the doorway and leaned on the frame. She asked softly, "Sweetie, are you okay? Do you need anything? It's ok if you don't want to talk right now, but if you want me to sit with you or get you something or just leave you alone…just tell me what will help you."

Gail didn't move at all. But after a few seconds, she said in a very weary voice, "I think I want to take a shower."

Holly nodded. "Ok. Why don't you do that and I'll make us some dinner."

Gail finally looked up at Holly. "Can you…can we just order something? I want…I need…"

Seeing the anguish on Gail's face made Holly move into the room. She walked up to the bed and grabbed Gail's hand. "What is it, love? Tell me what you need."

Gail took a deep breath. "Can you just stay here…with me? I need to take a shower because I feel dirty and I need to get my head together. But I don't want…I'd like you to be nearby. Can you just…can you wait for me here?" Gail shook her head with embarrassment. "I'm sorry…you don't have to…"

Holly's heart broke at how difficult it was for Gail to express that she didn't want to be alone. She sat down next to Gail and put her hand on a pale cheek so she could turn her wife's face toward her. "Honey, I will be wherever you need me to be. I want to help you and you don't have to feel bad about asking. I am here for you."

Gail nodded and put her forehead to Holly's. She closed her eyes and breathed in the familiar scent of her wife, allowing it to momentarily provide her some comfort. But soon the image of Perik's dead face invaded her mind and the need to be clean took over. Gail leaned back and squeezed Holly's hand. It was then that she remembered the gauze wrapping her other hand. She held it out to Holly and said quietly, "Can you unwrap this for me?"

Holly gently cradled Gail's injured hand. With a pained look on her face, Holly replied, "The hot water is going to sting if I take this off."

Gail did not meet Holly's eyes. "I know."

Holly sighed uncertainly. She didn't want Gail to be in any pain and she was worried that Gail seemed so indifferent to the promise of it; but she also knew that medically, the hot water and soap themselves wouldn't cause any damage. There were no stitches to worry about; just cuts and bruises. "I will take it off, but you can't scrub your hand or the cuts will open again. Be gentle, ok?"

Gail nodded almost imperceptibly and Holly began to unravel the bandages. The doctor at the hospital had covered the cuts in ointment so most of the gauze was peeling away smoothly. There were a few spots that were sticking slightly and Holly winced when she felt Gail's hand tense in response to the pain. When she was finished, Holly found a relatively unscathed portion of the injured hand and placed a gentle kiss on the pale skin. She looked at Gail and said, "I'll be right here if you need me. Just yell if you want me to come in."

Gail nodded and stood from the bed. She walked into the bathroom and without closing the door, started the shower. She needed to feel the water wash away this day and hopefully the images that were on a loop in her mind. Once she had taken off all of her clothes, Gail looked in the reflection of the mirror at Holly sitting on the bed, assuring herself that her wife was still there and she was safe. While the blonde felt the need for some space to collect her thoughts, she still felt the urgency to keep Holly near her, to protect her, even though the threat was now eliminated. As she stepped under the hot water, Gail wondered how long it would be before she stopped calculating how very close Perik had come.


	16. Chapter 16

With her back against the headboard, Holly was sitting in bed staring at her phone when it suddenly rang. She had picked up a book for a couple minutes before she gave up on the idea that she would be able to concentrate on anything other than the emotional well being of her wife. She glanced toward the bathroom before hitting the answer button on her phone.

"Hello?" She hadn't bothered to check who was actually calling.

"Hey, Holly." Steve said. "I just wanted to let you know that they are taking the body away now. The techs and squad cars should be gone soon too."

"Ok, thanks." She didn't have the energy to say much more.

"You'll both need to give statements, but Oliver said it could wait until tomorrow." Steve paused. "How is she doing?"

Holly sighed. "I'm not sure yet. She hasn't really said anything. She's showering now." She considered whether to say anymore, but knew she could trust Steve. "I'm worried she's going to regret seeing him."

"Yeah, me too. But she's tough. She'll be ok." He waited for Holly to respond, but when she didn't he continued. "Look, Trace and I can stay if you think…"

"No, it's ok. I really appreciate the offer, but you guys need to be in your home tonight. I'm sure Traci will need some time to be ok with this."

"Yeah. It will be nice to sleep in my own bed. But call if you need anything ok?" Steve said.

Holly nodded. "We will. Hey, Steve? Thank you. For everything."

"Don't mention it. Tell Gail I'll call her tomorrow. Night, Holly." He said softly.

"Will do. Bye, Steve." She took in a deep breath. It felt strange to not have anyone else staying in their home. Intellectually she knew there was no longer a threat of danger, but her nerves hadn't quite caught up to the new reality. Part of her still felt like she needed to be on alert, ready to protect her family, if necessary. She took a few minutes to allow herself to breathe, feeling a little of the fear that had taken up residence in her chest slowly fading away. Deep in her meditation, she didn't notice the water in the bathroom shut off or Gail walk into the bedroom a few minutes later. The blonde stopped at the side of the bed and watched her wife breathing in and out with her eyes closed.

"Holly?" Gail said very softly.

Holly's eyes popped open and she sat up a little. "Oh hey, I didn't hear you get out."

Gail, still wrapped in a towel, sat down on the edge of the bed. "Are you okay?"

Holly nodded, trying to hide her emotions. "Yeah, I'm okay." At Gail's skeptical look, she let her face fall. "Ok, I wouldn't say I'm okay, but I'm getting there. My brain hasn't really let go of the panic that paralyzed me for days."

Gail nodded and looked down at the duvet. "Makes sense."

Holly scooted over so that she was closer to Gail. She reached her hand out and placed it on the blonde's knee. "How are you doing?"

Gail picked at a spot on the bedspread. "I'm not really sure what I am yet. Except exhausted. I feel like I could sleep for days." She hesitated. "But…I'm a little afraid to close my eyes." She laughed uneasily.

"Sweetie, do you want to talk about it?" Holly didn't need to specify what exactly she was referring to; Gail knew.

Gail closed her eyes and let her head drop down to her chest. "Yes. But I just can't right now. I'm so tired, Holly. I just…I can't yet." She picked her head up to look into Holly's eyes. "Is that ok?"

The anguish and fatigue on Gail's face broke Holly's heart. She squeezed her wife's knee and brought her other hand up to caress the too-pale cheek. "Of course, honey. We can talk about it when you're ready. I'm not going anywhere." Gail nodded and looked back down. "Why don't we go eat something and then we can get you in bed?"

Gail shook her head. "I'm really not hungry, baby. Food is really the last thing I want right now."

"I'm not really either, but let's just try ok? Even if you eat just a little bit, it will probably help you to not get so sick." Holly rubbed her hand over Gail's back.

"I know I should eat something, I really do, but I just…Holly…" Gail sounded distressed.

"Hey, it's ok. Let's just go downstairs and if you feel like you can eat a little then you will, but if you can't, you can't." Holly moved so she was sitting next to Gail. She put her hand around Gail's shoulders and pulled her in to her side. Gail put her head in the space below Holly's chin and breathed in deeply, allowing the familiar scent of her wife to soothe her. Holly kissed the top of the blonde head and then rested her cheek in the same spot, hoping that her touch could somehow ease some of Gail's pain.

After a couple of minutes, Gail leaned away and stood up. She moved to the dresser to pull out some underwear and put it on. Then she opened one of Holly's drawers and pulled out a flannel shirt. The blonde only stole Holly's shirts when she was sick or sad or when Holly was out of town. She didn't bother to put on any pants, the shirt hanging down to the middle of her thigh. Holly normally teased the blonde when she stole her clothes, but right now she wanted Gail to find comfort anywhere possible.

Holly stood from the bed and took her wife's hand to lead her downstairs. Gail sat on a stool while Holly made grilled cheese sandwiches. True to her prediction, Gail was only able to take one bite of the sandwich before pushing the rest away, looking a little green. But Holly wasn't much better, finishing only half of her own. After clearing the dishes, the pair returned to their bed, only stopping briefly to brush their teeth.

Holly took off her glasses and put them on the nightstand. Before turning off the light and settling down on her back, she glanced over at Gail, who was lying on her side, turned away from the brunette. Not ten seconds later, Holly felt the bed shift as Gail moved into her side. She wrapped her arms around the blonde and held tight.

"Wake me up if you need me, ok?" Holly whispered.

"Ok. I love you, Lunchbox." Gail said sleepily.

Holly smiled her signature half smile. "I love you too, honey. Tomorrow is a new day."

* * *

The next morning, Holly woke abruptly. She had been dreaming something about Perik, but the details were already slipping away. Feeling bleary eyed, she rolled over to regain contact with her wife when she noticed Gail wasn't there. She rolled back over to grab her glasses and check the time. 5:45am. Way too early for either one of them to be out of bed. She got out of bed and checked the bathroom to make sure Gail hadn't gotten sick. When she didn't spot her wife there, the brunette moved downstairs only to not see Gail in the living room or kitchen. Something in her chest tightened and she began to call out Gail's name. She checked the guest room and bathroom and then ran back upstairs to check the study. She even went into the garage to check the cars (both still there), calling out the blonde's name franticly.

Holly raced back upstairs to get her phone and tried calling her wife. When it went straight to voicemail, she left a disjointed and panicked message. "Gail, where are you? You need to call me back right now. I have no idea where you went and I'm freaking out." Deciding to drive around the neighborhood to see if Gail had decided to go for a run, Holly ran back downstairs. Just as she got to the bottom of the stairs, she saw Gail standing in front of the island in the kitchen with headphones in her ears and looking down at her phone.

Gail noticed Holly out of the corner of her eye and looked up. "Oh hey, what are you doing up?"

Holly stopped by the wall at the bottom of the stairs and put her back up against it. Relief washed over her, making her knees feel wobbly and her head spin. She leaned over and put her hands on her knees, drawing in steady breaths in an effort to calm her pounding heart.

Noticing her wife's reaction, Gail took her headphones out and put her phone down on the island before moving in front of Holly. She gently placed her hands on her wife's shoulders and dipped her head trying to see into the brunette's eyes. "Hey, are you ok? What happened?"

Holly just shook her head and then pulled her wife into her arms. Gail returned the hug and said with concern in her voice. "Holly, tell me what's going on."

Holly leaned back into the wall and closed her eyes. She kept one hand on Gail's arm while her other hand moved up to rub her forehead. When she spoke, her voice trembled. "I woke up and you weren't there, which wasn't a big deal, but then I couldn't find you anywhere. I was calling out your name but you didn't answer and you didn't answer your phone. Your car was still here, but you didn't leave a note like you do when you go for an early run and I just didn't know what happened or where you were…"

In the middle of Holly's rant, Gail pulled her back into a hug, rubbing her hands up and down the tense woman's back. "I'm sorry. I was on the back porch listening to music. I didn't think you would wake up this early and my phone is set to airplane mode because I didn't want to get any calls or texts from people asking how I'm doing. I'm really sorry you were scared."

Holly leaned away again to wipe away a tear that had escaped onto her cheek. She shook her head. "It's ok. You didn't do anything wrong. I just…I had a bad dream and when I couldn't find you, it sort of sent me into a tailspin. I can't believe I didn't check the back porch. Ugh, I swear I'm not always going to freak out every time you leave a room. I'm sorry I'm so emotional." Holly was kicking herself. She had panicked, again, for no reason.

Gail cupped Holly's cheek and wiped another tear away with her thumb. "Hey, don't apologize. You're allowed. It wasn't just me who was affected by all this." When Holly nodded, Gail continued. "Do you want to tell me about the dream?"

Holly inhaled deeply and then slowly let out the breath before starting to speak. "I don't remember the details. Perik was in it and you and the baby were in danger." Holly shook her head as if trying to cast off the sense of dread left by the dream.

"Well, the one good thing about all of this is that Perik is dead. He can't hurt us anymore. I'm fine and the baby is fine. See?" Gail placed her hand under her belly button and pulled her shirt tight. She pushed her hips forward a bit so that the baby bump stuck out.

Holly smiled and placed both hands on Gail's stomach. "I think it's gotten bigger in the past few days." Without moving her hands, Holly looked up into Gail's tired eyes. "How are you feeling? You're up really early."

Gail looked down at Holly's hands and covered them with her own. "Yeah, well, I didn't really sleep. I lay awake for hours and finally got up around four because I couldn't take it anymore."

"You didn't sleep at all?" Holly asked anxiously.

"I couldn't. Which made me really angry because I am so tired, Lunchbox." Gail said weakly.

Holly moved her hands back up to Gail's shoulders and turned her to walk toward the couch. "Why didn't you wake me up, honey?" The pair sat down, Holly holding Gail's elbow and hand with her own.

"Because you were exhausted too and it didn't make sense for both of us to not be sleeping. I wasn't upset…I mean other than being super frustrated about not being able to sleep. It gave me some time to sort through everything." Gail said.

Holly studied Gail's face, looking for any signs that her wife's overnight pondering had affected her mental stability. "Ok so I really want to talk about everything because I want to know how you're feeling about what happened, but you need some sleep first. Do you want me to make you some tea or warm milk to see if that will help?"

Gail shook her head. "No, I just…can you come lie with me? Maybe tell me some science facts to make me sleepy." Gail smiled at the slight dig.

Holly smirked a little. "You love my science facts." She took Gail's hand and pulled her up. "Come on."

When they were back in bed snuggled under the covers, Holly tucked her head into the crook of Gail's neck and began rubbing soft circles over her stomach.

Gail sighed and allowed her wife's rhythmic motions to relax her. "Mmm. I like it when you do that."

Holly grinned and answered in a voice just barely above a whisper. "Good. Just relax your body. Let yourself sink into the bed. Focus on how comfortable and warm you are. Take slow breaths in through your nose and let any worries you have leave when you exhale. Concentrate on the patterns my hand is making."

It didn't take long for Holly's ministrations to lull Gail into a deep sleep. The brunette continued massaging her wife's abdomen until she could no longer hold her own eyes open.

* * *

A little over four hours later, Gail woke again, feeling somewhat rested but still a little weary. She knew it would take a few days of solid sleep to really feel like she had recovered. Her slight movements caused Holly to stir awake as well. The brunette took a deep breath and leaned up on her elbow.

"Hey beautiful, feeling any better?" Holly asked, her eyes only half open.

"Mmm. I don't feel beautiful right now. Still pretty tired, but feeling a little less death-like." She rubbed her eyes.

Holly smiled at the adorably sleepy look on her wife's face. "You are always beautiful. But you should go back to sleep. You've still only had about four hours of sleep."

Gail sighed and ran her hand through her hair. "Yeah, but we need to go in and give our statements and I just want to get that over with so I don't have to think about it."

Holly nodded her understanding. "Alright, but first you need to eat something." When Gail began to protest, Holly cut her off with a gentle but firm argument. "Honey, I know you don't feel like eating, but you have to eat something. Even if it's just a piece of toast with some peanut butter. You're already exhausted and not eating is just a recipe for disaster. And trust me, you don't want to see how intensely I am going to hover if you faint again. The baby needs energy, sweetie, and so do you."

Gail sighed and nodded, knowing her wife was right even if she didn't like it. "Ugh, I know."

An idea occurred to Holly. "Hey, what do you think about going out of town for a few days? We could go to the cabin and just relax, watch movies, maybe go on some walks in the woods? It would give us some time away from everything, including people and their questions."

Gail pondered the idea for a moment. "That might be good. They probably aren't going to let me go back to work until next week and being away might make everything sink in a little bit." Gail wavered. "Even though I saw him, it doesn't really feel like he's dead. I keep having to remind myself that we aren't in danger anymore."

Holly put her hand on Gail's side and lay her head back down on Gail's chest. "I know, honey. Me too. I'm having a hard time thinking about being away from you. My brain knows that you aren't in danger anymore, but I still don't want to let you out of my sight. Which you may have gathered from my clingy freak out this morning. I'm glad we have some time before we go back to work because that's going to be a difficult day."

Gail hummed and nodded her agreement. "Just getting back to real life is going to be weird. I feel like it's been forever since I dropped you off at the airport." Gail chuckled at the memory. "Pretty sure we were both being super clingy then."

"Wow, remember when all we had to worry about was me being at a conference for seven days?" Holly said as she snuck her fingers under Gail's t-shirt to stroke warm skin.

"Yeah, that and me crying every drop of liquid from my traitorous body." Gail said with exasperation.

Holly chuckled. "Tears I can handle, especially sappy tears, but the sobbing was unnerving. I really didn't like leaving you like that. It was terrible being on the other side of that phone call and not being able to just give you a hug."

Gail covered her face with her hand. "I couldn't control my own body, Lunchbox. It was mutiny!"

Holly laughed. "Pregnancy hormones are intense. And anyway, I'm here now and we're going to go away and not worry about anything for a while." Holly moved to get up. "I'm going to get up and book some plane tickets and a rental car. Want to leave tonight or tomorrow?"

Gail grabbed Holly's elbow before she could get off the bed. "Wait, we're flying? Can't we drive?"

Holly made a sympathetic face. "Honey, it takes more than thirty hours to drive to Banff. We don't have that many days off and that's not very restful for you. I know you're afraid of flying, but I'll be with you. It's just a few hours."

Gail scowled. "I'm not afraid of flying, Holly. I'm afraid of the plane all of a sudden no longer flying and plummeting to the earth while I'm in it."

Holly laughed. "The plane is not going to plummet to the earth, Gail. I will hold your hand the whole time."

"I can't even take a sleeping pill to knock me out!" Gail exclaimed dramatically.

Holly pulled Gail's hand until the blonde relented and started to slide out of the bed. "I know, but just focus on how nice it will be to sit on the back porch and snuggle in front of the lake."

Gail frowned. "Ugh. Fine. But don't blame me if I hyperventilate and pass out. That's on you, Lunchbox."

Holly shook her head as she led the blonde into the bathroom to shower. The return of Grumpy Gail was making her believe that things might actually return to normal.

* * *

After showering and eating a quick lunch (if peanut butter toast could count as lunch), the two women made their way to the station. Each of them gave their statements and while Holly called her boss, Gail sat with Oliver in his office.

"How are you, darlin'?" Oliver asked.

Gail shrugged. "Meh, I'm fine."

"Cut the crap, Peck." Oliver said seriously.

"Ugh, fine. I mean, I'm glad the bastard is dead. But I'm also pretty pissed that he didn't have to spend the rest of his miserable life rotting away while other prisoners made him into their personal man whore." She crossed her arms.

Oliver smiled and pointed at Gail. "Aha, there's the Peckling, I know and love."

"Yeah, yeah. Did you find out how he got my address? Or a gun?" Gail asked.

"No and yes. Amber Schmidt, who is doing much better by the way, woke up and confirmed that the gun was hers, well her boyfriend's actually. He had left it there for protection because he didn't like that she lived alone." Gail shook her head at the irony. "As for how he got your address, we don't know. The search histories on the cell phone and Amber's computer didn't have anything helpful and we haven't found any evidence that Perik went anywhere or contacted anyone else. We may never know."

An angry expression covered Gail's face. "That doesn't make me feel good, Ollie. I don't like that ending."

Oliver shook his head. "Me neither, darlin'. But that's part of the job. Sometimes we don't get all the answers."

Gail furrowed her brow, but didn't respond.

Holly knocked on the door to the office. Oliver waved her in and she came in to stand next to a seated Gail. When she saw the dark look on her wife's face, she reached out for the blonde's hand. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Oh, Oliver was just telling me that they have no idea how Perik got our address." The frustration was evident in her voice.

Holly squeezed Gail's hand. "That is not comforting."

"We'll keep looking." Oliver said.

Both ladies nodded. Gail stood from her chair. "Well, Oliver, as much as I enjoy your powers to make me reveal carefully concealed feelings, I have to go pack my bags and prepare myself to worry loudly about the likelihood that seat cushions could actually be used as flotation devices."

Oliver smiled. "Enjoy your time off. I'll see you on Monday and not before."

Holly and Gail walked out of the station quickly, trying to avoid seeing any of their friends. The drive home was quiet, both women lost in thought, but holding hands over the center console. After packing their bags and calling to check on Steve and Traci, they drove to the airport. Normally they would have a friend drop them off, but neither was ready to field questions. A taxi was out of the question, considering Gail's history, so they decided to just spring for the airport parking fee.

Holly had tried to distract Gail so that she wouldn't feel anxious about getting on the plane. She had told her about the latest science journal she had been reading and the plots of the Netflix show she binge-watched the last time Gail had worked a Sunday. She had tried telling terrible jokes, much to Gail's dismay. All of this had been relatively successful, but as soon as they got in the line to board, Gail stopped responding with anything other than single word responses.

When they got to their seats, Gail immediately buckled her seatbelt and pulled it tight. Holly did the same and then looked over at her wife's paler-than-usual face. "How are you doing, honey?"

Gail grabbed Holly's hand and pulled it into her lap. Her face was pointed toward the seat in front of her, but her eyes were closed. "Is it hot in here? It feels hot in here."

Holly used her free hand to turn on the air above Gail and then placed it over Gail's knee. "Sweetheart, just breathe. Everything is going to be fine."

"Why did I let you talk me into this? I'm pregnant, Holly. My hormones are raging out of control and being trapped inside a two ton hunk of metal as it streaks across outer space at thousands of miles an hour isn't helping." Gail said tensely.

"Ok, technically it's not…" Holly started before Gail interrupted.

"Holly!" She whined.

"Right, not important. Ok, I know you're nervous, but I'm here. Just try to focus on something other than the plane." Holly switched the hand that Gail was holding so she could place one hand on Gail's back. "Let's talk about the baby."

Gail moved the hand that had been gripping the armrest nearest the window to cover her stomach. "Mmhmm. Ok, the baby."

"Did you know the baby is as big as a lime now?" Holly said. The flight attendants had finished their safety speech and the plane was beginning to taxi toward the runway.

Gail's eyes were still closed and the grip she had on Holly's hand was just short of causing actual pain. "Th-that's pretty big."

"Yeah and the baby has hands and feet now. With fingers and toes! Can you imagine how tiny they are?" Holly said excitedly.

"Really tiny." Gail squeaked.

"Uh huh. And she has hair follicles and nail beds and her little ears are almost fully formed." Holly gushed.

"He." Gail said softly.

"What?" Holly scrunched up her brow.

"The baby is a boy, Lunchbox. I told you this." For a split second, Gail had forgotten she was on a plane until it started to speed up for take off. She moved her hand back to grip the armrest and started breathing heavily. "Oh god."

"Ok, honey, stay calm." Holly lifted the armrest between them so she could scoot closer to her wife.

"I don't like take off, Holly. It feels wrong." Gail's face had turned a grayish color and she was taking quick, shallow breaths.

"I know. Ok so tell me about what you are excited to do with the baby when she…he is born." Holly rubbed Gail's back.

Gail panted a little before answering. "Um…I don't know."

"Oh come on. I am so excited to take the baby to the zoo and show him or her all the animals. And I'm excited to go to the butterfly exhibit and watch them land on that tiny nose." Holly said sentimentally.

"Such a nerd. I'm going to teach the baby how to scowl and sleep late and eat cheese puffs." Gail stuttered a bit, but some of her characteristic grouchiness was shining through.

Holly chuckled. "All very important skills, of course." She reached over and pulled Gail's chin so that the blonde was facing her. "Sweetie, open your eyes."

Gail shook her head jerkily. "Uh uh."

"Open them." Holly ordered. When Gail opened one eye, Holly said softly, "We're in the air."

Gail let out a long breath. "Ugh. I am the least badass of all times when you get me on a plane. I literally have no swagger in this thing. I hate it."

"I promise I won't tell anyone." Holly smirked.

* * *

The remainder of the flight went as well as could be expected. Except for some spots of turbulence and the entire landing process, both sending Gail clamoring for Holly's hand, the blond stayed fairly calm. Holly had hoped her wife would sleep as she was still quite deprived of it. But there was a big difference between staying calm enough to not hyperventilate and being calm enough to sleep.

They picked up their rental car and made their way to the cabin. Gail was quite put off by Holly refusing to let her drive, but the doctor argued that it wasn't safe because she was so fatigued. The blonde got her revenge by insisting on playing rap music on the entire drive, which she knew Holly hated.

The cabin had been an inheritance of Holly's from her parents who had died from a heart attack and cancer only a year apart from each other when she was nineteen and twenty. She and her parents had spent holidays and vacations at the cabin, swimming and hiking and snowshoeing. Holly had only been to the cabin a few times in the years before she met Gail. She didn't like to be alone there with only the memories of her parents to keep her company. She had no other family and taking her friends felt like a casual intrusion on the deep meaning the cabin held for her. It wasn't until she was in a relationship with Gail that she really wanted to share it with someone.

The first time they visited the cabin, Gail asked Holly to tell her all about her most favorite memories with her parents. Something about the tender way that Gail asked made Holly believe that the blonde sincerely wanted to know about her family and in the knowing, to share a little of her pain and loss. Holly's parents had been older when they had her, but their deaths had still been very traumatic for her. Her parents were only children so there were not aunts or cousins to help her through the grief. She refused to call herself an orphan because her parents had been too much a part of her life; but for years, until she met Gail in fact, she felt as if she were untethered, drifting through life alone. It was Gail who had grounded her, made her feel as if she had a home again.

The pair had been visiting the cabin several times a year since they had made things official, creating new memories to stand alongside Holly's old ones. It was where they said "I love you" for the first time and where Gail proposed (nearly dropping the ring in the lake in the process). It was where they had their tiny wedding, with only Steve, Traci and the minister present to witness. It was where they had first discussed their desires to expand their family and where Holly had nearly fallen off a cliff when Gail said she wanted to be the one to get pregnant first. It was a home away from home, a place they could retreat to when life seemed too cruel.

After stopping at a local market for groceries, the women made their way to the cabin shortly before dark. They put the food away and then went out onto the back porch to watch the sunset over the lake. Holly sat on the porch swing, her back resting against one arm while Gail sat between her legs. Gail's hands were covering Holly's, which were on top of the blonde's stomach. They watched the sun go down in silence and when it started to get chilly, Holly pulled down a blanket off the top of the swing to cover them both.

"I'm mad at you Holly." Gail's voice startled her because it had been so long since either of them had spoken.

Holly tensed a little at her wife's words. "What? Why? If this is about not being able to drive…"

"No, it's because you didn't listen to me." Gail said. She didn't sound angry, she sounded sad.

Holly thought back over the day, trying to figure out what her wife was referring to. "Want to unpack that for me, honey?"

Gail sighed. "When he was at the house and there were gunshots outside, you didn't get down when I told you to."

The light bulb went off in Holly's mind. "Honey, I'm sorry, I just reacted…and you were…"

Gail turned slightly so that she could look into Holly's eyes. Holly's heart clenched, when she saw the pain on her wife's face. "Holly, I know you aren't helpless and I don't want you to think that I doubt your ability to defend yourself. I know you are a strong, independent woman and you take care of  _me_  in so many ways. If I didn't have you these past few days, there's no telling where I'd be now. Probably dead on Perik's torture table somewhere…"

Holly closed her eyes. "Don't say that…"

"I'm serious, Holly. It's because of you that I don't run into situations recklessly anymore. I mean yeah, I still do stupid things sometimes like punch mirrors or eat three donuts in five minutes, but I didn't go after him. Even when I knew he was probably hurting that girl, I didn't go. As much as I hated it, I knew I couldn't because of you and the baby. But as strong and amazing as you are, you are not a cop. Putting yourself in harm's way on a regular basis isn't something you signed up for. I know that you're more exposed to danger just because you're with me and I hate that. The only reason you had to even think about Perik is because he was obsessed with me. I hate that I brought that into your life..."

Holly shook her head. "Gail, you don't…"

Gail rushed on, not letting Holly interrupt. "But that's something I have to live with. Because I love you and I can't not have you in my life. I wouldn't be able to breathe. There would just be a hole and an endless number of days where I tried to survive the emptiness. And I know you feel the same way so I just have to accept that sometimes, you might be in more danger with me than you would be if we weren't together." Gail's eyes were shining with unshed tears.

"But Holly, you have to accept that I am a cop and I am trained to protect others. It's not that I'm braver than you or care more about you than you care about me. It's that I know what to do in dangerous situations. I know how to react and how to use a gun. It's not just my job; it's part of who I am. I grew up with the expectation that I would serve and protect. And so when I think a madman with a gun is coming up the stairs, ready to shoot at me and my wife, I am going to stand up and face him and protect the people I love. And I need you to be ok with that. You have to let me do that. I know I'm pregnant and that makes it harder for you, but you have to let me keep you safe. Because you didn't have a gun and we thought he did."

Holly was crying now, but Gail continued speaking with determination. "You have to promise me that you will listen. You have to promise me if something like this happens again, you will do your best to get out of harm's way and let me protect you. I'm not going to go looking for trouble, but if it finds us, you have to let me be the cop. And in return, I promise that I will always be careful and I won't take any unnecessary risks. Because you have to know that I want to come home to you every day."

Holly pulled Gail in for a tight hug. She mumbled into the blonde's necks. "Will it make you mad if I point out that the likelihood of us ever being in that situation again is pretty small?"

Gail scrunched up her face. "Yes. Because trouble finds me, Holly. I'm serious. Promise me."

"Ok, I promise on two conditions." Holly said seriously.

Gail raised her eyebrows. "You have to promise to eat whatever I make for dinner tonight."

"Seriously? I gave you a super long and serious speech and that's what you're replying with?" Gail said.

Holly chuckled. "Yes, because my second condition is that you will let me take care of you. I may not be a cop and I may not have a gun, but I am your wife and I am a doctor. I can help make sure you don't get sick and that you get enough rest and nutrients. I can hold you when you have a nightmare and I can listen when you're scared. I can sit with you on the nights you can't sleep so you'll know you aren't alone. I am never going to stop wanting to keep you safe and this is how I can do that. So you have to listen to me and let me take care of you."

Gail pondered for a moment and then sighed. "Okay."

Holly smiled. "You promise?"

"I promise if you promise." Gail said expectantly.

Holly put her hand over her heart. "I promise."

"Alright then, I promise I will eat dinner…" When Holly opened her mouth to say something, Gail rushed to say, "…and I will let you take care of me."

"Good." Holly leaned in to give Gail a kiss. "So does that mean you aren't mad at me anymore?"

"Lunchbox, you know I wasn't really ever mad. I just couldn't bear the thought of you being in the line of fire of a bullet." Gail held up her hand when she saw Holly was about to protest. "I know, I know, that's how you feel every day. But you chose to marry a cop and to be fair, I tried to warn you. On this very swing, if my memory serves me correctly."

"Well, maybe I should have thought twice about that warning." When Gail pinched her side, Holly laughed. "I'm only kidding! Even then you knew I was too in love with you to turn back. I'm never going to stop worrying about you, but it doesn't mean I would trade a single day."

"Honest to god, Holly, sometimes I don't know why." Gail said with a hint of self-doubt in her voice.

Holly lifted her hand to Gail's cheek. "Because every day with you is the best day, even when it's the worst day. Because without you, I wouldn't have a home. Because you made me a wife…" She moved her hand back down to Gail's stomach. "…and a mom. You gave me a family again."

Gail choked back tears and said, "Alright, Stewart, that's enough of that unless you want to see that sobbing you are so fond of."

Holly smiled and pulled Gail in for another hug. She kissed her wife's temple and whispered, "I love you, sweetheart."

Gail cleared her throat and nodded. "Love you too."

Holly leaned back and motioned for Gail to get up. "Ok, let's go make dinner."

"Hey, I never promised to help!" Gail said grumpily as she walked into the cabin.

Holly shook her head and followed Gail inside.


	17. Chapter 17

That night Gail had fallen asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, the stress of the previous few days finally catching up with her. Holly, too, had fallen asleep quickly, but just before three am, she began to stir fitfully until she jerked awake in a cold sweat. She hastily flipped over to confirm that Gail was still in bed and not in danger of any of the horrific images she had seen in her nightmares. Even though she found the blonde sleeping peacefully, Holly couldn't stop herself from placing a hand on her wife's chest just to confirm she was still breathing. After taking a few deep breaths and allowing the image of her wife safe and sound to soothe her, Holly felt her heartbeat returning to normal.

Once she was sufficiently convinced that Gail was ok, Holly got out of bed and made her way to the kitchen. She had just taken the kettle off the stove to make a cup of tea when Gail stumbled in.

"Hey." Gail said groggily, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands.

"Oh, hey. Did I wake you up? I was trying to be quiet." Holly replied.

Gail sat on a stool near the island, holding her head up with one hand. "No. I woke up cause I was cold and when I rolled over to put my icy feet on you, you weren't there. What are you doing up?"

Holly dropped her head. "I had a bad dream."

Gail got up from the stool and moved to stand next to her wife, placing her hand on Holly's hip. "You want to tell me about it?"

Holly touched Gail's arm and sighed. "It was…it was like the last one." The look on Gail's face indicated that she wanted Holly to continue, but the brunette hesitated. "You don't need to hear the details. I don't want you to have one too."

"I don't think that's how it works, baby. If it were me, you'd want me to tell." When Holly still looked reluctant, Gail tried again. "Holly, you being upset is going to bother me more than hearing about your dream."

Holly smiled slightly at the smirk on Gail's face. It wasn't that long ago that Holly had said the same thing to Gail when she was still in Vancouver. That felt like a century ago.

Holly knew she had lost this one. "He got to you. He made it in the house and took you and I couldn't move or scream or do anything. You were crying and telling me to save the baby, which didn't make sense cause you were still pregnant and he was taking you away." She shook her head as tears filled her eyes and her voice trembled. "I couldn't help you."

Gail wrapped her arms around Holly. "I'm sorry." The two women held each other for a couple of minutes, the warmth of each other's arms providing a solace they sorely needed. When Gail leaned away, she used one hand to wipe tears from her wife's cheeks. "I'm safe, the baby is safe and that monster can't ever get to any of us ever again."

Holly nodded and sniffled. Gail held her cheek and said softly, "Let's go back to bed." She leaned in for a chaste kiss before grabbing her wife's wrist and leading her back to the bedroom.

* * *

When Holly woke the next morning, she was happy to discover that there had been no more nightmares. Gail's side of the bed was empty, but there was a piece of paper lying on her pillow. Holly smiled and picked it up.

_Lunchbox,_

_Don't panic. I'm on the back porch._

_-G_

Holly shook her head and put the note on the nightstand. She rose from the bed, put on her robe and walked out into the kitchen. She was greeted by the smell of coffee brewing. She poured herself a cup before walking outside to join her wife.

Gail was sitting on the porch swing, both hands wrapped around a mug. When Holly opened the door, Gail looked up and smiled brightly. "Morning, sleepyhead."

Anytime Gail smiled at her like that, with a sweetness reserved only for her, Holly was reminded again how thankful she was to be loved by this woman. She returned the smile and sat down in the empty space on the swing. "Morning. Thanks for making coffee."

"Thought you could use it after last night. And before you ask, mine is tea so no lectures needed." Gail held out her cup for Holly to inspect.

Holly chuckled. "I believe you. I could have had tea too. I hate to drink it in front of you when you can't have it." In contrast to her words, Holly held the cup up to her lips to take a sip.

"Yeah I can see you're really broken up about it." Gail smiled to show she wasn't actually upset. "I'll give you a pass this morning. You sleep ok?"

Holly nodded. "Like a baby. No more bad dreams. What about you? How long have you been up?" She put her hand on Gail's knee.

"About two hours. But I slept pretty well. I'm starting to feel less like a zombie."

"I'm really glad to hear that. You probably would have slept through the night if it wasn't for me." Holly said sadly.

"Hey, you didn't wake me up; my cold feet did. And anyway, I wish you had woken me up and if it happens again, you should. I want to be there for you." Gail put her hand over the one on her knee.

"I just…you really needed sleep and you looked so peaceful. I didn't have the heart to wake you up."

"As much as I appreciate that, you know I don't want you to have to deal with this alone. It's a two way street, baby." Gail said firmly.

"I know, " Holly relented. "Hopefully, those two dreams were an anomaly." Gail nodded and they sat in silence for a couple of minutes.

"Do you want to go for a hike today?" Gail asked.

Holly turned toward Gail, looking for any signs of exhaustion in her wife's face. But for the first time in a while, the blonde looked relatively normal. "If you feel up for it. We can go after breakfast."

"Yeah. I feel pretty good today. And I could use the fresh air. I feel like I was trapped inside for forever." Gail said dramatically.

"I know. Between the conference and everything that happened, I haven't been for a run in like a week." Holly frowned.

"Oh God forbid!" Gail teased.

Holly pinched Gail's side. "Hey, some of us don't have the metabolism of a teenage boy. Some of us have to work to stay in shape."

Gail caught Holly's hands and laughed. "Well, some of us are going to be as big as a house in a few months so I don't want to hear about it."

Holly's eyes widened and she cooed. "Aww, I can't wait for that!" Gail scrunched up her face. "I'm serious! I love your tiny little baby bump, but I can't wait for you to get bigger. You're going to look so cute."

"What have I said about the 'c' word, Holly?" Gail groaned.

"Yeah, I'm not taking that back. Just get used to it." Holly launched herself at Gail, wrapping her arm around her neck and rubbing her hand on Gail's stomach. "I  _love_  this little bump and I can't wait for it to be even bigger and more adorable."

Gail was trying to squirm away but secretly loving the attention from her wife. "Ugh. Get off me! You're squishing the baby!"

Holly paused, suspended just above her wife with a cheeky grin on her face. "Since when do you not like it when I'm on top of you. If you hate it so much, I'll be sure not to do it anytime in the near future." Holly teased as she removed herself from the swing and started to walk inside.

Gail shook her head in confusion. "Wait, what? No that's...Holly! That's not what meant!" Gail scrambled to follow her wife while the brunette just chuckled triumphantly.

* * *

A few hours later, the women were hiking a nearby trail when Gail motioned that she needed to stop for a break. Gail leaned over with her hands on her knees, working to catch her breath. Holly placed a hand on her wife's back and held a water bottle under her face.

"Hey, you ok? Drink some water." Holly said, her brow knitted with concern.

Gail stood up straight and took several long gulps from the bottle and then panted a little. "I'm ok. Just a little winded. I didn't think I was that out of shape."

Holly held onto Gail's arm as she attempted to catch her breath. "Well you haven't gotten a lot of sleep and you haven't been eating much lately. If you combine those things with the pregnancy hormones, it would make sense that you're feeling fatigued. Growing a human takes a lot of energy. Do you feel lightheaded at all?"

"Mmm, not really. Just a little woozy." Gail said, wiping the sweat from her brow.

Holly hooked her arm through Gail's to provide some stability. "Alright, why don't we just sit down on this log for a few minutes." Gail allowed herself to be led to the log, which was situated in a scenic overlook, about six feet from the edge of a cliff.

Holly's hand rested protectively on Gail's back as they took in the view. The silence and the beauty of their surroundings caused Gail's mind to churn.

"Holly, I'm really angry." Gail said stoically, her expression not matching the emotion she was supposedly feeling.

Surprised almost as much by the break in silence as the admission, Holly turned to look at Gail. "What? I thought we already talked about this. I promised..."

Gail shook her head and cut Holly off. "No, it's not about that. I'm not angry at you. I'm angry at Perik." She continued to stare straight ahead.

Holly began to lightly massage the tense muscles under Gail's shoulder blades. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Gail took a deep breath, exhaling slowly before she answered. "I want to say a lot of things, Holly. But I'm probably going to yell and I don't want you to think I'm yelling at you. I just...I need to get this off my chest so I can move on."

Holly nodded her understanding. "You can yell as much as you want, honey. This is the perfect place for it. You can yell and scream where no one but me can hear and then you can leave all those feelings behind."

Gail studied Holly's face for a few more seconds, looking for any indication that her wife was uncomfortable with the proposition she had just put forth. When she found none, she stood from the log and walked closer to the edge of the cliff.

"Ok but, how about you not stand that close to the edge? In fact, if you're going to be yelling, I'd like you on this side of the log." Holly pointed to the area behind her, nearest to the path.

Gail turned on her heel and gave Holly an irritated look. "Do you really think I'm going to launch myself off this cliff? I'm not that clumsy."

Holly tilted her head slightly in response, knowing the gesture worked on Gail every time.

"Ugh, fine. But I resent the implication." Gail huffed as she walked around the log.

Holly let out a small sigh of relief. She honestly didn't care that Gail was offended. She had the memory of Gail ranting so furiously that she didn't notice how close she was to the street to remind her that her overprotectedness was warranted. Still she humored Gail. "Noted, sweetheart."

Gail paced back and forth for a few seconds before beginning to speak. Her voice started out as a low rumble. "I'm angry, Lunchbox. Really, really angry. Because that bastard caused me so much fear for so long. Even after he was locked up, I had to live with the memories and the nightmares. Any time someone suggests riding in a taxi, I tense up. And when I hear certain shoes on the floor, my heart stops. But at least he was in jail. At least I knew he was in a tiny cell and could never enjoy the parts of life that make existing worthwhile."

Knowing this might take a little while, Holly put her hands on the log on either side of her hips and settled in. She followed Gail with her eyes, nodding along with her angry tirade.

"And then, somehow, some IMBECILE let that monster just walk right out of prison! One mistake by one green idiot and Perik was just out, free to do whatever he wanted." Gail pointed at herself. "I've made mistakes before, Holly. I know I have. But I would be lying if I said I didn't want to find that prison guard and remove his teeth with pliers one by one. Because he let a fucking SERIAL KILLER just walk out of prison! How does that happen?! And why did it have to be Perik? How many serial killers are in prison and what are the chances that the one who escapes would be the one sick, jackass who is obsessed with me? And why does the universe hate me so much? I mean I know I'm not perfect, but JESUS! Am I so terrible that I have to deal with him not once, but three fucking times?"

Holly frowned. She hated when Gail believed that the universe was against her. Although, sometimes she had a hard time finding an argument to the contrary.

"And then..." Gail paused. She was seething now. "He killed another man. A man who was just trying to RIDE A BUS! That guy was just in the wrong place on the wrong day. He didn't deserve that. Perik killed that man because he was desperate to get to me. And I know that I'm not responsible for that. But if it weren't for me, that man would be alive. And I HATE Perik with every fiber of my being for making me feel that again. I will never stop feeling that about Jerry. I know I didn't make Perik kill Jerry, but Jerry died because he was trying to find me."

This wasn't the first time Gail had mentioned her guilt over Jerry's death, but she rarely talked about it so directly. The fact that her wife felt responsible for what happened to him broke Holly's heart.

"And then, on top of everything, he called me. He called me and I let him get in my head and then I put my hand through a fucking MIRROR! I put the baby in danger because I lost control and I can't forgive myself for that. And again, it makes me so fucking angry that he is the reason I feel that way." Gail was practically growling now.

Holly wanted to interrupt, to pull her wife into her arms and tell her it wasn't her fault. But she knew Gail needed to get everything out so she dug her fingernails into the log and listened.

"And then he came to our house. To our HOUSE, Holly. We are supposed to feel safe there. It's our home. And we will probably never know how he figured out where I live, but we will never forget that he made it onto our lawn. I know that he was stopped before he got to us. But he found our house and you were there and that lawn will forever be the place he died. And that is what makes me more angry than anything else. That motherfucker doesn't have to spend years and years wasting away knowing that no one gives a damn about him because he died. He's dead and I hate that he got out of it that easy. I guess I should be happy about that because it's over. But it's not really over because you're having nightmares and I still can't get in a cab. It will never be over." Gail ran a hand through her hair and then stopped to look at Holly, her face flushed with rage.

"I wish that I had killed him, Holly. I wish it had been me. Because if that bastard was going to get out that easy, then I wanted to be able to stand over him, watch him writhe in pain, and then tell him that I won. I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to feel the fear that he made me feel. But instead, he got shot and died almost instantly. And that makes me SO FUCKING ANGRY!" Gail yelled so loudly that her voice echoed off the cliff. The blonde shook with the force of her fury, her fists clenched so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

Holly stood from the log, no longer able to keep herself from interjecting. "Gail. You should feel that way. You should feel angry. Because Perik took something from you all those years ago. He took away your sense of security. He made you feel afraid for your own life. And when he got out, he made you feel that again. And this time it was worse because you also felt afraid for me and the baby. I hate him for that too. I hate that he made you feel that fear again. But that's not the end of the story. Because you are here and I am here and he isn't. He can never make you feel afraid ever again. He can't hurt you anymore. And just think, our baby? Our adorable little bean is going to be born into a world where Ross Perik doesn't exist. And I think the greatest revenge is that we get to have a long, happy life with more love than we will know what to do with. He never had that and he can't ever take that away from us."

Taking in Holly's words, Gail stared at the ground for a beat before asking softly, "But will it ever be completely over? Will we ever be able to forget?"

"I don't want to forget. I always want to remember how strong and brave you were. I want to remember how we cared for each other, how we held each other. I want to remember that we survived something so terrible together. Because when the next hard thing happens, we will know that we can make it through it. This is the most difficult thing I have ever endured and at the end of it, I know that I have never loved you more than I do right now. I couldn't be more sure that you are everything I need and all I have ever wanted." Holly walked forward toward Gail.

Gail took Holly's hand and looked into her misty eyes. "You made me brave, Holly. You made me strong. You made the hard thing easier." She lifted her hand to Holly's cheek.

Holly smiled through tears and placed a hand behind Gail's head to pull the blonde in for a kiss. It was a soft kiss, a reminder of all that they had been through and a promise to stand by each other, no matter what the future held.

When Holly leaned back she had a grin on her face. "I have an idea."

Gail knew that look. It usually meant her wife had come up with some crazy plan that she would be forced to join. "What?"

Holly turned back toward the cliff and pulled Gail along with her. When they were about four feet from the edge, Holly dropped Gail's hand so she could cup both hands around her mouth. She took a deep breath and then screamed, "FUCK YOU, PERIK!"

Gail immediately laughed out loud. God, she loved this woman. When Holly raised her eyebrows expectantly, Gail flashed a huge, toothy smile and then cupped her own mouth. She leaned back and yelled. "FUCK YOU, PERIK! WE WIN!"

Both women descended into a giggle fit, a certain euphoria settling over them at the decision to leave Perik behind. When they were finally able to breathe normally, they walked down the mountain, hand in hand.

* * *

Later that evening, the women decided to go out for some lighthearted fun. They started with mini golf, an activity that Gail swore counted as sports, but Holly argued didn't count if you didn't work up a sweat. After finding herself ten strokes behind after only four holes, Gail claimed that the aerodynamics of her pregnant body were different and so she really couldn't be blamed for her poor performance. Holly just rolled her eyes and mentally braced herself for the many ways she knew Gail would use this pregnancy as an excuse in the future.

After a quick bite to eat, the women decided to pay a visit to one of their favorite local bars. Gail pointed out that after everything that had happened in the past few days, at least one of them should get to drink some alcohol. And that is how Gail found herself at a high-top table, checking out her wife's magnificent ass as Holly stood at the bar waiting for their drinks.

Holly had only been waiting about two minutes when a tall, husky man came to stand beside her at the bar. The cutoff shirt he was wearing revealed two arms covered in tattoos of naked women and his greasy hair stuck to his thick neck. Gail tensed when the man started talking to Holly, but she didn't move to get up. Holly was a grown woman and could turn down a man just as easily as she could, with a much kinder look on her face too. She watched her wife hold up her hand to indicate the wedding ring on her finger, but instead of taking his lumps and walking away, the man moved closer. Gail gripped the table, willing herself to stay in her seat and let Holly handle the situation. The brunette shook her head and took a step back, looking away from the man in search of the bartender. When Gail saw the man take another step forward and grasp Holly's arm, she flew out of her chair before she knew what she was doing.

"Hey buddy." Gail growled as she came to stand beside Holly. "I suggest you use the few brain cells in your head to remove your hand from my wife's arm before I physically remove it for you." Gail placed her hand on Holly's lower back possessively.

"No need to get jealous, baby. There's plenty of me to go around. I don't mind sharing." He slurred his words and moved to place his hand on Gail's arm, but she caught his wrist mid-air.

"Hey, jackass. If you don't walk away right now, I swear to god I will rip off your balls, grind them into a fine dust and then force you to inhale it through your nose right before I use the heel of my hand to break it into at least seven pieces." Gail said angrily as she took a step closer to the man.

The man could see in Gail's face that she wasn't bluffing and had enough intelligence to blush and take a step backward.

Holly grabbed Gail's hip to keep her from moving forward any further. "Gail. Let's just go back to our table."

The blonde didn't move from the spot, instead she glared at the man until he turned and stumbled in the opposite direction. Holly pulled on Gail's hip until she finally turned around.

"Hey, I'm ok. He didn't hurt me." Holly reassured her wife.

"He put his hand on you, Holly. Nobody gets to touch you, but me." Gail snarled, a scowl covering her face.

"Well, you shut that down pretty fast and very descriptively I might add." Holly pulled Gail by the wrist back to their table.

"Ugh. Why is everyone the worst, Holly? And why do disgusting men always think that lesbians want to have three-ways with them? That's not a thing! Lesbians are lesbians for a reason!" Gail said grumpily.

"Because men are controlled by their penises, honey. They don't use logic." Holly said sympathetically. She didn't hate all men, by any means, but she also knew it was better to indulge Gail's irritable rant than to try to argue with her about how not all men are meatheads.

"I hate people." Gail said.

Holly squinted with sympathy before an idea came to her. She stood from her chair and kissed Gail's forehead. "I know what you need."

Before Gail could answer, the brunette was walking away from the table. "Wait, where…" Gail watched her wife walk over to the jukebox, take some coins out of her pocket and put them in the machine. As soon as Gail heard the drums and synthesizer, she knew which song Holly had picked and groaned. Her wife had a thing for power ballads. Cheesy power ballads. She loved to sing them and dance to them and even run to them. Gail was more of an alternative rock kind of girl. A good portion of all road trips were spent negotiating over the music choices.

Holly turned to reveal the giant, goofy grin on her face and made her way back to the table. As soon as the first lyrics began, Holly was lip syncing along, moving her head and bouncing her shoulders. Gail shook her head and schooled her face.

Holly continued to mouth the words to the song as she made her way back to Gail.

_**Standing here beside you, want so much to give you…** _

Gail shook her head and looked around. "Holly, you are insane. No one is dancing."

Holly only smiled wider and tilted her head back as she said the next line.

_**Let 'em say we're crazy, I don't care about that** _

Singing the next line, Holly held one hand out to Gail and used the other to point to her eyes and shake her head.

_**Put your hand in my hand, baby, don't ever look back** _

Already starting to grin, Gail couldn't hold back the chuckle when Holly began acting out the words to the song, waving a hand over her head and then pounding a fist to her chest, all the while bouncing on her knees to the beat.

_**Let the world around us just fall apart, baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart** _

Gail couldn't resist anymore. She took Holly's hand and allowed her to pull her from the chair. Holly put her hands on Gail's hips while Gail held onto her shoulders. Singing the words softly now, Holly put her cheek to Gail's and crooned into Gail's ear.

_**And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever, nothing's gonna stop us now. And if this world run's out of lovers, we'll still have each other, nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now.** _

People at nearby tables were staring at the couple, some with grins and others with furrowed brows. But Gail honestly couldn't care less. She had the woman she loved in her arms, even if that woman was currently making a fool of herself.

Gail leaned away slightly to look in Holly's face as the brunette sang. "You are such a nerd, Lunchbox. Like a gold star nerd." Holly beamed and sang louder.

_**Let 'em say we're crazy, what do they know? Put your arms around me, baby, don't ever let go. Let the world around us just fall apart, baby we can make it if we're heart to heart.** _

Gail could hardly contain the overwhelming love she felt for this woman. This woman who had stood beside her even as serial killers approached their door. As Holly smiled at Gail, goofily singing the words to the song, the blonde knew she would do anything for this woman. She would start fights in bars, she would jump in front of bullets and dammit, she would sing and dance to terrible songs when no one else would. At the bridge, Gail pulled away slightly so Holly could see her animatedly mouthing the words to the song, even mimicking the actions Holly had performed earlier to match the lyrics.

**_Let 'em say we're crazy, what do they know? Put your arms around me, baby, don't ever let go. Let the world around us just fall apart; baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart._ **

Soon Holly could no longer sing or even lip sync to the song because she was laughing so hard at Gail's hilarious antics. The blonde was not only mouthing the words to the song, but was also dancing wildly by bobbing her head, stamping her feet and waving her arms around. And it struck Holly suddenly that she would do anything for this woman. She would stay up with her on sleepless nights, rub her back when nightmares caused her to cry and dammit, she would coax her into singing and dancing to ridiculous power ballads when she needed to be reminded that life wasn't all dark and painful.

Holly grabbed Gail's hip with one hand and held her hand out in a standard dance pose with the other. She pressed her chest to her wife's and once again sang the words into Gail's ears as the two swayed, a little less feverishly as before.

**_Ooh, all that I need is you. All that I ever need and all that I want to do is hold you forever, ever and ever._ **

Gail listened to her wife's soft voice, singing sweetly in her ear and said a quick thank you to whatever fates there may be that she had this woman in her life. She imagined the possibilities that their future held. She saw flashes of love and laughter, a child on her lap and another cradled in Holly's arms. She saw picnics and baseball games and late night movie marathons and she knew that Holly was the reason she would get to experience all of it.

The overwhelming joy in her heart caused Gail to raise her fist in the air just in time to the "hey" in the song. Holly chuckled happily and then buried her face in Gail's neck as the blonde wrapped both arms tightly around her. If there was anything Holly knew, it was that she really would never let go of this woman. This life. This love.


	18. Chapter 18

Friday and Saturday were spent watching movies, napping, hiking and cuddling on the back porch. The time away was restorative. Gail was finally able to get all the sleep she wanted and Holly hadn't succumbed to any more nightmares. Feeling bright and mischievous, Gail had tried to talk Holly into skinny-dipping in the lake. Though a wiggle of Gail's eyebrows could usually talk her into nearly any activity, Holly had to be the voice of reason, reminding Gail that jumping into freezing cold water while pregnant probably wasn't the best idea.

"Ugh, being pregnant is a total buzz kill!" Gail turned away from Holly, pouting with her arms crossed.

"Um, Gail?" Holly said flirtatiously.

"What?" Gail answered sourly.

"Just because we can't skinny-dip doesn't mean we can't get naked." Holly said seductively.

"Oh rea…" Gail stopped speaking as soon as she turned around. Standing across the room from her was Holly, wearing only her flannel shirt, unbuttoned to reveal lacy black panties and matching bra. Gail's mouth hung open, her eyes trailing up and down her wife's body.

"Like what you see, officer?" Holly put her hands on her hips and cocked her head.

"Holly. It's official. I'm a lesbian." Gail deadpanned.

Holly laughed heartily. "Well, I certainly hope so since we're married and you're having my baby."

Gail crossed the room to place her hands on Holly's hips. "This is my favorite day. Of all the days." Gail had her eyes trained on Holly's cleavage.

"My face is up here, my love." Holly chuckled and pointed at her eyes with two fingers.

"You cannot expect me to look at your face when you are dressed like that. How did you get undressed that fast?" Gail did finally look up into Holly's eyes.

Donning her signature half smile and tilting her head, Holly said, "I have many hidden talents." Holly broke away from Gail and turned toward the bedroom. Gail looked down at her wife's shapely ass, peeking out from under her shirt. "If you'd like to join me, I'd be happy to share some of my other secrets with you."

Gail tripped over her own feet in an effort to follow her wife. She was certain she had never moved so fast. Skinny-dipping was overrated anyway.

The plane ride back to Toronto was eventful to say the least. Gail's fear of flying was amped up to eleven when they experience a large batch of turbulence due to a thunderstorm. There was little Holly could do but wrap her arm around her wife's shoulders as she sat with her knees hugged to her chest. When they finally landed, Gail's face was a strange mix of pale and green. Regaining her equilibrium, Gail came alive again on the car ride home, hamming it up to every terrible pop song that came on the radio. Holly smiled broadly as she watched her wife dance, finally feeling like things were returning to normal. She tried not to think about returning to work the following day, even though the jobs they loved were part of normal life. Holly knew it was irrational, but the thought of Gail no longer being in her direct vicinity made her feel a little nauseous.

In stark contrast, Gail was thrilled to be going back to work. Not only did she love her job, but she also felt the need turn some of the emotion of the previous week loose, using it to make the streets of Toronto safe. And if she got to slam a suspect up against a wall in the process, she wouldn't hate that. She felt more motivated than ever to catch people like Perik and put them behind bars. She had been animatedly explaining how excited she was to go back out on patrol when she noticed that Holly had barely said a single word all through dinner.

"Hey, are you ok? You aren't your usual chatty self." Gail asked.

"Yeah, I'm ok." Holly said, looking down at her plate.

"Holly, when will you learn that you are a terrible liar? What's going on?"

"I'm just…I'm not looking forward to going back to work." She muttered.

"Why not? You love your job." Gail really wasn't catching on.

"It's not really about my job. But we don't need to talk about it. I'll get over it." Holly stood from the table and took her and Gail's plates to the sink.

"Yeah, that's not gonna work for me." Gail stood from her chair and joined her wife in the kitchen, placing her hands on Holly's hips and her chin on her shoulder. "We tell each other stuff, right?"

Holly chuckled mirthlessly and dropped her head for a moment before turning around to face Gail. She put her hands on Gail's shoulders and closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to see Gail's response to what she was about to say. "I'm not looking forward to going back to work because I'm not ready to have you out of my sight yet. I know Perik is dead and you're not in danger anymore, at least not from him, but when I think about you going back out on patrol, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. And I know you're good at your job and you're careful and most likely nothing will happen, but logic isn't really winning out right now. I know that everything is over, but it doesn't feel over and…"

Gail interrupted Holly with a kiss. "Holly. Breathe."

Holly opened her eyes, took a deep breath and then continued. "I'm sorry I'm being so clingy. I won't always be this crazy."

Gail just stared back, no expression on her face. "Holly, don't be an idiot."

Holly moved to pull away, feeling hurt by Gail's response, but the blonde only held on to her hips tighter. "Holly, you're an idiot because you're acting like your feelings don't matter to me. But I'm also an idiot because we've talked about how I feel about everything that has happened, but I never asked you how you're feeling."

Holly shook her head. "I honestly was ok until I thought about you going back to work. I think I was so focused on making sure you were doing ok that I didn't have time to think about it."

Gail took one of Holly's hands and led her to the living room to sit on the couch. She pulled Holly's other hand into hers. "So tell me how you feel about everything that happened. I know you were scared and worried when Perik was out. And then he came to the house and he died. How are you doing with that?"

Holly looked down at their joined hands. "I was scared and really worried about you. I was terrified that Perik would find a way to get to you. So when Steve told us he was dead, I was relieved and kind of happy about it. And maybe I should feel bad about that because I'm a doctor and my job is to give a voice to the dead, but I honestly don't care about any of that. I'm happy that that bastard is dead. He can't ever hurt you again. And I understand how you feel about wanting him to suffer in prison, but I'm just so glad that we never have to worry about going through that again."

Gail nodded. "I know. Me too."

She looked into Gail's eyes. "And after he was dead, I just wanted to make sure you were ok. You had just been in the hospital and you weren't really sleeping or eating. I was still so worried about you. But the last few days were amazing. We just got to have fun and relax and I wasn't worried about anything happening to you. But when I think about you going back out on patrol where you could get shot at or stabbed or any number of things, I feel worried again. And I know that's your job and tomorrow is no different than any other day you go on patrol, but it feels different. It's just going to be hard because I won't be able to see that you're ok at any moment of the day. So I'm feeling a little clingy."

Gail pulled their joined hands into her lap. "I'm so sorry that you were worried. I hate that. And I hate that you're worried about me going back to work. I know there isn't anything I can do to take that away. But I promise I'm going to be careful and do everything I can to come home to you. And it's ok that you're feeling clingy. You don't need to feel embarrassed about it. It's pretty understandable considering the circumstances."

Holly nodded. "Yeah, ok."

"And you can text me whenever you want or call me and I promise to answer as quickly as I can." Gail said, rubbing her thumbs over the back of Holly's hands.

"That will help. Thank you." Holly said softly.

Gail pulled on Holly's hands until she was close enough for Gail to wrap her arms around her and pull her head to lie on her chest. Holly tucked herself in between Gail and the back of the couch, her hand placed on her wife's stomach. Gail kissed the top of her head. "We're going to be ok, Lunchbox. We're going to be ok."

After spending the remainder of the night cuddling, the two women went to bed early, only to be woken by another nightmare of Holly's. Gail was the first to wake up, the whimpers of her wife rousing her from sleep. She rolled over, placed her hands on Holly's upper arms and shook her gently.

"Holly, wake up. You're having a bad dream. Wake up, baby."

Holly opened her eyes and then put her hands over her face. "Gail?"

"I'm here. You're ok. It was just a dream." Gail ran her hands up and down her wife's arms.

Holly nodded, her hands still covering her face. She then sat up in bed and ran her hands through her hair. Gail followed her into a sitting position and placed her hand on the brunette's back. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

Holly took a deep breath. "You were chasing a suspect, but it went wrong and you got stabbed. In the stomach." She wiped a tear that had dropped onto her cheek.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm ok though." She took one of Holly's hands and placed it on her belly. "We're ok."

Holly nodded again and then looked warily into her wife's face. "Can I just hold you?"

"Always." Holly lay back down and tugged her wife so that she was flush against her side, the blonde head resting on her shoulder.

"I love you, Lunchbox." Gail said drowsily.

"I love you too, honey." Holly replied. She couldn't close her eyes yet, too afraid that the images from her dream would resurface. She knew she wouldn't be getting much sleep that night.

The morning came much too soon for Holly. She had faded in and out of sleep, dark images seeming to break through any time she drifted off. Gail sensed that her wife was feeling more sensitive than normal and made an effort to be as affectionate as possible as they both got ready. She placed her hand on Holly's back as they both brushed their teeth; she held her hand during breakfast; and she put her hand on Holly's knee as she drove them to work. Holly was grateful that her wife could read her so well. She didn't need to verbalize what she needed; Gail just knew.

When they pulled up outside the station, Gail was working to school her face so that she didn't throw the excitement she was feeling in her wife's worried face. Holly stared straight ahead, trying to talk herself into not crying. She was just dropping her wife off at work. Today was no different than any other day. The dreams were just that: dreams. They didn't have any bearing on what was going to take place today.

"Holly? Are you ok?" Gail had been watching her wife for a couple minutes. She could almost hear her mind swirling.

"Hmm?" Startled from her thoughts, Holly turned to look at Gail. "Um, yeah. I'm ok." At Gail's suspicious look, Holly corrected the statement. "Or I'm trying to be ok."

As much as she hated to say what she was about to say, Gail hated seeing her wife this upset even more. "Holly, do you want me to ask Oliver to put me on the desk?"

"You don't want to do that." Holly said seriously.

"But I  _will_  do it if it means you'll be able to sleep at night." Gail said quickly.

Holly smiled. "I want to say yes, but that wouldn't fix it. I would just dream about someone walking in and shooting you while you file paperwork. Unfortunately, my worry isn't really tied to any form of logic."

"I hate that you are so worried. And I hate even more that there isn't anything I can do about it." Gail said with concern in her voice.

Holly put her hand over the one on her knee. "You can do something. You can come home to me."

"I'm going to come home to you tonight. I promise." She knew she shouldn't make that promise. She knew any number of things could happen and she could end up breaking it. But she also knew that Holly needed to hear her make that promise today.

Allowing herself to believe that Gail had complete control over her destiny, Holly nodded and pulled her wife in for a kiss. When she broke away, she left her forehead pressed against her wife's. "I love you, Gail. Be safe today."

"I will." Gail pulled away and opened the door. She stood in the doorway and pointed at Holly. "And you be safe in your lab. No scalpel accidents."

"That was one time and it wasn't even my fault." Holly protested.

"Oh I remember. Your assistant still won't look me in the eye." Gail said.

"Well you were very descriptive about what you'd do to his eyeballs if he was ever responsible for me getting hurt again. I think he's terrified of you." Holly laughed.

"Good! He should be. Anyway, I love you, Lunchbox. I'll see you tonight." Gail smiled widely.

"I love you too, sweetheart." Holly said, trying to keep the light tone going. But as soon as Gail closed the door and walked away, the tears Holly had been keeping at bay began to streak down her cheeks. She took a few minutes to breathe and collect herself before driving to the lab. Today was going to be a long day.

Gail had almost forgotten that she hadn't seen any of her friends since Perik died. That was until she walked into parade and everyone started asking her how she was doing. She had said "I'm fine" at least ten times before Oliver started briefing them. She listened to the news and assignments for the day and breathed a sigh of relief when she heard she was partnered with Nick. She and Nick didn't have the best history, but they were friendly. And even more importantly, Nick didn't talk a lot. He wouldn't ask her an endless series of questions like Chloe would or try to get her to talk about her feelings as was McNally's habit. They would patrol the streets in relative silence, only talking when they needed to.

They had just gotten into the squad car, about to head out for the day, when Nick paused with his hands over the keys in the ignition. He turned to face Gail and said sincerely, "It's good to have you back."

"Thanks." Gail appreciated the sentiment, but didn't want to encourage more discussion.

Nick could always read a room so after a beat, he looked away from Gail and started the car.

By noon, they had given tickets to three speeding vehicles and responded to a suspicious vehicle report and a wellness check. Nothing terribly exciting, but enough to keep them busy. She had even remembered to check in with Holly a couple of times, letting her know she was safe. So far she was winning this day.

Just before they had planned to go to lunch, they got a call to respond to a fight outside a bar. When they arrived, two burly tattooed men were trading punches on the sidewalk. Nick gave a flash of the siren as they rolled up, but neither man stopped fighting the other. Gail was quite happy to pull out her nightstick and threaten to use it on the next person to throw a punch. Apparently, the anger on her face was convincing because both men took a step back, leaving a window for Nick and Gail to cuff and search them. They took witness statements as they waited for another squad car to pick up the second man to take him back to the station.

Gail was so happy to have finally taken out some of her aggression, but she was also starving. She hadn't felt this hungry in weeks, as she had more often felt nauseous or had no appetite at all. By the time they reached the station, it was a good three hours after they had planned to eat lunch and Gail was feeling it. When they pulled in, she rushed to open the door and get out, ready to drop off her suspect as quickly as possible so she could eat something. But when she stood up, her head swam and she had to grab onto the door to keep from stumbling. She closed her eyes, hoping the dizziness would pass, only to find that she had trouble standing when her eyes weren't open. She sat back down in the car and dipped her head down between her knees.

"You ok there, Peck?" Nick said from the other side of the car.

Without looking up, Gail managed to say. "Stewart-Peck and yeah, just stood up too fast. Got a head rush. Can you take this guy in? I'll be in in just a second."

"You sure you're alright?" Nick asked.

"Collins, yes. I don't need a babysitter." Gail snapped.

Nick didn't say any more, but did watch Gail suspiciously as he led the suspect inside. When Gail's world stopped spinning a little, she raised her head slightly and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

 **Wife:** Is dizziness a normal pregnancy symptom?

 **Lunchbox:** Are you asking out of curiosity or because you are dizzy? Please tell me you didn't faint again.

 **Wife:** No fainting. Just went to stand up and the world spun like crazy.

 **Lunchbox:** Sit back down and put your head between your knees until it passes. Don't try to walk it off.

 **Wife:** Duh. Already doing that. Feeling a little less spinny. I think I just need to eat lunch.

 **Lunchbox:** You haven't eaten lunch yet?! It's almost three o'clock!

 **Wife:** Yeah well, a couple of drunk meatheads got in the way of our lunch plans. We caught a call just as we were about to go eat lunch. Took a few hours to deal with the scene and transport the suspect.

 **Lunchbox:** Your blood sugar is probably pretty low. You need to eat something.

 **Wife:** Gonna do that right now. Made Nick take the suspect in cause I couldn't stand.

 **Lunchbox:** There is not an emoji that accurately portrays my worry face.

 **Wife:** Don't worry. I'll be fine.

 **Lunchbox:** Yeah that ship has already sailed. Tell me if eating doesn't make it better. I expect another text in an hour.

 **Wife:** You never answered my question.

 **Lunchbox:**?

 **Wife:** Dizziness: normal or should I be preparing myself for a hospital visit?

 **Lunchbox:** Dizzy spells are normal as long as they eventually subside. They can be caused by hormones, drops in blood sugar, dehydration, stress, vision changes. You may notice them more if you stand up too quickly or haven't eaten in a while.

 **Wife:** You could have just said yes.

 **Lunchbox:** Sorry. I get sciencey when I'm nervous.

 **Wife:** You said they were normal.

 **Lunchbox:** Doesn't mean I like it.

 **Wife:** I'm going inside to eat right now. I'll be fine.

 **Lunchbox:** One hour.

Gail shook her head and smiled slightly at the conversation. She was only twelve weeks pregnant and already her wife was a nervous wreck. Not that Holly didn't have good reason to be worried in recent weeks. Gail had been quite sick and had found herself in the hospital once already. But Holly was just a worrier. Anytime Gail caught a cold or came home with a new ache or ailment, Holly fussed and hovered. And as strange as it seemed, Gail didn't mind. She didn't like the kind of worry that kept Holly awake at night, but she certainly didn't mind the kind that had her bringing her tea and cold compresses. It was just who Holly was. She didn't like to see the people she loved in any sort of distress or discomfort. It occurred to Gail that this "bleeding heart" was probably why she decided not to work on live patients. She would be too emotionally invested in their well-being and devastated if they didn't make it. She made a note to ask Holly about that later.

Finally feeling normal again, Gail stood up slowly and made her way into the break room. She was feeling fine now, except for her incredible hunger. She pulled her lunch from the fridge and sat down at a table. Nick made his way in a few minutes later, but knew better than to ask if Gail was ok. Seeing her eating was enough evidence for him. Gail was nearly finished with her lunch when her phone buzzed. She pulled it out of her pocket and saw her wife's face on the screen.

"Yes, dear." Gail teased.

"Are you feeling better? Did you eat?" Holly asked a little spastically.

"That was not even close to an hour, Holly." Gail chuckled.

"Answer the questions, Gail." Holly said sternly.

The cop looked around, but found that the break room was now empty, Nick having inhaled his lunch quickly and headed out to socialize. "Yes, I feel fine now and yes, I am almost finished eating."

Holly let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Good. Thank you."

"Are you going to freak out about every new pregnancy symptom?" She had lowered her voice, but Gail glanced around again to make sure no one had heard her mention the pregnancy.

"Probably." Holly said unapologetically.

"We will have to put you on blood pressure medication when Braxton Hicks start." Gail joked.

"Ugh. I'm not going to think about that yet. Seeing you in labor is probably going to do me in. I need to figure out how I'm not going to cry seeing you in that much pain."

"Meh, you'll be too busy delivering the baby at our house to be crying." She smiled cheekily.

Holly tensed. "Even if by some means you were able to convince me to let you have a home birth, there's no way I would be doing the actual delivering. But if you remember, and I know you do, I vehemently vetoed a home birth."

"Oh right. We'll just have a doula there so you can hold my hand and stuff." She knew she should feel bad about teasing her wife, but it was just too easy.

"A doula? Are you kidding me? We are not leaving your safety and the safety of our baby up to a hippy-dippy, birth supporter. They aren't even required to have medical training!" Holly ranted.

Gail laughed out loud now, pleased with the rise she had gotten out of her wife. Holly sighed and then grumbled. "I hate you."

Still laughing, Gail managed "It's just too easy, Lunchbox."

"I can't help it that the idea of nonmedical quacks gets me riled up. I don't know why it's so trendy to have a doula. They aren't even required to be certified! Anyone could call themselves a doula!" If there was anything that drove Holly crazy, it was people without training pretending to have medical knowledge.

"Relax, Lunchbox. We won't have a doula at the home birth." Gail smiled broadly.

"Gail." Holly warned.

"We'll just get a midwife." Gail said with mock seriousness.

"Ok, I'm going now." She could hear Gail chuckling. "But we will be continuing this conversation later because even though I know you are teasing me about the doulas and midwives, I am not convinced that you are joking about the home birth and that's just not happening. So for now, I love you and please be careful if you go back out. I'll pick you up at the usual time."

"I always am. I love you too. See you in a couple hours." Gail replied. When she hung up the phone, she laughed and shook her head. Her wife really was so easy to tease.

When the end of her shift rolled around, Gail went to the locker room to change into her street clothes. After changing out of her uniform, she sat down on a bench to lace up her boots. Just as she finished, her phone rang with Holly's ringtone. Gail hit the button to answer and stood up quickly.

"Hey, Lunchbox…woooah." Gail swayed as a dizzy spell caused the room to tilt on its axis. She sat back down on the bench and hunched over. Realizing she had dropped the phone from her ear, she raised it back up.

"Gail? Are you there? What happened?" Holly had gotten frantic when Gail hadn't initially responded.

"Sorry. Got dizzy when I stood up. Give me a minute and I'll be out."

"I'm coming in. Where are you?" Gail could hear the car door closing.

"Holly, you don't need to come in, if you just…" Gail tried, but her voice sounded strange since her head was nearly between her knees.

Holly cut in, her own voice tense and stern. "Gail, where are you?"

"In the locker room." Gail muttered dejectedly.

Holly walked in about thirty seconds later, Gail still had her head between her knees. "Hey are you ok?" She sat down next to Gail and placed her hand on her back.

"I'm ok. It was just a head rush. I stood up too fast." Gail said as she moved to sit up straight. "Hi, by the way." She leaned over to kiss Holly.

Holly returned the kiss. "Hey." She took a moment to smile fondly at the blonde. "So the dizziness is new huh?"

"Yeah. Seems to be when I stand up really fast. Hope I don't have to jump out of a squad car in a hurry any time soon. Most of the time, I'm faster than a bullet, but I can barely stand when I get up too quick." Gail joked.

Holly closed her eyes and squeezed Gail's arm. "Ok, I'm going to try not to freak out about this, but let's not joke about outrunning bullets, yeah?"

"Sorry." She offered an apologetic and sheepish smile.

"It's ok. I know you joke about things to deal with them and usually your dark sense of humor doesn't bother me, but my anxiety level about your safety is at about a twelve right now." Holly sighed heavily.

"Ok, so no jokes. I'm really ok. The dizziness is annoying, but the trade off seems to be that I'm not nauseous all the time and actually have an appetite. So that's good news right?" She said with a childlike smile on her face.

Holly cupped her wife's cheek. "Yes. That is very good news." She moved her hand down to Gail's elbow. "Are you ok to walk now? Ready to go home?"

"Yes! Can I drive?" Gail stood up slowly, being careful to not make sudden movements.

Holly stood and held onto Gail's arm to make sure she was steady on her feet. "Let's see how easily you make it to the car first, alright?"

"Ugh, pregnancy ruins everything!" Gail scowled.

* * *

 

That evening, the women enjoyed a quiet evening at home. Gail took great care to move about gingerly so as not to experience any more dizziness, mostly because she wanted to spare Holly any more worry for the day. They had eaten dinner and then decided to watch some "Grey's Anatomy". Holly loved to point out the medical inaccuracies and Gail just liked seeing her wife happy.

Halfway through the second episode, Gail remembered the question she had planned to ask Holly. Having laid her head in Holly's lap, she turned so that she was facing her wife.

"Hey, Lunchbox. I have a question."

Holly looked down with her eyebrows raised, waiting for Gail to continue.

"How come you decided to not be a live person doctor? I mean I know you like the challenge of solving the puzzle of what happened to a person when they died, but I'm sure diagnosing living people would be like a puzzle too."

Holly paused the episode. "Diagnosing live people is definitely like solving a puzzle and in some ways easier because the person can tell you their symptoms or where they've been. But live people also lie sometimes for whatever reason, usually because they are embarrassed or ashamed, which can make things much more difficult. But ultimately, I decided that working with live people would be too difficult for me."

"Well I can attest to your lovely bedside manner so I know it's not that. Is it because you'd have a hard time getting over it if one of your patients died?" Gail asked curiously.

"No. I had patients who died when I was a resident. And while that was difficult, I think I could have dealt with that. It was more the suffering that I had a hard time with. I couldn't handle when there was nothing I could do to help someone. Maybe their injuries were too severe or they had a terminal illness. Whatever it was, no matter how much training I had, there was nothing I could do to help them. I didn't like that feeling. With dead people, it's easier because their suffering has already ended."

"So that's why you hate it so much when I'm sick or hurt. You aren't so much afraid of me dying as you hate seeing or imagining me suffer. And also you're just hopelessly in love with me." Gail smiled.

Holly laughed and pinched Gail's side. "As much as I hate to give you the satisfaction of being right, yes, I am hopelessly in love with you. But I  _am_  afraid of you dying. I just don't let myself think about it because if I did, the fear would paralyze me. I decided a long time ago that you dying can't be a possibility in my brain. Because a life without you…" Holly paused, feeling herself get choked up. She shook her head and cleared her throat. "Well, I can't talk about that. Watching you suffer isn't something I can avoid though. You have a higher possibility of getting hurt because of your job, but even if you didn't, you'd still get sick sometimes. I'm sure you can imagine that if watching complete strangers suffer caused me to change career paths, then watching you suffer…" Holly smiled and ran her hand through Gail's hair. "Well, let's just say it's really hard for me. I really hate when I can't take away your pain."

Gail grabbed Holly's hand with both of hers. "You're my favorite person. And I'm kind of grossly in love with you too."

Holly smiled and squeezed Gail's hands. "You're  _my_  favorite person."

Feeling satisfied with Holly's answer, Gail rolled back over, keeping one of Holly's hands clutched over her stomach, while freeing the other so her wife could play with her hair. Holly started the episode again, but paid little attention to the storyline. Instead she wondered at how she got so lucky that she was the person who got to see this soft, affectionate side of Gail.


	19. Chapter 19

Gail had been looking forward to this all week. She couldn't believe that she had pulled it off. So far. It was too early on a Sunday morning to be out of bed and if it weren't for the special occasion, she would normally have slept for four more hours at the very least. But if you want to get up before Holly Stewart-Peck, you have to get up before the sun. Gail was a little surprised that her wife hadn't come downstairs already. Not being a very sound sleeper, she usually woke up when Gail left the bed. But Gail had set her plan in motion in advance.

Last night, she had insisted they watch all three Back to the Future movies, ensuring that Holly was awake much later than she was used to. Before Gail was pregnant, Holly would have watched the first two movies and then retired to bed when she could no longer keep her eyes open. But now, even though she'd never admit it, Holly didn't like the idea of a sleepy, pregnant Gail trying to stumble her way toward bed by herself. She knew it made no logical sense; Gail hadn't lost the ability to walk. But it was easier to indulge her protective instinct than to fight it. She pretended that she just wanted to spend the extra time with Gail, that she wasn't that tired. But Gail had figured it out weeks ago. The brewing of coffee at midnight had been a dead giveaway.

And maybe it was wrong to take advantage of her wife's worrying nature. But Gail didn't feel bad; the plan had worked. Holly was still in bed and the surprise would be an actual surprise. Gail loaded up everything she needed on a tray and started walking upstairs. She used her knee to push open the door and placed the tray carefully on her own side of the bed. She walked around to Holly's side and sat down next to her wife. Holly looked adorable. Her hair was messy and the blankets were pulled all the way up to her nose. Gail placed a gentle hand on Holly's side and softly roused her from sleep. "Lunchbox. Wake up."

She giggled quietly when Holly scrunched up her nose in protest to the noise. Gail rubbed her hand back and forth over Holly's side, using a sing-song voice to try to get her to wake up. "Holly. Wake up. I have a surprise for you."

Holly opened her eyes and looked at Gail. She immediately smiled. Damn her wife. Not only was she adorable in the morning, she also always woke up with a smile on her face.

"Mmm. Hey there. What are you doing up?" Holly said with a groggy voice.

"I have a surprise for you, sleepyhead. Come on, sit up. You're gonna like it." She leaned down and kissed Holly's cheek and then reached over to get Holly's glasses before walking back over to the tray.

Holly sat up and put the glasses on her face. She turned to see Gail lifting a tray from the bed. "You made me breakfast in bed?"

"Yeah. Egg white omelette with fruit and a multi-grain English muffin. Healthy, just like you like it." Gail set the tray on Holly's lap. She couldn't contain the grin.

"Honey. That's so sweet." Holly noticed the small package on the side of the tray. "Is that present for me?"

Gail hurried around the bed so she could climb in and sit next to her wife. "Yep." A huge smile adorned Gail's face. "Happy Mother's Day, Lunchbox."

Holly was immediately choked up. She couldn't believe Gail had done all of this. There were tears in her eyes as she answered. "Oh my god, Gail. For me? I should be making you breakfast in bed. You're doing all the hard work."

Gail laughed at that. "Are you kidding me? You have pretty much been taking care of me every day since we found out I was pregnant. I mean I'm the one with the symptoms, but they affect you just as much as me. You've held my hair while I puked more times than I'd like to remember, you've cooked me countless meals, made me drink water so I don't get dehydrated and basically waited on me hand and foot when I was too exhausted to move. And don't think I haven't noticed that you have taken over my regular chores without even saying anything. I haven't taken out the trash in weeks because somehow it always disappears just before it gets full."

Holly blushed. "I just want you to be able to take it easy. You've been sick and so exhausted. Taking out the trash was the least I could do."

"And that selfless nature of yours is exactly why I made you breakfast in bed. You take such good care of me and the baby and you never complain. You deserve a day to be pampered a little. And even though I'm the one who's pregnant, you're a mom too now. I didn't want to wait until next year to celebrate your first Mother's Day. You're already a mom."

Holly sniffled and wiped at the tears streaming down her face. "I think pregnancy has made you even sappier than you already were."

"Bite your tongue, Stewart. I have a reputation to maintain." Gail joked.

"Oh right. So sorry." Holly's face softened again. "Seriously though, thank you. This is possibly one of the sweetest things you have ever done for me."

Gail leaned in to give her a quick kiss. "I should be the one thanking you, for taking such good care of me. I'd be in bad shape if it weren't for you. Not to mention our little bean." Gail rubbed her stomach for emphasis. "But now you should open your present!"

Holly chuckled. Gail often turned into a giddy kid when giving a present. She was always quite proud of being able to choose just the right thing. Holly picked up the small flat box and then pushed the tray down the bed just a little so she could place the box in her lap. She pulled off the ribbon and then opened the top lid. She lifted the tissue paper on top and gasped. She raised a tiny, onesie version of her favorite hockey team jersey into the air. "Oh. My. God. I have literally never seen anything cuter than this in my entire life. It's so tiny!"

"Now the little bean can watch the games with you and I won't have to." Gail smiled in an ornery manner.

"I am not even going to let your comments faze me because I am imagining a teeny little baby in this and my heart is kind of exploding." Holly couldn't take her eyes off the onesie. She couldn't believe a person could ever be that small.

"There's one more thing in the box." Gail took the onesie from Holly so she could concentrate on the rest of the present.

Holly peaked under the tissue paper again and pulled out a pair of booties that were made to look like ice skates. Holly's eyes opened wide. "I take it back. These are the cutest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I can't believe her feet are going to be that little! Ugh. Gail, I love them!"

"The baby is a boy." She said but then Gail smiled brightly. "Happy Mother's Day, Lunchbox."

Holly leaned over and pulled Gail in for a hug, sneaking her hand down to cover Gail's baby bump. She whispered in Gail's ear, "You are going to get so lucky later."

Gail growled in response. "If I hadn't worked so hard on that breakfast, I would sweep the tray on the floor and take you right now. You know how sexy you are with morning hair." She leaned back trying to tamp down her arousal for at least a few more minutes "But I want you to enjoy the fruits of my labor while it's still warm. And also I got up before the sun to make that so you better eat it."

Holly pulled the tray back up to her lap. "It looks delicious." She took a bite of the omelette and hummed with delight. "I still can't believe you did all this. I feel bad that I didn't get you anything, especially because you're the one who's actually pregnant." Holly frowned slightly, feeling guilty.

"Oh please. You've had a lot on your mind lately. I am a handful when I'm not pregnant so having to deal with the extra hormones and crankiness…let's just say you get a pass for this one. And well, it's not like Mother's Day has traditionally been our favorite holiday." Gail looked down, the thought sobering her.

Holly put down her fork. "I don't want to ruin the moment, but I've been waiting for the right time to ask you." Holly hesitated, but decided to push on. "How are you feeling about things with your parents now that you're pregnant?"

Gail sighed. "Mostly the same. I feel a little sad that as it stands, our kid won't have any grandparents, but there are plenty of other people who will love him. I don't want our kid to ever feel like a disappointment so my parents aren't getting anywhere near him unless their attitudes change drastically. But I was never close to my parents and I haven't spoken to them in years so it doesn't feel like that big of a loss, even with the baby."

Holly nodded and then slowly picked up her fork again.

Gail could see that Holly's mood had turned a little sad. "Are you feeling sad about your parents not being around?"

"I am. Mother's Day and Father's Day are always hard. But now with our own baby, I feel sad that our kid will never know them and that my parents will never get to see me be a mom. They were so supportive of me and just wanted me to be happy so it's hard that they will never get to meet my family." Holly moved a piece of fruit around her plate.

Gail placed her hand on Holly's back. "I'm sorry I never got to meet them. They must have been great people because they raised you to be the most wonderful person I've ever met. I'm sure they would be so proud of you."

Holly nodded and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "They would have loved you and they would have been the best grandparents." After a few moments, she shook her head. "But now we get to celebrate Mother's Day and it can be a happy occasion again." She turned to smile at her wife. A thought occurred to her and she furrowed her eyebrow. "What do we do about Father's Day?"

"Hell if I know! You're the gold star lesbian." Gail quipped.

"Like that somehow makes me an expert on what to do about our kid not having a father. Or more accurately, not knowing her father because scientifically…"

Gail interrupted. "His. And yeah, yeah, sperm and egg. I get it. Not the point. What if we just re-celebrate Mother's Day on Father's Day? Like Father's Day will be my Mother's Day and actual Mother's Day will be yours."

"Why do you get Father's Day? Aren't I the man in this relationship? Sports, flannel, half an inch taller?" Holly said with as serious a face as she could manage.

Gail rolled her eyes. "Stereotype much? The best part of being a lesbian is that there is no man in the relationship. But if one of us was the man, it would definitely be me because you are sappier, you cry more and I carry a gun."

Holly laughed. "Now who is stereotyping?"

"I'm just saying. I have a certain masculine aura I give off when I'm wearing my uniform."

"Did you just say masculine aura?" Holly could barely get the sentence out she was laughing so hard.

"Oh whatever. You know what? I get Father's Day because I already have a Dad mug." Gail said with an element of finality.

"If you insist, Officer." Holly was still giggling.

"I do. Now finish your breakfast because I'm ready to get lucky." Gail pointed at the nearly empty plate.

"Always thinking about sex. You really are the man." Holly teased.

"That's it." Gail jumped off the bed and quickly grabbed the tray from Holly's lap, placing it carefully on the floor before leaping on top of her wife. Holly began to protest that she wasn't finished eating, but Gail took the fork from her hand, threw it over her shoulder and promised she'd let her eat dessert very soon.

* * *

Two weeks later, Gail had another appointment with her doctor. Both women took off a few hours in the morning so they could go. Holly woke Gail up with just enough time for her to take a shower and get out the door. Taking a little while to be fully conversational, Gail didn't say much until they were both in the car, driving to the doctor's office.

"You know what today is?" Gail said without taking her eyes off the road.

"Yes, but let's wait until after the appointment to talk about it." Holly replied with a strange tenseness in her voice.

Now Gail glanced over at her wife, confused by her response. She expected Holly to be much more giddy. "Why? Today marks the sec..."

Holly quickly gripped Gail's upper arm and cut the blonde off. "No! Don't say it. Just wait until after. I don't want to jinx it."

Gail laughed openly. "Here we go with the jinxes again. Holly, you're a doctor. You know that saying it out loud isn't going to jinx it."

"Logically I know that, but as with much else related to this pregnancy, the emotional side of my brain is overriding my ability to focus on logic. I just...please, can we just wait until after?" Holly widened her eyes in the most pathetic way possible. When Gail glanced over again, she knew she was beat.

"Ugh, you know I hate it when you do that. Fine. I won't jinx it." Gail conceded with a groan.

"Thank you." Holly said happily.

The appointment went smoothly, the doctor reassuring both women (mostly Holly) that the dizzy spells Gail had been experiencing were completely normal. When it came time for the ultrasound, Holly took Gail's hand and held it to her chest. The brunette felt herself tense, waiting for the nervousness in her stomach to subside. When the baby appeared on the screen, she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Here's the baby. Still looking perfectly normal. Heartbeat is just where we want it and the size and weight are right on track." The technician said.

Gail beamed at Holly. "See, Lunchbox? Everything's fine. Our little bean is a badass."

Holly nodded but was too choked up to speak. Tears rolled down her face as she kissed Gail's forehead.

Noticing the emotion of the moment, the technician told the couple they could take a moment before visiting the desk to schedule their next appointment.

Gail wiped off her stomach and then sat up on the edge of the exam table. She pulled Holly so that she was standing between her knees. The brunette was still crying, but trying to hide it by covering her eyes.

Gail took Holly's hand from her face and pulled it to her lips to kiss. "Tell me what you're thinking?"

Holly sniffled and cleared her throat, trying to get her emotions under control. "I'm just really relieved. I wasn't always sure we'd make it to this day."

"I know, baby. It's been a really long two months. But we did make it." She brought Holly's hand down to cover her stomach. "All three of us."

Holly rubbed her hand on Gail's stomach a little and then looked Gail in the eyes. "Do you know how much I love you? Both of you."

The blonde nodded. "Yep. Just slightly less than I love you." Before Holly could protest, Gail lifted her hands in the air and shouted. "Second trimester!"

Holly shook her head for just a second before giving in and raising her own hands. "Second trimester!"

* * *

A few days later, Gail and Holly drove up to the Penny. Before she could get out of the car, Holly grabbed Gail's arm.

"You're sure you want to do this tonight? We could probably keep it a secret for a couple more weeks. You're not even showing through your clothes yet." Holly reminded her.

"Are you having second thoughts? I thought we agreed we'd tell everyone after the second trimester." Gail questioned.

"I know. We did. I just…I don't know. I kind of like having a little secret that's just ours." She smiled.

"And Steve and Traci's." Gail said sarcastically. "I just want to tell everyone before someone makes a comment about me getting a beer belly. I'm pretty sure I might permanently injure someone. Although, as soon as I tell them, they're going to start treating me differently. Hovering and watching me."

"Hmm, I actually don't hate that." Gail pinched her side. "Hey, there is no way you're going to make me feel bad about that. Knowing that your friends are keeping an eye on you might help me worry a little less."

"Ugh fine. Let's get this over with." Gail jumped out of the car, but paused to steady herself when her head spun.

Seeing Gail bracing herself, Holly hurried around to Gail's side of the car. "You ok?" She placed both hands on Gail's waist.

Gail dipped her head and put her free hand on Holly's shoulder. "Mmhmm."

Feeling doubtful, Holly gripped her wife a bit tighter. "You sure? Do you need to sit back down? Is it just a dizzy spell? You look a little green."

"Yeah, just dizzy now. Sometimes my stomach rolls when I first stand up because everything spins. Just give me a second." She took a deep breath.

"Ok, take your time. Just tell me if you feel like you're going to faint." Holly said tensely.

Gail patted her shoulder. "It's ok, Lunchbox. Don't panic. I definitely don't feel like I'm going to faint. It's getting better already."

"Sorry. I know the doctor said this was normal, but I still don't like it." Holly frowned.

"If you did like it, I might start to question your love for me." Gail raised her head. "But I will happily take dizzy spells any time I stand up too fast over the puking four times a day."

"Preach." Holly agreed.

Gail took her hand off the top of the car. "Alright I'm good. Let's do this."

Still gripping Gail's waist, Holly asked, "You sure? We can take a couple more minutes."

"Nope, I'm fine. That wasn't a bad one." Gail took one of Holly's hands and pulled it as she started walking toward the door. "We're only staying for an hour. I can only stand so many well-wishes."

Holly laughed and shook her head. The pair walked into the bar holding hands. Their friends, minus Traci and Steve, were already sitting at their regular table in the back. Gail rolled her eyes at the sight of Chloe sitting in Dov's lap (some things never change).

"Hey losers, Holly and I are having a baby. You have one hour to squeal and ask us stupid questions." Gail said with no emotion.

Holly sighed. "Gail, you are so blunt sometimes."

"Wait, what?" Andy said, her mouth agape.

Chloe clapped and asked in a high-pitched voice, "Ahh! Who's pregnant?"

Gail raised her free hand. "That would be me."

"Are you serious? Holly, you know I almost got her to jump off a roof right?" Dov said.

"I wasn't pregnant then, dumbass." Gail scowled.

"How pregnant are you? You don't look any different." Chris said, a look of surprise on his face.

"I always knew you were my favorite ex." Gail smiled at him.

Holly laughed. "She's fourteen weeks. Just passed the second trimester mark."

Nick raised his glass and said simply, "Congrats, guys."

Gail nodded at him. She always did appreciate that he was a man of few words. He knew how to keep things short and sweet.

"How are you feeling? Do you have morning sickness? What are you going to do about work? Are you going to work the desk now?" Chloe asked in rapid succession.

"I'm feeling sick now." Gail muttered under her breath

"Gail. Be nice."Holly squeezed her hand. "She actually had pretty severe morning sickness, but that seems to be over now."

"And no, I'm not riding the desk until I have to. I'm just as badass as I was before and I will kick all of your asses if you start babying me." Gail bit out.

Andy piped up again. "So how did you decide that Gail would get pregnant? I would have bet on Holly doing it."

"And that's why I always destroy you in poker." Gail said.

Holly squeezed Gail's hand again. "Gail wanted to do it and I thought it was a great idea."

"And do you still think it's a great idea after two months of living with a pregnant Gail?" Dov asked.

Gail grabbed a coaster off the table and threw it at him.

Holly laughed dismissively. "Most of the time." She liked Gail's friends, but she didn't feel the need to divulge the details of the times she wished she was the one who was pregnant. That was information that only Gail needed to know.

"We're really happy for you guys." Chris said as he made his way around the table to hug Gail. Her other friends took that as an opportunity to join in, smothering both Holly and Gail with a mixture of hugs and shrieks of congratulations. Gail stood stiff as a board and tried to just get through it. She drew the line at Chloe trying to touch her stomach and after slapping her hand away, declared that the window for sappy sentiments had passed.

Gail answered more stupid questions like how had she gotten pregnant (none of their damn business) and who was the dad (Holly). And then finally the group moved on to other topics, including a plan to go camping the following weekend. Holly said they'd come and Gail added that she was only in if she got to sleep in one of the beds in Oliver's cabin, you know, because of her delicate condition. When everyone readily agreed, Gail thought that it might not be so terrible for her friends to know she was pregnant.

True to her word, Gail used the excuse (which was actually the truth) of being exhausted so she and Holly could leave. When they got in the car, Holly spoke up as she pulled out onto the street.

"Well, that went ok."

"You say that because they weren't asking inappropriate questions about your uterus." Gail deadpanned.

"They're just curious." Holly argued.

"Well, that's why they can't be cats. And seriously, what is it about being pregnant that makes people think they can invade your personal space?" She said angrily.

"I don't think that being a cat was a positive thing in your analogy. And anyway, I'm pretty sure they won't make that mistake again. Dov may have a limp tomorrow."

"He deserved it. No one gets to touch me like that." Gail growled.

"Noted." Holly said.

"None of that, Lunchbox. You know you are immune from all my declarations about people. You don't count as people. I like it when you rub my stomach." Her face flushed at the admission.

Holly smiled. "Well that's good because I'm only going to do it more when the baby starts moving. Have I mentioned that I can't wait for that?"

"Once or twice." There was a moment of silence. "They were happy for us." Gail said in a rare moment of honest emotion.

Holly reached over and grabbed Gail's hand. "Of course, they were, honey. They love you."

Sometimes it still hit Gail that she belonged, that she had people. They might be idiots, but they were her idiots. It had taken a while for her to find her place, but she fit now. A good portion of that had to do with Holly. The doctor had softened her. She was still sarcastic and snarky sometimes, Gail wouldn't be Gail without that, but she could also take and offer a compliment now.

"Yeah." Gail felt the emotion bubble up in her chest. She was touched by her friends' desire to see her happy. She swiped at a tear trailing down her cheek and mumbled, "Damn hormones."

Holly squeezed her hand and teased. "Gail Peck has friends."

"Oh shut up. And it's Stewart-Peck." Gail joked.

"Yeah it is, woman. Cause I'm the dad." Holly said mockingly.

Gail raised their linked hands in the air in exasperation, but didn't let go. "It was none of their damn business, Lunchbox!"


	20. Chapter 20

"Do we have to go?" Gail whined from the bed as she watched Holly put their clothes in a duffel bag.

Holly sighed. "Yes, Gail. We have to go."

"But what if I don't feel up for it? I mean is that much fresh air really good for the baby? What if bears attack us? They can probably smell all my extra hormones. It's probably safer to stay at home."

Holly shook her head as she walked to the dresser to get socks. "There are so many things wrong with that I'm not really sure where to start." She turned back to face Gail. "But if a bear tries to attack you, I will let it eat me so you can get away."

Gail scrunched up her face. "Not funny."

Holly chuckled. "Honey, the likelihood of us being attacked by bears is very, very small. Are you still thinking about that documentary we watched?"

"You made me watch it. It's not my fault that I am now afraid of the wilderness. We better stay home so you can reassure me. All night." Gail raised her eyebrows suggestively.

Holly walked over to the bed and leaned down so she could speak softly into Gail's ear. "Mmm, you need me to hold you?"

Gail's face flushed at the nearness of Holly's body while still not quite touching her. She responded in a choked whisper, "Yes, please."

"I'll hold you tonight in the cabin." Holly said in her regular voice as she walked back over to the bag. "But right now I have to finish packing because we need to leave soon and you are not helping."

Gail let out a frustrated breath and growled. "Ugh, you are just mean." She whined again. "You know my hormones are out of control. And you look really sexy in that outfit."

Holly eyed her suspiciously. "Grungy jeans and a plain t-shirt?"

"Yes! God, Holly, I mean how am I expected to focus on packing when you're standing there looking all dark-skinned glass of water?" Gail waved her hand at Holly.

Holly laughed out loud. "You really are feeling better lately aren't you?"

That was an understatement. Dizzy spells aside, Gail's fifteenth week of pregnancy had been the best so far. She didn't feel nauseous all the time and the exhaustion had mostly faded. Her newest symptom was an insatiable libido. There was rarely a time she wasn't thinking about getting Holly out of her clothes. This was really only a problem when she found herself daydreaming while riding around in the squad. It had resulted in more than a few blushes when whomever she was riding with asked her what she was thinking about. Gail had worn Holly out more than one night this week.

"If hot and bothered is better, then yes." Gail quipped.

"Well as much as I'd like to help you out with that, I still need to pack your snacks." Holly put the bag's strap on her shoulder and walked around to hold a hand out to her wife. "Come on. Let's go."

Gail let out an exaggerated sigh and took her wife's hand. She stood up and then grabbed Holly's shoulder when she tilted forward slightly. "Woops. Too fast. Still not used to that."

Holly frowned and dropped the bag so she could fully grip Gail's waist and push her back onto the bed. "Sit back down, honey."

Gail continued to hold onto Holly's arm. "It's ok. I'm ok. That was a baby one." She took a moment to make sure her equilibrium had reset and then she stood back up. "Good as new!"

Holly's brow furrowed. "I hope that symptom goes away soon."

"It's not so bad. It usually passes pretty quickly." Gail picked up the duffle bag and started walking out of the room.

Concentrating on Gail's words, Holly called after her. "Wait. Usually? Does that mean there was a time when it didn't pass quickly?"

Gail answered from the top of the stairs. "Come on, Lunchbox, we need to pack the good snacks to throw at the bears! It will distract them!"

Holly shook her head and groaned. Would she survive twenty-five more weeks?

* * *

 

They had been driving for about two hours and had about an hour more to go. Gail started out singing along to the radio, but soon the energy wore off and she drifted off into a nap. Holly looked over fondly at her wife. Her hair was mussed and her face looked soft. Gail was rarely as calm or unguarded as she was when she slept. Holly briefly admired her wife's pale, beautiful face, slightly more rounded in recent weeks. The outwards signs of Gail's pregnancy were still very few. She had a tiny baby bump, only visible when she was undressed and her face had changed shape slightly. Holly thought she was more beautiful than she had ever been.

A smile crossed her face as she focused on the road. She still had moments like this where she couldn't believe how lucky she was. A beautiful, complicated, prickly and utterly endearing woman loved her. And now that woman was carrying her baby. She had a family, supportive friends and a job she loved. Sometimes it felt overwhelming when she really took a moment to consider how wonderful her life was. Of course it wasn't all perfect. Gail sometimes had nightmares, she couldn't ride in taxis and certain cases caused her to withdraw into a protective shell. And Holly worried about her all the time, every time she went out to do her job. But despite those things, they were happy. They loved each other fiercely and were willing to fight for what they had.

"You are thinking sappy thoughts. I can tell by the goofy grin on your face." Gail said groggily.

"You caught me. Your adorable sleep-face gets me every time." Holly said fondly.

"Blech. I'm never adorable." Gail muttered.

"Oh but you are. Your face gets all soft and with the pregnancy glow…let's just say it makes me feel all the feels about you."

"Gross. I have never glowed." She argued.

Holly started to laugh only to be cut off by a strange sound coming from the car. "What the…?"

Smoke started to come out of the engine and Holly quickly pulled the car over to the side of the road. "Great." Holly sighed.

Both women got out of the car to look under the hood. Smoke continued to waft off the engine and Holly pulled Gail away so she wouldn't breathe in the fumes.

"What do you think is wrong?" Gail asked.

Holly laughed mirthlessly. "I'm not that kind of lesbian, honey. I have no idea. We need to call roadside assistance. We have it through our insurance."

They got back in the car and fished out their cell phones. "Dammit. I don't have any bars? What about you?" Holly asked.

"Nothing." Gail said.

"Well maybe we should just wait for a car to drive by, try to flag them down?" Holly said.

"We are in the middle of nowhere, Holly. When was the last time you remember passing another car?"

Holly's frown told her everything she needed to know. "I thought so. Well, we can't be more than what 5 miles from that little rest stop we pass on the way to the cabin? We should just walk there and use the pay phone. I remember seeing one when we stopped there once."

Holly shook her head. "That's too far for you to walk. We don't have any water with us. You could get dehydrated. You should stay here and I'll walk until I get a signal or I hit the rest stop."

Gail's response was firm. "Yeah, no. There's no way I'm letting you go by yourself. We are surrounded by nothing but forest. And besides, five miles isn't that far. I'm a cop, Holly. I'm in good shape."

"I know, but you're pregnant, Gail. What if we're more than 5 miles from the rest stop? If you get dehydrated, you could pass out or go into early labor. You should stay here." Holly said worriedly.

"Holly, it's just walking. It's not hot outside and it's not like we are going to be walking for days. I will be fine and the baby will be fine. You're not going alone and that's not up for negotiation. You're still my wife." Her tone was serious.

Holly sighed. "If we get attacked by bears or you pass out or start having contractions, I am going to be really mad."

"Holly, if we get attacked by bears, the last thing I'm going to be worrying about is how angry you are. Come on, let's take a little food and the emergency kit. There's a flashlight in there." Gail opened her door.

Knowing there was no point in arguing when Gail had made up her mind, Holly opened her door with a sigh.

* * *

Approximately two miles later, Holly was sneaking another look at her wife, trying to discern how she was doing.

"Holly, I'm still fine." Gail said, feeling annoyed.

"I'm sorry. I just...I'm sorry." Holly said shyly.

Gail reached over and grabbed her wife's hand. "You keep telling me that exercise is good for you when you're pregnant. You're just worried because this feels like a scene from a horror movie."

"I mean it does though right? Like someone is going to drive up to help us but then he's going to try to kill us or kidnap us. Or a bear is going to start stalking us and attack when we can see the rest stop in the distance." Holly hated how illogical she was being, but the darkness of the forest on either side of her was really freaking her out.

"And you think I'm the one who's insane?" Gail squeezed her wife's hand to let her know she was joking. "But seriously, just think of it as a nice hike. You were going to make me go on one of those anyway and our cell phones often don't work on those either."

"I know. It just feels different when the hike is your choice as opposed to something you have to do so you don't have to sleep in your car on a pitch black abandoned road with no water for your pregnant wife."

"Ok, someone is being very dramatic." Gail laughed.

"I can't help it! Listen, I know I've been a crazy person since you got pregnant, but it's like a 1950s era overprotective husband took over my body ever since I found out. I worry about everything. I spent the last ten minutes deciding what I would do if a bear really did attack us."

When Gail burst out laughing, Holly tried to maintain her seriousness. "I mean it, Gail!" But the more her wife laughed, the less Holly could resist joining her. Soon they were both giggling and stumbling down the road.

Trying to collect herself, Gail squeaked out. "Lunchbox, you are the best. You told me all about how unlikely it is that we'd encounter a bear and here you have been drawing up escape scenarios in your mind?"

"I couldn't stop thinking about that damn documentary!" Holly exclaimed.

"I told you we shouldn't have watched it." Gail said smugly. "So what was your plan exactly?"

"No, I'm not telling you." Holly pouted.

"Oh come on. I promise not to make fun of you." Gail swore.

"I'm less worried about you making fun than I am about you yelling at me." Holly mumbled.

"Ok, I promise not to yell. Come on, tell me. And then I'll tell you my plan."

"Ugh fine." Holly sighed. "My plan was to make a lot of noise and start running so the bear would chase me and leave you alone. Then you could run in the opposite direction. As long as I'm faster than the bear, I could get back to the car and hide in there until you could come back with help."

"I'm not going to yell because I promised, but know that one hundred percent of me thinks that's the worst plan I've ever heard. You getting eaten by a bear while I run away is a terrible, terrible plan that would never happen." Gail said dryly. "Did you really think I would just run in the other direction while a bear chased you?"

"I hadn't really worked out how I would convince you to save yourself. And anyway, what's your brilliant plan?"

Gail smiled victoriously. "Shoot the bear in the face with the gun in my bag."

Holly blinked. "You have a gun in your bag?"

"Of course I do."

"Why in the world did you pack a gun to go camping?" Holly smirked.

"The bears, Lunchbox. The bears."

Holly laughed and hooked her arm through Gail's. "You are insane."

"You'll thank me when you don't have to run at a dead sprint for three miles to escape a bear." Gail grumbled.

Two more miles down the road, the women had fallen into a comfortable silence. Holly did feel much better about the situation now that she knew Gail had a gun in her bag. She wasn't usually in favor of Gail carrying a gun when she wasn't on the job, but right now she was grateful that her wife was licensed to carry all over the province.

Holly was startled out of the silence by Gail speaking in a tentative tone. "Lunchbox, I have to tell you something, but I need you to not panic."

Holly's breath caught in her chest and she looked over at Gail who had a slight look of discomfort on her face. She gripped the pale hand she was holding. "What's wrong?"

"I'm ok. But I have a stitch in my side so I need to stop for a minute." Gail pulled up and bent over slightly, rubbing her side with her free hand.

"What kind of pain is it? Is it just in your side? Does it hurt anywhere else?" Holly placed her hand on Gail's shoulder.

"Remember when I told you not to panic? It's just a stitch like you get sometimes when you run. It's just in my side. Nowhere else." Gail said calmly. In this instance, she knew she had to be the one to reassure her wife.

"You should know by now that the first thing I'm going to do when you tell me not to panic is panic. You need water." Holly said tensely. "I want you to sit down and rest for a minute."

"Holly, I don't need to sit..." Gail started to argue only to be cut off.

"Gail." The warning tone was enough to make Gail look up at her wife's face. "This isn't a discussion. Sit down."

Gail protested but followed her wife's directions. "So bossy. Holly, it's not a big deal. The baby is fine. I am fine."

"Ok, well it's not going to hurt anything to rest for a minute." She sat down next to Gail. "Here, let me massage your side, that might help." She placed her hands just below Gail's ribs, kneading the area gently. "Does that feel ok?"

Gail was having trouble focusing on anything other than her wife's knuckles, which were occasionally brushing against her breast lightly. "Mmhmm." She managed.

"Please tell me you are not getting turned on while we are sitting on the side of an abandoned road and you have a painful stitch in your side? I'm not sure I can think of a less sexy situation."

"Hey, I can't help that I like what your fingers are doing. My body is not my own!" Gail exclaimed. She grabbed Holly's hands and kissed them. "I'm ok now. The stitch is gone. Thank you."

Holly smiled at the sweet look on Gail's face. She really could melt her with just one look. "Are you sure? Do you have any other symptoms? Do you feel lightheaded at all?"

"I'm good." Holly gave her a skeptical look. "I promise I'm ok. I'm going to stand up very slowly because if I get a dizzy spell right now, I might have to resuscitate you."

"Har har. You are so hilarious." Holly stood up and extended her hands to help Gail up off the ground. When she was up, Holly took a second to make sure she was steady on her feet before releasing one hand and turning back down the road. "Tell me if you start to feel weird."

"I will, nerd. Let's get to this damn rest stop."

* * *

A couple of hours later, Holly and Gail were finally at the cabin. They had made it to the rest stop, called Chris and Dov and then happily allowed the boys to deal with the car after dropping them off. As soon as they walked inside the front door, they were greeted by Traci and Andy.

"Hey guys. We heard you had some car trouble. Did you really walk five miles to the rest stop? How are you feeling, Gail?" Andy said cheerfully.

"God, I'm fine. It was just walking! I'm pregnant, not crippled!" Gail said grumpily.

"Please excuse her." Holly said. "She is annoyed because I hovered the entire five miles." She turned to Gail and pointed at a nearby chair. "Please park yourself there. I'm going to get you some water."

Gail mumbled under her breath but sat in the chair anyway.

Traci laughed at the look on her colleague's face. "Your wife being a little overprotective?"

"Overprotective does not even begin to explain it. Normally, I don't mind, but I was just walking! Walking is good for you! Even when you're pregnant!" Gail was gesturing wildly.

Traci and Andy only laughed more. "Well just imagine what you'll be like when Holly is pregnant. If Holly were pregnant, would you want her to walk five miles down an abandoned road with no water when she had recently been in the hospital and also fainted because of dehydration?"

Holly walked back in the room and handed a glass of water to Gail. "When Holly is pregnant, I'm going to be so much worse than this, as payback. I might forbid her from running so she doesn't jostle the baby."

"And how effective do you think your "forbidding" will be?" Andy asked, amused.

Gail glanced up at Holly who was quirking an eyebrow. Then she whined. "Ugh, it's not fair. She has some weird power over me. I can't make her do anything!" The frown on Gail's face was adorable.

"To be fair, Holly doesn't attract nearly as much trouble as you do. If I feel sorry for anyone, it's Holly. We all remember the time you were going to jump off the roof into the pool." Traci said.

"I could have made it! And I wasn't pregnant then!" Gail said. She wasn't going to win this one.

Seeing her wife's frustration, Holly put a hand on her shoulder. "Alright, everything's fine now. You walked five miles and you're perfectly fine. I had no reason to worry." She turned toward Traci and Andy and tried to get their attention with her facial expression. "Shall we talk about something else? When did you guys get here?"

Gail's friends got the picture and started talking about their own road trip. Soon Gail was feeling less sour and moved to the kitchen for a snack. Dov and Chris returned a while later, relaying the news that Gail and Holly's car was now fixed. Holly thanked them with a kiss on the cheek causing both men to blush furiously and then be teased by Gail about their crush on her wife.

The night passed quickly, with Holly showing the boys how to build a fire and everyone enjoying some s'mores. Gail had enjoyed more than just a few and was now lying in bed rubbing her full stomach.

"Why didn't you stop me, Holly?" Gail groaned, a pained look on her face.

Pulling her sleep shirt on, Holly walked over to sit on the bed near Gail. "I tried. You told me I didn't get to boss you around about s'mores."

"Ugh. I should have listened to you. I am miserable." She rolled on her side, facing her wife.

Holly reached over and ran her hand over Gail's thigh. "I'm sorry, sweetie." She said sympathetically.

Gail glanced up at her wife. "You are too nice to me."

"Except when I'm being bossy right?" Holly quipped. She was mostly joking but there was a small kernel of insecurity in her voice.

Despite her current state, Gail noticed her wife's tone was slightly off. "Hey, are you ok? You know I'm just joking when I call you bossy right? I mean, not about you being bossy because you are, but me writhing around on this bed because I ate six s'mores clearly proves that I need someone to boss me around."

"Does it bother you how much I've been hovering?" Holly asked timidly.

"What? No!" Gail groaned as she scooted over on the bed. "Lunchbox, I need you to lie down with me because if I get up, I am probably going to puke."

Holly lay down on the bed so that she was facing her wife. Gail quickly grabbed her hands. "Holly, you are the only person that can hover and fuss over me. It drives me insane when anyone else tells me what to do. I know I joke about it, but it's not because I'm upset with you."

Holly nodded. "It's just...I've been a little over the top since we found out about the baby. I don't want to drive you away."

Gail's expression was one of sympathy. "Baby, you are not driving me away. The fact that you can put up with me through everything…I love you more than I ever have. And I knew you were a worrier when I married you. Hell, our first real kiss was on a day that you were freaking out about my safety." She smiled.

"That's true." Holly grinned at the memory. "I know you can take care of yourself. But I just have this overwhelming desire to do whatever I can to protect you and to keep you healthy. I'm trying not to be too crazy, but sometimes it's hard."

"Hey, Lunchbox? If you can handle my grumpy, impulsive self, I can handle your thoughtful and affectionate overprotectiveness. It doesn't bother me. You taking care of me doesn't make me feel weak. My grumbling is just second nature."

"Ok." Holly nodded. "I'm glad because I'm not sure I can stop."

"Yeah well I know what that feels like cause I seriously ate all the s'mores." She rolled onto her back and rubbed her belly.

"Poor baby." Holly said with a hint of sarcasm. She reached over and started rubbing circles on Gail's stomach, marveling at how much bigger it had gotten in just the past week. "I love your little belly."

"It looks like I had too much beer. Or too many s'mores." Gail mumbled.

"It's beautiful. You're beautiful." Holly said softly as she continued her gentle massage.

Gail closed her eyes and reveled in the feeling of her wife's affection. As much as she hated other people trying to touch her stomach, she loved any time Holly paid attention to her baby bump. It felt intimate to let someone caress your stomach and Gail rarely allowed herself to be that vulnerable. But Holly had always been able to make her do things that no one else ever could.

"Lunchbox, if I weren't so worried that I might throw up, I would be jumping your bones right now."

Holly laughed. "You really do have a way with words, honey."

* * *

The next day, Chloe showed up after working the Friday night shift. Everyone decided to go for a hike, but Gail whined until Holly agreed she could stay behind. The blonde claimed she was tired, but really she wanted to avoid being trapped in the woods with Chloe for hours. She was perfectly happy taking a nap while everyone else was gone.

"I brought some muffins. I am taking most of them on the hike with us, but I will leave some for you, Gail." Chloe said in her characteristic chipper tone.

Gail gave the sincerest smile she could muster. "Thanks, Chloe."

Holly walked over and gave the blonde a kiss. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do. That includes eating more than two muffins."

Gail raised her eyebrows in faux surprise as she placed a hand to her chest. "Me? I don't know what you're talking about." Holly hummed knowingly and walked out the door.

The group had been hiking for about thirty minutes when Dov started complaining about being hungry. They all sat down on some rocks to sample Chloe's muffins.

"How did you even have time to bake these? You were working the night shift." Traci asked.

"I made them before shift started." Chloe chirped.

"These are really good. What's in them?" Andy asked.

"Well, they are banana nut, but I used this recipe I found where you add in vegetables to make them healthier without affecting the taste."

"Don't parents use recipes like that to get their kids to eat vegetables without them knowing?" Dov said.

"I should try that on Gail." Holly quipped and everyone laughed. "What vegetables are in these?"

"Squash and tomatoes, but I…"

Holly froze. Anxiety washed over her and settled in the pit of her stomach. "Did you say tomatoes?" She choked out.

With a confused look on her face, Chloe nodded. "Yeah, why?"

With that, Holly jumped off the rock and started running back toward the cabin, not even bothering to grab her backpack or water bottle. Her mind was racing. The last time Gail had accidentally eaten something with tomato in it, she had to go to the hospital because she was having trouble breathing. Holly tried to calculate how long they had been gone. What if she had eaten a muffin as soon as they left? What if she ate more than one muffin? Do babies inherit their parent's allergies? What if the baby was allergic to tomatoes? She couldn't seem to calm her mind long enough to conjure the facts she knew about food allergies.

As she ran the trail, she paid no attention to the branches and thistles scratching her legs. Right now she was grateful that she ran regularly. Otherwise she would have needed to take a break. Her lungs were burning, but she couldn't stop. She had to get to her wife.

When the cabin came into view, Holly started screaming Gail's name. She didn't stop until she was inside the front door and found Gail lying on the couch, a groggy and confused look on her face. "Holly? What's wrong?"

Holly bent over, her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. "The muffins…tomatoes." Was all she managed to pant out.

Gail quickly got off the couch and walked over to her wife. "Lunchbox, breathe. Here sit down. " She gestured to a nearby chair.

Holly collapsed in the chair and put her hand to her chest. She tried to let the image of her seemingly ok wife calm her. When she could finally breathe a little easier, she said between pants, "Did you eat any muffins?"

The blonde screwed up her face in confusion. "Um, no. I went to sleep as soon as you guys left. What's going on? Is Chloe trying to poison everyone?" Gail snickered at her own joke.

As soon as Gail had said no, Holly collapsed into the back of the chair, her eyes closed. Relief spread through her chest and she took a moment to collect herself. Gail watched her wife's expression with worry etched on her own face. She had no clue what was going on, but it was clear Holly had sprinted back to the cabin at full speed.

"Holly. Talk to me. What happened?" Gail reached out for Holly's hand and ran her thumb over the palm.

Holly opened her eyes at the contact and looked up at Gail's furrowed brow. "Come here, please." She pulled on Gail's hand until the blonde gave in and sat on her lap. Holly wrapped her arms around her wife, burying her head in Gail's chest in the process.

Gail responded by rubbing the back of Holly's head. But she could only take so much suspense. "Lunchbox, I'm starting to freak out a little bit."

Holly lifted her head and looked in Gail's eyes. "Chloe put tomatoes in the muffins."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Gail said.

With a pained look on her face, Holly shook her head. "No. As soon as she told us, I just imagined you eating those muffins and having an allergic reaction with no one here to help you and so I ran as fast as I could back to the cabin."

"I smelled the muffins, but they reeked of healthy ingredients so I decided not to eat them. Plus, Chloe made them. Who the hell puts tomatoes in muffins?" Gail grumbled.

"Thank God you don't like Chloe." Holly laughed in a slightly unhinged way. She brought a hand up to her forehead. "God, Gail. The level of panic…I'm not sure I can accurately describe what that felt like."

Gail grimaced. "I'm gonna kill Chloe." When she looked at Holly's still-upset face, she brought her hand up to hold the brunette's cheek. "Good thing you're an athletic, sporty lesbian right?"

Holly couldn't help but laugh, even if it came out with a tinge of a whimper. She put her head back on Gail's chest and let herself laugh. "It's just not going to get any easier is it?"

Patting her wife's back, Gail said, "What's not?"

"The worry." Holly sighed.

"If it makes you feel any better, this was a completely rational worry. If I had eaten a muffin filled with tomatoes, or the four I planned to eat before I knew they were healthy, my throat would be completely swollen shut and..."

Holly slapped her hand over Gail's mouth. "Not helpful, honey."

When Holly removed her hand, Gail smiled apologetically. "Sorry. And I'm sorry you're so worried all the time. I wish there was something I could do."

"It's ok. It's just preparing me to be a mom right? I'm probably going to be freaked out about everything when it comes to our kid. But you won't let me be one of those helicopter moms right? I don't want our kid to hate me." Her brow furrowed with the thought.

Gail's response was soft. "Our kid is going to adore you. Because you're kind and thoughtful and your love makes people feel safe. And yes, I will keep you from going overboard. Just like you'll keep me from polishing my gun in front of the first person who tries to date our kid."

"I don't know. I might let you do that. A little healthy fear goes a long way." Holly said with a smirk.

"God, I love you." Gail whispered.

The remainder of the weekend was spent playing cards, going fishing and sitting by the fire laughing at each other's stories about the craziest things they had encountered on parole. Holly forced Gail to go on the group's second attempt at a hike, claiming her legs were far too fatigued to sprint back to the cabin should something happen. After complaining profusely, Gail caved but only on the terms that she could bring her gun because bears. As much as she hated that Holly had been terrified, the regretful look that Chloe wore the remainder of the weekend almost made up for it. Everyone teased Gail about being pregnant until Holly made a face that signaled her wife was reaching her limit. All in all, it was a great weekend and there were no surprises with the car on the way home.

* * *

Monday morning was possibly the most boring day at the station in Gail's recent memory. She had been assigned to booking, but there had been a dearth of arrests, meaning Gail was doing a lot of staring. And cleaning the counter over and over. When someone showed up to relieve her for lunch, she audibly groaned with pleasure. She had wondered if the morning would ever pass. As she made her way down the hall, she was focused on the phone in her hand and thus didn't see the woman approaching her.

"Gail. It's not professional to text in the hallway."

Convinced her blood had actually frozen completely solid, Gail lifted her head from her phone slowly. "Mother."

"I see that you still don't care much about keeping your hair presentable." The redhead said icily.

"You came down to slum it with the beat cops just so you could insult my hair? You could have just sent an email." Gail snapped.

"I came because I heard that you were pregnant. I thought that you surely wouldn't let me hear about something like that through the gossip channels, but I see that I was mistaken. The chubbiness of your face gives it away. You really shouldn't stop exercising just because you are pregnant."

"You really expected me to come share the joyous news? You don't approve of my marriage. Why would I tell you about the baby we are having together?" Gail said with a scowl.

"Because I am still your mother and I taught you better. Who is the father?"

"Holly. Holly is the mother. And I am the mother. And that is all you need to know." Gail growled as she reflexively put her hand over her stomach.

"Well, one day your child is going to ask who his or her father is because children need a father and you won't be able to give…"

"No! You know what? I am not going to stand here and listen to you tell me one more time that you don't approve of my life. Holly and I will love this child and that will be enough. Our child will have two moms, which is more than I ever had. Goodbye, Elaine." Gail turned and quickly walked toward the locker room.

Feeling the anger filling her up like air in a balloon, Gail sat down on the bench and took deep breaths, attempting to calm herself. Her mother had always been able to push her buttons like no one else could. But not approving of her relationship with Holly? She just didn't understand. Canada had allowed same-sex marriage for over ten years. How could her mother and father be so old fashioned. Publicly, of course, they supported gay rights, especially for police officers. It would be career suicide to not be supportive. But privately, they couldn't accept that their only daughter was married to a woman.

Gail pulled out her phone and tapped out a message to her wife.

 **Wife:** Can the courier be sick?

A couple of minutes later, her phone buzzed in response.

 **Lunchbox:** Absolutely. Everything ok?

 **Wife:** Yes and not really. Physically yes.

 **Lunchbox:** That is very vague. I'll be there in ten.

When Holly arrived, Gail was in the same spot, her head in her hands and her elbows on her knees.

"Gail? Are you ok?" She sat next to the blonde and ran her hand up and down her back.

Without lifting her head, Gail mumbled, "My mother was here."

Holly's eyes widened and she moved a little closer to Gail, placing her free hand on her knee. "I assume it didn't go well?"

Gail lowered her hands and looked at the lockers in front of her. "It did not. She knows about the baby."

"Oh." She squeezed Gail's leg.

"Yeah. And not that I'm shocked, but she wasn't pleased. She asked who the father is and started to tell me that our child would suffer because it won't have a father, but I told her off before she could finish." Gail's chin dropped to her chest.

Holly put her hand around Gail's shoulders and pulled her into her chest. "I'm sorry."

Gail turned her face so that her nose was pressed into her wife's collarbone. "I told her that our love would be enough." She paused, deciding whether to ask the question that was weighing on her mind. "It will be won't it? Enough?"

Holly sucked in a breath and pulled away from Gail so she could put both hands on her face and look her in the eyes. "Listen to me. You are enough. For me and the baby. And our love will be enough. We will make sure of it, ok?"

Gail nodded. "Ok." One more pause. "Don't let me be like her."

Holly closed her eyes briefly, feeling pained at her wife's obvious self-doubt. When she opened them, her gaze was stern and full of love. "Gail? You are  _nothing_  like her. You would never treat our child the way she treated you. You are too good. When I'm hurting, you don't tell me to suck it up. You hold me and comfort me and do anything in your power to make it better. And I know you will do the same thing with our kid. You are going to be the best mom."

Gail closed her eyes and let her wife's words replace the doubts her mother's presence has stoked. "Thank you." She whispered. She leaned back into Holly, allowing her to wrap her up in her arms. "She said my face is chubby."

Holly squeezed her wife tighter. "Sweetheart, you have never been more beautiful." After Gail nodded into her chest, Holly continued. "I don't know if it's appropriate to say this right now, but I hate that woman."

Gail chuckled. "You're allowed." She pulled away and put one hand on her stomach. "The baby is starving. Can you come with us to lunch? I have like forty minutes left."

Holly smiled. "I can. How about that Mediterranean place down the street?"

"You're trying to trick me into eating healthy, but my mother just told me my life is going to ruin our kid's life so I'm going to eat a burger." Gail stood and started to walk toward the door.

Holly followed. "Put spinach on it?"

Gail stopped and held her hand out. When Holly took it, Gail gave her a peck on cheek. "The things I do for you."


	21. Chapter 21

Desk duty sucked. This wasn't the first time Gail had thought this. She had always had a distaste for being stuck in a chair all day when she could be out making the streets safer. She understood the need for someone to man the front desk; she just didn't want it to be her. She'd rather be driving around, answering calls or even issuing traffic tickets. Anything but staring at a phone on what had to be the slowest day in the history of fifteen's existence. 

It crossed Gail's mind that soon enough, this would be Gail's duty every single day. It was bad enough to have to do it once a week as part of an established rotation. Every day, just sitting, answering calls about lost dogs and ridiculous noise complaints. Gail sighed dramatically and spun around in her office chair. As she came to a stop, she felt a strange flutter in her stomach. She brought her hand up to cover her slightly rounded belly and smirked slightly. After spinning around again and feeling the same sensation, she pulled out her cell phone and hit the first speed dial. When Holly's voicemail picked up, Gail groaned and left a message.

"Lunchbox. Call me back immediately."

Gail put her cell phone on the desk and then spun her chair in a circle again. Once more, she felt the bubbly sensation low in her belly. She giggled slightly and then remembering where she was cleared her throat. She picked up her cell and tapped out a text message to her wife.

**Wife: Call me ASAP. No one's dead.**

When her phone buzzed thirty minutes later, Gail was on the desk phone, filling out paperwork on a complaint about "devil music" blasting from a "cheap" car in a wealthy neighborhood. God, rich people were the worst. Her cell phone lit up with her wife's picture two more times before she was able to get off the phone with the obviously racist citizen filing the complaint.

When she was finally free to pick up her cell, Gail saw that Holly had sent a response text.

 **Lunchbox:**   **I'm glad no one died, but that still leaves a lot of other possibilities.**

Gail chuckled and hit the speed dial for her wife.

"Hey, what's up?" Holly answered, trying to sound nonchalant and not at all worried that Gail hadn't answered her calls.

The blonde saw through it. "Hey, sorry I didn't answer. Literally the only call I've had all day happened like one minute before you called me back."

"It's fine. Everything ok?" Holly was less interested in why Gail hadn't answered than why she had called in the first place.

"Yeah, everything's fine, other than being bored out of my mind. But um, the reason I called was that…well, I thought you'd want to know that I think I felt the baby move." Gail smiled in anticipation of Holly's reaction.

"What? Really? When? Are you sure it was the baby?" Holly asked in rapid succession.

Gail laughed. "Pretty sure. It was just before I left you that message. I spun around in my chair and I felt this fluttery feeling in my stomach. It happened a few times."

There was a brief moment of silence before Holly responded, her voice thick with emotion. "Aw, Gail. That makes me teary."

"Holly, this is the first good symptom I've had. Why are you crying?"

"Happy tears, honey. What does it feel like? Can you feel it on the outside?" Holly said as she wiped tears from her cheek.

"Not yet. It feels sort of like bubbles. It's really subtle, but it was definitely the first time I have felt it. Sort of cool, but also kind of weird."

"Ugh, I can't wait until I can feel it too. That's so exciting! I'm so glad you called to tell me." Holly said softly.

"Well, I have strict instructions to inform you any time anything happens."

"Good to know you occasionally listen to me. " Holly teased.

Gail rolled her eyes. "Oh please. You know you're the only person I listen to. And definitely the only one who can tell me what to do."

"I feel honored." Holly smiled.

"You should! Ok, I have to go. If Oliver catches you on your cell phone at the desk, he makes you bring him donuts for a week and won't let you eat any of them." Gail glanced through the glass doors that led into the station.

"Ok. I'm glad you called. Text me if you feel the baby move again. I love you."

"Love you too! Bye." Gail said quickly and hung up. Back to doing nothing. She spun in her chair a couple more times to see if she could feel the fluttering again. When she didn't, she settled for filing the stack of paperwork she had been procrastinating all day.

* * *

The next day, Gail was glad to find herself back on patrol. Even Andy's incessant discussion of relationship drama couldn't sour her mood.

"I mean, seriously, he can't just expect me to read his mind. I know he has feelings. Why won't he just tell me what he's thinking? It's probably so much easier to be a lesbian," Andy lamented. "Girls don't feel the need to hide their feelings."

"Uh huh." Gail muttered absently as she stared out the window. Tuning out McNally was a skill that she had perfected over the years.

They came to a stop at an intersection and Andy turned to look at Gail. "What? You aren't even going to yell at me for making generalizations about lesbians?"

Gail turned to look at Andy. "Not today, McNally."

Andy squinted when she noticed something odd on Gail's upper lip. "Is your nose bleeding?"

"What?" Gail wiped the back of her hand under her nose. She pulled it away and saw blood. "Shit." She tilted her head in the air and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Don't just stare, McNally. Get me some napkins or something!"

"Oh right!" Andy put the car in park and ran around to the trunk for the first aid kit. She grabbed some gauze and hustled back to the driver's seat.

Blood was running down Gail's face and dripping onto her uniform. "Here, Gail." Andy placed the gauze under Gail's nose until the blonde grabbed it. "Are you okay? Do we need to go to the hospital?"

"It's just a bloody nose, McNally. I'm not dying." Gail mumbled through the gauze that was partially covering her mouth.

"Yeah, but you're pregnant. And that is a lot of blood." Andy said, worry evident in her tone.

"We're not going to the hospital for a bloody nose. Just drive to the lab. Holly will know what to do." Gail grumbled.

Andy hit the button to turn on the lights and siren and quickly peeled through the intersection.

Sitting at her desk, her glasses atop her head, Holly was staring down at a stack of paperwork when Andy and Gail appeared in the hallway outside her office. Andy was guiding Gail by the elbow as the blonde had her head aimed at the ceiling with a very blood-soaked piece of gauze pressed to her nose.

"Hey, Holly?" Andy said as they got close to the door.

Holly looked up and took in the scene before her. Shortly after recognizing that it was Andy and Gail, she realized that her wife's face was covered in blood. Feeling a chill run through her, she flew out of her chair and grabbed Gail's free elbow. "Oh my god, Gail! What happened?"

"Bloody nose." Gail mumbled.

Holly guided Gail to a nearby chair and pointed with her free hand. "Andy, there's a first aid kit in the lab on the wall by the door. Can you grab it?" Andy nodded and jogged off.

"Did you get hit? Are you hurt anywhere else?" Holly said as she put one hand on Gail's head while the fingers on the other moved to pinch the bridge of Gail's nose.

"Nothing happened. I was sitting in the squad and it just started bleeding." Gail let her arms fall to her lap, bloody gauze still in hand, allowing her wife to take over the care of her face.

"Jesus. How long has it been bleeding like this?" Holly asked.

"Like 5 minutes. We weren't far away." Gail choked out, trying not to get blood in her mouth.

Andy rushed into the room and held gauze out to Holly. The doctor took it and held it up to Gail's nose, continuing to pinch the bridge of her nose with her other hand. "Andy, can you go get some wet paper towels from the bathroom so Gail can wipe off her mouth?"

Without saying a word, Andy jogged out of the room again.

"I'm ok." Gail said stuffily.

"Mmhmm. You look fabulous." Holly said sarcastically.

"Nose bleeds are a normal pregnancy symptom right?" Gail asked tentatively.

"Yes. Although this one is really bad." Holly pulled the gauze away briefly to see if the bleeding was stopping at all. "You are determined to get every single pregnancy symptom possible, aren't you?"

"Can't control it." Gail muttered.

Holly sighed. "I know. I'm sorry. It's just you showing up with blood everywhere is kind of my worst nightmare."

Gail blushed. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize. In terms of reasons you could be bleeding, a nosebleed is one of the better possibilities." Holly tried to joke, but the worry smothered any humor in her words.

Gail lifted her hand to squeeze Holly's wrist. "I'm ok, baby."

"I know." Holly said as she smiled wearily at Gail. Before she could say anything else, Andy came back in with the paper towels.

"How is she? Is her nose still bleeding?" Andy asked as she passed the towels to Gail.

"I can still talk, McNally." Gail brought the wet towel up to her mouth and chin to wipe the blood away.

Holly pulled the gauze away from Gail's nose. "Ok, I think it stopped."

"Does she need to like go to the hospital since she lost so much blood?" Andy asked.

"Andy! I'm not deaf or mute. I can answer my own questions and I'm not going to the hospital."

Andy raised her hands defensively, but Holly jumped in. "Gail, be nice. Andy just wants to make sure you're ok." Gail groaned but didn't say anything else. Holly turned to her wife's partner for the day. "She doesn't need to go to the hospital. Nosebleeds are a normal pregnancy symptom. As long as she doesn't feel lightheaded, she should be fine."

"Yep, I'm good." Gail stood from the chair and put her hand on Holly's shoulder to test her balance.

Holly put a hand on her wife's waist. "Feel ok?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." Gail said softly, looking sincerely into Holly's eyes. As much as she hated the attention from Andy, Gail knew her wife would not appreciate it if she brushed off her concern. "Let's go McNally. We've got idiots to arrest."

Holly took the paper towel from Gail's hand and used it to wipe a spot of dried blood from Gail's cheek. "Be safe, please."

Gail smiled. "Always." She leaned in and kissed Holly on the cheek. Holly caught her before she leaned away and gave her a proper hug. The cop wasn't usually one for public displays of affection at work, but she wasn't going to begrudge her wife a little comfort considering the circumstances. When they broke apart, Gail squeezed Holly's hand. "I'll see you later. Love you."

"I love you too." Holly said. "Thanks for bringing her here, Andy. And for watching out for her."

Andy blushed and Gail rolled her eyes. "Alright. Enough bonding. Let's go."

Gail strode out of the room with Andy jogging to catch up. Holly shook her head, took a deep breath and walked back around to collapse in her chair.

* * *

A few hours later, Holly was finishing up the last of her paperwork when her phone rang. She glanced over and saw Gail's face flashing on the screen. She smiled and lifted the phone to her hear.

"Hey, honey."

"Hey, Lunchbox. You almost finished at work?" Gail asked.

Holly could hear some commotion in the background of the call. "Yeah, just a few more minutes and I'll be out of here. Any more nosebleeds?"

"Nope. But hey, I need you to pick me up. I'm not at the station." Gail said hesitantly.

This wasn't the first time this had happened so Holly didn't think too much of the request. "Alright. Where are you?"

"Don't freak out because it's not for me, but I'm at the hospital." Gail said quickly.

"What? What happened?" Holly said loudly as she leaned back in her chair.

"It wasn't a big deal. McNally got into a scuffle with a suspect and she needed a few stitches. She'll be fine."

Holly put her hand to her forehead. "Are you sure you're ok? Tell me the truth, Gail."

"I'm ok. I promise. Can you please come pick me up?" Gail said impatiently as she rocked back and forth on her feet.

"Of course, honey. I'll be there in a few minutes." When they hung up, Holly stood from her chair to gather her things in her bag. She felt anxious in the pit of her stomach. Even though Gail had said she was okay, Holly couldn't help but worry about what could have happened.

Holly picked Gail up from the hospital and drove her home. There hadn't been much conversation in the car. Holly was still thinking about all the things that could have happened to her wife and Gail was simply too exhausted to keep her eyes open. Once the adrenaline from the interaction with the suspect had worn off, all the remaining energy had drained from her body.

When they pulled into the garage, Holly turned to look at her wife. Her head was leaned back against the headrest, one hand in her lap with her thumb resting on her stomach. Holly reached out and gently rubbed her wife's shoulder.

"Honey, wake up. We're home."

Gail moaned and her eyelids opened briefly. "So tired, Lunchbox."

"I know, Sweetie. Let's go in and you can rest on the couch until dinner is ready."

Gail nodded and lifted her head. She unbuckled her seatbelt and rested her hand on the door handle, giving herself a moment to gather the energy to walk. By the time she opened the door, Holly had made her way around to help her wife out of the car. She put her hand on the blonde's arm and guided her inside. Gail walked directly to the couch and flopped down face first without saying a word. Holly shook her head with a chuckle and pulled a blanket off the back of the couch to cover her wife up.

An hour later, Holly was able to get Gail to wake up and move to the dining table to eat dinner. As Gail ate, she began to wake up little by little and soon noticed how quiet her wife was being.

"Are you ok?" She asked.

Holly had been lost in thought. She looked up from her plate. "Hmm? Oh yeah, I'm ok."

"Lunchbox. Tell me what's on your mind. I can hear the cogs spinning."

Holly set her fork down on her plate and took a deep breath. "How did Andy get hurt?"

Gail screwed up her face. "I told you. She got into it with a suspect, but we got him and she'll be fine."

"But how did she get hurt? Did the suspect have a weapon?" Holly continued to look at her plate.

"He had a pocketknife. But it was tiny and he got one good swipe in before we had him on the ground and in cuffs."

"So Andy got stabbed?" Holly said with resignation.

"I mean if we're getting technical. It only needed like three stitches though so I'm not sure it really qualifies as a stabbing." Gail reached her hand over and gently placed it on her wife's arm.

At the contact, Holly looked up into her wife's eyes. "You were there. That could have been you. You could have gotten stabbed."

Gail sighed. "Holly, we had the situation under control. I know it's scary, but we are both ok. We handled the situation exactly like we were trained to."

"But Andy still got hurt." Holly said sadly.

Gail looked down. "I don't really know what to say, Holly. This is my job."

"When are you planning to go on desk duty?" Holly knew she had to ask.

Gail pulled her hand away from Holly's arm and Holly didn't miss the implication. "I hadn't really decided yet. I'm still barely showing and I'd like to avoid desk duty as long as possible."

Holly nodded. She wanted to say that she wanted Gail to start desk duty tomorrow. She wanted to yell that the baby had moved and Andy had gotten stabbed. Everything inside of her wanted to beg and plead for Gail to think of the baby, to think of what could have happened. But Gail's body language didn't indicate that she would be receptive to this. Normally Gail was very patient when Holly expressed her worry about Gail's job. But she was exhausted and Holly could tell that she was particularly proud about how she and Andy had handled the situation with the suspect. Now was not the time to bring it up.

Holly stood up and took her plate into the kitchen. And as much as Gail knew that her wife wasn't ok, she didn't have the energy to do any more. She knew her wife was upset about Andy getting hurt and that she would probably prefer for her to go on desk duty immediately, but after spending the most boring day in recent memory at the station, Gail wanted to avoid that just a little bit longer. And really, when the day was taken into full account, Gail thought it important to note that she hadn't been hurt. She had done her job and she hadn't gotten hurt.

"Why don't you head up to bed?" Holly said. "I know you're exhausted. I'll clean up." The brunette washed off her plate and started to put the leftovers in a tupperware.

Gail picked up her plate and took it into the kitchen. She set it down and then put her hand on her wife's hip. "Holly."

Holly stopped what she was doing and turned to face the blonde.

"I'm ok. I promise." Gail said gently.

Holly nodded as tears filled her eyes. "I know."

The blonde wrapped her arms around her wife and pulled her in close. "I love you." Despite not wanting to discuss any further what was bothering Holly, Gail wanted her wife to know she wasn't upset with her.

Holly pushed her nose into Gail's neck and cried softly. "I love you too." And she did. She really did. Sometimes it was a real inconvenience to her mental health how very much she loved that woman.

* * *

The tension between the women lingered into the next day. Silence had been their constant companion as they got ready for work, ate breakfast and drove in for the day. They kissed and exchanged "I love you's" as they parted, but the awkwardness that saturated the car was causing them to tread on eggshells. They both knew they needed to talk, but neither was prepared to be the first to bring it up.

Gail had still texted Holly throughout the day. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she thought if she could continue to show Holly that she was fine at work, that she wasn't hurt, then maybe her wife would realize she had nothing to worry about. It was wishful thinking really, but Gail was willing to fool herself into believing it was helping. For Holly's part, her responses had been adequate, but lacking their normal affection and jest.

A couple of hours before the end of her shift, Gail found herself back at the station, completing her paperwork for the week. She was just about to get up for a bathroom break when Traci walked up to her desk.

"Hey, Gail. Can I talk to you for a minute?" She put her hand on Gail's shoulder.

"I can't stop you. But make it fast cause I gotta pee." Gail stood up and leaned against the desk.

"Well, I'd like to talk to you in private, so let's go to the locker room." Traci said.

Gail screwed up her face in confusion. "Did my brother do something? Just because we share the same DNA doesn't mean I can explain his behavior."

Traci grabbed Gail's arm and started leading her away from the desk. "It's not about your brother."

"Alright, you're being super cryptic and you know how I feel about that. What's going on, Traci?" Gail kept walking but turned to glance at her sister-in-law.

As they walked into the locker room, Traci pulled her phone from her pocket and dialed a number. "Sit down." She pointed toward the nearest bench.

"Traci, what the hell is going on?" Gail put her hands on her hips.

"Sit. Down." Traci said with authority and raised her eyebrows.

Gail sighed loudly and sat on the bench.

"Alright, I've got her." Traci said. She walked over to Gail and held out her phone. "Here. It's Holly."

Gail's mind began to race. Something wasn't right. "Why did she call your phone? Why didn't she call me? What's going on, Traci?"

"Just talk to Holly. She will explain everything." Traci pointed at the phone that was now in Gail's hand.

The blonde made an angry face and held the phone up to her ear. "Holly, if this is some sort of joke or prank, I should worn you that it isn't going over well."

"Gail, this isn't a joke. I have to tell you something, but I want you to stay calm, ok? The important thing to remember is that I'm ok." Holly said calmly.

Gail clenched her free hand into a fist and growled her response. "Of course you're ok. Why wouldn't you be ok? What the hell is going on, Holly?"

"Something happened at the lab today, but I'm ok." Holly was trying to keep her voice even and soothing.

"Stop saying you're ok and tell me what's happening. I will murder that assistant of yours if you're at the hospital. I mean it, Holly, I will peel his skin off and…"

"Gail. This wasn't my assistant's fault." Holly said placidly.

"Tell. Me. What. Happened. Right now." Gail said angrily. She was losing her patience; she needed to know what was happening with her wife.

Holly sighed. "I started an autopsy today and when I was examining the body, I noticed something was wrong with the fingernails. Normally the nail beds are all one color, but this time…"

Gail interrupted her wife. Her heart was beating rapidly and she was starting to feel sick to her stomach. "Holly, I love that you're a nerd, but I need you to skip the scientific explanation."

"Right, sorry. So the fingernails showed signs of hemorrhage, which could indicate that the victim died of something contagious. Something that could still be contagious. So I had to initiate quarantine procedures. The Public Health Agency is on the way to test samples from the body, but I can't leave until they find out what it is."

Gail's pulse was rapid and she felt like an anvil was sitting in her stomach. She stood from her seat. "I'm coming over."

Holly shook her head. "Sweetheart, you can't. The lab is under quarantine. They won't let anyone in or out."

"I don't care. I will force them to let me in. I'm coming." Gail started walking toward the exit, but noticed that Traci was blocking the door. Gail flashed her most violent scowl. "Traci, move."

"Not gonna happen, Peck." Traci put her hands on her hips.

Holly tried to get her wife's attention. "Gail, I called Traci so she would keep you from coming over here. I knew if I called you first, you'd be halfway here before I could get ahold of anyone to stop you. She isn't going to let you anywhere near the lab."

"Don't make me tackle you, Traci." Gail growled.

"Steve is outside. Even if you get through me, you still aren't going anywhere." Traci said with a measured tone.

Gail turned around and collapsed back onto the bench. Tears started to fill her eyes. "Holly. I need to come. I need to be with you."

"Honey, you can't. I know you're worried, but it's just a precaution. And you're pregnant, sweetheart. Even if they would let you in, you need to stay away. And you need to stay calm. Too much stress isn't good for you."

"You're under quarantine, Holly. There's no way I'm not going to be stressed about that." Gail said. "What do you think the victim died from?"

"There are a lot of possibilities, honey. I really don't want to guess."

"Don't make me google it, Holly. Ebola, plague? Tell me." Gail said firmly.

Holly sighed again. "Those are possibilities. But very, very rare possibilities."

Gail brought her hand up to her forehead. "Oh god."

"But sweetie, there are other, less deadly, possibilities that are far more likely. And even if it is something like that, that doesn't mean I contracted it. My exposure was very limited." She knew this would provide very little comfort, but she had to try.

"I don't want your exposure to something deadly to be limited. I want it to be zero, Holly." Gail felt the fear spreading through her chest as she thought about her wife getting sick. "I can't…you can't…" Her breaths were growing uneven.

Traci noticed and walked over to the bench. She sat down next to the panting blonde and put a hand on her back. "Gail. Take deep breaths."

"Sweetheart. I know this is scary, but the most likely outcome is that everything will be fine. There is no reason to panic." Holly was worried this would happen. Gail did not respond well when Holly's health or safety was even remotely in jeopardy.

Gail took some deep breaths, trying to control her emotions. "Holly," she said with a trembling voice. "I'm sorry about last night. If you want…"

Holly cut her off. "Honey, it's ok. We're ok. Let Traci and Steve take you home. They should have the test results in a couple of hours and I'll call you as soon as I know something." She wanted to say that she'd be home in no time, but she truly didn't know what the outcome would be. She didn't want to give her wife false comfort.

"You're not allowed to die, Holly. Do you understand me?" She was trying to sound fierce, but it just came out in barely distinguishable squeaks.

False comfort be damned. "I'm not going to die, honey. I have to feel the baby move, remember? Have you felt it today?"

"Yeah, a little. A couple of times." Even though she appreciated her wife's attempts to distract her, Gail couldn't focus on anything other than the current crisis. "Holly, I can't do this without you. I can't have a baby without you." Gail was starting to panic again.

"Gail, listen to me. You are not alone. I'm not going anywhere, ok? I'm right here. I know it's really hard not to panic, but just please trust me when I say that I'm not worried yet. It's very likely that I will be home with you in a few hours. Ok?"

Gail took a deep breath and held onto the fact that her wife, a doctor, wasn't worried yet. "Yeah, ok."

"Ok, just try to stay calm, sweetie." Holly really did not want Gail to have a panic attack over this.

"Mmhmm. I'll try." Gail was not very convincing.

"Ok, I'm going to go so Traci and Steve can get you home. But I love you and I'll talk to you soon, ok?"

"I love you too, Holly. So much."

After they exchanged a few more sentiments and said their goodbyes, Gail put her face in her hands. This couldn't be happening, not to Holly. Her wife was too good for something like this to happen. Gail wouldn't survive it if something happened. She couldn't survive a life without Holly.

"Hey, I know you're probably thinking the worst right now, but don't go there ok? Holly is going to be fine." Traci rubbed her hand up and down Gail's back.

Gail lifted her head and looked at Traci, tears still shining in her eyes. "She has to be ok, Trace. It's Holly."

"I know. She will be." Traci stood from the bench and grabbed Gail's elbow. "Let's get you home."

As they left the locker room, Traci said another prayer for the doctor. Because if something were to happen to Holly, she wasn't sure Gail would recover.


	22. Chapter 22

Gail was silent on the ride home. She wanted to drive, if only to provide herself a distraction from the heavy feeling of dread in her chest. But Traci had refused, claiming that Holly had made her swear she wouldn't let Gail behind the wheel of a car until this was all over. And after all, she was much more afraid of Holly's wrath than Gail's. So the blonde cop sat in silence, staring out the window, imagining all of the terrible things that could happen to her wife.

She knew she was being irrational. She knew she was panicking when there was no current evidence to warrant it. But she couldn't make it stop. The thought that some fucking disease might take Holly from her, might hurt her goofy and thoughtful wife – well it was enough to make Gail want to shoot something. Or curl into the fetal position and weep. Life wasn't life without Holly. It would just be an endless number of empty days reminding her how happy she used to be. Holly was her happiness.

When Gail walked into the house with Traci, she noticed the hockey sweatshirt draped over the back of an armchair. She had taken to wearing the sweatshirt lately because it smelled like Holly and it was cozier than her increasingly tight clothes. After long, exhausting days on the street, it became a physical symbol of relaxation. When she put it on, she allowed herself to shed her "badass cop" persona and instead be a "worn out, pregnant wife" whom Holly would spoil and pamper.

She crossed the room and lifted the sweatshirt to her nose. The sweet scent of her wife caused a few hot tears to slide down Gail's cheeks. A multitude of emotions were swirling inside of her. Part of her was terrified about losing Holly while another part was just sad that she couldn't be with her wife right then. And yet another part of her was enraged that something like this was even happening. Why couldn't the universe just let them be? Why was it always one crisis after the other?

Noticing that Gail was sniffling and wiping her cheeks, Traci walked up to her sister-in-law and placed a hand on her back. "Gail, why don't you sit down and I'll make you some tea."

Gail scowled as tears ran down her face. "Traci, I want to punch something. And I also want to curl up in a ball and cry until I fall asleep."

Traci nodded and smiled. "Pregnancy hormones. I remember those."

Gail groaned and walked over to the couch. She sat down heavily and stared at the coffee table, the sweatshirt still clutched in her hands.

"Try not to let your imagination run wild, Gail. It will only drive you crazy." Traci followed the blonde and sat on the opposite end of the sofa.

"Too late for that," Gail muttered.

The two sat in silence for a couple of minutes with Gail only being startled out of her morbid thoughts when she felt the familiar fluttering sensation in her stomach. She placed her palm over her belly and turned to face Traci, her blue eyes wide and scared. "I can't do this without her, Trace."

"Do what?" Traci asked gently.

Gail turned back to look at her lap. "Be a mom. Holly is the nice one. She was going to be the nurturing mom, the one with comforting hugs and kisses for scraped knees. I don't know how to be that mom. I don't even like hugs."

"But you like Holly's hugs. And you will like hugging your kid." Traci scooted a little closer to Gail. "Do you know how I know that you're going to be a good mom?" Gail reluctantly looked into her sister-in-law's eyes. "Because of the way you take care of Holly. Because of the look on your face any time she walks into a room. Because of the way you put your hand on the small of her back when you cross the street together. And because of all of the stories your wife has told me about the many sweet and sappy things you have done just to make her smile. You might have an icy exterior, but anyone who really knows you can see that you're just a grumpy teddy bear underneath all those walls. You would do anything for Holly and it's going to be no different with this baby."

"Gross. I don't have an ooey gooey center," the blonde said, smirking at her sister-in-laws words.

Traci chuckled. "I know what I said all those years ago about you having a kid, but you have changed. You're going to be a great mom, Gail."

She let the words sink in, trying to believe in what her friend saw in her. Holly had reassured her with similar words, promising that the baby would have Gail wrapped around its tiny finger.  _Holly._ Thoughts about the baby had momentarily distracted her from the reality that her beautiful, kind wife was right now being quarantined because she may have been exposed to a deadly disease that already killed one person. In a rare moment of vulnerability, Gail looked Traci in the eye and shakily asked, "She's going to be ok, right?"

Traci answered with confidence. "She will be. Holly said she wasn't worried and she also said her exposure was extremely limited. She is the smartest person either one of us knows so if she's not concerned, then we don't need to be either. And again, it could be something that's not contagious after death."

Thinking about the possibilities made Gail a little more agitated. "But she said it could be the plague, Traci. The PLAGUE! If Holly dies from the plague in fucking CANADA? I swear to god, I will murder somebody."

"Holly does not have the plague," Traci said calmly. "She said it could be a lot of other, less terrifying things and that it's much more likely that it's something that's not the plague."

Getting swept up in the emotion, Gail began to rattle off every fear that was racing through her mind. "But what if she gets sick, Traci? What if I don't ever get to see her again because she gets some god awful disease and they won't let me in? She'll be all alone and I don't want her to be alone if she dies. God, what if she dies? She can't die. She has to meet the baby. What if she never gets to meet the baby?"

Traci reached out and placed her hand on Gail's shoulder. "Ok woah, those pregnancy hormones are making you a little crazy right now. You need to take a deep breath and calm down." Gail nodded and did as Traci said. "As of right now, Holly isn't sick and she isn't dying. You have to stop dwelling on the worst case scenario and just choose to believe the best until we know otherwise."

"You're kidding right? You want me to believe the best? Have you met me?" Gail's look was droll.

"Ok, maybe that was too optimistic. But you have to at least quit freaking out until we know if there's even anything to be freaked out about."

Gail looked down at her hands and spoke softly. "We had a fight last night. Well it wasn't really a fight as much as it was I knew she was upset but didn't talk to her about it."

Traci waited, knowing that Gail would continue if she was patient.

"She was freaked out that Andy got hurt and she asked me when I was planning to go on desk duty. I knew that she was scared, but I was being selfish because I don't want to be off the streets yet. I didn't even talk to her about it. As scared as I am right now, she feels like this all the time. And I didn't even talk to her about it."

"Gail, Holly knows that you're good at your job. She knows that you're careful. And most importantly, she loves you and accepts you for who you are, including the part of you that's a cop."

"Yeah, but what if that's the last night we have together, the last memory I have of her in this house? What if we don't get a chance to resolve it?" Gail looked up with glassy eyes.

"Ok, dramatic much?" Traci teased. "Seriously, Gail, you're going to see Holly again. You guys will work it out."

"I just want her to be home," Gail pouted.

"I know," Traci answered sympathetically. "So out of curiosity, when are you planning on going on desk duty?"

"Ugh, not you too," Gail groaned. "I mean, probably in a couple of weeks. My clothes are just starting to get tight, which is the worst by the way, and I don't plan to buy new uniforms. I can still run and back up my partner so I feel ok about it. Desk duty is just so boring. And you know how it is, most days everything is perfectly fine and there are no incidents. Besides, I wasn't even the one who got hurt yesterday!" The longer Gail explained, the more defensive she grew.

Traci held up her hands. "Hey, I'm not judging. I was just curious." She steered the conversation in a different direction. "So before you get riled up again, how about I make some tea and we can watch a movie until Steve gets here with dinner?

Gail took a deep breath and stood up. "I think I'm going to shower first."

Traci looked at her skeptically. "I promised Holly I wouldn't let you punch anything."

Gail's brow furrowed. "My wife sure did make you promise to keep me from doing a lot of things."

"Can you really blame her?" Traci quipped.

"Ugh. I'm not answering that." Gail put her hands on her hips. "I'm not going to punch anything or do anything else to injure myself. I just think a shower will help me to calm down."

"Alright, go shower and we will eat dinner when you're done. Steve should be here soon." Traci paused. "I know you don't like to ask for help, but if you feel like you're starting to lose it or something - just, please come get me if you need anything, ok? Holly will kill me if you end up in the hospital."

Gail nodded as she made her way toward the stairs. "Mmhmm."

Upstairs she quickly stripped out of her clothes and moved under the hot water. Going through the motions of showering, Gail tried to keep her mind empty. She was doing an ok job until she accidentally opened Holly's shampoo instead of her own. When the fragrance hit her nose, the fear of losing her wife returned in full force. She once again began to cry, but this time she didn't try to stop the emotion. Alone in the shower, she let herself feel the fear and the anger. She tilted her face up so that the water could wash away the tears just as quickly as they came.

She cried until the water started to run cold and she was shivering. When she got out, she stopped in front of the mirror to wipe the steam away. Looking at her reflection, eyes red and puffy, she chastised the pathetic woman staring back at her. "Pull yourself together, Peck. Your wife is going to be fine." The lack of confidence was evident, even as she tried to school her own expression.

Giving up on the pep talk, she took one of Holly's flannel shirts from the dresser and a pair of her own yoga pants. After dressing, she made her way back downstairs and found Traci and Steve setting the table for dinner.

"Hey, Gail," Steve said. "Holly called while you were in the shower, but she said not to worry and just to call her back."

 _Shit._  Why hadn't she taken her phone with her to the bathroom? She grabbed her cell from the kitchen counter and hit the first speed dial. She walked into the downstairs guest room for some privacy and sat on the bed. Holly picked up on the second ring.

"Hey honey, how are you holding up?" Holly's voice was tinged with concern.

"How am I holding up?" Gail chuckled mirthlessly. "You're the one under quarantine, Holly. Do you know anything yet?" Her last statement was slightly frantic.

Holly sighed. "No, not yet. They are waiting on the test results. It may be tomorrow before they know anything."

"You have to stay overnight? By yourself?" Gail didn't like this thought at all.

"Probably. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it doesn't mean that things are bad. It just means that you can't rush test results."

"Yeah, yeah, tandem repeats, I remember," Gail mumbled.

Holly chuckled. "Listen, I know this is nerve-racking, but I'm really ok. I have a cot to sleep on and they should definitely know something by tomorrow. It's really no different than when I have to work all night at the lab when there's a big case."

"Yeah, except you can't just leave whenever you want and I can't come see you either," Gail huffed. "Ok, so tell me the truth. If they find something, if this guy died of something that can be contracted from a dead body, what is that going to mean?" Gail wanted to be prepared. She hated surprises.

The brunette wavered. "Honey, I don't want you to worry about things that might not happen."

"Holly." Gail needed to know.

Holly sighed. "Depending on what the test results say, I could be in quarantine anywhere from a few days to a few weeks."

"A few  _weeks_?!" Gail shouted.

Holly quickly tried to explain. "That's the worst case scenario, Gail. With certain contagious diseases, symptoms may not be present for that long so you have to remain in isolation until they can be sure no symptoms develop. It's for everyone's safety, including yours."

"Three weeks is a really long time," Gail whined.

"We don't know that I will be here that long, sweetie. Just please don't panic about it until we know something."

"I'm trying, Lunchbox," Gail groaned. "So how are you? Are you freaking out?" She wanted to know how her wife was really doing, if she was as scared as Gail was.

"I'm really ok, honey. I'm not worried. This sort of thing happens and most of the time, it turns out to be nothing. I'm more worried about you than anything," she admitted.

"Don't worry about me. I mean I'm freaked out, but Traci is keeping me from doing anything stupid. By the way, we need to discuss you making our friends and family swear to watch over me and treat me like I'm precious or something."

"Yeah, I'm not apologizing for that," she replied sternly.

"You're not even going to pretend to feel bad?" Gail asked, incredulous.

"Nope. Do I need to point out that not that long ago you punched a mirror, had a panic attack and ended up in the hospital? The last thing I need right now is for you to hurt yourself and me not be able to be with you. That would make me not ok."

"Ugh. I'm never going to live that down," the blonde griped.

"Since it was one of the most terrifying days of my entire life, no, probably not."

"I wasn't even on duty! See I'm actually safer on patrol." Gail knew it was a weak argument, but she believed it was true.

"Gail," Holly warned.

"It's true! I am much more thoughtful about my safety when I'm on the street." Gail bit her lip. She knew this wasn't the best way to discuss this, but she couldn't bear to leave it.

"I really don't want to have this discussion right now," Holly said calmly.

"Please, Holly. I don't want you to be mad at me for another night." She knew it was a low blow, but again, she just couldn't let this fester when she wasn't sure what was going to happen to her wife.

Holly let out a frustrated breath. Gail could always get her to talk about anything just by showing some small vulnerability. "Honey, I'm not mad at you. I was never mad at you. I just worry. It scared me that Andy got stabbed because even though I know you're really careful and really good at your job, sometimes things happen that you can't control. And you're pregnant so the stakes are lot higher right now."

"Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can't do my job." The answer was bratty and Gail knew it. Her stress over Holly being in quarantine was preventing her from taming her emotions very well.

Holly closed her eyes and took a deep breath to keep herself from responding sharply. She knew Gail was afraid and when Gail was afraid, she usually got mean. But that didn't mean she was going to let Gail get away with it. "I didn't say that, Gail. And I'd rather not have this conversation right now if you're going to be like that."

"I'm sorry. That was bratty." She felt terrible. She was taking her stress out on her wife who was already in a terrible enough situation.

"I know you're scared, but us having a fight isn't going to make either of us feel better."

"I know," Gail murmured. "I'm sorry."

"I'll give you a pass for strenuous circumstances," Holly said.

Gail smiled slightly, but then decided to just say what was on her mind. "Holly, I just, I don't feel ready to go on desk duty yet. I know you want me to and I understand why, I really do, but I think I can do a couple more weeks. Are you ok with that? Are you going to be upset with me if I wait a little longer?"

"Gail, I understand. I know how much you love your job and how much you hate desk duty. I get it. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you to go on desk duty as soon as possible. I just don't want anything to happen to you or the baby."

"So if I decide to wait a few more weeks, where does that leave us?" Gail felt nervous.

"That leaves you with all the power and me with all the worry," Holly bit back in an uncharacteristically harsh tone.

"That's not fair," Gail said while trying to stay calm.

Holly closed her eyes again and brought her hand up to her forehead. "Ok, look. Can we please finish this conversation when we can have it face-to-face? Because I feel really sensitive about this topic and I don't want to lie and pretend I'm ok with something when I'm not, but I also don't want to be honest and then not be able to give you a hug or hold your hand to reassure you that I love you and I'm not going anywhere."

Gail frowned. "I don't like having something unresolved between us. It makes me feel itchy."

Holly laughed despite the tension the subject had created. "Itchy?"

"Yes, it makes my insides crawl or something. I don't like fighting with you," Gail muttered as she picked at the bedspread.

"We're not fighting. We just disagree. But you are safe for the night and I'm not mad at you so this discussion will keep. If I don't get out of here tomorrow, we can talk about it some more on the phone, ok?"

Still slightly unsatisfied, Gail said, "Yeah, ok. I don't love it though. I wish you were here."

Holly smiled. "Me too, sweetie. But hopefully I will get to come home tomorrow."

"I love you, Lunchbox. I always want to come home to you." She blushed, feeling slightly embarrassed at the admission.

And once again, Holly's heart melted. "I know you do, sweetheart. I love you too and I'm going to come home to you too. You have to believe that."

"I'm trying," Gail said sheepishly.

"Are you going to be ok?" Holly asked with a crease in her brow.

"Yeah. Traci already talked me down several times," Gail said nonchalantly. "She'll keep me together until at least tomorrow."

Holly didn't like the sound of that. "Talked you down from what?"

Changing the subject quickly, Gail said, "Oh look at the time. I better go feed the bean, Holly."

"Gail," the brunette said firmly.

"Everything's fine, Lunchbox. I may have exclaimed some things and cried a whole lot because I'm freaked out, but I'm not going to do anything dumb. I'll be ok until tomorrow."

Holly wasn't so sure. "Promise?"

"Yes. But I can't make any promises about what will happen if you don't come home tomorrow or if you have to be in quarantine for three weeks," Gail warned.

"I shouldn't have told you about that," Holly grimaced.

"You telling me is better than WebMD telling me. WebMD has pictures and terrifying pictures mixed with pregnancy hormones is just a recipe for punching a mirror with my other hand."

"Not funny. Please don't do that." Holly squeezed her eyes shut and imagined what it would feel like to not be with Gail in the hospital if she was hurt. "That's not...I need you to not do that."

Gail winced at the worry in Holly's voice. "Sorry. You know I make morbid jokes when I'm nervous."

"I know." And she did. Making inappropriate jokes was a coping mechanism for her wife. "So you're going to be ok tonight?"

"Yes, I will be fine. You know, you're the one under quarantine. I feel like I should be comforting you."

"I'm also a doctor. I understand the science so I'm not going to worry until I know there's something to worry about," Holly said reassuringly.

"You're better at life than me," Gail deadpanned.

Holly sniggered. "Except when it comes to anything involving your safety. Then I'm just a basket case."

"Yeah well, that's because you're over the moon in love with me and can't imagine what you'd do without me, " the blonde said cockily.

Holly shook her head. "God help me, that's true. I love you, honey."

"I love you too, Lunchbox. Keep thinking non-contagious thoughts, ok? I'm going to say I'll see you tomorrow because if I put it out into the ether, maybe the universe will make it come true."

"I will see you tomorrow then," Holly said affectionately.

When they hung up, Gail fell back on the bed. She felt a little better about the state of things. It was a given that the world wouldn't feel completely right until Holly was home and definitely not infected with the plague. But her wife was really not worried and it wouldn't help anyone right now for Gail to keep freaking out. The possibility of Holly being in isolation for three weeks didn't bring her any comfort, but as her levelheaded wife pointed out, that wasn't a guarantee by any means. Gail realized that this must be what Holly felt like when she worried about the possibility of Gail getting shot or stabbed: while it was something that  _could_ happen, it wasn't a certainty. And a person could go mad pondering over all the things in life that could go wrong. She suddenly understood that phrase about not borrowing trouble.

Gail stood up from the bed and after steadying herself (damn dizzy spells), went out to face her brother and sister-in-law.

* * *

That night, Gail found it difficult to fall asleep. As much as she hated to admit it, after years of being married to Holly, she now had a hard time sleeping in an empty bed. There was something about a warm body next to you that was comforting. It filled a space in your mind that you didn't know was there until you tried to sleep without it. The air seemed to move too freely without another body to direct and absorb it. And the difference in noises was unsettling. It's not that the room was silent. No, the sounds were just different and strange when they weren't overshadowed by the soft breathing of the person next to you. Every creak and whir seemed amplified. Despite the weight of her twisting thoughts and emotions, Gail eventually drifted off into a fitful slumber only to succumb to a bizarre nightmare.

_Holly was sick. But whatever illness she had turned her skin green and scaly like a lizard. She couldn't talk because her lips were swollen and chapped. Somebody had sealed her up in a sort of clear body bag and she was gasping for air. Gail was trying to get to her, to let her wife out so she could breath, but the room that Holly was in was locked and Gail could only peer through a circular window in the door. She shouted for help and pounded her fist on the window, trying to get someone to help her dying wife. But no one came._

When Gail woke from the nightmare, she was sweaty and nauseous. Her head was spinning from lack of sleep and she had trouble emerging from the thick fog that had settled in her mind. She didn't remember right away that Holly wasn't at home and so she started speaking as if she were next to her in the bed.

"Ugh, that was a fucked up dream, Holly." When there was no answer, Gail turned to her wife's side of the bed. That's when she remembered that her wife was gone, locked in the lab, just like in her dream. She wasn't sick yet, but she could be in a matter of days. The thought made Gail's stomach churn and she tried to take deep breaths to quell the queasiness. When she was reasonably convinced that she wouldn't vomit if she moved, she reached for the phone on her nightstand and quickly tapped out a text message to Holly.

 **Wife:**  Terrible dream. You awake?

She waited several minutes for a reply, hoping that her wife had turned up the volume on her phone. But Holly had always been a better sleeper than her so she knew she'd have to call her if she really wanted to hear her voice. She hated to wake her wife just for a silly dream where Holly turned into a lizard, but she knew she wouldn't be able to fall sleep again if she didn't verify that Holly was ok and still symptom-free. So with some hesitation, Gail hit the speed dial for her wife. After ringing a few times, a very groggy Holly answered.

"Gail?"

"Hi, I'm sorry I woke you up," Gail said shyly.

"No, it's ok. What's going on?" Holly sat up in her cot and patted around on a nearby table for her glasses.

Gail's answer was barely above a whisper. "I um...I had a really weird dream and I just needed to make sure you're ok."

Holly cleared her throat and pulled the phone away from her ear to check the time: 3:42 AM. "I'm ok, honey. Do you want to tell me about the dream?" Her voice was scratchy and low.

"Are you sure? Your voice sounds funny. You don't have a sore throat do you?" Paranoia was a powerful thing.

"It's just from sleeping. I feel fine. Are you ok?" She rubbed her eyes, having given up on finding her glasses at the moment.

"Sort of. I woke up from that dream and felt kind of nauseous, but probably just from being tired. It took me a long time to fall asleep."

Concern about Gail's well-being made Holly feel slightly more alert. "Do you still feel nauseous? Did you throw up? Do you feel dizzy?"

Gail shook her head. She had called to check on Holly but somehow the conversation had become about her. "No, I didn't throw up. I'm ok. I just...I dreamt you were sick and so when I woke up...I just needed to make sure you were ok."

"I'm ok, sweetie. I promise."

Gail took a deep breath and felt a small wave of relief fill her chest. But it wasn't quite enough to take away all the fear. "I don't want you to get sick, Lunchbox," Gail admitted quietly.

"I know, love. Just remember that the likelihood of that happening is extremely small. This is all just a precaution." Luckily, the hour of night (morning?) didn't affect the certainty in Holly's voice.

"Ok." Gail paused, trying to soak up some of her wife's confidence. "I can...you can go back to sleep now. I will be ok."

"Are you going to be able to get back to sleep?" Holly lay back down on her cot.

"Probably. Maybe." Gail didn't sound too sure of that. "I might just get up and read or something. I don't want to have that dream again."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Holly prompted.

"Ugh. I hate pregnancy dreams. They feel so real. And when I try to wake up, it's like trying to swim through a fog," Gail grumbled.

"I'm sorry," Holly said gently. "I wish I could give you a hug right now."

"Tomorrow remember? We're putting it out in the universe so it will happen." Gail didn't normally believe in that kind of thing, but she was willing to be moony about this.

"Right. Tomorrow. I will give you a hug tomorrow," Holly smiled. After a beat, she tried prompting Gail again. "But seriously, tell me what happened in the dream. I know you're avoiding it, but you'll feel better if you talk about it."

Gail sighed. "You were sick and turning green and scaly like a lizard. They put you in this clear bag and you couldn't breathe. But I couldn't get to you because the door was locked. I was yelling and hitting the door, but no one would help you." Gail's voice broke. "I couldn't help you."

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. That sounds terrible. But I'm ok. It was just a dream. And I promise I look nothing like a lizard," she tried to joke.

"I know, that's so weird. I'm not sure where that came from. Maybe because we were watching a nature show after dinner? But it was terrifying and way too vivid in the dream."

"I'm sorry that you're so worried," Holly said.

"Oh god, don't apologize for that. You worry about me all the time. But you handle it way better than I do. I don't know how you don't go crazy."

"I'm not sure I handle it better, I'm just more accustomed to it," Holly said sadly.

And that made Gail feel guilty. "That really sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal with this feeling all the time."

"You were a cop when I agreed to marry you, honey. I knew what I was getting myself into. And I don't ever regret it."

"Even when I'm pregnant and don't want to go on desk duty?" Gail sassed.

"Most definitely not an appropriate time for that conversation, Gail," Holly replied tensely.

Gail cringed. "I know, I'm sorry. It just sort of slipped out. It's not an excuse, but I'm tired and feeling a little emotionally vulnerable. Also admitting that out loud makes me want to peel my eyelids back with a fork."

"Ok two things. First, can we not have such graphic descriptions of you hurting yourself right now? I know you're being hyperbolic, but I'm not there and that's just…I don't like it. Also, I know you're tired, which is why we're going to talk about desk duty when it's not nearly four in the morning and we've both had a proper amount of rest."

"You're right," Gail puffed. "I don't know why you're so patient with me."

"Because you have a hot ass," Holly said seriously.

Gail laughed out loud. "Oh my god, you are such a lesbian sometimes."

"Well, you married me!" Holly argued.

"Best decision of my life," Gail said with a smile on her face.

Holly blushed. "You are very sweet sometimes, you know that? And exhausted, so why don't you try to get some more sleep? You need it."

"Yeah, ok. Thanks for answering the phone."

"Always. Call me again if you need me, ok? I love you, honey."

"I love you too, Lunchbox. See you tomorrow." The universe had to be listening right?

Holly smiled. "See you tomorrow, my love."

* * *

Luckily Gail was exhausted enough to fall back to sleep fairly quickly. And this time she didn't have any strange dreams or at least not any disturbing enough to wake her abruptly. A soft rain had started to fall sometime in the early hours of the morning, the sound of which caused the blonde to roll over and pull the blanket back up to her nose. She loved sleeping while it was raining and she allowed the patter of the rain on the window to soothe some of her worries. She lay just barely awake, reveling in the fact that she didn't have to get up for several more hours when she heard footsteps on the stairs. Traci and Steve had stayed the night in the guest room downstairs so she thought it strange that they would be moving around upstairs this early in the morning. But she was too cozy and drowsy to care. She smushed her face back into the pillow and let out a slow, satisfied breath. Just as she started to drift off again, she felt the bed dip and warm arms wrapping her up. She knew those arms and she recognized the familiar scent of the soap from Holly's lab. As soon as the realization fully hit her, Gail flipped over to discover that half smile she adored hovering above her.

"Are you really here?" the blonde asked hoarsely.

"It's tomorrow," Holly smiled.

Gail closed her eyes and prayed to the universe that she wasn't dreaming.


	23. Chapter 23

Gail opened her eyes to find her lovely wife still in front of her and smiling sweetly. God, she would give anything to guarantee she always got to wake up to that smile.

"I'm not dreaming, right? You're really here?" Gail said skeptically as she placed her hand on her wife's hip. She needed the physical reassurance that the woman in front of her wasn't a figment of her imagination.

"I'm really here, honey," Holly smiled wider and put her hand over Gail's.

"Wait, how are you here?"

"Well, there's this thing called a car, I think you've been in one," Holly teased.

Gail slapped her wife playfully. "Shut up! You know what I mean!"

Holly grabbed the blonde's hand and kissed it. "They got the test results this morning and called me first thing. It was Yellow Fever."

"And that's not contagious?" Gail asked with legitimate curiosity.

"No, it's highly contagious and I just thought I'd sneak out and come home and get in bed with my pregnant wife," Holly said sarcastically, but with a smirk that indicated there was no malice.

"Oh ok, wise ass. Pardon me for not knowing anything about Yellow Fever," Gail grumbled and pretended to pull her hand away.

Holly chuckled as she pulled her wife's hand up for another kiss. "It's primarily transmitted by mosquitoes, but even if I had come into contact with blood or some other bodily fluid, I've had the vaccine. I got it before I went to Senegal with Doctors Without Borders. I can't get Yellow Fever."

"Holly, I have never been so happy that you're such a better person than me," Gail deadpanned.

"Says the woman who risks her life every day to serve and protect the city, with very little gratitude or recognition." Holly rubbed her thumb over Gail's knuckles.

Ignoring the praise, Gail grabbed Holly's other hand and pulled both to her chest as she closed her eyes. "God, Holly, I was absolutely terrified. I mean we both know I'm pretty crazy when there's a possibility you might be hurt, but mixing pregnancy hormones with the fear of losing you?" Gail sighed and looked at the brunette again, her eyes earnest and solemn. "I was kind of a hot fucking mess. I felt like I couldn't control my own emotions."

Holly smiled sympathetically. "Not quite used to that, huh?"

Gail opened her eyes wide and frowned. "No. One second I was scared, the next I was just sad and then right after that I was so angry I could punch something. I felt insane. How the hell did you keep it together when Perik was out?"

Holly reflexively squeezed Gail's hand tighter at the mention of the man's name. She shook her head and scoffed, "Um, you seem to have forgotten that when you called to tell me he had escaped, I had an actual breakdown while we were on the phone. I definitely did NOT keep it together."

"Yeah, well, I feel like I should have been a little more composed considering nothing had actually even happened to you yet," Gail muttered.

"Sweetheart, it's perfectly normal to freak out a little when you're worried about the person you love," Holly soothed.

"But is it normal to practically pick a fight with your wife when she's in quarantine? I'm really sorry about that, by the way." Gail looked down at the bed, her embarrassment over the behavior coloring her cheeks.

"It's alright, Gail." Holly reached out and cupped her wife's cheek. "I knew you were just scared."

Gail shook her head. "You're too forgiving, Holly. I should have handled that better."

Holly smiled sadly. "No matter how hard we try, our most negative traits are going to come out from time to time, especially when we're stressed. When I'm scared, I get clingy and slightly illogical, like when I didn't want you to go help find Chris because it was raining. When you're scared, you get angry and mean. We don't always react that way when we're afraid, but it's going to happen sometimes. And part of marriage is accepting each other's worst bits."

Gail looked fondly at her wife, wondering how she had gotten so lucky, to find someone who accepted her so fully, even at her worst. "Holly, I don't want to do any of this without you. When I let myself think about losing you? I sort of went insane and wept in the shower over the smell of your shampoo. I need you. You make me better and you love me when I'm not better. I just…I only want to do any of this with you."

Holly smiled brightly and put her hand behind Gail's neck to pull her in for a kiss. For a couple of minutes, their mouths moved together, reminding each other of their love and commitment. When Holly finally pulled away, she cupped Gail's cheek. "I'm not going anywhere, honey. You don't have to do this alone. We're in it together."

Gail smiled and nodded. "Good." She lay down on her back and pulled her wife so that Holly's head rested on her shoulder. "So how are you? You must be tired."

"I'm good. Just glad to be home with you." Holly placed her hand on Gail's stomach and rubbed it in circles. "But I could definitely use a few more hours of sleep in my own bed. We should both get some more sleep."

Gail closed her eyes and relaxed at the feeling of her wife in her arms. "Mmm. Do you have to work later?"

Holly shook her head slightly. "Nope. The one good thing about quarantine is your bosses tend to give you a couple days off to deal with the mental distress. I wasn't going to tell them that I never actually felt worried."

"My little nerd is playing hooky. I love it," Gail sounded proud. "Well, when I called Oliver last night to tell him what was going on and that I might not be in today, he told me to take the day off no matter what happened."

"So we both get to stay home on this rainy day, snuggle on the couch and watch movies?" The delight was evident in Holly's voice.

"Yep. When my alarm goes off, I'll get up and tell Traci and Steve that you're ok and then we have the whole day to ourselves."

"Maybe quarantine isn't so bad if it means I get a day off with you."

"Yeah, I wouldn't go that far," Gail murmured. "You should force your interns to do all the physical examinations of bodies from now on so they're the ones who end up in quarantine."

Holly laughed. "That's not really how it works, Gail."

"Well it should. I mean what's the fun of being the boss if you can't abuse your power every now and then?"

"There are so many things wrong with that statement, I'm not even sure where to start," Holly mused.

"Let's save that for later. Right now I just want to hold you until we fall asleep," Gail said dreamily.

"You are such a sap." Holly grinned as she dipped the tips of her fingers under the hem of Gail's shirt.

"If you tell anyone, I'll deny it."

"Oh I wouldn't dare. Besides, I like to keep all your sweetness for myself." She snuggled her nose a little further into Gail's neck.

After a few minutes of silence, Gail whispered, "I'm really glad it's tomorrow, Lunchbox."

Holly beamed. "Me too, honey. Me too."

* * *

A couple of hours later, Gail's alarm went off and she and Holly emerged from the bed with groans. They were both still exhausted, but they needed to update Steve and Traci. Walking downstairs together, they spotted the couple in the kitchen. Steve was filling his mug with coffee and Traci was sitting on a stool gripping her cup with both hands. At the noise on the stairs, they both turned toward Gail and Holly.

"Hey hey, how are the sleeping beauties?" Traci smiled.

"Not Disney princesses," Gail frowned.

"There aren't enough hours in the day or night to turn Gail into a Disney princess," Steve said.

"Yeah well, who said I want to be a princess anyway, carrot top?" Gail bit back.

"Your elementary school lunchbox, garbage pail," Steve answered.

"All right you two, let's concentrate on the most important matter at hand: Holly doesn't have the plague," Traci said with a wink in Gail's direction.

"Hey! She said it was a possibility! I'm sorry that putting my wife and the plague in the same sentence is a little disconcerting," Gail grumbled, although she wasn't really upset.

Everyone laughed at Gail's grumpy demeanor. "So what did it really turn out to be?" Steve asked.

"Yellow Fever. Luckily I had the vaccine before I went overseas with Doctor's Without Borders so I didn't have to stay in quarantine any longer," Holly explained.

Gail walked further into the kitchen to take down a mug to make herself some tea. Traci and Holly started chatting about Holly's time in Africa while Steve watched his sister stare at the kitchen counter with a brooding look.

"You ok there, sister?" Steve leaned his hip against the counter.

"Yeah, just tired," Gail said quietly without looking into his eyes.

"You don't have to pretend to be ok just because Holly isn't sick," he tried again.

Gail sighed heavily and turned to face him. "I was really scared, you know? She wasn't even sick or in any actual danger, but…I just…I need her, Steve."

"I know." Steve pulled Gail into a hug. After a few seconds, he pulled back but left his hands on her shoulders. "You have her. She's not going anywhere."

Gail nodded and brought a hand up to dab at her eyes, which had started to water.

"And for what it's worth, I would have been scared too. If that had been Traci, I would have made my way into the lab by force," Steve said.

"If I wasn't pregnant, I definitely would have. The people who work at the lab are already terrified of me so it wouldn't have taken much convincing," Gail replied.

Steve laughed and pulled his sister into his side. "We Pecks aren't exactly known for our subtlety when it comes to keeping the people we love safe, huh?"

Gail looked over at Holly who was talking animatedly with her hands, currently wrapped up in some story from her time in Senegal. She thought about how her whole world revolved around that beautiful, nerdy woman. "I'd do anything for her, Steve. And I actually mean anything."

She glanced over at her brother and noticed he was looking at Traci the same way she had just been looking at Holly. Without looking away from his wife, he said quietly, "I know, sister. I know."

And somehow, knowing that someone else understood how simultaneously terrible and wonderful it was to be so thoroughly in love made Gail feel better. She wasn't alone. Holly was here and she was ok. And her brother was just as lovesick as she was.

Lost in their own thoughts, neither sibling noticed that their wives had stopped talking and were instead staring at them. Traci and Holly whispered to each other and then lifted their cameras to capture the moment, Steve's arm still wrapped around Gail's shoulders. The flashes jolted the siblings out of their reverie, both quickly jumping away from each other.

"Too late! We now have photographic evidence that you two love each other," Traci said in a singsong voice while Holly brought her hand to her mouth to stifle a giggle.

Gail and Steve paused, sharing a quick look, and then took off in pursuit of their wives' phones.

* * *

After Steve and Traci left, Gail and Holly went back to sleep for a while, the sound of the rain lulling both of them into an easy mid-morning slumber. Gail woke first, but didn't move to get up. Instead she pulled her wife in closer and pondered at how very different everything felt when Holly was in their bed, in her arms. Her wife's soft breathing was the perfect backdrop for the rain on the window. And the temperature under the covers was just right, Holly's warm body snuggled up next to her. In fact, everything was just right when Holly was with her.

"You're thinking sappy thoughts again, aren't you?" Holly whispered drowsily, her hand moving to rest on Gail's stomach.

"I never think sappy thoughts," Gail replied.

"Mmhmm. I know your secret," Holly teased.

"Oh really. And what exactly is that?" Gail ran her hands through Holly's hair.

"That you're in love with me and you think I'm pretty."

"Oh, I don't think you're pretty," Gail said seriously. Holly responded by pinching Gail's hip lightly. The blonde grabbed the offending hand and brought it up to her lips to kiss. "I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

Holly smiled brightly and kissed Gail's neck. "If only the world got to see you the way I get to see you."

Gail flipped them so that she rested on top of the brunette, braced by her elbows on either side of Holly's head. Gail leaned down and kissed Holly lightly. When she pulled back she was smiling softly. "Only you get to see it because only you bring this side out in me. Only you make me soft and vulnerable." She peppered kisses over Holly's collarbone every few words. Gail's baby bump was pressing into Holly's abdomen causing a warm sensation to spread through the brunette's lower half.

"Mmm," Holly moaned with pleasure. "I really hope this is heading where I think it's heading." She spread her hands out and moved them up and down Gail's back.

Gail lifted her head again and looked into Holly's eyes. "I think I need to welcome you home properly." She smirked and then placed a kiss in the space at the top of her wife's sternum causing Holly to suck in a deep breath.

The brunette pressed on Gail's lower back so their bodies were pulled even closer together. Gail suddenly became aware of the way her stomach was pushing against Holly's. She lifted herself up slightly and flashed an apologetic look. "Sorry about the cantaloupe between us. Is it uncomfortable?"

Holly smiled and pulled Gail back in. "No, I like it. It feels nice."

"Why Doctor Stewart, do you have a pregnant-belly fetish?" Gail asked flirtatiously.

She responded by grabbing Gail's sides and spinning her around so that she was now laying flat on her back. Holly oriented her body slightly to the side so she could spread her hand over Gail's rounded stomach and massage gently. "That's Doctor Stewart-Peck to you, Officer. And I do indeed find your belly to be incredibly sexy." She moved her hands underneath Gail's shirt and with the tips of her fingers rubbed soft circles over warm skin. "I love knowing that my baby's in there and..."

Tugging her in by the back of the neck, Gail interrupted Holly with a long, probing kiss. When she finally pulled back, Gail said in a low, breathless whisper, "Don't stop doing that thing with your hand, but you really need to stop talking."

A little out of breath herself, Holly nodded and smoothed her thumb over the patch of skin just below Gail's belly button. "I won't say another word."

* * *

After spending the rest of the morning in bed, wearing each other out, the women made grilled cheese and soup before taking another leisurely nap. Waking mid-afternoon, the women decided to enjoy the rainy day by watching a movie. They bickered back and forth, Holly wanting to take advantage of the day off to watch a new documentary while Gail insisted on introducing her to one of her favorite romantic comedies. Holly finally caved when Gail made a pouty face and said something ridiculously saccharine ("but romantic comedies remind me how lucky I am – because I never thought I'd find someone who makes me feel like they do in the movies"). And so Holly, never being able to resist a sappy sentiment, agreed to watch "Return to Me".

The pair settled on the couch, Holly sitting on one end, her feet propped up on the coffee table. Gail was spread out over the rest of the couch, her head laying on her wife's lap. One pale hand was covering Holly's, which was resting gently on Gail's stomach. As the movie started, Holly slid her thumb under the hem of Gail's shirt and rubbed back and forth over Gail's skin, making the blonde smile.

A couple minutes into the movie, Holly let out a little squeal. "Ooh, Mulder is in this! You should have told me that and I would have gotten on board a whole lot faster. Now if Gillian Anderson were in it…"

"Yeah, yeah, your undying nerd love would be causing you to drool right now. I know you'd leave me for her in a heartbeat," Gail replied dryly.

"Oh, I would never leave you," Holly said. "I'd just bang her and then come home to you." She laughed at her own joke.

Gail turned so she could tickle Holly's inner thighs. Grabbing at Gail's hands, Holly laughed a little hysterically. "Ok, ok! No tickling! You know I'd never cheat on you, not even with Scully! You're way hotter and also my wife who I made vows with!"

Feeling triumphant, Gail withdrew her hands, pulling one of Holly's so it settled back in its place on her stomach. "That's what I thought, nerd. Now pay attention, something important is about to happen."

Holly smiled and focused back in on the movie. She smiled as David Duchovny's character danced with his wife to Dean Martin, thinking about how much she loved dancing with Gail. But suddenly the scene shifted to a hospital and Holly tensed. Before she knew it, the husband was covered in blood and sliding down his front door weeping as the family dog looked on. Holly's eyes stung and she gasped with sadness. Hearing the sound, Gail turned to look at her wife.

"Holly?" Her face was both concerned and confused as she took in the giant tears that had started to run down her wife's face. The brunette began to sob uncontrollably into the hand covering her mouth. Gail scrambled to sit up and grab Holly's free hand and shoulder. "Holly, what's the matter? What happened?"

The brunette felt a heaviness in her chest and she was sucking in ragged breaths between sobs. She moved her hand under her glasses to cover her eyes, trying desperately to get her crying under control. She couldn't even attempt to speak, so she squeezed the hand that Gail was holding.

"Baby, take some deep breaths." Gail moved her hand to the base of Holly's neck and massaged with her thumb and fingers.

Holly nodded and concentrated on breathing. She continued to weep and gasp until she was finally able to calm down a bit. She spoke through quaking sniffles. "I'm…I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's ok," Gail soothed. "What happened?"

Wiping her cheeks with one hand, she choked out, "They were so happy and then…she was just…she was gone and he was alone."

Gail ran her thumb over Holly's knuckles. "I know it's sad, but the movie gets happier, I promise. Minnie Driver shows up and they hook up. I'm sorry. You don't normally get that upset when people die in movies. I mean "Beaches" is like your favorite. But we don't have to keep watching. We can watching something else."

"I just…he was so sad. They were so happy and then…Gail, what if something happens to you?" Holly's eyes were wide and wet as she looked into Gail's face.

"Oh, Lunchbox, is that what this is about? I'm right here, baby," she said gently.

"Gail, I think we need to talk about you going on desk." The look on Holly's face was one of trepidation. She didn't want to fight, but she knew they needed to discuss it.

Gail took a deep breath and let it out slowly. While she paused the movie, she answered, "Yeah, we do." She settled back into the couch a little, pulling Holly's hand into her lap and grasping it with both of hers. "Why don't you start?"

The brunette nodded and looked down at their joined hands. Taking a moment to compose her thoughts, Holly took a deep breath and then dove right in. "Ok, so I know I told you that I wouldn't tell you when to go on desk. And I don't want to tell you what to do. I'm not going to tell you what to do," she said emphatically. "But after Andy got hurt, I couldn't stop thinking about what could have happened. I know that you are really careful. And I know that you are great at your job and you're trained to handle physical altercations. I know that. And I trust that you do everything you can to stay safe and come home to me. But sometimes things happen that we can't control. And I just…I don't want something to happen, Gail."

She glanced over at her wife to see if she looked angry or upset. When Gail smiled encouragingly and nodded, Holly continued. "After you told me what happened to Andy, the image of you getting stabbed in the stomach right between your vest and belt kept playing over and over in my mind. And I know that didn't happen; I know you weren't even hurt." She moved her hand to cover Gail's stomach and then closed her eyes. "But you're pregnant and the baby moved and I spend a good portion of every day feeling abject terror that something is going to happen and one or both of you are going to get hurt."

She opened her eyes, panic written all over her features. "Some days I feel like I'm not going to be able to breathe until you're off shift and I know you're safe. And I know I'm a worrier. I know that sometimes my imagination runs wild. But I also know that Chloe got shot and Chris got stabbed and sometimes some of you die. And I couldn't take that, Gail. If I came home to this house and knew you'd never be coming back? I'd…I just…" She shook her head and bit her lip against another round of tears.

Gail squeezed Holly's hands and nodded in understanding. "I know. When I thought you might have the plague and that that stupid fight might be the last time we were together in this house? Well, I had a full on break down in the shower at the smell of your shampoo," she said sheepishly. "And I kept thinking that you must worry like that all the time, that you must always have at least some level of that fear that lives in your mind and god, Holly, I don't know how you do it. One night and I was unhinged."

Holly winced through a half smile. "It's not easy."

"I'm so sorry. I know there isn't anything I can do about the fact that I have a dangerous job. I know I can't fix it. But I'm really sorry that I didn't talk to you when I knew you were upset about Andy getting hurt. That was selfish and you deserve more than that," Gail said apologetically.

Holly looked back down at their hands. "It's ok. You weren't even…"

"No, it's not ok. You're my wife and even if I wasn't hurt, you were worried that I could have been. I should have listened to how you felt about me going on desk." Gail sighed and dropped her head on the back of the couch. "I just, I think things are starting to feel real. The baby moved and my clothes are starting to get tight and it all just sort of hit me. And I think I was a little scared because I know how to be a badass cop. I know how to chase and tackle a suspect. But I don't know how to be a mom and going on desk was like admitting that this is happening and there's no going back. So I just wanted to be able to do what I know for a little bit longer." She looked away, feeling embarrassed and shy.

Holly reached over with her thumb and finger to pull Gail's chin back toward her. The blonde found her wife's brown eyes, filled with compassion and kindness, looking at her intently. "Sweetheart, why didn't you tell me you were feeling that way?"

"I don't think I realized it until just now. I mean, I've asked you several times if you wanted me to go on desk. I wasn't lying when I said I would do it if it meant you could sleep at night. But when the baby started moving, everything just sort of hit me. I mean, I'm pregnant and I'm going to have to give birth and then I'm going to be a parent." Gail screwed her face up in a comically horrified expression. "That sort of terrifies me. So I think I was being stubborn because I was trying to hold onto something that feels familiar and easy."

"Well that definitely makes sense. I didn't really understand why you were all of a sudden so against it when you had offered to go on the desk before." Holly rubbed her hand over Gail's rounded stomach again. "But honey, it's ok to be scared. Even though I have complete faith that you are going to be amazing at giving birth and being a mom, this is all new so it's perfectly normal to feel apprehensive. And it's a big change. I can't imagine how strange it must feel to have another person growing inside of you, making you feel like you're not in control of your own body anymore."

"Yeah. It's pretty fucking weird. I mean, it was already weird when I started throwing up and getting dizzy and had blood leaking out of my nose. But now that the baby is moving, it's even weirder. I mean it's cool, but if I think about it too much, it kind of starts to creep me out." Gail frowned for emphasis.

Holly laughed. "I think you're probably not the first pregnant woman who has felt that way, honey. I know a lot of things are changing, but you're not alone. I'm going to be here for all of it."

Gail let out a breath and put her hand over Holly's, which was still resting on her stomach. "You better be. Someone's gotta be the doctor portion of this home birth." She bit her lip to hold in a giggle.

Holly glared at Gail over her glasses. "Not funny, Gail. Hospital. This baby is being born in a hospital."

"Meh, we'll talk about that later." Holly huffed in response. "Ok, so I'll tell Oliver tomorrow that I want to go on desk duty."

Holly put her free hand on her wife's shoulder. "Wait. How about you tell him at the end of next week? That way you will have the rest of this week and next week to get used to the idea."

"Are you sure? I know you're worried all the time. It will be hard at first, but I'll get used to it."

Holly smiled and nodded. "I'm sure. I really appreciate that you are a willing to go on desk right away, but we can call this a compromise. And it's just one week, right? I can handle one more week."

"Yeah, what could happen in a week?" Gail said dismissively.

Holly closed her eyes. "I am fighting the urge to tell you not to jinx it."

"Oh right. I forgot that you are more Mulder than Scully right now," Gail grinned.

"I don't think you know how much I love that you made that reference and got it right. You are literally my favorite person ever, and not just because you're pregnant with my baby," Holly said with complete seriousness.

"Well some of your nerdiness was bound to rub off eventually." Holly started tickling Gail and the blonde leaned away to protect herself. Laughing, she said, "Ok, ok. Truce! Thank you for giving me a week, but tell me if you change your mind. And you're my favorite person too, Lunchbox, and not just because you're going to deliver our baby."

Holly froze and stared at her wife. "Gail. You keep joking about it, but that is not happening."

Gail stood from the couch with a smirk on her face. "Come on, Lunchbox. I require sustenance."

Holly called after her while the blonde just smiled. "Gail. I'm serious!"


	24. Chapter 24

Chloe Price wasn't the worst person Gail knew. Not by a long shot. She was smart and observant; qualities that made her a great cop. When somebody was holding something back, Chloe could snuff it out. She could read emotions and body language, powers she used only for good. She was friendly and thoughtful and always trying to help. Gail considered the woman a friend, even if she was never willing to admit that out loud. But on this day, she would have amputated one of her toes to be riding with anyone else. Because for all of Chloe's great qualities, she was also endlessly perky and unabashedly nosy. She was the kind of person who loved puppies and unicorns and could find a silver lining for anything. And for a grumpy cat like Gail, being around that level of pep and positivity for any sustained amount of time brought out a whole new level of snark.

After six full hours of patrol with Chloe, Gail was all but ready to forego the last week of being on the street if it meant she could avoid another day with the woman. Despite Gail's silent pleas for the universe to send some chaos their way, just to get them out of the car, Toronto seemed to be determined to try her patience by having the most crime-free day in history. This was somewhat shocking as the city was seeing its third full day of rain, which would usually cause the natives to grow restless and thus venture outside to eliminate their cabin fever as stupidly as possible. Chloe had chosen to deal with her own boredom by quizzing Gail about marriage, kids and now pregnancy. Questions Gail had answered with ever increasing bite and sarcasm.

"So did you use Holly's egg or yours?" Chloe asked.

Gail groaned. "No."

"No you didn't use Holly's egg? Or no you didn't use either of your eggs? Oh, did you use a donor egg?"

"No, I am not talking about this," Gail replied.

Chloe was unfazed by Gail's grumpiness, having grown used to it over the years of working together. "Because I know you can't really have a baby that's part of both of you, which is really sad because you and Holly are like super hot so you'd make really adorable babies, but if the egg was Holly's, then you're carrying her baby and that's really sweet. Oh, did you use Steve's sperm?"

"Ugh, Chloe, do not ever mention my brother's…stuff ever again unless you want to get tased in the eyeball," Gail choked out with revulsion.

"How come Holly wasn't the one who got pregnant? I mean it seems like it would be less risky, you know, since you're a cop." Chloe was gesturing wildly with her hands.

"I'm careful, Chloe. Lots of cops have babies," Gail argued.

"Oh yeah, of course they do." Chloe nodded. "So are you over the morning sickness? Because I heard that the older you get, the more likely it is you will have morning sickness and that it will last longer. I mean, not that you're old. You're not that old. But you're in your thirties right? Are you in your thirties?"

Gail rolled her eyes, but didn't respond. Her patience, what little she had, was wearing very thin.

"How does it feel to be pregnant? Have you felt the baby move yet? Does that feel magical? I can't wait to be pregnant. Dov and I are going to have the most adorable babies. Of course, we have to get married first. I mean we don't have to be married to have babies, but Dov wants to get married. I'm not sure I'm ready to get married after everything that happened with Wes…"

Gail sighed with relief when a call came over the radio, interrupting Chloe's rant. "15-04, we have a robbery in progress in your area, silent alarm was tripped, can you respond?"

Chloe glanced at Gail warily. "I don't know, Gail, that sounds like it could be dangerous and you're..."

Ignoring the redhead, Gail picked up the radio. "Dispatch, this is 15-04 responding. What's the address?" At this point, she didn't care how dangerous the call was, she needed to not be trapped with Chloe for one more minute than absolutely necessary. Noting the address relayed by dispatch, Gail flipped on the lights and siren.

"Gail, are you sure about this? Holly might..." Chloe began to question uneasily.

"Chloe, I'm still a cop and I could definitely still beat you in a footrace. It's fine," Gail growled in response. She did not appreciate being questioned.

Chloe put her hands in the air to signal surrender, she knew better than to poke the bear. They drove in silence for the couple minutes it took to arrive at the bank. As they pulled up, Gail swept her eyes over the parking lot and entrance, noting that another squad car was driving up. When they came to a stop and Gail opened her door, she saw Duncan open the door of the other squad car and rush toward the entrance, drawing his gun in the process. Dov, who had been driving, opened his door and yelled after him.

"Duncan, no! Get back here!" He took off toward the bank entrance.

Gail grunted and also started to jog toward the front door of the bank. She heard Chloe following closely behind and shouted to her. "Chloe take the back door!"

At the front door, Gail pulled her gun and kept it pointed toward the ground. The cloudy sky and rain made it nearly impossible to see through the glass door to determine the situation inside. After a split second's contemplation, she used her shoulder to push open the door and scanned the room. About a dozen people were lying on the floor, their heads pointed at a man near the front counter.

The man was dressed in black, a hoodie pulled up over his head. His face was red and he was pointing a gun at what appeared to be a bank employee, a gangly man in a suit and tie with a look of terror plastered to his face.

About ten feet away, Duncan was standing awkwardly, his gun pointed at the gunman, yelling loudly. "Put the gun down or I will have to shoot. Do you want to get shot?"

About five feet behind Duncan, Dov was trying to get Duncan to stop talking. "Officer Moore, step back. Step back right now."

Noticing how antsy Duncan was making the gunman, Gail moved toward them as she lifted her gun. "Officer Moore, go outside now!"

Duncan turned slightly toward Gail. "No, I got this. I can…"

"Duncan, get the fuck out of here!" Gail shouted in her angriest voice.

Looking defeated, but lowering his gun, Duncan backed up toward the door.

"Sir, we need you to put the gun down. We don't want anyone to get hurt." Gail said gently.

The man scrubbed his hand over his face and vibrated back and forth between two feet. "No, I can't go to jail. My wife needs me."

"What's your wife's name?" Dov asked.

"Um…Jessica…her name's Jessica." The man said as he wiped some sweat from his brow.

"Ok, so Jessica wouldn't want you to hurt anyone would she? If you put the gun down right now, we can all walk out of here together," Dov tried again.

"But I'll have to go to jail. I can't go to jail," he said nervously as he bounced on his feet.

"Hey listen, you haven't done anything yet. If you put the gun down and we all walk out of here, you won't go to jail because you're giving yourself up. You'd be doing the right thing." Gail said. She knew she was lying, but she didn't care. She'd do anything to get the guy to surrender.

"Ok, so if I bend down and put the gun on the ground, you're not going to shoot me right?"

"If you put the gun down, we won't have any reason to shoot you," Dov confirmed.

"The other cop said he was going to shoot me. I don't want to get shot." The man started to pulsate anxiously again, his fear causing him to wave the gun slightly.

"Don't worry about that other cop. He isn't here and just between us, he's an idiot. If you put the gun down, we aren't going to shoot you," Gail said calmly.

The man nodded his head and started to lower his arm. As soon as he had placed the gun on the ground, Gail and Dov rushed forward and tackled the man to the ground. "You're under arrest for attempted robbery with a weapon." Dov said.

"I thought you said I wouldn't go to jail?" The man whined.

"You just held up a bank with a gun. Of course you're going to jail, dumbass," Gail bit back.

They lifted him from the floor and led him outside to the squad. As soon as they exited, Gail let go of the suspect, leaving him with Dov. She found Duncan standing on the sidewalk and marched over to him. She grabbed him by the lapels of the jacket and shoved him up against the side of the squad car, rain pouring down both of their faces. "What were you thinking? Telling a man who had a gun pointed at a hostage that you were going to shoot him? Did you sleep through that day at the academy? You could have gotten that man killed! Not to mention the rest of us!"

Duncan stumbled over his response. "I was trying…I mean I…"

Gail released his jacket and held her hand up in his face. "Don't." She turned and walked back toward her own squad, using the radio on her shoulder to tell Chloe the suspect was apprehended.

After everyone had given their statements (about the suspect and Duncan's actions), Chloe and Gail headed back toward the station. The redhead was practically vibrating in her seat and Gail could tell she wanted to ask another question but was holding back.

"Just ask," Gail said flatly.

After a quick glance at Gail, Chloe spoke hurriedly, "How did you go in there? I mean you're pregnant, weren't you worried something would happen?"

Gail sighed. "Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can't do my job. How did you go back out on the street after you got shot? It's the same."

"Yeah, but it's not just you. If I got hurt, other people would be sad, but it wouldn't mean someone else got hurt too. If you get hurt, the baby gets hurt. I can't believe Holly is ok with that," Chloe said honestly. She meant it with more shock and wonder than judgment, but it didn't come across that way to Gail.

"Holly knows that I would never purposefully put the baby in danger, and anyway that's between me and my wife. Frankly it's none of your business and if you know what's good for you, you'll keep your opinions to yourself," Gail snapped back.

"I didn't mean…" Chloe tried.

"Don't. Question and answer time is over. No more talking," she said, leaving no room for protest. Gail was angry at the implication that Chloe was making. She was just trying to do her job. She was good at her job. The situation at the bank was under control the whole time. The suspect hadn't even been pointing the gun at them. She had helped to diffuse a situation that could have ended very badly. She had helped save a lot of people. Chloe had no business questioning her decision to stay on the street. Gail continued to justify her actions to herself as she drove back to the station in the, thankfully, silent car.

* * *

When Holly picked up Gail from the station, Gail asked the brunette about her day. She knew her wife would have plenty to say, as she normally did, and she wanted a little more time to formulate her own thoughts before she had to tell Holly about what had happened at the bank. So as Holly chattered on about the bodies that had shown up in her lab, Gail watched the raindrops run down the passenger side window and pondered the growing unease in the pit of her stomach.

It wasn't until they got home that Holly realized how very little Gail had contributed to the conversation. While it was true that she talked more, in general, than Gail did, there was also a certain expression that Gail got when she was trying to avoid talking about something. Her eyebrows would knit together for too long and she would nervously chew on the inside of her mouth. Usually when Holly noticed this happening, she would give Gail a little time to sort things out before she asked her about it, knowing it was better for her wife to offer up the information rather than trying to pry it out of her.

So when they got home, Holly let a comfortable silence fall between them as they prepared dinner. It wasn't until about forty five minutes later when they were sitting down to eat that Holly first broached the subject.

"So how was your day today? You seem to have something on your mind," Holly said as casually as possible.

Gail stared at her fork and nodded. "Yeah. Um, we got called to a bank robbery today."

This wasn't all that surprising to Holly. Gail had been called to bank robberies on numerous occasions, but the suspects had always fled the scene before the police arrived, making the incidents rather innocuous in terms of Gail's safety. But Holly could tell that something out of the ordinary had happened today so she gently probed for more information. "Oh yeah? Did a lot get stolen?"

"Well, actually nothing was stolen. The suspect was still inside when we got there." Gail still hadn't looked up from her plate.

Holly tensed as she started to realize why this wasn't like the other robberies Gail had worked. "What happened?" She tried to keep her tone even.

"Well Gerald, Duncan, that imbecile, ran into the building before we could assess the situation so Dov and I had to follow to make sure he didn't do anything stupid, but then he still did something stupid," Gail growled at the memory.

Holly just nodded, waiting for Gail to continue. She wasn't sure she would know what to say if she tried to speak.

"So he starts yelling at the suspect that he's going to shoot him, which was obviously agitating the guy and he had a gun pointed at one of the bank employees. He told the guy with a gun he was going to shoot him! So I had to order Duncan to leave so he wouldn't set the guy off. And then Dov and I talked the guy down. No one got hurt and nothing got stolen. Dov and I got major kudos and Duncan is probably going to get a formal reprimand, but he just shouldn't be on the street. He's going to get someone killed." Gail shook her head angrily.

Holly was trying to absorb everything Gail had just said. Gail had been on scene when an apparently unstable suspect had held a man hostage with a gun. Another police officer had done something stupid and put her wife and one of their friends in more danger than they were already in. And then Gail and Dov had done their jobs exactly as they were trained and had saved a lot of people from who knows what kind of harm. It was a lot to take in. Holly put her fork down on her plate and took in a deep breath. "Wow."

"Yeah, it was pretty intense." Gail hesitated for a moment. "But then Chloe said something when we were driving back and it's really been bothering me."

Holly hadn't quite moved beyond the knowledge that Gail had been in a hostage situation. She wasn't sure why whatever Chloe had said was more disconcerting than the man with the gun. "What did she say?"

"She asked me how I could go in there since I was pregnant. And she said she didn't know how you were okay with me being out there since the baby would get hurt if I get hurt."

Holly put her hand on Gail's. "Honey, you know Chloe blurts things out before she really thinks about them."

She knew that Chloe meant well, but she wished she would think before she said something that upset her wife. Gail was much more sensitive than she ever let on and pregnancy hormones had only served to heighten it.

Gail waited a beat and then looked up into Holly's eyes. The look on her face was one of guilt and pain. "Do you think I'm selfish? Do you think I'm putting the baby in danger?"

"Gail, you would never put the baby in danger on purpose," Holly reassured her.

"Yeah, but I'm allowing for opportunities where the baby could get hurt. Just by being out on the street, I'm increasing the chance that something could happen to him. When Duncan was yelling at that guy, I really didn't know what he would do. He could have started shooting at us. I was like fifteen feet away. If he had shot me in just the right spot, I could have died or bled out or even if I was fine, the trauma could have caused me to go into labor."

Holly sighed and closed her eyes momentarily. "I'm well aware of all the things that could happen if you got shot."

"And that's another thing," Gail said while gesturing at Holly's face. "You're worried all the time and I could take a good portion of it away by just going on desk. What the hell am I doing, Holly?"

"I'm ok, sweetheart. And anyway, we already agreed that you're only going to do one more week before you go on desk duty. That's not that far away," Holly was trying to convince herself as much as she was trying to make her wife feel better.

"But what if that guy had shot me? I could have been on desk duty today. There's nothing stopping me but my own pride. And if something happened to the baby, I'd never forgive myself, even if I do love my job." She shook her head and looked down again, mostly out of self-loathing.

"Honey, the baby is fine. You are fine. And you did a good thing today." When Gail didn't respond, Holly chanced a question. "Do you want to go on desk duty earlier?"

Gail took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She looked up at Holly, tears shining in her eyes. "I don't want to go on desk duty earlier, but god, Holly, if something happened to the baby? I just...I couldn't take it. I don't know why I was being so selfish. Part of being a parent is putting the kid first. I need to put the baby first." She moved her hand down to cover her abdomen just as the baby started to move about softly.

"So what do you want to do, sweetheart?" Holly ran the thumb of her free hand over the top of the pale one she was holding.

"I'll tell Oliver that tomorrow is my last day on patrol. I don't want to leave him in the lurch tomorrow, but I'm going to start desk duty on Monday," Gail said with a hint of melancholy in her voice.

Holly picked up on it. "You don't have to, honey."

"Yeah. I do." She bit her lip for a second. "Holly, I'm really sorry. I was so selfish."

Holly moved one hand up to grip Gail's elbow. "Hey, you don't need to apologize. You and the baby are fine."

Gail nodded, still feeling guilty. She wanted to just take her mind off it. "Can we watch a movie or something?"

"Of course. You can choose." Holly stood from the table, picking up her own empty plate while eyeing Gail's. She had barely eaten anything. "You hardly ate anything, honey."

"I'm not hungry tonight."

Holly unhappily picked up Gail's plate as the blonde stood from her chair. She wavered on her feet, a bout of dizziness washing over her. She grabbed the back of the chair in an attempt to steady herself as her knees buckled slightly. Holly quickly set the plates back down on the table and gripped Gail's arms. "Sit back down," she ordered.

Gail followed her wife's instructions, bending over so her head was in her hands, her elbows on her knees. "I'm ok," she grumbled.

Holly moved her hand to Gail's back. "Mmhmm," she said skeptically. "You really should eat some more. Your blood sugar is probably low." A grimace was firmly planted on the brunette's face.

"I'll eat a granola bar in a little while. The dizziness definitely doesn't make me any hungrier right now," Gail said softly.

"Are you just dizzy or do you feel sick too?" Holly asked worriedly.

"I feel a little nauseous, but not bad."

"Ok, just take some deep breaths," Holly instructed as she rubbed her wife's back.

Gail nodded and began breathing slowly and deeply. Feeling better a couple of minutes later, she moved to stand up. When the room didn't spin, Gail sighed in relief and flashed a small smile at Holly.

"I want you on the couch right now," Holly said sternly.

"So demanding right after dinner. At least give me the thirty minutes they recommend before engaging in strenuous activities." Gail wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Holly shook her head in disbelief. "Only you could go from nausea and dizziness to joking about sex in under two minutes."

"Who said I was joking? And besides, you were the one who said you wanted me on the couch," Gail teased, flashing a cheesy grin.

"You know what I meant. Now go sit down, please." Holly pointed at the couch for emphasis and then picked up the plates so she could rinse them in the sink.

"So bossy," Gail muttered under her breath.

* * *

For some reason Holly could not comprehend, Gail had chosen to rent a scary movie for them to watch. Despite being the more logical of the pair, scary movies terrified Holly. She knew that monsters and ghosts didn't really exist and that there was most likely not a deranged serial killer in a mask lurking in their closet upstairs, but she couldn't keep herself from getting sucked into the feeling of terror obviously felt by the characters. Gail, on the other hand, was far less susceptible to feeling frightened. Sure, she jumped when something popped out on the screen, but the suspense only exhilarated her. Holly sadly assumed it was because Gail had seen far scarier things in real life than could ever play out on screen. She wasn't sure what Gail loved so much about scary movies, but suspected it was the adrenaline that shot through her system as she watched.

The women were huddled together, Holly smushing Gail into the side of the couch as she clutched her arm and hid her face behind Gail's hand instead of her own. The blonde got a huge kick out of Holly's reaction. She'd never admit it, in case Holly refused to ever watch another scary movie with her, but one of her favorite things about horror movies was just watching them with Holly. She loved that her normally composed and science-minded wife turned into the equivalent of a little kid when confronted with ghosts and goblins. For once, Gail felt like the strong one, the more reasonable one while Holly reacted as if the creatures on the screen were real. And maybe it was a little cruel to subject Holly to that torture, but Gail knew that Holly secretly liked it as it gave her a chance to snuggle (not that she really needed one) and feel protected.

On the screen, a toy clown had just spontaneously come to life, causing Holly to yelp and hide her face in Gail's arm. The cop jumped too, but quickly laughed at the jolt of adrenaline running through her. As Holly still clutched tightly to her arm, Gail felt a tiny kick to her stomach. She gasped slightly and put her hand over her stomach. When she felt another one, she gasped again and quickly grabbed the remote to pause the movie.

Having heard the second gasp from Gail, Holly leaned away slightly so she could see what had caused it. Noticing Gail's hand on her stomach, Holly grabbed her wife's arm and squeezed a little. "Are you ok, honey?"

"Yeah, give me your hand," Gail demanded as she lifted her shirt. She pulled Holly's free hand so that it covered the same spot on her belly that she had just been touching. "The baby is kicking."

Holly didn't dare say anything, not wanting to miss any slight movements. She held her breath as she waited, her eyes trained on Gail's stomach. Soon she felt the tiniest tap against Gail's skin. Her eyes and mouth opened wide in shock and she looked up into Gail's eyes. "Oh my god, Gail."

The blonde had a huge smile on her face, "Crazy right? That's the first time I've been able to feel it on the outside."

Holly felt tears begin to sting her eyes as she felt another tiny bump on her hand. She used her free hand to cover her mouth as she sniffled and laughed at the same time. "That is...I think that's the most amazing thing I have ever felt in my entire life."

Gail replied with a toothy grin, "The baby likes scary movies too."

"I think the baby is reacting to all the adrenaline in your system," Holly argued.

"Are you complaining?" Gail asked with amusement.

"Definitely not," Holly replied, a look of wonder still plastered to her face. "What does it feel like?"

Gail pondered for a moment. "Um, sort of like there's a tiny person kicking me from the inside. It doesn't hurt. Just feels strange."

Keeping her hand on Gail's stomach, Holly moved in to kiss her wife slowly and sweetly. When she leaned away, she smiled through tears. "God, Gail, I didn't think it was possible to love you any more than I already did, but this..." she cast her eyes back down to where her hand rested. "...that's our baby in there. I mean we knew it was there, but...I can't even explain how full my heart feels right now."

Gail felt tears in her own eyes as she nodded in agreement. "I know. I feel it too," she said, her voice thick.

Holly looked up at the change in Gail's voice. She cupped a pale cheek with her free hand. "You are the best thing, you know that? Thank you for doing this for us, for giving me this joy," she said sincerely.

Tears spilled down Gail's cheeks and Holly wiped them away with her thumbs. The cop sucked in a gasping breath, trying not to start sobbing. "Thank you for letting me."

Holly smiled, love in her eyes. "This is my favorite moment of my whole life. I never knew I could be this happy."

Gail closed her eyes and nodded as tears continued to fall. She leaned forward and buried her head in Holly's shoulder. She gripped Holly's hand, the one still resting on her rounded stomach. Holly kissed her temple and rubbed her back as she continued to tell the blonde how much she loved her.

The normally stoic and prickly cop let herself surrender to the moment, the love of her wife and the hope of their future together filling her up. Though Holly wasn't aware she could be this happy, Gail never believed she deserved it. And so to be in this moment, to feel the adoration and gratitude of the woman who accepted her completely - it shored up some of the cracks inside of her. She knew she'd always be a little broken, a result of years of disappointed parents, overwhelming expectations, trauma and rejection. But each year with Holly, each moment like this one - they were little by little patching the holes and mending the tears in her heart.

Holly broke the moment when she said seriously, "I'm really glad tomorrow is your last day on the street." She didn't need to explain the thought any further; Gail knew why she had said it.

Gail cleared her throat and pulled away slightly so she could look Holly in the eyes. "I am too. This is too important." She moved hers and Holly's hands back and forth over her belly. After sharing a knowing look with the brunette, Gail pulled back a little more, but kept their hands clasped. "Ok, we have to turn the movie back on or something because the waterworks have to stop." She wiped her face to illustrate.

Holly smiled sympathetically. "Ok. But can we switch places so I can lean against the armrest while I hold you? That way I can use your shoulder to block my face from the terrifying toys that are coming to life and creeping the hell out of me. I hope you aren't planning on having personal space in bed tonight."

Gail stood long enough for Holly to get into position and then sat back down and pressed her back to Holly's front. "Do I ever have personal space while we are sleeping?" Gail sassed.

"Says the insistent little spoon," Holly countered as she wrapped her arms around her wife, her hand covering Gail's baby bump again.

Gail pressed play and let her head fall onto Holly's shoulder. "Shh. We're getting to the good part."

At the image on the screen, Holly turned her face into Gail's neck and slipped her fingers under Gail's shirt to feel her warm skin. "Oh god, not a creepy doll," she whined.

Gail grinned cheekily and laid her own hand over the one that was now rubbing at the skin just below her bellybutton. A scary movie really was a great idea.

* * *

The next morning, Holly pulled up outside the station to drop Gail off. After she put the car in park, she turned to look at her wife who was staring straight ahead, watching the rain run down the windshield. The blonde had said very little that morning, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. Holly hadn't pressed her to speak, sensing that she needed some time to sort through her emotions about the day.

Holly reached over to place her hand on Gail's arm. "How are you feeling, honey?"

Gail startled a little, the sound of Holly's voice pulling her from her own thoughts. "Huh? Oh, I'm ok. Just thinking."

Holly nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Gail looked down as she put her hand over her stomach. "I'm just thinking about today," Gail said vaguely.

"Yeah? Anything specific?" Holly noticed the way Gail was rubbing at her abdomen. "You feeling ok today?"

"Mmm, just a little nauseous," Gail admitted. "But I'm ok."

Holly could see something in the way Gail knitted her eyebrows together. She frowned and squeezed her wife's arm. "Hey, you can talk to me."

Gail looked up into Holly's eyes, finding worry and affection there. "I'm ok, Lunchbox." She offered a small smile. "I'm just not sure how I feel about this being my last day on patrol."

Holly nodded and smiled sympathetically. "It's your decision, honey."

"I know. And it's the right one. It just feels weird, you know?"

"Well just remember that it's not forever. You'll be back out there after the baby is born."

"Yeah, I know." She smiled more fully, attempting to reassure her wife. "I'm really ok. Not sure why I'm being so dramatic about this. Just got sucked into my own thoughts there for a minute."

"You're allowed. Be careful today, yeah?" She leaned forward and kissed Gail softly. "And text me when you're feeling better, so I'll know."

Gail gave Holly a knowing smile. "Only one more day of worry. You are secretly excited about this aren't you?"

Holly sputtered slightly. "No…I mean, yes, a little. Ok, excited isn't really the right word. Definitely a little relieved though. I'm sorry, don't be mad," Holly pleaded.

Gail chuckled. "Holly, I'm not mad. I completely understand. And I appreciate that you've never pressured me to go on desk before I was ready, even though I know you'd have preferred it to happen the day after I found out I was pregnant."

"I can't deny that. But only because I love you and I don't want anything to happen to you or the baby," Holly rushed to explain.

"I know. I love you too." Gail leaned over for one more kiss and then placed her hand on the handle. "Ok, I'm gonna head in. Don't want to be late for parade!" She opened the door and stepped out, steadying herself on the door for a moment.

"Gail?" Holly asked with concern.

Feeling balanced again, Gail turned to comfort her wife with a wide smile. "I'm good! Don't worry. I'll see you later, Lunchbox."

"Be careful! I love you!" Holly said through the open window.

Gail waved over her shoulder as she jogged inside to avoid getting drenched by the rain. "Always! Love you too!"

After parade, Gail headed for Oliver's office. She had more than one thing to discuss with him after she saw the partner assignments for the day.

Oliver looked up as the blonde came into the office. "If this is about being with Duncan today, I know you aren't a fan, but I needed to put him with someone who can scare him enough to not do anything stupid until I can figure out what to do with him."

"He's going to get someone killed, Oliver." Gail said frankly. "He shouldn't be on the street."

"I know, darlin'," he grimaced. "I'm working on it, but these things take time. Especially when it's the Commissioner's step-son."

"You heard what he yelled at the bank robber?" Gail asked, still feeling incredulous about the whole incident.

"Yes. Which is why I'm sending you guys out to do surveillance on a building that might be used for a gun shipment, but not until late next week. You are not to go inside it, just drive around and report any activity."

"That sounds familiar," Gail mumbled.

"He shouldn't be able to get into any trouble just sitting in the squad car."

"I think you underestimate his stupidity," Gail growled.

"Use your special brand of Peck venom to keep him in line," Oliver smirked.

"I'll try my best." Gail looked down at her hands as she rubbed them together. "So I have something else I need to talk to you about."

Oliver waited a moment. "Well don't make me guess. My ex-wife will tell you I'm terrible at it."

"I need you to put me on desk starting next week," Gail muttered.

"This have anything to do with that rumor I heard?" Oliver beamed.

Gail blushed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I knew you'd hear about it, but I didn't want to put you in an awkward position with me still being on patrol."

"And what, my petulant Peck, do you think I heard?" Oliver teased.

"You're going to make me say it out loud?" Gail grumbled.

"I need to hear it from thine own lips."

"Ugh," Gail grunted and looked up at the ceiling before turning back to fix Oliver with a glare. "I'm pregnant."

Oliver smiled widely. "I know. I mean I did hear the rumors because your friends are not good at keeping their mouths shut. But I actually knew before that."

"What? How?" Gail racked her brain to try to figure out what had given it away.

"My wife was pregnant three times and all three times she had pretty wicked morning sickness. I recognized the sickly green pallor immediately." Olive said, still smiling.

"Ollie, it was terrible," Gail breathed out dramatically. "I have never thrown up so many times in my entire life. And that includes the time I ate bad shrimp."

"How's the doc holding up?" Oliver asked knowingly.

"Oh god, she's a wreck. And a saint. I should have transferred to desk a million years ago to help preserve her sanity."

"And what stopped you?"

Gail sighed. "Pride mostly. I just don't like feeling weak."

"And who told you that pregnancy makes you weak?" Oliver asked seriously.

"It's just sort of a fact. Everyone treats you like you're fragile and you shouldn't carry things or walk too far. You can't drink alcohol or do anything too strenuous. It's like a never ending list of things you aren't supposed to do." Gail frowned.

"So being able to carry things or drink alcohol are the only things that can make a person strong?" When Gail simply glared at him in response, he continued. "I think we both know that giving up your own freedom for the benefit of someone else is one of the most difficult things a person can do. That's a kind of strength that not everyone has."

"Well, I already failed that test," Gail replied with sadness in her voice. "I got myself in a hostage situation yesterday."

"And you got a lot of people out of a hostage situation yesterday so I'd say you passed with flying colors. And today you're choosing to go on desk when it isn't really what you want because you know it's what's best for the Peckling and your lovely wife. Today you are choosing the hard thing. You are the opposite of weak, darlin'."

Gail nodded, trying to absorb the faith that Oliver had in her. "Thanks, Ollie. You might have to remind me of that a month from now when all I want to do is slam a perp into a wall."

"Done. I live to serve." Oliver stood from his chair and walked around the desk. He beckoned for Gail to stand and then gathered her up in a hug. "Congratulations, my dear. You have one lucky kid."

Gail couldn't help but grin. Oliver always knew exactly what to say, especially when she was doubting herself. "Thank you," she said, a hint of shyness in her voice.

Knowing the Peck limit on hugs, Oliver leaned away and walked back around to his seat. "Now get out there and serve, protect and babysit."

Gail found Duncan in the break room, looking like a beaten puppy. She had no sympathy for him. They had been through the same training at the academy, but he didn't seem to have retained any of it. He was a loose cannon and everyone knew it.

Gail leaned in the doorway and barked an order. "Officer Moore, go get the keys to the squad and wait for me in the car. Don't screw anything up."

To his credit, Duncan had enough sense to nod in agreement and scramble to follow her directions. Good. He was at least a little bit afraid of her. Maybe she would survive this day.

Before heading out, Gail stopped at her locker to grab a granola bar. The queasiness from this morning hadn't subsided and she thought maybe it was that she needed to eat a little more than she had been able to stomach for breakfast. Before she left the locker room, she pulled out her phone and dialed her wife.

Holly picked up immediately. "Hey, there."

"Hey. So do you want the good news, the bad news or the other good news?"

Holly frowned. "How bad is the bad news?"

"Well, that depends on who you ask. I'll give you some good news first. I told Oliver that I'm starting desk duty on Monday and in typical Oliver fashion, he made me feel less terrible about it."

"I'm glad, honey. That he made you feel better. I mean I'm glad you're going on desk duty…well, not glad…that sounds bad…" Holly had started to ramble adorably.

Gail took pity on her. "Lunchbox. Breathe. I know what you mean."

Holly let out a breath with a puff. "Good. So what's the bad news?"

"I'm partnered with Duncan today." When Gail was only met with silence, she hurried to say something that would help. "But the other good news is that we are just surveilling an empty building today."

"Isn't that what you were doing when Chris got stabbed?" Holly asked tensely.

"I was hoping you wouldn't remember that." Gail said warily.

"You told me that Duncan was going to get someone killed, Gail. And I know you weren't exaggerating. That's…" Holly brought her hand up to her forehead to rub her brow anxiously. "That makes me feel really nervous."

"I know, but how much trouble can he get us into just driving the squad around the same square mile?"

"You're letting him drive?" Holly asked, panic seeping into the pitch of her tone.

"Well, unfortunately, I'm still a little nauseous so it's probably a better idea for him to drive. But his issues so far haven't been with driving. I've ridden with him before."

"Gail, I really don't like this. I know it's not your fault and you didn't choose it, but I still don't like it. Especially if you aren't feeling well." She hesitated to share her next thought, but she had to try. "Have you thought about taking a sick day?"

Now Gail tensed, but worked to keep her response even. "Holly, I understand why you are concerned. I really do, but I'm ok. I'm going to eat a granola bar to see if that will help. Duncan and I are literally going to be driving in circles all day. It's like if I was a bus driver who didn't pick up passengers."

Holly tried to talk herself out of the dread she was feeling. Gail had ridden with Duncan before and nothing bad had happened. They weren't even on regular patrol duty. They'd be driving around a building and not even responding to calls from dispatch. This could be a good way to ensure Gail's last day on the street was a safe one. And even though Duncan had been an idiot in the hostage situation, he had listened to Gail's orders. She sighed in defeat. As much as she wanted to insist that Gail not go out with Duncan, she wasn't sure that putting her foot down would go over well. Gail already had enough mixed emotions about it being her last day on patrol. "Ok, honey. I just…it's easier to believe you're coming home safe when I believe that your partner will do whatever it takes to back you up. But I trust you. If you feel ok with it, then I can be ok with it."

"I do. It will be fine," Gail reassured her, trying to fill her voice with as much confidence as possible. "Ok, baby, I have to go."

"Will you call me on your lunch break? And text me when you can?" Holly tried not to sound desperate.

"Your wish is my command. I'll talk to you soon, nerd."

"I love you, Gail. Please, be careful," Holly requested.

"Always, Lunchbox. Love you!"

Holly put her phone in the pocket of her lab coat and put her elbows on her desk, face in her hands. Despite her efforts to calm the anxious feeling in her heart, Holly knew she wouldn't feel right until she picked Gail up after her shift was over. Fear and worry were the constant companions of a cop's wife. She was always struggling to keep anxiety at bay. But being the wife of a pregnant cop? Well, at least Gail had decided to go on desk early. Small comforts would have to be enough today.


	25. Chapter 25

Two hours into her shift and Gail no longer felt reluctant to go on desk duty. In fact, she wished she could be sitting at the front desk right now, answering inane calls from the public. Because Gerald (he didn't deserve to be called Duncan right now) had not stopped talking since they had left the station. He started out by apologizing for his behavior at the bank. He admitted that he was nervous and had wrongly tried to use fear as a way to get the guy to put down his gun. He droned on and on about how he knew better and he wanted to learn so he could be a good cop so his stepfather would be proud. The only time Gail felt even an inkling of sympathy was when he told her how much pressure he felt to live up to the commissioner's expectations.

But even so she couldn't give him a pass that easily. He had put an entire bank full of people at risk and he hadn't waited for his partner. Police officers didn't exist in a vacuum; they needed each other. You had to have your partner's back and you had to believe that your partner had yours. Duncan had let his desire to prove himself cloud his judgment and as a result put numerous civilians, his partner and other officers in danger. Duncan would have to do a lot more than apologize to earn back her respect.

"Ugh, could you just give it a rest for a while? I get it. You screwed up and you feel bad. Instead of talking about it, just do good police work," Gail snapped as she rubbed her forehead. She had been silent for quite a long time, her nausea deterring her from talking, even though she had piled up a whole list of insulting jibes in her mind. But now she was developing a headache and just needed the younger officer to shut up for a while.

Duncan glanced quickly at Gail. "Yeah, ok. Sorry. It's just…I'm not a bad guy."

"Oh god, do we really have to do this?" Gail asked snidely. At Duncan's silence, she huffed and continued. "Ok fine, but you're buying lunch to make up for what I'm about to say. No one thinks you are a bad person, Duncan. It's just that no one really trusts that you have their back. You don't follow procedure, you make stupid mistakes and in this job, those mistakes could get someone killed. So you might be a good person, and I'm not saying you are, but you have to be a good cop too."

"Right. So how do I show people that?" Duncan asked obliviously.

Gail sighed and rolled her eyes. "Just do your job the way you were trained to do it. And watch out for your partner."

"Ok, I can do that. Thanks, Officer Peck." He paused momentarily. "You know, you're kind of scary and really mean and, I mean, sometimes you call me by the wrong name, but I think you're really a nice person under all that."

"Shut up and drive, Gerald," Gail growled. God, he was like a relentless puppy. A desk was sounding more and more appealing all the time.

* * *

A few hours later, Holly was updating some files on her computer when she heard her wife in the hallway. She looked up to see the blonde giving orders to Officer Moore as she gestured toward a chair outside of her office.

"You will sit here. You will not move from this chair. You will touch nothing but your lunch and the chair," she barked grumpily.

"What about my feet? They have to touch the floor," Duncan pointed out stupidly as he slumped down into the chair.

Gail glared at the younger officer. "Gerald, I swear to god, I am going to take the fries in that bag and shove them one-by-one into your nose until they fill the empty space in your skull where your brain is supposed to be."

Duncan looked down at his feet. "Right. Sorry. I will sit here and not move."

Gail turned back toward Holly's office, a large bag in her hand. As soon as she was inside, she closed the door, crossed the room to the chair in front of the desk and sat down heavily, holding her head in her hand.

"Rough day with the rookie?" Holly asked with a wince.

The blonde grunted in response. She put the bag she was holding on the desk and started to remove the contents. "Holly, it's very possible I will kill him before he even has a chance to get fired. He would not stop talking for more than ten minutes at a time. He is worse than Chloe."

Holly smiled slightly. "I'm sorry, honey. Just a few more hours though, right?"

Sitting back in her chair without picking up any of her lunch, Gail tilted her head toward the ceiling, closed her eyes and let out a long breath. "Thank god. After just three hours in the car with him, I could not be more ready to go on desk. That's about the only good thing I have to say about that dolt."

Holly unwrapped the sandwich Gail had set in front of her. "Well, that's something, I guess." After taking a bite of her food, she noted Gail's position, her face still pointed up and breathing deeply. "Aren't you going to eat?"

Frustration evident in her voice, Gail frowned, "I'm still feeling kind of nauseous and thanks to Mr. Exposition, I also have a headache."

Holly set her sandwich down on the wrapper and screwed up her face in concern. "Do want to lie down on the couch for a bit? I can get you some Tylenol. You're allowed to take that."

Gail dropped her chin to her chest and shook her head. "No drugs. I know I'm allowed, but I don't want to unless I have to." Gail wasn't a fan of any kind of drug. They always made her feel slightly off so she only took them if she really needed to (or when Holly made her). "But I will take you up on the couch offer." She got up from the chair and spread out on the sofa.

"Did you eat a granola bar earlier?" Holly took another bite of her sandwich, but didn't take her eyes off her wife.

Gail draped her arm over her eyes. "Mmhmm."

Holly frowned. She put her food down, stood from her chair and moved to stand near Gail's head. "Scoot up, honey."

Gail groaned, but sat up so her wife could sit down. When she lay back down, she put her head on Holly's lap. "You should eat your lunch," she said halfheartedly as she rubbed her stomach, hoping it would somehow settle the churning.

"I'll eat it after you leave." Holly put her hands in Gail's hair and started to massage her scalp.

"Mmm. That feels amazing," Gail moaned.

"Careful. Duncan might think we're doing something else in here," Holly smirked.

"He wishes he were lucky enough to hear that," Gail said grumpily, furrowing her brow.

"Ok, let's not talk about him. Just try to relax." She continued to stroke Gail's head in the way she knew helped to calm her wife when she was tense. "Do you think you're just having a little morning sickness? Or is anything else going on?"

"Yeah, I just feel queasy like I did in the beginning. I haven't thrown up yet, but the headache definitely isn't helping," Gail muttered pathetically.

Holly grimaced. She thought they had moved beyond the morning sickness and she had been rather relieved when it had seemed to be over. She hated seeing her wife that sick and miserable, especially because there was very little she could do. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I hate seeing you like this."

Gail nodded slightly but didn't respond. She concentrated on relaxing the muscles in her forehead and face, letting a little of the tension seep away as Holly rubbed her fingers over her eyebrows and hairline. She tried to clear her mind of anything other than the sensation of her wife's hands and the faint smell of her soap.

About half an hour passed and Gail felt the ache in her head lessen. Her stomach still hadn't settled, but she was grateful to not have the pain of her headache adding to the queasiness. She pulled her phone from her pocket to look at the time. Her lunch hour was coming to an end. "I have to head back out."

"Do you feel any better?" Holly asked warily. She wasn't happy about Gail being out on patrol when she felt so poorly.

"My headache is nearly gone. Thank you." She moved to sit up, but when she was in an upright position, another wave of nausea passed over her. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and put her hand on her stomach.

Holly gripped Gail's elbow. "Are you ok?" She knew the answer before she asked; the paleness of Gail's face telling her everything she needed to know.

"Yeah." Gail took a few more breaths and when she was sure she wasn't going to throw up, she stood from the couch. "I'm ok. I can make it a few more hours."

Holly stood and put a hand on Gail's waist. "Are you sure you should go back out? You just seem like you really don't feel well."

"I feel better than when I got here, thanks to you," Gail smiled weakly. She could see the anxiety on Holly's face so she pulled her into a hug.

"Please, be careful," Holly mumbled into Gail's shoulder.

Gail nodded. "I will. Just a few more hours and you can breathe easy."

Holly sighed and leaned away. She grabbed Gail's cheeks and gave her a light kiss. "I'm going to spoil you this weekend."

Gail smiled a little more convincingly. "I like the sound of that."

"I thought you might," Holly smiled back cheekily. As Gail walked toward the door, Holly gave her a playful tap on the butt. "So hurry up and finish your shift so we can get home."

Gail giggled and spun around to place one more kiss on Holly's cheek. Then she opened the door to find Duncan playing on his phone. "Let's go, Gerald." When Gail didn't stop to wait for him, he scrambled off his chair and hurried to follow behind. "Say goodbye, Gerald."

Duncan froze and turned around to wave. "Oh, uh, bye Holly."

Gail stopped and turned around, fixing Duncan with an icy glare. "Want to try that again?"

Duncan's expression was initially one of confusion before he realized his mistake. "Oh right, sorry. Um, goodbye, Dr. Stewart, ma'am."

Holly chuckled. "Bye, Officers." It made Holly feel slightly better to see how intimidated Duncan was by Gail's chilly demeanor. At least he seemed to listen to her and seemed to want her approval. And anyway, it was only a few more hours. Gail would be ok. What could happen?

* * *

Two hours later, Gail was enjoying the sound of the rain on the roof of the squad car. Duncan had seemingly taken Gail's threats of bodily harm to heart and had refrained from talking. The rain was coming down really hard and Duncan had pulled the car over to wait out the worst of the downpour.

With the rain still pounding down, something caught both Gail and Duncan's attention. They had driven around the empty warehouse all day without a single sign of activity. But now, a man was trotting out from one of the entrances toward the fence that surrounded the property.

"You see that?" Duncan asked, excitement in his voice.

"Of course, I'm not blind. We will put it in our report," Gail responded.

The man exited the gate at the fence and then turned around to latch it back. A black object was stuck in the back of his jeans, but it was impossible to make out what it was through the sheets of rain.

"Is that a gun in the back of his pants?" Duncan asked.

"I can't tell. It's raining too hard," Gail mumbled as she squinted.

The man made his way to a car parked just a little ways down the street. He got in and started the engine, headlights flickering on.

"I'm going to follow him," Duncan said as he turned the key in the ignition.

"No, you are not! Our orders are to observe only," Gail barked back.

But Duncan was not paying attention. He put the car in gear, signaled and then pulled out into the street. "We are supposed to drive around. I'm just going to do that."

"Officer Moore, you are not to follow that vehicle. Pull the car over now," Gail raised her voice, trying to leave no room for argument.

Before Duncan had a chance to respond, the car in question sped up and turned onto another street, running a red light in the process.

"He just ran a red light! We have a reason to pull him over now." Duncan put his foot on the gas and accelerated forcefully. He grabbed the radio and pushed the button. "Dispatch, this is 1507, in pursuit of a suspect on Sorauren and Geoffrey…"

Gail clutched the door with one hand and grabbed the radio with the other. "Dispatch, disregard from 1507, Office Moore is ignoring orders from his superior officer." She threw the radio and turned to yell at Duncan. "Officer Moore, pull the car over now! Do not follow that vehicle!"

Duncan turned slightly toward Gail. "He ran a red light! We have a good…" Before he could finish his sentence, he was forced to veer the car sharply to avoid a motorcycle that had moved into the intersection. Duncan was turning the car to the right in order to follow the vehicle through the red light, but he hadn't turned on the lights and also hadn't stopped at the intersection to look for oncoming traffic. When he swerved to avoid the motorcycle, the tires hydroplaned on standing water in the street. He tried to compensate but spun the wheel too drastically causing the car to spin out. The momentum from their speed and the lack of traction on the tires sent the car into a roll.

Gail was still holding onto the door when the car smashed into a light pole, the metal making a sickening crunch. Her head was thrown into the passenger side window just before the glass shattered from the force of the impact. Her seatbelt dug into her lower abdomen, chest and hips. The last thing Gail registered before she blacked out was a searing pain in her head and a cramping in her stomach.

* * *

When Gail came to, the first thing she noticed was the throbbing in her skull. She moved her hand up to her head and felt a warm, sticky liquid near her temple. Moving her hand in front of her face, she saw the blood staining her pale fingers. "Unh," she groaned as she took stock of the pain she felt in various parts of her body. The pounding in her head was tremendous and she felt a burning sensation where the seatbelt was touching her shoulder. A sudden spasm shot through her stomach, she gasped and put her hand to her belly. Oh god. The baby.

Adrenaline and fear coursed through her, the pain in her stomach bringing her out of the fog. She turned her head and registered that Duncan's head was slumped forward on his chest. She couldn't see any blood or obvious injuries. "Duncan," she tried, her voice scratchy. "Duncan!" she said again, louder. When he didn't respond, Gail looked at the center console, fumbling around for the radio. Just as she grasped it, she felt another twinge in her belly and held her breath until the pain passed. "Come on, bean. We're gonna be ok."

She pulled the radio up to her mouth. "Dispatch, this is 1507, we need a bus. Officer involved accident at…at…" She couldn't remember where they were. The pain in her head was making it difficult to think. "…use the last location."

Dispatch responded and other nearby officers radioed that they would head their way, but Gail couldn't concentrate. She felt nauseous and she was terrified that she was having contractions. It was way too early for the baby to be born. He was too little to survive.

Other people began to arrive, but Gail was only vaguely aware of their actions. She tried to answer their questions, but mostly responded with moans. As they lifted her from the vehicle, the jostling caused the pain in her head to reach a pinnacle and she rolled to the side of the stretcher and vomited. When she was loaded in the ambulance, she felt someone squeezing her hand, telling her to stay awake. She rolled her head painfully to the left and made out the face of Chris looking down at her with concern.

"Hey, Gail. You're gonna be ok, but you need to stay awake though, alright? You'll be at the hospital in no time." His voice was steady, but she detected a tinge of anxiety there.

"Holly," Gail croaked, just above a whisper.

"We will call her. She will be there," Chris tried to reassure her.

"No. You. Go get her." It was difficult to form full sentences, the throbbing in her head preventing her from even keeping her eyes open for more than a few seconds at a time.

"Ok, don't worry, Gail. I will get her. Just relax, ok. We're almost there."

* * *

Holly was sitting in her lab, her face pressed to a microscope. She jotted down her observations on the pad of paper next to her as footsteps in the hallway signaled that someone was approaching the door.

"Hey, Holly," Chris stood awkwardly near the door.

Holly glanced up from her paperwork, but was still so firmly involved in the details she was recording that she didn't notice his anxious body language or the concern on his face. "Oh hey, Chris. What can I do for you?"

He hesitated slightly and didn't answer, causing Holly to look up and fully take in the officer's appearance. A surge of sickening panic made its way through her veins when she noticed splotches of blood on his uniform. "What happened? Is Gail ok?"

"There's been an accident. Gail is ok, but she's pretty banged up. I'm here to take you to the hospital." Chris shuffled forward slightly.

Holly's heart skipped a beat and her breath caught in her chest. "What? What happened?" She stood from the stool, pulled off her lab coat and threw it on a nearby desk. She walked quickly so that she was standing in front of Chris, her hand reaching out to touch the stains on his uniform. "Is this her blood?"

"There was an accident with her squad car. She hit her head on the window and was bleeding and a little out of it, but she was awake when I left her at the hospital," Chris tried to be reassuring and convey confidence.

"What about the baby? Is the baby ok?" Holly asked frantically, her eyes wild and pleading as she reached out to grip Chris's arm.

Chris winced and frowned, which caused Holly to assume the worst. Her knees buckled slightly as she brought one hand up to her mouth and gasped, "Oh god."

Chris caught Holly's shoulders to hold her steady. "No, no. Hey, they don't know anything yet. But Gail did tell the paramedic she had some pain in her stomach."

Holly whimpered and tears stung her eyes. "Contractions? Was she having contractions? She can't go into labor. It's too early. The baby is too little." Holly was losing the battle to control her emotions. Her worst fears were becoming reality.

Chris pulled Holly into a tight hug. "Hey listen, we don't know anything, ok? Gail is strong and if that baby is anything like her, he will be just fine. The pain could have just been from the seatbelt." He pulled away to look into her watery eyes. "Let's get you to the hospital, ok? Gail was asking for you."

Holly took a deep breath and nodded, but she couldn't stop the tears from streaming down her face. Panic was washing over her in waves, her imagination filling in the gaps in the details she knew. Gail was hurt and she might be in labor. Her emotions moved from terror about what could happen to Gail and the baby to sadness over Gail being in pain and finally to disbelief. How had Gail managed to get seriously injured in her last two hours on patrol? Holly had just heard from her a couple of hours ago, teasing via text message about needing cheese puffs and ice cream to make up for having to put up with Duncan all day. And now her beautiful, snarky, pregnant wife was in the hospital. Again.

As they rode to the hospital in Chris's squad car, lights flashing in her peripheral vision, she considered why she hadn't made Gail go on desk duty earlier. Why hadn't she insisted when they found out Gail was pregnant that she not put herself in danger? And why hadn't she accepted Gail's offer to start working the desk after everything with Perik? Holly had been trying to be rational and rely on the likelihood, statistically speaking, that nothing would happen. And she had wanted to give Gail the freedom to make her own choice, trusting her to keep the baby safe. But she had never felt right about it, never quite able to push the anxiety all the way down. And now Gail was hurt and the baby might be hurt too. All because she didn't listen to her gut instinct.

Rushing into the emergency room, Holly jogged up to the desk, her eyes still full of tears. "I'm looking for my wife, Officer Peck, um…Gail Stewart-Peck. Can you tell me where she is?"

The nurse smiled. "Ah yes, you must be Holly. Your wife has been asking for you. She made it very clear that you should be allowed to come back immediately and not have to wait. She said something about your nerd brain not being able to handle any sort of suspense."

Holly chuckled, feeling a tiny bit of relief to hear that Gail's sense of humor was still in tact. It was a good sign if she was making jokes. She wiped a tear from her cheek as she responded. "That sounds like her."

The nurse pointed to a hallway behind her. "She is in room four. You can head on back. The doctor will be around in a bit."

Holly said thank you and took off down the hall. She entered the room and found Gail lying on the bed, her eyes closed and her hands covering her stomach. She moved closer to the gurney, noticing the bandage on one side of Gail's head and the bruise that had begun to spread out from her temple. There were streaks of blood spotting her cheeks and forehead and her skin was even paler than normal. Her right arm was covered in tiny nicks and cuts and her right hand looked like it had been dipped in blood.

Walking up to the side of bed, Holly slipped her hand into one of Gail's. The blonde's eyes shot open and she rushed to sit up. "Holly," she winced at the pain in her head and brought a hand up to her forehead. "Unh, dammit."

Holly put her hands on Gail's shoulders and gently pushed her back into the bed. "Honey, don't try to sit up. What hurts?" She put one hand on Gail's cheek and the other gripped the stained hand resting on Gail's stomach.

Gail groaned. "My head. It hurts like a bitch." She rubbed her brow on the uninjured side of her head.

"What did the doctor say?" Holly was relieved that Gail was alert, but she needed to know the extent of her injuries.

"I had to get stitches. Twenty-five. And I have a concussion, but just a mild one. They said they'll monitor me over night because I threw up before I got here, but they didn't see any cause for concern." Gail paused and looked pensively down at Holly's hand. "They are coming to do an ultrasound in a little bit. Is it bad that I haven't felt the baby move? Do you think something is wrong?"

Holly's eyes teared up again and she released Gail's hand so she could rub her baby bump. "The baby is still really small, sweetheart, and you just started feeling her move so I don't think we need to panic. Chris told me you were having stomach pain?"

Gail made a face, her eyes betraying her fear. "I had a few contractions."

Holly's heart seized at the confirmation, but she had to be certain. "Are you sure they were contractions? Are you still in pain?" She tried not to let her panic affect the pitch of her voice, doing her best to remain calm for her wife.

Gail nodded her head, her eyes growing wet with unshed tears. "They were definitely contractions. They felt like really bad cramps. I haven't felt the baby move since before the accident." Her voice was quaking and she tried to regain control. "But I haven't felt any pain since before they put me in the ambulance. It was just while I was trapped in the car."

"You were trapped?" Holly blurted out frantically.

"Well our squad smashed into a pole on my side and I couldn't open the door," Gail explained.

Holly bit her lip as tears ran down her face. She closed her eyes momentarily, trying not to imagine the scene Gail was describing. She couldn't believe this was happening. "God, Gail. How did that happen?"

Gail relished the opportunity to think about something other than the anticipation of the ultrasound. Her expression hardened and she growled, "Gerald. He ignored my orders and took off after a person who left the warehouse we were watching. He didn't stop at the intersection and had to swerve around a motorcycle, but he was going too fast and he hydroplaned. The car flipped..."

"You car flipped over?!" Holly nearly shouted. She was ready to strangle Duncan. He was the reason Gail was in the hospital and their baby was possibly in danger. She whimpered as she thought about what could have happened; Gail could have been in far worse shape. She leaned down and kissed her wife on the forehead. "I'm so glad you're ok."

Gail nodded, her eyes growing wide with fear again. "I'm really glad you're here."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else, honey. You're going to be ok and the baby is going to be ok." Stroking the top of Gail's head gently, she tried to be as comforting as possible, but her own anxiety was making it difficult to keep the tears from her eyes. Gail needed to stay calm and in order to do that, she had to stay calm as well.

Holly was on the verge of going to track down a doctor when Dr. Klerick rolled an ultrasound machine through the doorway. "Officer Stewart-Peck. I wish we were seeing each other again under different circumstances."

"Yeah, me too," Gail replied nervously.

"I was told you had a couple of contractions after your car wreck. How long ago was the last one?" She lifted Gail's gown and pressed her fingers in various spots around her abdomen. When she was satisfied, she picked up some gel and spread it on her stomach.

Gail gripped Holly's hand as her voice quaked. "Um, before they got me out of the car. I don't know how long ago that was. Maybe an hour?"

The doctor nodded and picked up the ultrasound wand. "Ok, it's good that you haven't had anymore. Let's see how the baby is doing."

Holly squeezed Gail's hand and both women held their breath, unable to believe they had found themselves in this position once again. Their anxiety climbed as the doctor moved the wand around for several seconds without speaking. Finally a recognizable image appeared on the screen.

"Alright, there's the baby. Looks like the little one is sleeping," she said with a small smile. "Heartbeat is normal and everything looks perfectly fine."

Gail let out a little whimper as relief spread through her chest. Holly put her hand on her wife's cheek and brushed tears away with her thumb as her own tears streaked down her face.

"The contractions were most likely caused by the sudden pressure from the seatbelt. We're going to keep you overnight to make sure you don't have any more and to monitor your concussion. Someone will be along in a little bit to move you up to a room. Try to get some rest. I better not see you back here until it's time for that baby to be born, alright?"

"Yes ma'am, that's the plan," Gail said through tears.

"I'll make sure of it," Holly added.

The doctor rolled the machine out of the room, leaving Holly and Gail in silence.

Gail turned to look at Holly. "Can you help me sit up? I just need you to hold me for a minute," Gail said with a sniffle.

Holly lowered the bar on her side of the bed and then sat down. She slid an arm under Gail's shoulders and gently pulled her up. Gail wrapped her arms around Holly's waist and snuggled her nose into Holly's neck. Hot tears spilled from her eyes as Holly rubbed the small of her back soothingly.

"When I felt those contractions, I thought I was going into labor. And I was so scared because the baby is so small," Gail mumbled through tears, her voice cracking.

"I know, sweetheart. I was scared too, but you're ok and the baby is ok," Holly whispered hoarsely.

Gail nodded into Holly's neck, but didn't say anything. She knew if she tried to speak again, it would turn into sobs.

"Um, Gail?" A tentative voice from across the room pulled the women apart. Standing awkwardly against the open door, Duncan looked at the floor and shuffled on his feet.

Holly shot off the bed before Gail had even registered who was speaking. The brunette crossed the room and stood directly in front of Duncan, causing him to stumble back into the door. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Duncan's eyes were wide as he attempted to stammer out a response. "I was just…I came to check on, um, to see if Gail was ok."

Anger overtook Holly and her hands began to shake. She clenched them into fists as she yelled back, "It's a little late for that don't you think? You have no right to be here. YOU are the reason my pregnant wife is in a hospital bed with a concussion."

Finally catching up to what was happening and a little taken aback by Holly's outburst, Gail slid her legs so that they hung off the bed. "Holly. It's ok…"

Holly spun to look at her wife. "Nothing about this is ok!" Seeing Gail's position on the bed, Holly pointed her finger and sternly said, "Do NOT get out of that bed, Gail."

Gail paused, but didn't move her legs back onto the bed. "Baby, I…"

"That wasn't a suggestion. If you won't take care of the baby, then I will make you," Holly growled before she spun back around and poked her finger into Duncan's chest, her voice loud and full of wrath. "And you. You do not deserve to wear that uniform. You are a danger to anyone you are partnered with and I don't want to see you anywhere near my wife. Get out now."

Duncan muttered, "I'm sorry" and then scrambled to get out the door.

Gail sat stunned, trying to figure out what to say. Holly's words had stung, but she was trying to keep in mind that, just a little while ago, Holly had been terrified that something horrible had happened to her or the baby. "Holly?"

Holly dropped her chin to her chest and brought her hand up to rub her forehead. She took deep breaths to try to soothe the churning fire that blazed in her stomach.

"Holly? Talk to me." Gail started to get up off the bed. She had never seen her wife like this and she needed to help her however she could.

Catching the movement, Holly lifted her head and once again pointed at Gail. "No, don't get out of bed, Gail. I mean it." She crossed the room and gripped Gail's shoulders so she could ease her back down onto the bed. "You have a concussion; you shouldn't be moving around." The anger started to dissipate and the feeling that remained in Holly's chest was guilt.

Gail was worried. She had never seen Holly lose control like that. Her wife was protective, but she never yelled and she never took her anger out on other people. She was someone who silently seethed; not loudly exploded. She reached her hand up to touch Holly's cheek, trying to bring her wife out of her own thoughts.

Holly startled and grabbed Gail's hand. She looked into her wife's questioning eyes and once again felt tears fill her own. Shaking her head, she said, "I can't…I can't do this." She squeezed Gail's hand, placed a kiss on her forehead and then turned toward the door.

"Wait, Holly. Where are you going?" Panic was filling Gail's chest. What couldn't Holly do?

"I need to take a walk. I'm going to send Chris in to sit with you," Holly said painfully as she walked out the door.

Gail stared, openmouthed, at the exit her wife had just disappeared through. What the hell had just happened?


	26. Chapter 26

Gail lay back on the bed, wincing as she hit the pillow.  _Damn, her head hurt._  But she was too stunned to consider the pain for any longer than a few seconds. Everything she had felt in the last couple of hours faded into the background. All that remained was a hollowness, an empty feeling that had appeared the moment Holly left her alone in her hospital room.

She rehashed the scene that had just occurred, over and over in her mind, trying to understand what her wife had been thinking. They had been comforting each other, both a little (or maybe a lot) shaken, but holding it together. Holly hadn't seemed angry with her. In fact, she hadn't seemed angry at all until Duncan showed up.  _Fucking Gerald_.

Gail wanted to throttle the young officer, but Holly had looked as if she was barely holding herself back from murdering him. She had even yelled, which Holly never did. Her wife wasn't the type to lose her cool. Burst into tears and ramble? Sure. But explode heatedly at a police officer and shove her finger into his chest? Definitely not.

But then Gail would also never have predicted that Holly would leave Gail alone in the hospital when she was injured. In the past, Holly had always staunchly refused to leave Gail for any period of time when she was hurt, even after she knew Gail would make a full recovery. In fact, Holly tended to be clingy, not wanting to leave the hospital room, even to eat, and preferring to be touching Gail in some way, even just a hand on a leg, almost all of the time.

So the fact that Holly had left, when Gail had a concussion that was still being monitored? It was more than unsettling. Especially considering what Holly had said just before she left. She had said, "I can't." And her face had been pained and sad. What couldn't she do? See Gail in pain another time? Hold her hand? Stay with Gail?  _Stay_  with Gail.  _Oh God._

She felt the air leave her chest and her thoughts began to race.  _What if Holly really couldn't take it anymore?_ Just as the horrifying possibility of what Holly could have meant crossed her mind, Chris walked into the room. "Hey, Holly told me I could come see you." He crossed the room and pulled a stool up to the side of the bed to sit down.

"What did she say? Did she say where she was going?" Gail asked a little frantically, as she balled the sheets in her fists.

Chris's forehead creased in confusion. "She just told me that you were ok and that I could come see you."

"But did she say when she'd be back? Did you see which way she went?" Gail asked quickly, ignoring the look of concern on her friend's face.

Chris appraised his friend's body language for a moment and then asked carefully, "Did something happen?"

"Just answer the questions!" Gail raised her voice slightly, her desperation seeping through. She knew it wasn't rational, but she felt like the answers to these questions were vital to her maintaining her sanity.

Raising up his hands in defeat, Chris answered sincerely, "She didn't say when she'd be back or where she was going. She just walked toward the exit. I assumed she was going to make some phone calls." He paused when Gail's chin dropped to her chest. "Is everything ok, Gail?"

Ignoring his question and without looking up, Gail pleaded, "Can you go look for her? Just…can you find her and tell her I need her?"

Chris rose from his seat and gripped the bed rail. "Are you in pain? Do you want me to get the nurse?"

"No!" Gail yelled, grabbing his forearm. She took a breath and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to calm her racing heart. When she opened them again, they were shining with tears. "Please just…will you please just go look for her?"

He studied her face for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah, ok. I'll find her. Don't worry." He squeezed the hand on his arm and then swiftly left the room.

Gail let out a breath and rested her hand on her stomach. "Thank you."

* * *

Gail was moved to a regular room about thirty minutes later. She was trying to distract herself from the panic that had settled in her chest by watching TV. She was flipping the channel for what felt like the hundredth time when a visitor walked into her room.

"Hey mama," Traci said, crossing the room to the bed. "How are you?"

"Did you know the only things on TV at this time of day are talk shows where pathetic people argue over the paternity of their children and soap operas where every person has an evil twin and a secret lover?" Gail grumbled.

Traci smiled. "Feeling a little restless? You can't be too bad off if you're complaining about the entertainment."

"I'm fine," Gail said with a frown.

Traci placed her hand on Gail's and asked seriously, "The baby's ok, right?"

Gail looked into her sister-in-laws eyes and nodded. "Yeah, the bean is fine." She smiled a little, but it didn't reach her eyes.

Traci sighed and sat in the chair next to the bed. "Good. When Holly called me…"

"Holly called you?" Gail interrupted, sitting up a little straighter in the bed.

"Yeah, where is she?" Traci glanced toward the hall. "Hassling a nurse to look at your chart?" She smiled at the memory.

Gail looked down at her hands. "She um…I don't know where she is."

Traci's brow furrowed. "Wait, she hasn't been here yet?"

Gail shook her head. "No, she was here. But she…she left."

Traci was really confused now. Holly usually couldn't be pried away from Gail when she was injured. "What? What happened?"

Gail's eyes started to water. "I don't know, Trace. We were hugging because we had just seen on the ultrasound that the baby was ok. Everything seemed ok, I mean we were scared, but we were ok. And then Duncan showed up and she lost it. She went off on him, screaming and she shoved her finger in his chest, saying that it was his fault I was hurt."

"Wow, that doesn't sound like Holly," Traci said, surprised.

"I know!" Gail exclaimed as she turned back to look at her sister-in-law, fear in her eyes. "She never yells. And then when I tried to get up to talk to her, she said if I wasn't going to take care of the baby, she was going to make me."

Traci put her hand on Gail's shoulder. "Hey, she was upset and probably still terrified. You know she didn't mean that. And if I know her, she probably feels awful for saying it." When Gail only nodded but didn't say anything else, Traci sensed there was more. "Did she say anything else?"

"Yeah, she said she couldn't do this and then said she was going to take a walk. Traci, what do you think she meant?"

"What she said, Gail. That she was taking a walk. She was probably just overwhelmed and needed to clear her head. I'm sure she surprised herself when she blew up at Duncan."

"Yeah, but, what did she mean when she said 'I can't do this?' What can't she do?" Gail asked, the panic filling her voice again.

"I think she just meant she couldn't handle the emotion of the moment. Don't over think it, Gail. She'll be back soon," Traci said confidently.

But Gail had to give voice to her fears. It felt like they were churning inside her and she needed to say them out loud. "What if she meant she couldn't be with me? What if she can't handle me getting hurt anymore? What if she really left?"

Traci paused for a split second and then burst into laughter.

Gail was incredulous. "Traci! I'm serious! I'm freaking out!"

Shaking her head, Traci continued to chuckle. "Tell me you're not really that obtuse?" Gail raised her eyebrows in question, causing Traci to sigh and continue. "Sweetie, anyone who has ever seen the two of you together knows that Holly would never leave you. She loves you too much."

"Yeah, but everyone has a threshold. What if this was her last straw? What if she doesn't want to be a cop's wife anymore?"

"You are worried about that because she said she needed to get some air? You are overreacting. Holly made her decision a long time ago, Gail. She would never leave you. And if I know my sister-in-law, she'll be mortified that she left you for even an hour while you were in the hospital."

Gail looked back down at the sheets and shook her head, not quite ready to believe Traci's words. "You didn't see her face, Traci. I'm really scared."

* * *

 _What the hell was she thinking?_  Holly was pacing a line back and forth in front of the entrance to the hospital. Her shirt was slightly damp as part of her track led her out from under the awning into the sprinkling rain. But she was completely unaware of the weather. The only thing on her mind was how she had blown up at Officer Moore and then left her injured wife alone in a hospital room. She had spent the last fifteen minutes trying to understand her own actions.

She never yelled. Sure, she had gotten angry with people before. When interns had made huge mistakes in the lab and nearly ruined evidence, she had fiercely reprimanded them. But she had never raised her voice. In the history of her relationship with Gail, they had had some pretty epic fights, but again, she had never screamed at Gail. She wasn't a yeller. The only time she could remember raising her voice was during that dry cleaning murder when she had been terrified that Gail would ingest the toxic fumes and shouted at her to leave the room. But Gail had been in danger then. Her reaction was warranted, even if she could have handled it differently.

Sure, Gail had been in danger earlier today. Her car had flipped over, for god's sake. But when Duncan came in, she had just found out that Gail and the baby were ok. There was no longer an immediate risk. And still she had screamed and, god, she had pushed her finger into Duncan's chest. What had made her cross so quickly from terror to rage? She wasn't upset with Gail. The accident wasn't her wife's fault. But still she had said something terribly hurtful to her wife. And sure, Duncan was to blame, but still. It wasn't Duncan's fault that Gail was on patrol. It was hers. Holly hadn't followed her instincts to make sure Gail and the baby were safe.  _Shit_.

Holly stopped and closed her eyes with the realization.

Interrupting her train of thought was Chris. "Holly? Oh man, I've been looking everywhere for you," he said as he walked toward her.

She shook her head and turned to look at the officer. "Chris? Is Gail ok? Did something happen?" She grabbed his arm, icy panic filling her chest again. Would she ever get used to that feeling?

He gripped her shoulder. "No, no. She's fine. But she sent me to find you. She told me to tell you she needed you."

"Are you sure she's ok?" Holly asked, not quite convinced that her wife was ok.

"Yeah, I think she just misses you. What are you doing out here?" Chris glanced out at the rain, falling steadier now.

Holly looked down at the ground. "Um, I just…I needed some air."

"Are you mad at Gail?" Chris asked nervously.

Looking up quickly, shock on her face, Holly replied, "What? No, of course not! Why would you think that?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. It's just that usually nothing can separate the two of you, especially when Gail's hurt. And she looked scared."

Holly's eyes teared up. "She did?" She scuffed her foot on the pavement. "Dammit." But her curse was more one of sadness than of anger.

"Do you want to talk about it? Maybe I can help," he said gently.

Holly wiped a tear from her cheek. "I just…I am so angry with myself for not making Gail go on desk duty earlier. She wouldn't have been in that accident. She could have…" she drew in a deep breath, "…it could have been much worse and if I had just trusted my instincts, she wouldn't be here."

"Holly, we both know that no one can make Gail do anything she doesn't want to do," Chris said soothingly.

Holly smiled at him sadly. "But that's just it. I can. She's different with me. If I had insisted, she would have gone on desk. God, she even offered to do it, weeks ago! But I didn't want her to be unhappy."

"But it was her decision, Holly," Chris asserted.

"Yeah, but it's not her fault. She's been doing this job for years and rarely does anything happen. She doesn't have the same level of fear about it that I do. She wouldn't be able to go out there everyday if she did. She trusts her training and she has seen that more often than not, she comes home perfectly safe. She really believed that the baby wasn't in any danger. And most days, she wasn't. But I never felt right about it. I should have listened to what my gut was telling me. She needed me to make the hard choice for her," Holly lamented.

"Holly, I know I don't know Gail as well as you do, but I'm pretty sure if she heard you saying all this, she would flip a lid. And what I do know about Gail is that right now, she needs you. So let's go back in, ok?" He gently held her forearm.

Holly looked into Chris's earnest eyes for a moment and when she found no judgment, she nodded and allowed herself to be pulled toward the door.

* * *

Traci had finally talked Gail into taking a nap when Holly tentatively walked in the room, Chris following closely behind.

Traci smiled at the pensive-looking doctor. "Hey, stranger."

Gail's eyes shot open and she hastily sat up in bed. "Woah," she moaned as she grabbed the bed rail with one hand and her head with the other, a wave of dizziness washing over her. "Son of a bitch."

Holly rushed around the bed and put one hand on the back of Gail's neck, the other gripping her am. "Honey, lie back down."

Gail followed her wife's instructions, keeping her eyes closed as she lay back down.

Traci stood from her chair and moved toward the door, tapping Chris on the shoulder to indicate that he should follow. "Come on, Chris. Let's go make some calls and pick up some things for Holly." Knowing that the women needed to talk, Chris didn't protest.

"Sweetheart, are you in pain?" Holly asked as she rubbed her wife's shoulder.

"My head still hurts, but mostly I was dizzy. Sitting up is a bitch," Gail groaned.

"Yeah, you will probably feel that way for a day or two because of the concussion. Have the nurses given you any Tylenol for your head?" She moved her hand up to affectionately stroke Gail's hair on the uninjured side of her bed.

"No, I told them I didn't need any."

"Honey, I know you don't like to take drugs, but it will help you sleep if you can lessen the pain a little. You need to rest," Holly said, concern in her voice.

"I'll take some in a little bit." Gail finally opened her eyes and looked at Holly. "But I need to tell you some things first. I have to tell you how sorry I am."

Holly shook her head, trying to interrupt, "Gail, you don't need…"

"Yes, Holly I do. Please let me. Please," she begged, clutching Holly's hand in her own.

Holly screwed up her face, but nodded as a sign for Gail to continue.

"Holly, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I got hurt again and that you were worried. I'm sorry that we are in the hospital again because of my stubbornness."

"Gail, it's not your fault…" Holly tried.

"Wait, I have to say this. I don't say things enough. I know I say I love you, but that's not enough." Gail paused and took a deep breath before continuing, her voice filled with emotion. "Holly, do you know that my heart beats for you? You are…when you smile at me, I believe that there must be something good in me. Because to be the person who gets to wake up next to you, who gets to hold your hand and share your joy and your pain? It's more than I deserve. It's everything. You're everything. The only reason I have anything to give this baby…" She covered her stomach. "…is because you love me. You make me better. And there's nothing I want as much as I want to be with you. I love being a cop. But I love you more."

Holly shook her head and wiped a tear from her cheek. "Honey…"

Gail squeezed Holly's hand. "No, wait. Let me finish." She searched her wife's teary eyes. "I love you more than I love my job. I would miss being a cop if I gave it up. But if I lost you, I would ache. So if you want me to work a desk for the rest of my life, I'll do that. If you want me to quit, I will do that. Because I need you, Holly. Please just…please don't leave."

Holly opened her eyes wide with surprise. "Honey, what are you talking about? I'm not leaving you."

"You're not?" Gail asked softly.

"Of course not, sweetheart. Why would you think that?" Holly was horrified.

"You said you couldn't do this and then you left," Gail whimpered.

"Oh god, honey. I didn't mean it like that. I just needed some air so I could get myself together. You may have noticed I was kind of losing it. But Gail, you know how much I love you. Of course, I'm not going to leave you."

"I just thought…I was just afraid you'd had enough of being a cop's wife, that maybe you were tired of me getting hurt and had reached your breaking point."

"Gail." Holly shook her head and closed her eyes with sadness. "I'm so sorry you were worried about that." She looked at her wife and moved her hand up to her cheek. "But you decided all of that because I needed a minute to collect my thoughts? You can't jump to such a drastic conclusion. All of those things you said about me? I feel the same. I need you too. And I want to be with you. That's not going to change, no matter how many times you get hurt. You're it for me. And you have to believe that, even if I need a few minutes to clear my head. You have to believe the best of me."

Gail looked away, feeling shy about how ridiculous she had been. "I'm sorry. I know that. You've never given me any reason to think you'd leave. That was really…god, that was dramatic. I don't know why I freaked out. Can we blame it on the concussion and hormones?" She chanced a sheepish glance back.

Holly leaned down and kissed Gail's forehead. "Yes, we can. If you can forgive me for saying such a terrible thing to you. Gail, I'm so sorry. I didn't even mean it."

"It's ok, Lunchbox."

"No, it's not. I know you are doing everything you can to keep the baby safe. I'm so sorry I said that. This accident wasn't your fault. If it's anyone's fault that you're in the hospital, it's mine."

Gail's eyes flew open wide. "What?"

Holly shuffled on her feet. "I should have made you go on desk duty earlier. I've been worried for a long time and even when you offered, I didn't listen to my instincts. You needed me to make the hard decision and I didn't."

Gail stared back at her wife for a moment, waiting to see if Holly was serious. When she saw that her wife wasn't joking, she answered firmly, "Holly, that's insane. Are you kidding me? This is  _not_  your fault. I should have been the one to make that decision. I knew that's what you wanted, but I was being selfish."

"But you aren't afraid of being on patrol. You can't be in order to do your job. You go out there day after day and very rarely does anything serious happen so it makes perfect sense that you would be confident that the baby would be ok. But I didn't feel right about it and I should have convinced you," Holly explained.

Shaking her head, "Okay, baby? That's just crazy. I mean sure, I feel less worried about patrol than you do. That's always going to be true. But you aren't responsible for my choices. I was very aware of how you felt and I made the choice to stay on patrol."

"But if I had insisted, you would have gone on desk," Holly noted.

"Well probably, but that's not how this works. If we got in an accident while I was driving, it would be ridiculous if you felt angry at yourself because you hadn't insisted on driving. You don't need to feel guilty because you didn't force me to go on desk. You wanted me to be happy and you trusted me to make the right decision. That wasn't wrong. The responsibility for still being on patrol is mine. I made that choice. If you should be angry with anyone, it should be me."

"I'm not angry with you," Holly said softly.

"I don't know why. I'm angry with myself," Gail muttered.

"Because I know you. I know you believed the baby was absolutely safe." And she did. For anyone on the outside of the situation, it may have seemed as if Gail was being selfish, that she was putting her own desire to not be stuck on the desk above her responsibility to protect the baby. But Holly knew that her wife took her duty to serve and protect very seriously, even if it meant she had to put a complete stranger's safety ahead of her own. That duty was so deeply ingrained in her mind. It was part of being a Peck.

"Ok, so if you aren't angry at me, when I was the one who was in control of the decision to be on patrol, then I'm not going to let you beat yourself up about this. You didn't do anything wrong. In fact, you have been the most understanding wife of all time. I'm the one who needs to change here, not you. It makes sense that I'm not as scared to be out on the street, but I have been acting as if nothing is different. But everything has changed. I'm not just a cop anymore. I'm a mom and a co-parent with you. I have to think of the baby and I have to think of your feelings too. Even if I didn't think safety was an issue, I should have made the decision to go on desk because it would have been easier for you.  _You_  needed  _me_  to make the hard decision."

Holly smirked slightly. "You called yourself a mom."

"That whole speech and that was what you took away?"

Holly giggled. "I just love hearing you say it."

Gail blushed. "It still feels weird."

"It's amazing," Holly leaned down for a quick kiss. "Ok, so we can't change what happened so can we just agree to move forward? The baby is ok and you're mostly ok. I'm not going anywhere. Let's just concentrate on those things and getting you better."

Gail sighed. "You're right. It's not going to do us any good to dwell on what we could have done differently. I'm going on desk, the baby will be safe and you won't have to worry."

"Oh, I'll still worry. About things like paper cuts and tripping hazards and any number of ridiculous possibilities my imagination dreams up," Holly said seriously, but with a hint of self-deprecation.

"Yeah, but that's not new. You've always been a little irrational when it comes to my safety," Gail teased.

Holly gently pinched Gail's arm. "Oh shut up, you. Anyway, I think you secretly like it, me worrying about you."

Gail smiled mischievously. "I'll never tell."

"You're lucky I love you," Holly chided.

"So lucky, Lunchbox. You're my one in a million," Gail said solemnly.

"Honey," Holly whined. Sometimes, out of nowhere, Gail would say something so cheesy and sweet, it took Holly's breath away. She put her hands on Gail's cheeks and leaned down for a kiss.  _God, she loved this woman._

"Hey, oh! Sorry to interrupt!" Oliver announced as he entered the room.

"You have the worst timing, old man," Gail grumbled as Holly broke away from the kiss and stood up, reaching for Gail's hand again.

"How are you, darlin'? How's that Peckling doing?" Oliver asked softly.

"We're both fine, Ollie." She immediately changed the subject, not wanting to dwell on what could have happened. "If you're here to arrest my wife for assaulting an officer, as the only witness in the room, I'm on her side," Gail joked.

"Oh god, Oliver, I'm sorry…" Holly started, embarrassed about her earlier behavior. It hadn't even occurred to her that it technically could have been considered as assault, even if it was fairly tenuous.

But Oliver held up a hand. "No need to apologize, doc. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"Is everyone who walks through that door going to have a guilt complex?" Gail quipped.

At Oliver's puzzled look, Holly shook her head. "Just ignore her."

"I'll cut to the chase then. Officer Moore is suspended until there's a full review of what happened today. I need to take your statement, but because you told dispatch that he was disregarding orders and he was the one who was driving when the crash took place, it should be pretty cut and dry."

"Is he going to get fired?" Gail asked, not giving away any indication of whether she considered that to be a good outcome or not.

"If I have anything to say about it, he will. Darlin', if I had known this would happen, there's no way I would have sent you out with him," Oliver agonized, regret evident in his voice.

"It's ok, Oliver. It's not our fault. I'm ok and the bean is ok. You might watch out for my wife though. She nearly took Gerald's head off," Gail giggled.

Holly shook her head and covered her eyes with her free hand. "Not my finest moment."

"Well, I doubt it was as bad as what Steve did to him," Oliver replied.

"Oh god. What did he do?" Gail asked.

"Let's just say that Officer Moore is going to be walking a little lopsided for a day or two."

"I can't say I feel sorry for him. Part of me wishes I had shoved that finger somewhere other than his chest," Holly growled, a little of her earlier anger coming back.

"Alright, let's get this statement out of the way before I have to have my wife sedated," Gail said, a hint of humor in her voice. She really didn't mind the protective side of Holly; it was the screaming that threw her off.

As Gail gave her statement, Holly tried not to cry at hearing the entire, sickening story again. When Gail got to the part that Holly hadn't heard yet, where Gail had a contraction but couldn't get Duncan to wake up, the brunette lowered the bed rail and sat next to the blonde, clutching a pale hand to her chest.

Gail stopped and looked up at her wife. "I'm ok, baby. The bean is ok."

Holly nodded wordlessly, tears slipping down her face. She couldn't help but consider that things could have ended very differently. Her wife could have died. She could have gone into premature labor and their baby wouldn't have been able to survive. The baby could have sustained a permanent injury affecting her fetal development. So many things could have happened that would have changed their lives forever. Holly could have once again found herself without a family. The thought made her squeeze Gail's hand even tighter.

"Ok, I think that's ok for now," Oliver said wearily, a pained look on his face. "You're off next week. Those are doctor's and my orders."

"Even if that weren't the case, I'm pretty sure wife's orders would be in affect." Gail squeezed Holly's hand, trying to provide comfort.

"Damn straight," Holly said shakily.

"Get some rest, darlin'. I'll check in soon," Oliver left a kiss on Gail's cheek and then walked out of the room.

Gail turned back to Holly. "Are you ok?"

Holly lay down on her side, pushing herself up against Gail. "Not really," she blubbered, more tears slipping down her face. "You could have been really hurt. Or worse. I could have been alone again."

"You're not alone. I'm here and I'm ok. And even if something had happened, you wouldn't be alone. Traci and Steve – they're your family too," Gail soothed.

"Let's not talk about it. I can't talk about that." Holly placed her hand on Gail's chest, allowing her wife's heartbeat to settle her.

"Ok, we won't talk about it. I'm here," Gail put her own hand over her wife's.

After a moment of silence, Holly said, "You must have been so afraid when you had those contractions."

"I was," Gail acknowledged as she wrapped her arm around Holly's shoulders. "I'm sorry." And she was. More than anything, she regretted the fear that Holly must have felt when Chris went to pick her up. She hated that she could have prevented that. And she hated that her actions had led to the baby being at risk. The car accident wasn't her fault. She and Duncan should have been perfectly safe all day. But if she had gone on desk, it wouldn't have happened. She was partly to blame.

"You're ok," Holly sniveled, pushing her nose into her wife's shoulder.

Gail smiled and picked up her wife's hand and placed it on her belly just as a tiny kick tapped on Gail's skin. "We're ok."

Crying a little harder now, this time out of relief and joy, Holly smiled, "We're ok."


	27. Chapter 27

The rest of the evening had been a little rough. Gail had a persistent headache that wavered between a dull pounding and an excruciating throb. Moving her head made her dizzy and the pain was causing her to feel nauseous, the pregnancy preventing her from taking anything stronger than Tylenol. She had tried her best not to complain, not wanting to worry Holly any more than she already was. She had even tried to talk Holly into going home, at least to shower and change, but Holly refused.

After Holly had convinced her to eat some dinner, Gail was feeling a little better. Her head still hurt, but it had finally died down to just a lingering ache. She still couldn't move around much, but the queasiness had died down and she was in better spirits. Not long after she had finished eating, a visitor entered her room.

"How are you, garbage pail?" Steve strolled into the room, still wearing a suit and carrying two coffee cups. He walked up beside Holly's chair and handed her one of the to-go cups. She smiled gratefully and took a sip.

"Shut it, Steven," Gail groused at the nickname.

"Because you look like someone shoved you in a dryer and then set it to tumble dry." The redhead laughed at his own joke and placed a hand on Holly's shoulder.

"That's not funny yet, Steve," Holly gave the man a stern look, but didn't wait for him to respond. She turned toward Gail and squeezed her hand. "I just saw your doctor walk by. I'm going to go talk to her for a minute." She stood and kissed Gail on the forehead and started walking toward the door.

"Don't steal any charts!" Gail yelled with a smirk.

Holly paused in the doorway and spun around. "That was one time!" At Gail's look, she shook her head and grumbled, "Oh shut up," as she walked out the door.

Still chuckling, the blonde turned her attention back to Steve. "So brother, I hear you  _spoke_  with Duncan about his driving skills?" Gail was clearly amused.

"Oh yes, we had a nice chat. I think I really made an impression," Steve replied with a hint of anger in his voice.

Gail shook her head at Steve's cavalier attitude. "As much as I appreciate the protective big brother gesture, he's the commissioners step-son. Did you get in trouble?"

"There were no witnesses and I doubt that Officer Moore wants to recount how another man squeezed his balls," Steve deadpanned.

"Ugh, TMI, Steven," Gail groaned.

"Well I figured I better teach him a lesson before your wife returned with scalpels," he smiled.

Gail's face lit up then. "Oh man, you should have seen it. She was terrifying. She shoved her finger into his chest and I thought he might wet himself. I am never going to let her live that down," Gail chuckled at the memory. Now that Holly was back and she understood why her normally calm wife had lost her cool, she thought Holly's outburst was mostly hilarious. She had no sympathy for Duncan.

"What's to live down?" Steve exclaimed. "He deserved far worse. He  _flipped_  a squad car because he was being reckless, didn't follow procedure and ignored orders from a superior officer who happened to be Holly's wife, my sister and pregnant, for god's sakes. If this were the Hunger Games, I'd put a spear through his Mockingjay."

"Ok one, you are such a dork. Hunger Games, really? And two, while I do enjoy your colorful descriptions, let's limit the discussion of the flipping car, yeah? My lovely wife is on the verge of having to self-prescribe." Gail could see that Holly was trying to be strong, trying not to cry at any mention of the accident. But she also knew that her wife wasn't ok and Gail was determined to do anything she could to protect her from more pain, even if she could only keep people from mentioning the specifics of the accident.

"Yeah, Traci told me you thought Holly was going to leave you because she freaked out a little?" Steve had humor in his voice, not really understanding how her sister had come to such a conclusion.

Gail glared at him. "Your wife is a traitor. And anyway, Holly said 'I can't do this' and then left! I mean would you really be surprised if she tried to get out?"

Steve eyed her seriously. "Tell me you aren't really that obtuse."

"Do you and Traci have a word of the day?" Gail growled. "That's exactly what she said."

"Well can you really blame us? For some unknown reason, that super hot doctor you are married to is head over heels in love with you. You couldn't pay her to leave. Come on, Gail, you know that."

Gail blushed and hung her head. "Yeah, I know. It was really stupid. In my defense, I have a concussion and pregnancy hormones are no joke."

"You're not really concerned about that any more are you? Because Holly isn't going anywhere." He paused and then joked, "She knows she's the only one who can control you."

"Shut up," Gail said without any anger. Her voice softened, "I know she wouldn't leave. I just freaked out for a minute. I'm over it now."

"Good," Steve nodded. "Oh and just for the record, Hunger Games is awesome and Holly told me you read all the books."

"She made me!" Gail defended herself.

"Gail, you have a concussion. I think you probably shouldn't be yelling," Holly said as she walked back into the room. She pointed at Steve. "Don't get her riled up."

Steve raised his hands in acquiescence. "I wouldn't dream of it, Doc. I heard what you're like when you're angry." Gail and Steve both tried to hold back their laughter.

"I hate both of you," Holly said drolly. She reached out for Gail's hand. "The doctor said you could go home tomorrow afternoon."

"Sweet! I am so sick of hospital food." Donning a cheeky grin, Gail asked, "By the way, did you talk to any OBGYN's while you were out there?"

"What? Why?" Holly asked, confused.

"You know, for tips on delivering babies. For the home birth," Gail smiled, unable to keep a straight face while teasing her wife.

Holly squeezed the hand she held. "I'm not sure I  _want_  to take you home with me." She turned toward the man on the other side of the bed. "Steve, you in the market for a prickly, pale house pet?"

"I can't afford to feed her," he replied without missing a beat.

Ignoring the digs from her wife and brother, Gail continued to goad Holly. "I mean come on, Lunchbox, there's a wealth of knowledge out there! I really feel like you're wasting a great opportunity."

"Sweetheart, I love you with my whole self, but if you don't shut up, I'm going to feed you kale-based soups all weekend," Holly threatened good-naturedly.

Gail gasped. "You wouldn't!" At Holly's look, Gail raised her hands. "I surrender. Please don't make me eat that stuff. Have I mentioned how pretty you look today?"

Watching the interaction, Steve laughed. "God, Gail, you are so whipped."

Turning her head around quickly, Gail barked, "If  _you_  know what's good for you, you will shut up before I show you what crushed nuts really look like."

"The only thing you are going to do is sit in that bed and relax," Holly ordered.

Steve laughed even harder and Gail whined, "But, Hooollly!"

But her wife wouldn't budge. She sat back in her chair, crossed her arms and said, "Concussion, Gail." When Steve let out a snort, Holly pointed again at the redhead. "What did I say about getting her riled up?"

Seeing the warning in Holly's eyes, Steve bit his lip and mumbled, "Sorry, doc."

Gail covered her stomach as she rolled with laughter. "Now who's whipped?"

"I think I know how Officer Moore must have felt," Steve said with a grin.

Holly sighed and dipped her head to hide a blush as both siblings cackled at her embarrassment. "Never going to live that down."

* * *

It was debatable whether the car ride home from the hospital was more stressful for Gail or Holly. Turns out concussions and moving vehicles weren't a great mix – Gail was disoriented and nauseous while Holly just felt worried and tense. She drove with a comforting hand on Gail's knee, whispering to her wife that they would be home soon as the blonde groaned with every turn and jostle. It was only a fifteen-minute ride, but both women were sweating by the time they pulled into the garage.

Gail was relieved to be out of the hospital, but after just a few hours at home, her head began to throb, forcing her to lie down for a nap. Feeling a gnawing sense of worry, despite knowing headaches were a common symptom of concussions, Holly sat next to her, rubbing her head soothingly until well after her wife fell asleep. Eventually, she slipped from the bed, making her way down to the kitchen to start on dinner.

She was planning to make Gail's favorite soup, chicken noodle. Even though she had threatened Gail earlier with kale soup, she wanted to make something comforting for her injured wife. The first few times Gail had been sick when they were together, she had asked if Holly could make chicken noodle soup. After the third or fourth time, Gail mentioned, in that heartbreakingly offhand way, that her grandmother used to make it when she was little. The only time the blonde remembered being comforted when she was sick was when she had been staying with her grandparents while Elaine and Bill were on vacation. Gail didn't outright say that her parents had never taken the time to care for her when she was ill, but the melancholy look on her face spoke volumes.

That was the way Gail's heartaches came out in the beginning of their relationship, quietly and without warning. Holly always felt like her own heart was shattering, trying to absorb some of the woman's pain. From the day of that particular confession onward, Holly made the soup any time Gail had so much as a sniffle, without her wife having to even ask. She knew the memories the soup conjured were both warming and painful, her grandmother having died the year after she entered the academy. Holly couldn't make up for the lack of comfort and affection from her parents, but she also knew she would never stop trying.

Startling her from her thoughts, Holly felt a pair of arms wrap around her middle. She covered one of them with her own as she continued to stir the contents of the pot with the other.

"Hey, honey. Feeling any better?" Holly asked.

"Mmm," the blonde groaned softly.

Holly set the ladle aside and turned around, running her hands up and down her wife's back. "Head still hurt?" She lifted her hand to brush a bit of hair off the bandage that covered one side of her wife's head.

Gail moaned slightly and buried her head in Holly's shoulder.

"You need to take some Tylenol, honey." She rubbed the back of Gail's neck, discovering that the hairs there were damp. She had an idea what that meant. "Did you sleep ok?"

Ignoring that question, Gail mumbled into Holly's shoulder, "No drugs."

"Honey, I know you don't like them, but you need to be able to sleep and I hate seeing you in so much pain." After a beat of silence, she added, "Please."

Gail sighed and nodded her head slightly, her defenses crumbling at the sound of her wife's anguish. Holly pulled back and led Gail by the waist to a chair at the table. She moved to a cabinet to retrieve the pills and a glass of water. As the blonde reluctantly swallowed the medicine, Holly probed, "Did you have a nightmare?" It was Gail's body language that gave her away. Her shoulders hunched, almost imperceptibly, after she'd had a nightmare. Most people wouldn't notice, but Holly wasn't most people.

Breathing in and then exhaling slowly, Gail replied, "Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Holly pulled up a chair and grabbed Gail's hand.

Gail hesitated, not wanting to hurt Holly any more. But her wife always preferred to know the details of what was bothering Gail. She knew it would hurt her wife more if she held back. "I dreamt about the accident. But the…let's just say it didn't end well in the dream." Her hand drifted to her stomach, giving an indication of how the nightmare had ended.

Holly squeezed Gail's hand. "I'm sorry, sweetheart." She pulled her wife forward into a hug. "You're ok though." She paused as she smoothed circles over Gail's lower back. "The baby is ok too."

Gail's breath hitched and she pressed her face into Holly's neck. She breathed deeply, trying to keep the tears stinging her eyes from escaping down her cheeks. As Holly rubbed her back, Gail breathed in the familiar scent of her wife and reveled in her soothing touch. Suddenly, she remembered the conversation she'd had with Steve in the hospital and she knew she needed to clear the air. After a few minutes to gather her thoughts, she pulled away and scrubbed at her face. "Holly, I'm really sorry I let myself believe you were going to leave."

Holly squeezed the hand she held. "Honey, we don't have to talk about that now."

Gail shook her head and persisted. "No, I want to. Because it was so stupid for me to think that, even for an hour. You don't deserve that."

"I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt a little bit," Holly admitted reluctantly.

"I'm so sorry. I wasn't being rational. I was scared and I assumed the worst, which isn't fair. You've never given me any reason to think you would leave." Gail averted her eyes, still ashamed of herself.

"I just can't believe you thought I would abandon my pregnant wife after she had been injured, just because I needed a minute to collect my thoughts," Holly whispered as she looked at their joined hands.

Gail's face reddened and she looked down. "God, I don't even know what I was thinking, Lunchbox. I know you wouldn't do that. I know you love me and the baby. And you didn't do anything wrong. I need to be alone to collect my thoughts too sometimes."

Holly looked up and put her hands on Gail's chin so that she was looking into her earnest eyes. "I don't just love you, Gail. You are everything to me. You and the baby are everything. I couldn't…I could never leave you."

"I know, Holly. I really do. You are everything to me too and I'm so sorry that I hurt you. The truth is, I didn't doubt you. I doubted myself. I know it's so hard for you when I get hurt and I was upset with myself for not going on desk duty earlier. I think I just transferred my own self-loathing to you. I assumed you were just as angry with me as I was with myself."

"Honey, even if I had been angry with you, that doesn't mean I would have left you," Holly sighed.

Gail nodded. "I know. You've never left me. You're one of the only people who has never left."

"I know people haven't always been there for you in the past, but I'm not those people, sweetheart," Holly reminded her.

"You're not. You're the best person I know and I know you'll always be there for me. I made a mistake and I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me?" Gail asked a little nervously.

Holly smiled softly and cupped the blonde's cheek. "Of course, honey. I love you. Thank you for apologizing."

"I love you too, Lunchbox," She leaned in to kiss her wife. When she pushed back, she rubbed her forehead. "Can we eat some soup and then watch a stupid movie?"

Holly pecked Gail's lips again and smiled sympathetically, "Anything you want."

After eating dinner, the women settled down on the couch to watch a ridiculous disaster move on TV. Gail's head was in Holly's lap and the brunette rested one hand on her wife's stomach while running the other gently through her wife's hair. Neither woman was paying much attention to the movie, instead lost in their thoughts about the last few days. Gail's head was still aching and she allowed herself to close her eyes, feeling suddenly that the room was too bright.

"Honey, let's go up to bed," Holly whispered softly. She could tell from the way Gail's brow furrowed that her head was still bothering her. She knew her wife must be suffering when instead of protesting, she simply sat up and nodded. Gail stood from the couch and quickly grabbed Holly's shoulder to steady herself. "You ok?"

"Just feeling a little off balance," Gail admitted as she closed her eyes.

Holly wrapped an arm around Gail's waist and stood. "Ok, take your time. It's probably going to take a few days for that to settle down."

Gail nodded and then winced from the movement. A sudden wave of guilt washed over her. "God, I'm sorry, Lunchbox." A whisper was all she could manage.

"Hey, it's ok." Holly took her wife's hand, the other inching under Gail's t-shirt to rub at the skin of her wife's hip. "It will take a little bit for the concussion symptoms to go away. Just don't try to get up too fast."

Gail turned to look at her wife, opening her eyes momentarily only to quickly close them when the pain in her head increased. "No, I mean, I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry I hurt myself again and that you have to worry and take care of me. I know it hurts you too."

Holly sighed. "Honey, we can talk about that, but let's do it when you aren't in so much pain, ok? What's going to make me feel better is getting you to bed so you can rest."

Gail grimaced and whispered back, "Ok. I'm gonna need some help, I think."

"I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. Just hold on to me," Holly replied easily.

* * *

That night both women slept fitfully, Gail from the throbbing in her head and Holly from the ache in her heart. The doctor hated to see Gail in so much pain and she hated even more that there was nothing she could do besides bring the woman Tylenol at two in the morning when another dose was allowed. Gail had still tossed and turned for nearly an hour, trying to find a comfortable position. Awake the entire time, her stomach in knots, Holly couldn't stand it any longer and wordlessly drew the woman's head to her chest. She gently ran her fingers through the woman's hair and tenderly massaged her temples and the back of her neck, hoping that she was providing at least a little comfort. Holly's ministrations eventually lulled the injured woman to sleep, the brunette following a short time after.

But Holly's sleep was short-lived, interrupted by the disturbing images in her dreams. She jerked awake, heart racing, sweat beading on her forehead and neck. As she panted lightly, she felt a hand on the small of her back as Gail sat up beside her.

"Hey, it's ok. You're ok," Gail said, rubbing circles on Holly's tense back.

Holly nodded and reached for Gail's free hand. "I'm ok. Just a bad dream."

Gail understood how easily nightmares could get under your skin, even when you knew the horrific images had been created by your mind and not based in reality. When you were dreaming it, it was the only thing that was real. "Want to talk about it?"

"Not really. I'd rather forget it," Holly said wearily. She turned to look at Gail. "I'm sorry I woke you up. You had finally fallen asleep."

Gail scoffed at that. "Oh god, no apologies, Lunchbox. We have tomorrow off. We can sleep all day if we need to."

"How's your head?" Holly asked as she lifted a hand to tenderly ruffle her wife's messy hair.

Gail paused to assess how she was feeling. "It's alright. Just a dull ache now. Not as bad as before. But something else is bothering me."

"What? Is it the baby?" Holly quickly moved her hand to Gail's stomach.

"No, no. Everything's ok. But I have a craving," Gail said with a cheeky smile.

"Oh you do, huh?" Holly responded flatly.

"Yep. I  _really_  need some mint chocolate chip ice cream, Lunchbox," Gail said with conviction.

"Honey, we don't have any of that. Want some Oreos?"

"No, no, it has to be mint chocolate chip ice cream. This is my first pregnancy craving. You're supposed to go to the store and retrieve whatever the baby desires." Gail's voice was playful and teasing.

Holly's stomach flipped. "Gail, it's the middle of the night. I promise I'll get you some tomorrow, ok?"

"Tomorrow?" Gail pretended to whine. "But you're supposed to run out and save the day, while I lie here all fragile expectant wife."

"I don't want to leave you alone, ok?" Holly snapped and got out of bed and quickly walked to the ensuite bathroom.

 _Shit._   _What just happened?_ Gail had only been teasing her wife. She didn't really want her to leave in the middle of the night. Truthfully, she was just trying to distract Holly from what had obviously been a disturbing dream. The last thing she wanted to do was upset her obviously fragile wife. She had clearly failed at her attempt to keep things lighthearted. At a bit of a loss, Gail slipped out of bed to find her wife.

Standing in front of the mirror, Holly felt the fear from her dream work its way through her chest. She told herself that Gail was fine now. Sure she was injured and it would take time for her to heal, but she  _would_  heal. She turned on the faucet and splashed her face with cold water, trying to focus on logic and certainties rather than what-ifs. Despite the fact that the woman she loved was safely tucked into bed in the next room, Holly could not stop imagining the rolling of the squad car, the way her wife's head must have smashed against the glass, the blood seeping from her head. It was all too much. She could have lost her wife and child, her whole world, all at once. The sob she had been forcing down made its way into her throat and she gasped, hot tears streaming down her face, hands gripping the edge of the sink.

Almost immediately, the doctor felt arms slip around her waist, Gail's rounded stomach pressing into her lower back.

"Talk to me, baby. Tell me why you're upset," Gail whispered into the brunette's ear.

Holly spun around and buried her face into Gail's neck, her tears soaking the collar of her wife's sleep shirt.

"I'm here. I'm here," Gail soothed, her hands inching under Holly's shirt to stretch across her back.

Barely intelligible through her sobs, Holly replied, "I'm sorry…about the ice cream."

"Oh god, don't apologize for that, Lunchbox. I wasn't really going to let you leave in the middle of the night for ice cream. I'd be worried. I was just teasing you, trying to lighten the mood, which I obviously failed miserably at." She pulled one hand out from under Holly's shirt to cup the back of her head. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Holly took a deep breath and leaned away slightly so she could look into Gail's eyes. "I just…I could have lost you. Or the baby. Or both of you all at once. It could have been so much worse, Gail. And I hate when you're hurt and there's nothing I can do to help. I don't…I'm just not ready to be away from you yet." A fresh stream of tears ran down her face.

Gail put her hand on the doctor's cheek and wiped the tears away with her thumb. "I'm so sorry, Holly. I'm sorry you were worried and scared. I can't take that away. But I'm here and the baby is here and we're ok. We aren't going anywhere. And you do help. You made my favorite soup and talked me through that terrible car ride and you held me when I couldn't get to sleep. You're here for me. You love me even though I didn't go on desk earlier and you don't blame me and you aren't angry with me. Because you understand me like no one else does. And you're the only one who knows how to comfort me when I'm upset. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. You help. You always help."

Holly nodded sadly and leaned her forehead on Gail's shoulder. "I don't think I'm going to be completely ok again for just a little bit. Is that ok?"

"Lunchbox, you don't have to be ok. You can be not ok for as long as you need. I'm going to be here for however long that takes. You're always taking care of me. It's ok to need me too sometimes."

"I do need you. I need you so much it's scary sometimes," Holly whimpered.

"I know. I'm sorry, baby. I'm here." She squeezed Holly tighter to emphasize her point.

After a few more minutes of silence, Holly leaned away again and took Gail's hands. "Let's go back to bed, honey."

Gail nodded and followed her wife back into their room. Holly got in first, lying on her back. Gail slipped in beside her and placed her hand on the other woman's hip.

"I'll go get the ice cream if you really want it," Holly said softly, her face showing regret.

Gail chuckled. "No way, Lunchbox. I was never going to let you do that. I don't want you to leave in the middle of the night. And really, look at this belly." She rolled onto her back, pulled her shirt tight and pushed her hips up so that her stomach stuck out. "Does it look like I need ice cream?"

Holly smiled warmly and moved onto her side so she could place a hand just below Gail's bellybutton. "You are more beautiful every day."

"Yeah, well, we'll see what you think when I'm three times this size and take up half the bed." She put her own hand over her wife's.

Holly hooked her thumb around one of Gail's fingers. "You'll be even more beautiful then."

"Oh really?" Gail asked, remembering another time Holly had told her she looked beautiful, despite the shorn locks all over the bathroom floor.

"Yes, really," Holly replied with a crooked smile. "Let's go to sleep, honey." She rolled onto her side, away from Gail, pulling the pale hand with her. She whispered into the darkness, "Can you hold me?"

"Always," Gail replied quickly. She scooted forward so that her front was pushed up against Holly's back. She threaded one arm under her wife and wrapped the other around her middle, pulling so their bodies were pressed tightly together. "Sorry about the cantaloupe."

Holly chuckled sleepily, "I love having the baby close."

"I love you, Lunchbox. I'm sorry you're married to a cop who can't seem to stay out of trouble," Gail said with genuine sorrow in her voice.

Holly rubbed the arm around her stomach affectionately. "Oh, sweetheart. I'm not. I love you and I don't regret a single day."

Contemplating for a moment, Gail whispered back, "You're too good for this world, Holly. You're just…better."

"We're better together, love." When Gail didn't respond, she closed her eyes and continued softly, "Let's go to sleep now. Wake me up if you need me."

Gail waited until Holly's breathing slowed, signaling that her wife had nodded off. She snuck her fingers under Holly's tank top to feel the smooth, warm skin of her navel. Closing her eyes and falling into sleep herself, just before she crossed the threshold, she mumbled, "I always need you, Lunchbox."

* * *

The following day found both women sleeping in. Gail's head wavered between a dull ache and intense pain. She normally hated taking narcotics for pain relief, but what she wouldn't give to have the option now. The Tylenol, the only safe pain reliever for her to take during pregnancy, barely took the edge off when the pain was at its worst. Add to that the nausea and dizziness that accompanied the pain and Gail was pretty grumpy. She was trying to shield Holly from more pain by not revealing how terrible she felt, but she never could hide much from her wife.

"Honey, do you need anything?" Holly had been cleaning up in the kitchen after lunch while Gail lay on the couch, a towel-wrapped ice pack on the injured side of her forehead.

"No, I'm ok," Gail said, discomfort in her voice.

Holly sighed and walked into the living room to sit on the couch, placing Gail's legs in her lap. She rubbed Gail's knees as she looked at the injured woman with concern. "How bad is it, sweetheart?"

"Five," Gail replied.

"So actually a seven, then? Maybe we should go back to the hospital." Holly frowned.

"No, no hospital. Headaches are normal with a concussion, Holly. You know that." Gail took the ice pack off her head and put it on the floor.

"Yeah well, it's one thing to know it, it's another thing to watch the person you love suffering through it," Holly said quietly.

"I'm sorry," Gail mumbled as she rubbed her stomach, hoping it would somehow ease the queasiness.

Holly didn't miss the movement. "Are you still nauseous, honey?"

"I'll be ok, Lunchbox. Let's talk about something else. Distract me," Gail said.

Placing her own hand under Gail's so she could rub circles on the rounded belly, Holly said, "What do you think about names?"

"What names?" Gail asked.

"For the baby. I like Violet for a girl."

"No flower names. And we don't need to pick girl names because the baby is a boy," Gail asserted.

Holly laughed, enjoying the feeling of some of the tension draining from her shoulders. "Ok then, what names do you like for a boy?"

"Mmm. I like Luke."

Holly shook her head. "My best friend in high school had a boyfriend named Luke. He thought being artsy meant he shouldn't shower."

"Nasty. We are never letting our son be one of those gross boys. I will hose him down in the backyard if I have to," Gail said firmly.

Laughing more now, Holly said, "We will teach him or her proper hygiene, honey. What other names do you like?"

Gail thought for a minute and then said, "I like Jack. Goes well with the hyphenated last name."

"Oh, I like that one. Jack Stewart-Peck. Sounds very strong," Holly grinned.

"Yeah. Sounds like a detective's name," Gail said proudly, her mouth curling up slightly at the corners.

"Oh god. Let's not talk about that," the doctor grimaced, bringing one hand up to rub her brow.

"What? Why?" Gail furrowed her brow.

"Because having one member of my family in a dangerous job is enough. And even though I know he would be a grown man, thinking about our baby boy being in danger makes my stomach swirl in unpleasant ways."

"Well, don't worry about that yet. We have a long time before baby Jack grows up. And unlike Steve and I, he'll have choices. He can be whatever he wants. He can be a cop if he wants, but he can also be an artist or a doctor like you or god forbid, even a fireman."

"Uh, no, he cannot be a fireman. He can be anything else. Seriously, how would I ever let him leave the house if I knew he was running into burning buildings!" Holly exclaimed.

Gail laughed. "Ok, calm down, Lunchbox. We're gonna have to get you a Valium prescription as soon as the baby is born."

"I know you're joking, but I'm not so sure that won't be true. He's just going to be so little and fragile," Holly scrunched up her face for emphasis.

"Yeah, but we will be his parents. If anyone tries to hurt him, I will shoot them and you'll cut their eyeballs out with a scalpel," Gail said offhandedly, as if the actions she was talking about were mundane.

"I'm not usually the violent type, but all of my pacifist feelings go out the window when I think about someone hurting our kid," Holly admitted.

"We'll keep him safe, Holly. Baby Jack is in good hands." She put her hand on top of Holly's, which was still rubbing her abdomen.

"So Jack, huh? Is that a decision?" The doctor smirked.

Gail opened one eye and smiled. "Just trying it out."

"I like it," Holly said. "But what if the baby happens to be a girl?"

"He's not. The bean is definitely a Jack, not a Violet. I just feel it," Gail said certainly.

"Well, we will find out soon enough. Just a few weeks away."

"Uh huh," Gail moved both hands up to rub her forehead.

"How's your head?"

Gail answered with uncharacteristic straightforwardness, the pain making it difficult to keep up the façade. "Not so great. Can I take some more Tylenol?"

"Yes. Do you want to go up to bed? You might be more comfortable there," Holly said as she gently lifted Gail's legs and moved toward to the kitchen to get the medicine and some water.

Gail swallowed thickly as a wave of nausea washed over her. She breathed deeply for a minute to try to get it under control. "Yeah. It's darker up there too. Will you lie down with me?" Gail usually hated to sound needy or clingy, but her head hurt too much to care.

Holly walked back into the living room, handing Gail the pills and water bottle. "Of course, honey. I'd rather not leave you alone right now anyway." While the statement was absolutely true, Holly said it because she knew it would make Gail feel a little less vulnerable.

After she swallowed the pills, she reached for Holly's hand to help her into a sitting position. "I'm going to warn you now that I feel incredibly nauseous. I'm not sure that standing or moving is going to help that, but I really want to be in bed."

"Ok, let me get a bucket. I don't want you to try to rush to the bathroom if you feel sick." Holly squeezed Gail's hand and went to retrieve a bucket from under the sink. When she returned, she took Gail's hand again, smoothing her thumb over her fingers. "Are you ready to stand up?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," Gail groaned. She used Holly's hand as leverage to lift herself off the couch, the bucket clutched tightly to her chest with her other hand. As soon as she was on her feet, she pitched forward wildly, but Holly quickly stepped in front of her and caught her momentum with her own body.

"Woah ok, I'm not so sure you should be walking right now, sweetheart," Holly said worriedly as she gripped her wobbling wife tightly, trying to keep her from falling down.

Gail closed her eyes and whimpered at the pain and the churning of her stomach. She was on the verge of tears and her voice cracked when she tried to speak. "I actually kind of agree with you, but I really need to be in bed. Just don't let go because I will definitely fall over."

Holly sighed heavily. "Ok, but Gail, you have to hold on to me. I don't want you to fall on the stairs. You shouldn't even be up right now."

"It's not that far. Let's just start moving before I throw up," Gail whispered, feeling the bile rise in the back of her throat.

Holly's arms were locked around her wife's waist, unwilling to risk Gail falling while they traveled. Gail had her eyes closed, trying to keep the light out and also to tame the spinning. Her head was throbbing its own beat and she could barely focus on moving her feet. Her steps were unsteady and the pain was making her feel faint. But she was determined to make it to the bedroom.

When they reached the middle of the stairs, Gail stopped moving. She moaned and slid down until she was seated on the step. Holly followed suit, never loosening her grip around her wife, her face etched with unease. "Honey? Are you ok?"

Gail took deep breaths, but she knew it was useless. She pulled the bucket up and retched into it. When she was finished, she let out a small sob. The act of throwing up had only made the pain worse and she currently felt like her head was going to explode. "Hurts. It hurts," was all she was able to say in response.

"Honey, I think you need to go back to the hospital. You're in too much pain," Holly whispered as a small wave of panic washed over her. She hated seeing Gail like this.

Gail set the bucket on the stairs and moved to stand up, determined to make it to her destination. "No. Bed, please. More Tylenol."

Holly quickly stood to steady Gail as she started making her way up the stairs again. When they finally made it to the top, both women breathed a sigh of relief. They made their way into the bedroom, Gail collapsing onto the bed as soon as her knees touched it.

"Honey, I need you to be honest. Are you having any vision problems? Do you know what day it is?" Holly asked, feeling apprehensive about the answers.

"No. Promise. Saturday," Gail whispered in response.

"Ok, I'm going to call your doctor just to see if she thinks you should come in. I just want to be sure. Then I'm going to clean up the bucket and bring you some more Tylenol since you threw up what you just took." The doctor leaned down and lightly kissed Gail on the forehead.

Gail did not respond, her head aching too much to force out even a sound. She gripped the sheets at her sides, gritting her teeth against the pounding in her head and the rumbling of her stomach. She was sweating as wave after wave of nausea swept over her. Finally tears slipped from her eyes. She couldn't remember ever feeling this miserable. Tiny taps started to press against her stomach and she lifted her hand to the spot. She whispered wetly, "Shhh. Be still for mama, Jack."

When Holly returned, she immediately noticed that Gail was softly crying. She sat down on the edge of the bed and put her hand on Gail's stomach. She whispered just loudly enough to be heard, "Sweetheart, the doctor said you can stay home, but if the pain stays where it's at for more than three hours, we need to take you back in. I brought you some more Tylenol and a cool rag for your head."

Gail held out her hand for the pills and swallowed them immediately. She sipped some water and then handed it back to her wife. "Thank you," was all she could manage through the tears.

Holly winced at the raw sound of her wife's voice. "Do you need anything else, love?"

Gail put her hand on Holly's. "Stay. Please."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else." Holly moved around to the other side of the bed and slipped in as gently as she could, trying to not jostle the bed. She moved closed to Gail, but didn't touch her, not knowing if it would bother her.

After a moment of silence, Gail whimpered, "Hand."

Holly rested her hand on the curve of Gail's belly, just below her bellybutton. The blonde moved her own hand on top and hooked her pinky around Holly's. Neither woman said anything more. Gail eventually, mercifully, drifted off to sleep. And when Holly felt her wife's breathing even out, she let out a sigh of relief.

* * *

When Gail woke up a few hours later, it was to the soothing sensation of Holly rubbing her stomach. She was pleased to find that her head felt immensely better and she no longer felt queasy. In fact, she felt a little hungry. She smiled at the warm feelings that spread through her chest in response to her wife's tender touches.

"Hello, my love. How are you feeling?" Holly whispered.

"Mmm. Much better. I'm not nauseous and my head is barely aching. Not to mention the way your hand is moving is making me tingle a little bit," Gail said, a little something extra in her voice.

Holly chuckled. "I'm really glad to hear you are feeling better."

"I'm actually kind of hungry, believe it or not."

"I always believe that you're hungry, honey," Holly teased. "Why don't you sleep a little bit more and I'll go make us something."

"You're too good to me, Lunchbox," Gail said.

"Don't worry. I'll let you make it up to me later." Holly kissed Gail on the forehead and got up from the bed.

After another hour of sleep, Gail sleepily ambled downstairs to the kitchen. Holly was standing at the counter, her back to Gail. Sneaking up behind her wife, the blonde wrapped her arms around Holly's stomach and placed a kiss on the nape of her neck. The brunette smiled but continued to work on the food she was preparing.

"Something smells delicious," Gail said seductively as she placed kisses on Holly's neck. "And the food smells pretty good too."

Holly's breath hitched at the feel of Gail's mouth on her skin. She closed her eyes and reveled in the warmth spreading through her body. "I'm making pancakes. With chocolate chips. Your favorite."

Gail snuck one of her hands under Holly's t-shirt, running it slowly up her wife's belly, stopping just below her breasts, her knuckles barely touching. "You're my favorite."

Holly's head fell back against Gail's shoulder, heat spreading through her stomach. "Oh god, Gail, we have to stop." Her response did not hold any conviction.

The blonde moved her hand up further, cupping Holly's breast, running her thumb over a hard nipple. "That sounds like a terrible idea, Lunchbox."

Holly's head was swimming and it felt as if every nerve ending was a lit fuse. She took one hand and lifted it to Gail's head, trying to bring her closer, but accidentally brushing against Gail's wound in the process. Gail hissed and turned her head slightly. Holly spun around in her wife's arms and gripped her hips. "Oh honey, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?"

The blonde composed herself and smiled. "I'm ok. Just a twinge." She leaned forward and put her mouth on Holly's collarbone. "Now where was I?"

Holly pushed Gail back slightly so she could look in her eyes. "As amazing as that felt and as much as I want it to continue, we have to stop. You have a concussion, honey. No strenuous activity."

Gail smirked. "There are a lot of things I can do to you that don't require me to move very much at all."

Holly let out a long breath. "God, Gail, stop looking at me like that. It's not fair to get me all fired up when you aren't allowed to see it through."

"Alright, but only because I've tortured you enough in the last few days." Gail placed a sweet kiss on her wife's cheek. "So pancakes?"

Yes, pancakes," Holly said breathily, trying to concentrate on anything other the tingling in her belly. "Sit down and I'll bring you some."

"I can get them. You've been waiting on me hand and foot. I feel ok right now," Gail protested.

"Sit down, honey. You still need to take it easy and it makes me feel like I'm doing something," Holly urged her.

Gail sighed and moved to a stool on the other side of the counter. "Thanks for making me pancakes, Lunchbox. I love your pancakes."

"I thought comfort food might be nice. I was actually going to make them for you this morning, but you didn't feel very well." She brought over a plate and placed the syrup down next to it. A broad smiled crossed her face. "And now that you're feeling better, I have a surprise for you."

With a mouth full of food, Gail smiled and mumbled, "A sup-ide?"

Holly walked into the living room, retrieved a small gift bag and returned to place it on the counter next to Gail. "Happy Father's Day, honey."

Gail donned a full toothy grin. "Aww, Lunchbox," she said in a singsong voice.

"I wanted to give it to you earlier, but I decided to wait until you could really enjoy it." Holly's mouth curved up on one side. "Open it."

Gail put down her fork and opened the bag. The first thing she took out was a mug that said 'DAD' on it. She laughed out loud and turned to look at Holly.

Holly began to ramble an explanation. "I know the one at the station actually belongs to Oliver and I know you're always stealing it so I thought you should have your own. I mean, you're not a dad, you're a mom, but we decided that Father's Day was your day and…"

Gail grabbed Holly's hand and leaned in to kiss her. When she pulled back, Gail smiled and said, "I love it. I'm gonna use it every day."

Holly exhaled visibly and pointed at the bag. "There's one more thing in the bag."

Gail put the mug down and reached back into the bag. She pulled out a navy blue onesie made to look like a police uniform with a picture of handcuffs and the words 'My mom is a badass' on the front. Gail grinned and turned so she could lay the onesie on her stomach. "I am a badass. That's the first lesson I'm going to teach him. But can you believe something this big is going to fit inside my stomach?"

"So big? Look how tiny it is?" Holly grabbed the onesie and held it up in front of her. "I can't believe a person is ever this small!"

"You think that because it doesn't have to come out of your vagina," Gail deadpanned.

Holly snorted and put the onesie back on Gail's belly. "You're already so beautiful, I can barely keep my hands off you. What am I gonna do when you get even more beautiful?"

Gail grinned. "You are such a sap, Lunchbox."

"You love it," Holly argued. She cupped Gail's cheek and rested their foreheads together. "Happy Father's Mother's Day, my love."

"Thank you. I love these presents. And I'm so happy to be your baby daddy," Gail said seriously.

Holly laughed again, leaned back and put her hand on the side of Gail's stomach. "I'm so glad you're my baby daddy too. And I can't wait until baby Jack or baby Violet is here."

"You doing your research, doc?" Gail smirked as she put the onesie on the counter.

"Gail," Holly said flatly, but with no anger.

"You have like six months to prepare for the home birth. That should be plenty of time," she goaded.

"So not happening," Holly replied as she shook her head.

Gail placed a hand on Holly's hip and pulled her closer. "But what's the point of being married to my very own Dr. Quinn if you can't even home-deliver our baby?"

"This isn't the Wild West, Gail. We have hospitals and drugs and Obstetricians who are trained."

"Ok, so maybe you aren't Dr. Quinn. But Dr. Yang could handle a home birth." Gail put her free hand on Holly's other hip.

"Dr. Yang? Really? As much as I love her, I'm not nearly acerbic enough to be her. If I'm anyone, I'm probably Torres or Arizona." Holly wrapped her arms around Gail's neck, moving to stand between Gail's legs.

"You're just saying that because they're lesbians," Gail quipped.

"Torres is bisexual," Holly noted.

"Are you trying to tell me you have a crush on a man?" Gail feigned surprise as she snuck a hand under Holly's shirt to stroke the small of her back.

Holly leaned in to whisper in the blonde's ear, "The only man I have a crush on is my baby daddy."

Gail moved her hands down to grip Holly's ass. "This is getting weird, but I don't even care because it's also really hot."

Holly kissed the skin just behind Gail's ear, making the blonde moan, and then suddenly pushed back and sat in the chair next to Gail. "Eat your pancakes, honey."

"But Holly," Gail whined at the loss of contact.

"Concussion, Gail," Holly said firmly.

Gail mumbled, "I think you're a little more Yang-like than you think." She pouted as she turned back toward her pancakes, only to be met by giggles from the woman next to her.


	28. Chapter 28

"Are you sure you're going to be ok?" Holly asked as she stood at the kitchen table, loading her laptop into her bag.

Gail was watching her nervous wife from the couch, attempting to hide her amusement. "Yes, Lunchbox. I will be fine."

Holly walked around the couch and sat down on the edge, her hand resting on Gail's side. "How's your head?"

Taking pity on her wife, Gail answered in an uncharacteristically straightforward manner. "It feels ok right now. Just a dull ache. I don't even need any Tylenol."

"What are you going to do today?" Holly asked, trying to convey a nonchalance she didn't actually feel.

Gail gestured to the couch and TV. "You're looking at it. I'm going to lie here, watch bad TV, take naps and generally be incredibly lazy."

"So you won't leave the house right?" Holly said, a wrinkle of worry in her brow.

"I'm not cleared to drive yet, baby." When her wife quirked an eyebrow, Gail continued patiently, "I swear I will not drive anywhere unless there is an emergency." Holly tilted her head making Gail concede even further. "An actual emergency that does not involve food."

Holly nodded and sighed, "I'm sorry. I know I'm being overbearing. I just don't like that I'm leaving you at home alone while you're recovering from a concussion." She lifted her hand to lightly touch the stitches on Gail's head, the bandage having been abandoned the day before.

"It's ok, Lunchbox. You have to go to work." Gail rubbed her wife's outstretched arm soothingly.

"I don't know why it has to be me," Holly huffed. "My pregnant wife was just in a serious car accident. You'd think I'd be entitled to a few sick days." Her boss had called early that morning, asking her to come in to do an autopsy. He had the courtesy to at least sound apologetic, explaining that the circumstances of the case were such that the detectives had requested Holly personally. Based on previous experiences, Holly guessed the case involved a suspected murder, the body most likely in a particularly gruesome state.

"Because you're the best, Lunchbox. They always ask for you when it's a big case. Now go to work." Gail put her hand on her stomach. "The bean and I will be here when you get home."

Holly covered Gail's hand with her own. "Ok. But you'll call me if your head feels worse, right? I don't want you to be alone if you're sick. And I'm going to text you to check in. Please be honest about how you feel."

"I promise I will call you if I start to feel sick because of a headache. And I won't try to hide how I feel. But I think I'm going to be fine. I'm feeling much better."

"Why are you being so easy going about my hovering?" Holly asked suspiciously.

Gail sighed, "Because you deserve a break, baby. You've had to worry enough for a lifetime in just the past few months. But today is one day you don't have to worry about me."

Holly chuckled mirthlessly, "That'll be the day. You could be wrapped in bubble wrap in a rubber room and I'd worry about you overheating. I'm wired to worry. I accepted that long ago."

Gail reached up to run a hand through the doctor's dark hair. "It's one of the many things I love about you, Lunchbox. But at least today you can let your worry meter drop down to like a 2. There's not much trouble I can get up to just lying on this couch."

"Mmhmm. Even though I know better, I'm choosing to believe you because I will believe anything that will make me feel even a little less guilty about leaving you," she said, sadness in her brown, glassy eyes.

Gail grabbed the tan woman's arm. "Hey, none of that, nerd. I mean it. You're just going to work, like you do every day. And truth be told, I'm glad to have some alone time so I can eat as many cheese puffs as I want."

Holly smiled despite the uneasy feeling in her chest. "You're the worst."

"You love me," Gail grinned cheekily.

"I do. So much," Holly answered fondly. She leaned down to kiss her wife, cupping one cheek in her hand. When she leaned away, she lay both hands on Gail's stomach, her thumbs rubbing back and forth tenderly. "And I love you too, little bean. Be nice to your mama today, ok?" She lifted Gail's shirt slightly and placed a kiss on her rounded abdomen.

"Ok, Lunchbox, much more of that and the hormones will take over and then you're really going to feel bad about leaving your teary wife," Gail warned wetly.

Holly looked up into her wife's glassy eyes and smiled. "As much as I love when you show your ooey gooey center, I really do have to go." She kissed Gail on the forehead and then stood to collect her bag. "I'm going to call you on my lunch break and text you when I can. Please turn up the sound on your phone so I don't freak out if you don't answer because you didn't hear it ring."

"Ugh, so clingy, Lunchbox," Gail scoffed teasingly.

"You love me," Holly said with confidence, as she made her way to the front door.

Gail sighed dramatically, "God help me, I do. Go get your nerd on, Lunchbox."

Holly opened the door, but turned around to address Gail again. "Ok. I love you. Call me if you feel sick. And text me back when I check in. And I know you said you wouldn't drive, but don't go for a walk either cause you've been getting really dizzy…"

Gail interrupted her rambling, "Holly! You're being crazy and I'm too comfortable to get up and kiss you to shut you up. I love you and I will be fine. I will call you if I'm not fine. I will be on this couch all day, doing nothing but resting. Now go to work." Gail pointed toward the doorway.

"Ok, ok. I love you, honey. Bye." She closed the door behind her and turned the lock.

Gail chuckled and then picked up the remote. She had just settled on a terrible sitcom when she heard the door unlock and then saw Holly's face appear from behind the door.

"About the cheese puffs..." Holly started.

"Nope!" Gail yelled comically. "No, no, no. Go. To. Work!" She waved her pointed finger for emphasis.

Holly held up one arm, keys in hand. "Ok, I'm going, I'm going." The door closed again.

Gail waited until she heard a car engine start, shook her head and un-muted the TV.

* * *

Holly was not happy. Not only had she left her injured, still somewhat ailing, wife at home alone, but the case she had been called in to work was more horrific than she had anticipated.

She hated doing autopsies on children. For obvious reasons, it was disturbing to see a dead child, let alone have to cut one open. Thankfully, it was quite a rare occurrence. When a child died, the cause was usually known – a severe illness, drowning, tragic accident – circumstances that did not require an autopsy to determine the cause of death. So when a child did end up in her lab, it was usually because something unspeakable had happened.

The child currently on her table was no exception. He couldn't have been more than three years old and all signs indicated that the poor boy had endured nothing but abuse in his short life. Working off a tip, the police had raided a house believing they would find a meth lab. What they found in the basement was far more insidious.

The small child had been locked in a cage, covered in his own filth. He had clearly been starved, his bones far too visible beneath his pale skin. His back was covered in sores and x-rays showed multiple fractures, both recent and old, in his skull and ribs.

Sitting in her office, her uneaten lunch on the desk in front of her, Holly tried to think about anything other than the horrific details she had uncovered. She needed a momentary reprieve from the knowledge of what that little boy had been forced to suffer through.

She grabbed her phone and dialed Gail's number, one elbow resting on the desk, her face in her hand. She hadn't even had a chance to text her wife to check how she was doing.

Gail sounded a little groggy when she answered, "Hi, Lunchbox."

It still amazed Holly that just the sound of her wife's voice could fill her heart with warmth and settle nearly any unease she was feeling. "Hi, honey. How are you feeling?"

"Mm, I'm ok. I was just lying down to take a nap cause I've got a little headache," Gail quickly added, "not a terrible one, just a little worse than earlier."

Suddenly feeling tense again, Holly asked, "How bad is it? Do you feel sick to your stomach or dizzy?"

"I don't feel sick and I haven't left the couch so no dizziness. Don't worry, it's just a headache," Gail tried to reassure her wife as she rubbed her forehead with her fingers.

Still unconvinced, Holly pressed, "How bad is the pain, sweetheart?"

"Like a five. Not terrible. Just uncomfortable. I think I'll feel better if I just sleep a little," Gail replied.

"Ok, honey. Take some Tylenol if you haven't yet and call me if it gets worse. I'll let you go so you can rest."

"Wait, tell me about your day a little. Catch a cool case?" Despite the ache in her head, Gail wasn't ready to hang up yet.

There was a moment of silence before Holly responded. "The case is…well the case is terrible, but I'd rather not talk about it because I'll probably start crying and I'm not sure I'll be able to finish the autopsy," Holly admitted, her voice already quivering slightly.

Gail was suddenly very alert. Even the possibility of Holly crying put her on edge. "Baby, are you sure you don't want to talk about it? Are you ok?"

"I'm not really. But I need to just keep my clinical hat on right now or I won't be able to get through this."

"Ok, I understand." If anyone understood the need to compartmentalize, to just do the job, it was Gail. "Will you tell me about it when you get home?"

"Right after you hold me for at least an hour," Holly said seriously.

Gail frowned. Her wife was really not ok and she hated that there was little she could do to help. "I'll hold you as long as you need. Call me if you need me, ok?"

"I will," Holly said softly. The tenderness of Gail's response was chipping away at the carefully constructed wall the pathologist was using to stay detached.

"I mean it, Stewart," Gail emphasized.

"I promise. Now get some sleep, honey. I want you to feel better."

"I'm ok. You just take care of yourself." Gail paused a beat. "I love you, Holly."

That simple statement nearly undid her. Holly's eyes filled with tears and she struggled to keep them from falling. "I love you too, sweetheart."

They hung up and Holly took a moment to compose herself. Despite Gail's caring response and desire to comfort her, the phone call had only served to create a different kind of tension in her chest.

Even though Gail had said the headache wasn't that bad, Holly was far too familiar with her wife's tendency to hide the true extent of her pain. The headaches had been so terrible over the weekend that Gail had gotten physically ill and could barely stand on her own. She had even cried, a clear sign that the pain had been severe. Gail had said that she wasn't nauseous or dizzy, but Holly knew she would feel better if someone could just check on Gail. Unable to leave the lab until she completed the autopsy and recorded her findings, Holly decided to call in reinforcements. She picked up the phone and dialed another number.

"Detective Nash."

"Hey, Traci, it's Holly."

"Hey, doc, what's up?"

"I was actually wondering if you could do me a favor?" Holly asked hesitantly.

Traci smiled, "Anything for my favorite sister-in-law. Whatcha need?"

"Well, I had to come into work today and Gail's at home alone. I just talked to her and she said she had a headache. She told me she was fine, but…"

"But Gail has a habit of trying to keep you from worrying?" Traci interjected knowingly.

Holly breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that she didn't have to explain everything to Traci. She knew how Gail could be. "As much as I love that she wants to protect me…"

"It only freaks you out more?" Traci smiled.

"So much," Holly admitted.

"Want me to have someone drop by the house to check on her?" Traci offered.

She sighed, "I hate to abuse my relationship with law enforcement, but the pinpoint of panic I feel is overriding my guilt. I'm sure she's fine, but I can't leave for at least a few more hours."

"I get it, Holly. I will check with dispatch to see who is in the area."

"She's not going to be happy about it," Holly warned.

Traci chuckled, "Don't worry. I'll send someone who's Gail-proof."

Feeling a little better, Holly said, "Thank you, Traci. I owe you one."

"Don't mention it. I understand the particular torture of being married to a Peck. I'll call you back when I hear from the officer."

Expressing her thanks again, Holly hung up. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, bracing herself to deal with the nightmare waiting for her just down the hall.

* * *

Gail had just drifted off, the Tylenol finally taking affect, when there was a knock at the door. Trained to respond to her surroundings, she woke immediately alert. Groaning, she pushed her face further into the back of the couch, hoping the person at the door would get the hint.

No such luck.

When a louder, longer knock interrupted her attempt to fall back asleep, Gail grunted loudly in discontent and rolled of the couch.

Walking to the door, she shouted, "Someone had better be dead because otherwise someone is about to be."

She wrenched the door open and scowled openly at the visitor on her porch. "Dov, I swear to god, I will fill your skull with beans, put it on a stick and then let my baby use it as a rattle."

Unfazed, Dov smiled and pulled a box from behind his back. "I brought donuts."

Gail grabbed the box and turned back toward the living room. "You always were my favorite."

Dov followed the blonde inside, shutting the door behind him. He sat down in a chair next to the couch, watching Gail scarf down a powdery donut. "How are you doing?"

Gail glared at him over the donut. "Did a certain forensic pathologist talk you into stopping by to check on me?"

Dov simply smiled in response.

"Hold on." Gail set down her donut, licked her fingers and then picked up her phone to tap out a text.

"Gail. From what I hear, Holly picked up a pretty nasty case. Maybe you should cut her some slack today?" Dov said warily. Gail wasn't usually a fan of being told what to do. Unless it was Holly. And even then she still pretended to hate it.

The blonde paused mid-text, thinking about what Dov had said. She sighed, deleted what she had written and then put the phone down. She picked the donut back up. "What do you know, Epstein?"

"Not much. Just that it was a kid and it was pretty gruesome."

"Dammit. That's the last thing she needs," Gail noted. When Holly had to do an autopsy on a child, she was unusually quiet in the days that followed, always wanting to hold Gail rather than process through her feelings. She eventually would get around to talking, but tears were usually involved and if there was anything that undid Gail, it was seeing Holly cry.

Dov nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, she's probably pretty freaked out already, with the wreck and everything?"

"You could say that," Gail noted absently still thinking about how upset her wife was sure to be later.

"I heard she got in Duncan's face about it," Dov stated, clearly not surprised by concept of Holly getting aggressive.

"After it stopped being terrifying, it was incredibly hilarious. He looked like he might shit his pants," Gail chuckled.

"Good," he said flatly. "He broke every protocol and could have gotten you killed."

"Yeah. Don't worry. Steve set him straight," Gail smiled at that memory.

"So how are you really doing? Holly said you had a headache?" Dov changed the subject again.

"I'm fine. The Tylenol kicked in so it's barely anything now," Gail mumbled. If it weren't for the fact that Holly was behind the visit from Dov, she might have cursed him out for babying her.

"I'll pass that long to the doc." Dov hesitated for a moment, but then remembered that Gail's bark was worse than her bite. "How's the baby doing?"

"Fine." Gail tried not to grin at the thought of the baby.

"You must have been really scared," Dov pressed. "Chris told me you went into labor after the wreck."

"I didn't go into labor, I just had a few contractions. The baby is fine now," Gail growled, not liking where this conversation was headed, nor the memory of the terror she had felt right after the wreck.

Seemingly oblivious to her change in tone, Dov kept talking. "You must have been really worried that you were miscarrying. I mean I can't imagine what it would feel like to lose something before you ever really had it."

"You just don't know when to stop do you?" Gail asked angrily.

Dov looked genuinely confused. "What?"

"You are going to leave now. I may have a concussion, but I can still kick your ass."

Dov stood from his chair and walked toward the door. "Glad the concussion didn't affect your glowing personality, Gail."

"Fuck off, Epstein," Gail shot back. The momentary good will she had felt when she saw that Dov had brought donuts left as soon as he started talking about miscarriage. Par for the course for Dov, but Gail only had so much patience. Very little, in fact.

"I'll let Holly know you're no more broken than usual," Dov smiled to himself.

"I seriously hate you," Gail muttered as she followed Dov to the door.

"I love you too, Gail. Enjoy the donuts," he managed to get out just before Gail slammed to door behind him.

Gail returned to the couch and picked up her phone. She tapped out a quick text.

 **Wife:**  I love you and I promise I'm ok.

 **Lunchbox:**  I love you too and I'm really glad to hear that. You seem far less angry than I thought you'd be.

 **Wife:**  Oh, I'm angry. Just not at you.

 **Lunchbox:**  Uh oh. Who came?

 **Wife:**  Dov. The only person I know who is dumb enough to talk to a pregnant lady about miscarriage after she had recently had premature contractions.

Less than a minute after she sent the text, Gail's phone rang, Holly's face appearing on the screen.

"Hi," Gail said softly.

"Honey, are you ok?" Holly asked, obvious concern in her voice.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Gail said very unconvincingly.

"You don't really sound fine," Holly prodded.

"I'm…it's ok…are you doing any better?" Gail didn't want to burden her wife with one more thing. And anyway, Dov was an idiot. She shouldn't think twice about the things he said.

Holly immediately understood why Gail was reluctant to talk about her feelings. "Honey, you don't have to pretend to be ok because I'm having a tough day at work."

"Yeah, I know," Gail sighed. Holly always knew how to get her to talk. "I just don't like to think about losing the baby or how close we were to that happening. Somehow that jackass always says just the right thing to get inside my head," Gail grumbled.

"I understand, sweetheart. But try not to think about it. The baby is fine and you are going to be fine once you're all healed," Holly soothed.

"Yeah, I know. I'm ok. It's just not something I needed to hear today. But I'm really ok." Gail decided to change to the subject to what was really occupying her mind. "Seriously though, how are you doing?"

Holly sighed, "I've been better. This case is really disturbing. And I don't think I'm going to get out of here for a while. The higher ups are really pressing to get as much of the evidence processed today as possible. So I may not be home until late, I'm sorry, honey."

Gail was quick to comfort her, "Hey, don't apologize, Lunchbox. You have work to do and you are the best person to get justice for that little kid."

"Dov told you?" Holly said shakily.

"He didn't give me any details. Just said it was a kid and it was pretty bad," Gail said.

"That's putting it mildly. It's horrific. And I don't know if it's because you're pregnant, but I am really not handling this well. I've seen some pretty terrible things, but this one is really getting to me," Holly admitted, eyes beginning to water.

"I'm so sorry, baby. What can I do? Do you want to talk about it? Do you want me to order some dinner and have it delivered to the lab? Or if you want something that doesn't deliver, I will call Dov and tell him to get his ass over and pick it up. Whatever you want. Just tell me what will help."

Holly squeezed her eyes shut, Gail's sweetness making it more difficult for her to maintain her distance from the horrors she had seen. "I love you for offering, honey, but I really don't think I can eat. And I do want to tell you about it, but I just…I need to do it when I get home because I'm probably going to fall apart and I still have a lot of work to do."

Gail hated that she couldn't help and hated even more that she couldn't drive. On a normal day, she would head over to the lab to take Holly a coffee or her favorite tea. Stupid concussion. "Ok, I understand. But call me if there's something I can do. I want to help."

"You do help. Thank you, love. I'll be much better when I get to come home to you."

"I'll be waiting, Lunchbox."

They exchanged a few more sentiments before Holly had to go, hours of work still to be done. Gail sat on the couch and thought about her wife. Her strong, emotional, beautiful wife. Holly loved her job because she felt like she could find answers and sometimes justice for grieving loved ones. She treated each body that came into her lab with the utmost care and respect because she felt like the memory of the deceased person deserved it. To Holly, forensic pathology wasn't just a job. It was how she contributed to the world, it was how she made a difference. That attitude and sense of purpose was probably why she was so good at it. And it didn't hurt that she was brilliant.

In her time as a forensic pathologist, Holly had seen a lot of gruesome deaths. Murders and suicides, people who had been brutalized and left somewhere to rot. And despite her compassion and empathetic disposition, Holly was rarely emotionally affected by her cases. Some of that was a natural desensitizing that came with doing the job for so many years. And part of it was the clinical and professional mindset she adopted when she put on her lab coat. But the one exception to Holly's normally unflappable demeanor was when a child appeared on her table.

Holly had told Gail on a couple of occasions that most forensic pathologists had a hard time doing autopsies on children. Especially when there was clear evidence of foul play. And rightly so. But it was part of the job and no matter how difficult it was, Holly refused to allow emotion to prevent her from doing her best work, from getting justice for the most innocent of victims. So for Gail to hear in Holly's voice how affected she was by a case? Well it meant that it was really bad.

More than anything she wanted to be able to provide some comfort, to share Holly's burdens. But she was stuck at home, not cleared to drive just yet.

But what if she wasn't the one doing the driving?

Gail quickly pulled out her phone and called the one person, other than Holly, that she knew would always answer.

"Hey, Ollie. I need you to come pick me up."

* * *

It was seven o'clock in the evening and Holly was done. She was emotionally and physically exhausted and all she wanted was to go home, hold her wife and feel her baby kick. But as spent as she felt, Holly wasn't actually done. She still had several more hours of tests to run and results to record. So she took a deep breath, closed her eyes to center herself and then went back to work.

With her eyes pushed up against the microscope, Holly heard footsteps in the hallway. She figured it was one of the techs or maybe Rodney, so she didn't look up. She wasn't in the mood to socialize. She just wanted to finish her work and get home as soon as possible.

But one of the more pleasant voices in her life broke through her concentration. "Hey there, doc. I have a special delivery for you," Oliver said as he entered the doorway.

Holly straightened up, intent on offering a quick greeting before returning to work when she saw that the man was holding his hand out as if presenting an actual surprise. Just behind him, Gail stood with two brown bags held up in the air and a cheesy grin on her face. She was dressed in jeans (the only pair that still fit – which reminded Holly that they needed to go maternity wear shopping soon) and a simple black t-shirt. The top fit snugly, but not unflatteringly so, and if Gail stood at just the right angle, her baby bump stuck out adorably. Her hair was pulled back in a messy pony tail, wisps of hair falling around her face. The affect took Holly's breath away. The glow of pregnancy combined with an expression that indicated she was feeling well for the first time in days made Gail look radiant.

Happy with herself, but feeling shy for some reason, Gail said, "Surprise, nerd. I have come to force you to eat something."

Without saying a word, Holly stood from her stool, crossed the room in a few strides and pulled Gail into a fierce hug. She buried her face in the blonde's neck and fought the urge to cry. Gail looked over at Oliver and held out the bags in her hands. He took them and silently slipped from the room. Her hands now free, Gail placed one on the small of Holly's back, rubbing soft circles, and the other under Holly's hair to gently scratch her neck.

They stood that way for several minutes, neither woman speaking, the only sound the gentle rhythm of their breathing. Gail understood that Holly needed the contact and was happy to provide it. Despite the fact that hugs weren't the way that Gail communicated, they  _were_  how Holly communicated and thus Gail had learned over the years to just hold on until Holly was ready to let go.

Not giving any indication that she was ready to move away, Holly whispered into Gail's collarbone, "I'm so glad you're here."

"I called Oliver to pick me up because I just wanted to see you. And I knew you wouldn't have eaten. I wanted to do something," Gail replied earnestly.

Holly finally leaned away and looked into Gail's eyes. "Are you feeling better?"

Gail chuckled and shook her head. The depths of Holly's selflessness never ceased to amaze her. "I think that's supposed to be my line, Lunchbox."

Holly smiled shyly. "I'm better now that you're here. How's your head?" She lifted her hand to lightly run her fingers over the stitches still in place.

Gail moved her hands to Holly's hips and smiled. "I feel good. No headache at all right now and I haven't felt dizzy or nauseous all day."

"I can see it in your face that you feel better. Your glow is back." Holly held Gail's face with both hands and ran her thumbs over Gail's cheekbones. "You are beautiful."

Gail had never quite grown accustomed to the unadulterated affection in Holly's eyes. She dipped her head, feeling a little embarrassed. "I haven't even showered today," she noted.

"Doesn't matter. You took my breath away when you walked in. And this shirt," she slid one hand down to rest on Gail's rounded stomach, "it looks really good."

Gail chuckled. "It's just a t-shirt."

"Yeah, but it shows off your little baby bump and as we have discussed, I'm a big fan of the baby bump," Holly donned that half-smile that Gail loved.

"You have such a pregnant-lady fetish, you perv. I'm a little surprised I was the first lady you knocked up," Gail teased.

Holly threw her head back and laughed heartily, the sound making Gail grin broadly. Holly pulled her in tight so their stomachs were pressed together. She wrapped her hands around Gail and laid them flat against the small of her back. "I only have eyes for one pregnant lady."

By mutual agreement, the women leaned in and kissed. A warmth spread through Holly's chest, easing a little of the ache that had accumulated throughout the day. They pulled apart before the kiss got heated, mindful of where they were. But they held each other's faces for several seconds afterward, simply relishing the contact and connection.

"Thank you for coming. Thank you for knowing I needed you to come," Holly said.

"I always want to be here when you need me. Even when you don't want to ask. You're my nerd," Gail replied as she gently pushed Holly's glasses up her nose.

Holly took a small step back and grabbed Gail's hand. "Let's go talk to Oliver. I have to thank him for bringing you here."

The two women started walking, hand-in-hand, down the hall toward the doctor's office.

"Yeah and if we don't hurry, Oliver will eat all of your dinner," Gail noted. Just as Holly was about to open the door to her office, Gail pulled on their joined hands, urging her to turn around. "Hey wait, how are you doing? Are you holding up?"

Holly tilted her head, eyes glistening. "I love you, you know that? I really love you."

Gail smiled, "I do know that and I really love you too." Then she dropped the smile and deadpanned, "Now tell me how you're doing, please."

Holly sighed and brought one hand up to rub her forehead. "I'm…well, I don't really know how I am. I'm not great. I just…I can't comprehend how someone could treat a child the way this child was treated. He was abused and starved and had to have been in terrible pain every day from fractures and infected sores." Her voice quivered. "How could a parent not love their child, Gail? Our baby isn't even born yet and I love that little bean more than I ever thought possible. I just can't understand how a parent could make their child suffer like that."

The doctor covered her mouth and whispered through tears, "He would have been in agonizing pain. Every breath would have been torture and he wouldn't have understood what was happening. I just…he was so little, Gail." She looked up and found that the blonde was also tearing up.

Gail squeezed Holly's hand. "I'm so sorry, baby. I can't imagine how difficult it is to have to catalog all of those horrific things. And I know it doesn't make it better, but at least you will be able to help that boy get the justice he deserved to have while he was alive."

She grabbed Holly's free hand and put it on her stomach, tiny feet or hands or elbows tapping against the spot. "But our baby will be loved. He is already loved. And we'll make sure he knows every day that his moms will do anything to keep him safe. We'll hold him when he's sick and comfort him when he's sad. We'll honor that little boy by loving our own little boy twice as much as any other parents."

Holly nodded, tears streaming freely down her face. She brought her other hand up to feel the baby's movements. She leaned over and kissed Gail's belly before whispering hoarsely, "Mommy loves you, little bean. And mama loves you too. You're already our most favorite."

When Holly kissed her stomach again, Gail sniffled and put her hand on the back of her wife's head. "We are a couple of sentimental saps, Lunchbox."

Holly stood up, hands still on her wife's baby bump. "Yeah, but we're moms now so it's ok."

"I still get to be the badass mom though," Gail reminded her with a point of her finger.

"Oh without question," Holly agreed quickly, a grin returning to her face.

Gail laid her hands on top of her wife's "Ok, nerd, let's get you some dinner before it gets cold. I brought you Indian."

Holly's face lit up. "Korma?"

"What else?"

Holly smiled crookedly. "I love you, you know that? I really love you."

"You said that already," Gail noted.

"It sounded familiar," Holly whispered as she leaned in for one more kiss.


	29. Chapter 29

The remainder of Holly's week had not turned out any better. She had been working around the clock on the same horrifying case. A new development had her working well into the night, night after night, going home for a few hours of sleep, only to return to the lab before the sun came up.

When detectives had looked into the backgrounds of the parents of the abused child, they discovered birth records for three other babies that had been born to the couple. Fearing the worst, they took a K-9 unit back to the house only to find three more tiny bodies buried in the backyard. As the lead forensic pathologist on the case, Holly was responsible for examining the remains and determining cause of death.

As a surprise to no one, the three new bodies showed the same evidence of abuse – starvation, cracked and broken bones, damage to the brain and skull. Understandably, the detectives were working nonstop to build their case and thus, Holly was also. Everyone involved wanted to push justice forward as quickly as possible. But it meant that everyone was severely sleep-deprived and working overtime to not let the details of the case get to them.

Gail, at least, was feeling better. By midweek, the headaches had stopped completely and the dizziness was back to a normal, pregnancy-symptom level. She had been doing her best to help take care of Holly, enlisting friends to drive her to the lab to deliver lunch and offer hugs. She left a plate of dinner in the fridge each night for Holly to warm up if she was hungry when she got home.

Holly was grateful for her wife's thoughtfulness; it was one of the few things helping her to maintain her sanity. Without it, she was sure she would have already come untethered from the lack of sleep and emotional instability.

Both Gail and Holly knew there would be a breaking point. Sure there had already been tears, usually when Holly was able to steal a moment and a hug from Gail in her office. But for the most part, Holly was keeping her composure. She was a professional, after all. There was still work to be done so the real undoing would have to wait.

Luckily, Holly's part in the case (at least until the inevitable trial) was coming to a close. At 10pm on Friday night, she was in her office, drinking her umpteenth cup of coffee for the day, putting the finishing touches on her final report. She hadn't eaten since that morning, unable to stomach any of the food Gail had delivered for lunch and dinner. She felt run down, exhausted and just mentally and emotionally empty. And dammit, she had a tickle in her throat that indicated her immune system was handling the lack of sleep about as well as her appetite.

She emailed the final report, hit the print button for the hard copy and then leaned back in her chair, glasses atop her head, hands massaging the dull ache in her forehead. She was so distracted by how terrible she felt that she didn't hear the visitor approach her open office door.

"I've come to kidnap my wife. If you let her go easily, no will get hurt," Gail said from the doorway, smiling despite her use of her "cop voice."

Holly lowered her hands and looked at her wife. As much as Holly was sure she looked about as appealing as she felt, Gail was faring far better. The blonde looked rested and relaxed, the pink glow having returned to her cheeks. Despite how she felt, Holly couldn't help but smile back.

"I couldn't put up a fight even if I wanted to. But trust me, I don't want to," Holly said wearily.

"Are you ready to go? Did you finish up?" Gail asked as she made her way further into the office.

"You have excellent timing. I literally just hit send on the final report," Holly sighed as she ran a hand through her hair.

"I called Rodney. He told me you were finishing the report. I gave it two hours and then drove over."

Holly tensed. "You drove? The doctor said you shouldn't drive because of your concussion."

Gail smiled sadly as she walked around the desk to stand in front of Holly's chair. "I had that doctor's appointment this morning remember? The doctor cleared me to drive."

The brunette covered her eyes and groaned. "God, I completely forgot. I'm so sorry, honey. I wanted to go with you." She took Gail's hand and looked up into her eyes. "What did the doctor say? Is everything ok?"

"Yep. Concussion symptoms are all gone and everything looks normal. And because I knew you'd want it, I convinced the nurse to make a copy of the doctor's notes from my chart so you can read them," Gail said with a smug grin.

Holly smiled, tears beginning to form in her eyes. "Thank you. I'm so glad you're better. I'm really sorry I missed the appointment."

"Hey, don't apologize. It's ok. You were busy and it was boring anyway." Gail pulled on Holly's hand. "Now stand up, give me a hug and a kiss and let me take you home."

Holly stood up, but she put her hands on Gail's hips in order to maintain some distance. "I don't want you to get too close. I feel like I'm coming down with something."

"Lunchbox, I don't care if you have the fucking plague, I'm going to hug and kiss you," Gail protested as she leaned closer.

Holly turned her face to the side, trying to avoid the blonde's advances. "I don't want you to get sick, sweetheart."

Gail leaned back and glared into her wife's eyes. "Holly, it's been a terrible week. You are exhausted, have barely eaten and probably on the verge of a breakdown. I have missed my wife and I know you need this so you are going to let me kiss you now."

The tears she had been trying to keep at bay spilled over onto her cheeks. She nodded and Gail leaned forward to kiss her softly. She then pulled the brunette into her arms and squeezed gently.

Holly felt her defenses beginning to crumble. There was no work left to be done, no carefully held professional façade to maintain. There was only her wife and a realization that she needed to be home.

Holly leaned away, wiped her face and said in a shaky voice, "I need to go home, Gail."

Gail simply nodded, took Holly's hand and led her to the hook by the door to collect her bag. The brunette turned out the light, shut the door and clutched the hand in hers as they walked to the car.

The ride home was quiet save for Holly's occasional sniffles. When they arrived and walked inside, Holly paused just inside the doorway. She was so wrung out, so fatigued, she didn't even know how to start letting go. She just stared straight ahead, feeling as if she were in a haze.

Gail took Holly's things and hung them on the rack near the door. When she came back to stand in front of Holly, she brought her hand up to her wife's cheek, trying to catch her eyes.

"Tell me what you need, Holly," Gail whispered.

Holly sighed and looked down at the floor, "Can you just…can we…" Holly didn't know why she was having trouble putting words to what she needed, what she had ached for all week.

Gail used her thumb and finger to tip Holly's head back up to see the sincerity in her eyes as she responded, "Yes."

She took Holly's hand and led her to the bedroom, stopping in front of the dresser. "Let's put our pajamas on and just get in bed," Gail said.

Holly nodded and then went through the motions of getting ready for bed, brushing her teeth, washing her face and climbing under the covers. Gail snuggled up behind her wife, wrapping her up in her arms, their legs intertwined.

Holly closed her eyes and listened to the sound of Gail breathing, sinking into the feel of her wife's warm body surrounding her. As the blonde pressed closer, her rounded stomach fitting into the small of her wife's back, Holly felt a light tap that she recognized as a tiny kick from the baby, just barely strong enough to detect through the layers of skin and clothing. And in that moment, safe in Gail's arms, with her future nestled snugly between them, Holly broke down and wept.

She felt like a part of her had broken, like a small piece of her could never be mended. Because two parents had not only neglected their baby, but they had torturously abused not just one, but four innocent children. It wasn't that Holly didn't know that kind of evil existed in the world. She saw the remnants of murder on a regular basis – broken bodies and loved ones left behind to try to make sense of the senseless. But these were babies. Tiny, helpless babies that never experienced the tenderness of a mother's love or the safety of a father's arms. Their lives had only consisted of pain and suffering. And the people who should have wanted to protect them from those things were instead the ones causing them.

Usually being a direct part of bringing such terrible human beings to justice brought Holly comfort after a difficult case. She could at least take refuge in the knowledge that the guilty parties would be prosecuted and suffer the consequences of their actions. But this case was different. Those parents had suffered the ultimate tragedy – losing a child – and it hadn't impacted them at all. Those babies would only be mourned by strangers.

So no, Holly couldn't find comfort in justice that night because there was none to be found. And yes, it was the reminder of her own child, the one she so desperately adored already, before she had even fully known him, that caused all of her carefully crafted walls to come crumbling down. Because she couldn't make sense of a world where one baby was cherished while four others were brutally abused.

The only solace that could exist that night was found in Gail's arms. If there was anyone who understood what it was like to look evil in the face and be forever changed, it was her wife.

As Holly began to shake with the force of her sobbing, Gail pulled on her wife so she could turn over and bury her face in her chest. She didn't try to offer comforting words; she knew they wouldn't help. She just held Holly close, rubbing her back, stroking her hair, kissing her temple. Neither did Holly try to explain the depth of her brokenness. It wasn't necessary.

They held each other until exhaustion eclipsed the sadness and caused them both to fall asleep.

* * *

When Gail woke up the following morning, it was to an empty bed. She hadn't felt Holly stir or get up and when she rolled over to see that it was 6am, she wondered if her wife had had a nightmare. She checked the bathroom first, not finding any evidence that her wife had been there. Next she went down to the kitchen to see if her wife had made coffee. Nothing.

But when she turned to make her way toward the garage, she saw a note on the kitchen counter in Holly's handwriting.

_I am sick. I moved to the guest room so I won't infect you. -H_

Gail sighed in frustration and concern and walked toward the guest room. When she tried to open the door, she found that it was locked.

She knocked softly and called out, "Holly, let me in, please."

When there was no response, Gail knocked hard and raised her voice a little, "Holly, I need you to open the door."

The voice that replied was hoarse and lower than normal, "Honey, I have a fever. I'm contagious."

"Holly, I don't care if you're contagious. Please open the door," Gail said, trying to keep her voice gentle but firm.

"I don't want to get you sick," Holly said.

"I'm not going to get sick, baby. Just let me in." Gail was starting to get irritated.

"It's not good for you or the baby if you get sick. I'm just going to sleep and I will feel better," Holly persisted.

Gail grunted in frustration. It was clear that Holly was not going to give in. But neither was Gail.

After spending a few minutes gathering the items she needed, Gail returned to the locked door with a bobby pin. She bent the pen and inserted it into the lock, twisting and poking until she heard that telltale click. She twisted the knob, picked up the tray and then pushed the door open with her foot.

Holly had slept through the lock-picking, but startled awake when the door creaked. At the site of her wife, wearing a medical facemask and carrying a tray of assorted items, Holly just sighed and let her head fall back on the pillow. "Your cop abilities are really annoying right now," she croaked.

"Lock-picking is a Peck ability, not a cop ability. And I wouldn't have had to use it if you had just opened the door when I asked nicely," Gail responded.

"I don't want you to get sick, Gail. You're pregnant."

"I'm aware. But you're my wife and you're sick. I'm going to take care of you. However, I stole a mask out of your lunchbox to make you feel better."

Holly always kept a spare field kit at home, complete with gloves, mask and booties, for those occasions she got called out to examine a body in the wee hours of the morning. Saved her from having to make a trip to the lab first.

Gail placed the tray on the end of the bed and then sat down by her visibly ailing wife. Holly's skin was pale and shining with sweat, except for her cheeks, which were flushing a bright pink. Strands of hair were matted against her forehead and her eyes were glassy and distant. To be frank, she looked terrible.

"You look terrible, baby," Gail said as she brushed some of Holly's hair back from her forehead.

"Wow, thanks," Holly chuckled, the laugh quickly changing into a cough.

"Good thing I picked you because of your brain, huh?" Gail teased.

"Oh please. You picked me because of my boobs," Holly replied, her voice just above a whisper, eyes closed.

"Ok true. So good thing those still look amazing!" Gail joked. "Alright, tell me your symptoms and then I'm going to take your temperature." She stood up to retrieve the thermometer from the tray as Holly rattled off her symptoms.

"Runny nose, cough, sore throat, achy muscles, chills."

"Alright, open up." Gail put the thermometer in Holly's mouth. "Is the sore throat bad enough that you need to go to the doctor?" Holly moved her hand up to hold the thermometer so she could talk, but Gail caught her hand. "Nope. No science babble. Just shake your head yes or no and tell the truth, do you think you need to go to the doctor?"

Holly sighed heavily and then shook her head.

"You're not just trying to make me feel better or avoid going to the doctor are you?" Gail asked skeptically.

Holly shook her head as the thermometer beeped. Gail took it to check the read out as Holly murmured weakly, "You're the one who hates the doctor, not me."

"Fair point. Ok, you definitely have a fever, 38.4 degrees. You're sure you don't need to go to the doctor?" Now that the fever was confirmed, Gail crinkled her brow with worry. She hated when Holly was sick.

"If it gets worse or the medicine doesn't help, I will go, but I'm ok for now," Holly assured her as she covered her mouth with a tissue from the bedside table to sneeze.

"You are really giving me incredible confidence, Lunchbox. If the fever gets to 38.8, we go to the doctor, ok?"

Holly nodded her head as she blew her nose. "I think I'll be fine. But you should really leave the medicine and then get out of here. The mask isn't a guarantee."

"Holly, I'm fine. And you're going to let me take care of you." She collected some pills and a bottle of water from the tray and handed them to Holly.

The sickly doctor was too tired to argue. She took the pills and then burrowed her head back into the pillow, pulling the covers up over her neck as she shivered.

Gail put the tray on the floor and then walked around to the empty side of the bed. She got under the blankets and pushed her body flush against Holly's back. She wrapped her arms around her shaking wife and tangled their legs together as well.

"Do you need anything? Want me to make you some soup or some tea?" Gail asked, her voice muffled by the mask still on her face.

"Later," Holly mumbled, pulling Gail's hands to her chest. "Just stay with me."

As she ran her thumb soothingly over the clammy collarbone, Gail whispered, "Not even a locked door could keep me away, baby."

* * *

When Holly woke again, she noticed she felt slightly better than she had earlier. She wasn't shivering and her throat wasn't quite as sore. Her nose was still a mess and she felt like she'd barely slept, but it was a slight improvement from when she'd moved into the guest room in the early morning hours.

Gail had moved from the bed at some point, but Holly had clearly been out of it. She looked at the bedside table and saw a sticky note with two pills on top.

_Take me. Don't leave the bed. I'll be back soon. -G_

Holly smiled just before she swallowed the pills. Her wife really was terribly sweet. Few people knew how genuinely thoughtful and caring she could be. Any time Holly was sick, Gail insisted on taking care of her. She made her food and brought her medicine and fluids. She rubbed her back and played with her hair. She was just  _there,_ for whatever Holly needed.

Shortly after they had moved in together, Holly had gotten sick for the first time since they had been in a relationship. She'd had a truly disgusting stomach virus that forced her to sleep on the floor of the bathroom all night. Gail, who detested germs and sickness, had held Holly's hair back, brought her fluids, taken her temperature and helped her shower when she was too weak to stand on her own. She had also refused to leave the bathroom, bringing her own pillow and blankets so she could be there each time Holly got sick. Holly had known before that night that she was in love with Gail, but it was that night that she knew for sure that Gail loved her just as much.

Ignoring the note, Holly stood from the bed, put on the robe that Gail had left at the end of the bed and shuffled out into the kitchen.

Gail was standing at the stove, stirring a large pot. Without turning around, she said, "I distinctly remember writing that you should  _not_  leave the bed, nerd."

"I missed you," Holly said, a crackle leftover from sleep in her voice.

At the sound, Gail put down the spoon and turned to walk toward Holly. She put one hand on the brunette's hip while she held the back of the other to her wife's forehead. "I am pretty miss-able. Did you take the pills?"

"Yes, mom," Holly smiled.

"Well you must be feeling at least a little better, wise ass," Gail said, but without any bite.

"I do. My throat doesn't hurt as much and the chills are gone. Just really tired and still congested," Holly noted.

Gail nodded and reached over to retrieve the thermometer she had brought into the kitchen to wash off. "Open."

Holly complied and then moved forward so Gail would put her arms around her, which the blonde did without hesitation. She smoothed her dark hair down and then leaned away a little to kiss Holly on the cheek. "I made some soup if you feel hungry."

Holly nodded as the thermometer beeped. She took it out and read it, "37.5. Much better."

Gail took the thermometer from Holly to see for herself and then set it down so she could pull her wife back into her arms. "I'm glad you're a little better. I hate when you're sick."

"Me too. Except I do like how well you take care of me when I'm sick. You're very sweet," Holly said softly, her nose pushing into Gail's neck.

"I just never want you to feel like I always felt when I was sick. It's bad enough to feel miserable, but it's even worse when it seems like no one cares," Gail replied sadly.

The admission made Holly squeeze Gail a little tighter. "I'm so sorry you felt like that. You never make me feel that way. In fact, I knew you really loved me when you brought your pillow and blanket to sleep on the bathroom floor with me that time I got that gross stomach bug."

Gail leaned away, a look of surprise on her face. "That was when you knew? We'd been living together for at least two months, Holly."

"Oh, I knew you loved me before that. I just knew that you weren't ever going anywhere after that night. You were so worried and nurturing and didn't complain one time about how gross it was, even though I knew you were a little horrified."

Gail laughed, "Yeah, it was pretty gross. But as much as I wanted to cringe at the germs and the vomit, a bigger part of me wanted to be with you to make sure you were ok. I didn't want to leave you alone. I just wanted you to know I was there, even if I couldn't do anything."

Holly smiled brightly. "And that is why I knew you weren't going anywhere after that night. I knew I had you for good."

"You better believe it, nerd. You're stuck with me and the bean for life. And then my ghost is going to haunt you after I die," Gail said as she squeezed Holly's hips.

"Oh no, I'm going to die first," Holly argued.

"What? No. That's...no. I get to die first, Holly," Gail said, obviously flustered.

"I'm not sure why we're arguing about this. It's not as though we have any control over it." At Gail's raised eyebrows, indicating she believed differently, Holly said seriously, "No don't say it. Not even jokingly, Gail. I don't want to think about that."

At Holly's obvious discomfort, Gail conceded, "Ok, let's just agree that when we are so super old and decrepit, we will die at exactly the same time, in our bed, holding each other. And then we'll come back and haunt our kids for all the grief they are going to cause us."

Holly grinned and nodded, "Deal." She moved her hand down to cover Gail's stomach. "Speaking of kids, how are you feeling today? Any lingering symptoms from the concussion?"

Gail shook her head and answered honestly, "I feel good. No symptoms out of the ordinary. Just the dizzy spells and round ligament pain sometimes. But not concussion dizzy, just pregnant dizzy, so don't worry."

"Has the baby been moving much today?" Holly asked, the wonder and excitement evident in her voice, as she looked at Gail's abdomen.

"Not a whole lot yet. But maybe after I eat. That sometimes gets him swimming more," Gail brought her own hand up to cover Holly's.

The doctor looked back into her wife's eyes and smiled warmly. "Have I mentioned lately how beautiful you are?"

Gail blushed and looked down. "I just look chubby."

"Hey," Holly said quickly, using her free hand to lift Gail's chin. "You do not look chubby. You are glowing. You're just...you're beautiful, Gail. You have never been more beautiful. And now that you're feeling well again...it just shows. Pregnancy really suits you."

Gail smiled sheepishly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now let's eat some soup and then cuddle on the couch because I only want to hold you and feel my baby kick for the rest of the day," Holly announced.

Laughing, Gail took Holly's face in both her hands. "Your wish is my command, lunchbox." She leaned forward to kiss Holly, but was stopped by the hand on her stomach.

"No kisses on the mouth. I'd rather not have a pregnant wife with a fever," Holly stated firmly.

Gail paused for a moment, a frown on her face. Abruptly she pulled Holly's face forward and kissed her solidly on the lips. The doctor was so surprised and Gail's lips felt so good against her own that she didn't even resist. Just before it got heated, Gail leaned away, smiled cheekily and said, "Too late, lunchbox."


	30. Chapter 30

Saturday and Sunday were spent lounging around, Holly sniffling and sneezing, but definitely on the mend. Gail kept having to steal kisses as the brunette was still quite paranoid about passing the sickness on to her wife. They watched movies, took naps and giggled over little baby kicks to Gail's stomach. The newness of them hadn't quite worn off yet and neither had the wonder the women felt about them.

On Monday, both women were off in the morning for Gail's doctor's appointment. This was a big one because in addition to all the usual check ups, if the baby was in the right position, they could find out the sex.

They had been practically buzzing with excitement about it the entire morning. On their drive in to the doctor's office, they had discussed their predictions: Gail still quite certain the baby was a boy while Holly had the opposite inkling. Holly didn't feel as convinced as Gail did about her own opinion, but something just told her the baby was a girl. They bantered the entire drive and were still at it as they walked into the doctor's office from the parking garage.

"Ok, but, when they tell us it's a girl, you're going to feel pretty silly," Holly teased.

"I might, if the baby was a girl. But you're going to bow to my powers of intuition when they tell us he's a...a..." Gail came to an abrupt halt on the sidewalk and covered her nose and mouth with her elbow. "Achoo!"

Holly stopped walking and placed her hand on Gail's back. "Are you ok? Are you getting sick? God, I knew I was contagious. You shouldn't have come in the room when I had a fever," Holly sighed, her voice still slightly more nasal than normal. She was mostly recovered, but still had the remnants of congestion. She put her hand to Gail's forehead to try to determine if her temperature was elevated.

The blonde calmly reached up, grasped Holly's fingers and clutched them to her chest. "Stop spiraling, nerd. I feel fine. It was just one sneeze."

Holly furrowed her brow skeptically. "At least we're on our way to the doctor. They'll take your temperature."

Gail dropped their still clasped hands to her side and pulled so that Holly would start walking again. "I'm fine, Holly. Stop worrying."

Holly sighed, "How many times do you think you will say that to me in the course of our lifetimes?"

"As many as it takes, Lunchbox," Gail assured her with a smile.

* * *

As they sat in the waiting room, flipping through but not really reading various magazines, Gail bit her lip and bounced her knee nervously.

After waiting a couple minutes to see if Gail would calm down on her own, Holly gently placed her hand on her wife's leg. "Honey, there's nothing to be nervous about."

Gail let out a long, slow breath. "Yeah, I know."

But the edges of Gail's mouth turned down in a slight frown. Holly knew there was more, something her wife wasn't allowing herself to say. She squeezed the knee under her hand. "What is it, love?"

"It's stupid," Gail huffed and placed one hand on her stomach.

"If it's making you nervous, then it's not stupid. Come on, I promise not to laugh," Holly said, giving her knee another reassuring squeeze.

"I just...sometimes I'm worried that they are going to do an ultrasound and not be able to find the baby. Like he's just gone or something. It doesn't make any sense. He can't just disappear. And I can feel him moving around in there sometimes so it's really not logical." Gail dropped her chin to her chest, feeling completely embarrassed.

With a lopsided smile, Holly took Gail's hand in her own. "Sweetheart, what you're feeling is completely normal. Pregnancy and hormones do crazy things to you. It's ok that you're worried. Sometimes fears don't make sense and that's ok. But you're right, the baby hasn't gone anywhere. He's still swimming around in there, happy as a clam." She moved her hand so that the flat of it covered Gail's navel, her fingers brushing against her wife's.

Gail put her own hand on top of Holly's and nodded as she sighed, "Yeah. Okay."

A nurse appeared from the door at their left. "Gail Stewart-Peck?"

Holly grabbed a pale hand and stood from her chair. "Come on, let's go wave at our little bean," Holly smiled.

"He can't see us, nerd. Geez, Holly, I thought you were a doctor?" Gail sassed as she pulled her wife toward the waiting nurse.

"You're insane," Holly laughed as they walked through the door.

After talking with the doctor and going through the physical exam, a technician came in to perform the ultrasound. The women held hands as the tech moved the wand around Gail's abdomen. When the baby came into view, both women smiled broadly.

"Alright, there's the baby. Heart rate is normal. Measuring a little small, but not out of normal range," the tech noted.

Gail's smile morphed into a concerned frown. "What do you mean a little small? How small? Is that something to be concerned about?"

"No, not at this point. The baby is still within normal parameters, just on the smaller side of that scale."

Gail turned to look at Holly, worry still etched on her face. "Why is the baby small? Is it because I've been sick so much? Do I need to eat more?"

Holly placed her free hand on Gail's head, "Hey, everything is fine. The baby gains most of its weight in the last trimester. It's ok that it's a little on the small side. It's still perfectly normal."

Gail let out a breath and nodded. "Okay. But you gotta stop saying "it" like I have an alien inside me." She turned back toward the monitor. "Can you give us a confirmation that the baby is a boy?"

"I can't actually," the tech replied.

"Oh is the baby in the wrong position?" Holly asked with disappointment as she squinted at the image on the screen. She was a doctor, but reading ultrasounds was definitely not her specialty and it had been a long time since her OB rotation.

"No she is in a good position. I just can't tell you that she's a boy because she's actually a girl," the tech smiled.

Holly gasped and brought one hand up to her mouth. "A girl? Gail we're having a girl!" She squeezed the blonde's hand.

"That can't be right. Check again. I'm sure he's a boy," Gail said, a touch of insecurity in her voice.

"No, she's definitely a girl." The tech moved the wand slightly on Gail's stomach and then pointed at the screen. "See right here? Those are her legs. If she were a boy, we'd see something between them."

Gail stared open-mouthed at the screen.

"Honey, are you ok?" Holly rubbed her arm as she continued to squeeze her hand.

The blonde turned to look at her wife, shock clouding her pale face. "What am I going to do with a girl, Holly? What if she likes princesses and dresses and flowers? What am I going to talk to her about?"

"Honey, you wear dresses and make-up," Holly noted calmly.

Ignoring her wife's reply, Gail kept rambling, "She's probably going to want to date boys. Holly, she can't date boys. They are gross and what if one tries to take advantage of her? I'll have to kill him. I'm gonna be one of those cops who goes on a revenge killing spree. I'm going to be Liam Neeson."

Holly tried to stifle a laugh as she addressed the technician, "Can you give us a minute?"

"Sure. Your pictures will be waiting at the desk," she said as she put the wand away and left the room.

Gail was still so surprised that she didn't even move to wipe off her stomach. Holly grabbed a nearby towel and cleaned the gel off before pulling down the blonde's shirt. She soothingly rubbed her hand over Gail's belly. "Ok sweetie, talk to me. Are you disappointed that the baby is a girl?"

The blonde startled out of her trance and looked up at Holly. "What? No! I just...I really thought she was a boy, Holly. I mean I was convinced. I thought it was maternal instinct or something. But what if I don't have that? What if I'm not connected to the baby like I'm supposed to be? What if I never understand my kid?"

"Okay, sweetheart, calm down. Maternal instinct doesn't make you psychic. Just because you thought the baby was a boy doesn't mean you aren't going to bond with the baby. And maybe you were so convinced it was a boy because you thought having a boy would be easier?"

Gail paused to think about that idea. "Yeah, maybe. If the baby were a boy, we'd only have to worry about one boy. Now we have to worry about all the boys. I just...what if she's into bad boys with motorcycles and Ed Hardy t-shirts? I dated boys, Holly. She can't date boys."

"She could be a lesbian, you know. Or bisexual," Holly noted.

"Oh my god. What if she's into bad GIRLS with motorcycles and Ed Hardy t-shirts?" The look of horror on Gail's face made Holly burst into laughter. "It's not funny, Holly! What are we going to do?"

Holly stopped giggling long enough to pull Gail up into a sitting position. She stepped between her legs and palmed the woman's stomach. "We are going to do what we would have done if the baby had been a boy. We will love her and teach her how to be smart and to take care of herself. You will teach her how to kick a boy in the junk if he won't take no for an answer and I will teach her how to make her straight best friend fall in love with her."

Gail rolled her eyes, but also smirked. "Oh really? It's just that easy?"

Holly brought her hands up to cup Gail's cheeks. "No, it won't be easy. But we will do it together. And our daughter will always know that we love her and we will be there for her, no matter who she is or who she chooses to love and even when she makes mistakes."

Tears filled the icy blue eyes. "A daughter, Lunchbox."

Holly smiled brightly. "I hope she's just like you."

Gail leaned in for a quick kiss and then jumped off the exam table and walked over to grab her purse. "No way. I was the worst when I was a teenager. I dyed my hair black and wrote emo poetry. Gross. She needs to be a nerd like you. Mathlete and debate team. This was why I insisted we use your egg."

Holly grabbed the woman's hand as they exited the room. "I was never a mathlete," Holly argued. At Gail's skeptical stare, Holly huffed, "It was one year and I didn't even like it!"

* * *

Canada Day fell in the middle of the week just as the weather was really starting to heat up.

"Do we really need to go to this picnic? I mean, who has a picnic when it's this hot outside?" Gail whined from a stool as she watched Holly pack drinks and snacks into a cooler.

"We don't have to go, but we are going to go. Now that I'm feeling better, I'd like to get out into the sun for a bit. Otherwise I might start to resemble your coloring."

"Hey! You love my coloring!" Gail protested.

Holly chuckled and walked over to stand between Gail's legs. She put her hands inside the short overalls the blonde was wearing, her fingers sneaking under the black tank top she had on underneath so she could rub her thumbs over the sides of Gail stomach. "You're right. I do love your coloring. I also love this outfit."

Gail's breath caught in her throat, a shiver running down her spine. She ran her hands slowly from Holly's hips around to the small of her back. She pulled the woman closer until her baby bump pressed into Holly's stomach. "If we stay home, we can get overheated but for a much better reason."

Holly leaned in to kiss her as she ran her hands up Gail's sides, her thumbs once again rubbing circles, this time on the sides of Gail's breasts. For several minutes, the women kissed and nipped and touched, getting lost in the moment and each other. The blonde moved her hand under Holly's t-shirt, her fingers moving up to the clasp of the woman's bra.

With a great deal of reluctance, Holly leaned back slowly. "Ok, if we keep going, we are not going to make it to the picnic."

"And the problem with that is…?" Gail leaned in to kiss her wife's neck, the hand on her back pulling her closer.

Holly's heart was racing and her thoughts were only of Gail's lips and hands, the feel of their bodies pressed together. What was it she had been saying? Right. The picnic. "Gail. Let's just go to the picnic for a couple of hours and then we can come home and continue this."

The blonde moved her lips up to Holly's jaw, kissing her way toward the woman's ear. She ran one hand slowly up the front of Holly's shirt, over her firm abdomen, until she could use her own thumb to rub circles over Holly's nipple. "Are you sure you don't want to have a different sort of picnic right here?"

Holly was breathing heavily now and her whole body was reacting to her wife's touch. God, Gail was good at that. After years together, she knew exactly what buttons to push to get Holly going. Without thinking, she closed her eyes and tilted her neck to allow Gail access to more skin. "Mmm. You are not playing fair."

Gail moaned into her wife's neck as she slowly kissed her way down to Holly's collar bone. She took the woman's breast in her hand and began to massage it gently. "I play to win," she whispered.

With all the self-control she could muster, Holly grabbed Gail's hand and leaned back again, still panting slightly. "As terrible as that line is and as much as I really, really want to keep going, I need to get outside for just a little while. Then we can come back and do whatever you want, okay? I promise."

Gail huffed loudly and put her head on Holly's shoulder. She moved both hands to the relatively safe spot of Holly's hips. "Ugh! Fine. But you owe me big time, nerd."

Holly kissed the side of Gail's head and ran her hand up and down the woman's back in a soothing gesture. Then she whispered in her ear, "How about if I promise you dessert after we get home?"

Gail leaned back and looked Holly in the eyes, a serious look on her face. "If you keep whispering like that, we are never going to leave this house."

Holly smiled, kissed Gail on the cheek and then walked back over to the cooler to finish packing for the picnic.

Gail sighed loudly and dropped her head on the counter. "Isn't it bad for me to be out when it's this hot? Think of the baby, Holly."

Holly shook her head. "You will be fine. We're taking sunscreen and hats and I'm going to make you drink a ton of water. It's just for a couple of hours."

"Ok, but if I pass out because my pale, pale skin…" Gail started.

"Alright, no fainting jokes please. There will be plenty of shade and I'll set the timer on your phone so you can reapply sunscreen every 30 minutes," Holly said.

"Happy Canada day to me," Gail grumbled.

* * *

An hour and a half later, Gail was reclining in a lawn chair, under a tree. She was wearing a ridiculously oversized sun hat and sunglasses. A handheld, battery-operated fan was blowing a miniscule amount of air into her scowling face.

"God, I don't know how they can stand to run around like that. It's a million degrees out here," Gail grumbled.

"Don't ask me. I'm happy to stay in the shade with the whitest person here," Traci teased.

"Oh shut up," Gail spat back.

Traci laughed and returned her attention to the group of people playing ultimate frisbee in the field in front of them. The entire gang of rookies had come to the picnic, plus Steve, Oliver, Sam, and Chloe. After eating lunch, the group had decided to split up into teams and play a game, with only Gail and Traci as the hold outs. Gail had never been happier to use the pregnancy as an excuse.

She did have to admit that it wasn't the worst thing to watch her wife get sweaty and demonstrate her athletic side. Her long, muscular legs alone made Gail reach for the bottle of water next to her.

"Careful, Gail, you might start drooling," Traci said, amused at the obvious way Gail was checking Holly out.

"Listen, Holly got me all hot and bothered before we came here and I wanted to stay home and play our own game of ultimate frisbee so excuse me if I have to get my jollies by ogling my wife when she's playing Sporty Spice," Gail said.

Traci tipped her head back and laughed loudly. "God, that is way too much information. But then again, I can't blame you. Watching Steve get all sweaty does things to me too."

Gail sprayed the small amount of water in her mouth out. "Ugh! That's disgusting! Jesus, that's my brother, Traci." She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and shook her head, trying to clear the image of a sweaty Steve from her mind.

Traci laughed again, "You started it, Horny Spice."

Before Gail could reply, her phone began to vibrate in her pocket. "You're lucky that it's time for me to put my sunscreen on." She stood from the chair and crossed to the picnic table to find Holly's bag. She applied the thick liquid to her face, arms and legs.

Just as she finished, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket again. As she walked back toward her chair, she absently pulled the phone out, thinking she had forgotten to turn off the alarm. But when she looked at the screen, she saw that it was an incoming call from a number she didn't recognize.

"What telemarketers call on Canada Day?" She mumbled to herself as she hit the silence button. Seeing that she was almost out of water, she walked back over to the cooler to grab another bottle when her phone started vibrating again. "Son of a bitch, this better be good," she growled.

She hit the answer button and held it to her ear as she bent to pick up another bottle of water. "This is Stewart-Peck."

Traci's attention was drawn to Gail's use of her "professional" voice. She turned and watched Gail as she slowly walked back toward the chair, phone pressed to her ear.

"Yes, this is she. Who is this?" Gail barked into the phone, her impatience obvious in the tone of her voice. Suddenly the blonde stopped and her face grew impossibly paler than usual. "What happened?" She said, barely above a whisper.

Traci stood from her chair and moved to stand next to Gail, trying to catch her eyes to ask what was going on. But Gail just stared at the bottle of water in her hand, which had begun to shake slightly. Traci turned to see if she could catch Holly's eye, but the group was obviously caught up in the game.

"Ok, thank you for calling. Goodbye," Gail said shakily. She brought the phone down from her ear, but instead of putting it in her pocket, she held it out in front of her awkwardly and stared at it.

"Gail, who was that? Are you ok?" Traci gently placed one hand on the woman's shoulder, not wanting to startle her.

But Gail didn't move. In fact, she gave no indication that she had heard Traci at all. Instead, she began to breathe heavily, the shaking in her hands spreading to her entire body. Suddenly she dropped the bottle of water in her hand and moved to take the hat off her head. She felt too hot, like she couldn't get enough air. Her legs felt weak and she wobbled slightly on her feet.

Traci grabbed the pale woman's shaking arm, ready to support the woman's weight if she needed to. "Gail, hey, let's sit down, okay?" While Gail did not respond, she did allow Traci to move her toward the chair.

Once the woman had all but collapsed into the lawn chair, Traci turned and yelled loudly toward the group of people in the field, "Holly! Holly, we need you!"

Holly stopped running and turned in the direction of Traci. She saw Gail slumped over in the chair, face pointed toward her knees, while Traci knelt next to her, holding Gail's elbow. Taking only a split second to process, Holly took off at a sprint toward the women. Slowly the rest of the players realized what was happening and began to follow.

Holly dropped to her knees in front of Gail. She put one hand on Gail's thigh and the other on her arm. "Honey, what's the matter? Do you feel sick? Are you hot?"

Gail did not respond. She was trying to get her breathing under control, trying not to descend into hyperventilation.

Holly turned to Traci and asked with panic in her voice, "What happened?"

"I don't know. She was fine. She got up to put on sunscreen and the next thing I knew she was on the phone and shaking. I think the phone call upset her," Traci said.

Holly turned back toward Gail, taking in the rapid rise and fall of her chest, the gray color of her face. She took Gail's hand and with her other gently pulled Gail's head toward her knees. "Okay, sweetheart, try to take deep breaths ok? You're fine. Just breathe for me."

As Gail tried to follow Holly's instructions, Oliver appeared with a wet towel. "Here. Put this on the back of her neck."

Holly held the towel to the back of Gail's neck and continued to talk Gail through her breathing. She tried to keep her voice even and calm, but she couldn't help remember the last time they had been in this position and the subsequent trip to the hospital. "Just keep breathing. Try to take some deep breaths. In and out."

After several minutes, Gail could feel herself calming down. She no longer felt like she might pass out and she was breathing relatively normally again. She moved to sit up straight in the chair.

"Feeling better? Are you hot? Here. Drink some water," Holly said as she handed the bottle to Gail.

The pale woman took a drink and then a long deep breath, exhaling slowly. "I'm ok," Gail said, her voice quiet, but strong. She looked around at all of her friends, staring at her.

Noticing the look on her face, Oliver started waving his hands in the direction of the table. "Okay guys, let's give them a little air, ok? Let's clean up our mess a little bit, let the doc talk to her." With reluctance, they started to move away, only Steve and Traci staying behind. Traci stood up to hold her husband's hand while Holly continued to question her wife.

"Do you feel lightheaded or nauseous? Are you in any pain?" Holly asked, one hand moving to rest on the side of Gail's stomach.

"No. I did feel like I was going to faint, but not anymore. No pain. The baby's ok. I'm ok," Gail reassured her wife softly.

"Did you get too hot? Or was it the phone call?" Holly asked gently. She suspected that Gail had had a panic attack, but she wanted to make sure she wasn't overheated.

"It was the phone call," Gail said, this time her voice shaking slightly.

Holly squeezed Gail's hand, trying to provide comfort. "Ok. You're ok, love. Keep breathing." At her wife's nod, she continued, "Do you want to talk about the phone call?"

Gail looked into Holly's eyes, fear causing her features to furrow. "It was the hospital," she said. She lifted her eyes to look at Steve. "It's dad."


	31. Chapter 31

"What about dad? What happened?" Steve asked, a tinge of panic leaking out from his otherwise steady voice.

Gail shook her head. "They didn't tell me anything. Someone from the hospital said that dad was there and I was listed as one of his emergency contacts. She didn't have any information about his condition."

Steve took a small step forward. "I'll go. I can call you as soon as I know something."

"I should come with you," Gail said softly. She gripped Holly's hand involuntarily. In return, Holly ran a hand up and down her back.

"You don't have to. I promise I will call you if it's serious. Traci will come with me. You don't have to go, Gail."

"I know, but I should. I'm coming." Gail moved to stand from the chair, but Holly placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Hold on, take it easy. Let me send someone for the car and you just sit here for a couple more minutes, ok?" Holly signaled for Chris to come over.

"Holly, I'm ok. I can make it to the car," Gail argued, but didn't try to stand up.

"Just indulge me, please? I'm sure you're fine, but you're still a little pale. Chris will go get the car." She turned toward Chris who had made is way over. "My keys are in that backpack, Chris."

"We'll grab all your stuff and you can get it later, ok?" Dov said.

"Thanks, Dov." Holly grabbed a water bottle and held it up to Gail. "Drink a little more. We will go as soon as Chris pulls the car around, ok?"

Gail frowned, but took the bottle of water anyway.

* * *

As she drove down the highway, Holly glanced quickly to her right. Gail was in the passenger seat, looking out the window, one hand covering her stomach. The blonde had barely spoken since they'd left the park. Her silence was understandable.

Gail hadn't spoken to her parents in years. So to not only be faced with seeing her father again, but also the possibility that he was in poor health or had been injured in some way? It was all a little overwhelming.

Holly had wanted to give Gail some time to process on the drive, so she hadn't pressed for her wife to talk. But as they came nearer and nearer to the hospital, her need to know how Gail was doing became too much to keep inside. She needed to know how her wife was feeling so she could understand how best to support her.

"Still feeling ok, honey?" Holly tried to ease into the conversation, first asking something safe.

"Hm?" Gail startled slightly and turned away from the window. When Holly's question finally registered, Gail nodded, "Oh, yeah, I feel fine. Well, physically anyway."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Holly asked.

Gail sighed and shuffled a little in her seat, trying to think of how to put her feelings into words. "I guess, at first, I was surprised that I got the phone call. I haven't spoken to him in years. I don't know why I'd be listed as an emergency contact."

"I wondered about that too," Holly agreed.

"But then I realized what today is. Elaine always goes to a big conference in the states around this time. She always used to complain about being out of the country on Canada Day."

"So you think they couldn't get in contact with her? What about Steve?" Holly asked.

"He may have gotten a call first, but he was running around like a sweaty pig," Gail scowled.

"Hey, I was sweaty too," Holly noted.

"Yeah, but the sweat looks considerably more attractive on you, especially in those short shorts."

Holly chuckled and shook her head before bringing the conversation back around. "So how do you feel about seeing your dad? I know it's hard because you don't know what happened."

"Yeah, I mean, I don't even know if he'll be awake. And Elaine might be back by the time he is. I'm really not looking forward to seeing either one of them. And you know how I feel about hospitals," Gail admitted.

"You don't have to go, honey," Holly reminded her. She knew that Gail knew this. But she also knew that in situations like this, you sometimes wanted to know that you wouldn't be judged for your choices.

Gail paused and looked back out the window. "I know. But he's my dad, you know? Even with everything that's happened, if something happened to him and I didn't go, I don't know if I could forgive myself. But I'm also really freaked out about seeing him in a hospital bed."

Holly reached over with one hand and squeezed Gail's fingers. "You just tell me what you need, ok? I'm here."

Gail closed her eyes for a moment and then placed a kiss on the back of Holly's hand. "I need you with me."

"I'm here, love. I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

When they arrived at the hospital and inquired about Bill, they were directed to the sixth floor waiting room. Bill's doctor would meet them there to explain his condition. Holly and Gail found Traci and Steve already waiting and sat near them.

"Have you heard anything?" Gail asked, Holly's hand clutched tightly in her own.

Steve shook his head, "No. I asked at the desk, but they said a doctor would come out and talk to us in a bit."

"What's a bit? Like 10 minutes? An hour? We're his emergency contacts, why can't they fucking tell us anything?" Gail exclaimed angrily. She was already anxious about being in the hospital and her imagination was running wild. She just wanted to be able to concentrate on the facts and deal with them.

Holly pulled Gail's hand into her lap and soothingly stroked her wrist with one hand while squeezing her fingers with the other. "Hey. They'll be here soon."

Gail caught the earnest look in her wife's eyes and let her mind settle on the support offered there instead of the anxiety in her chest. She nodded and took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down. Getting riled up and angry wasn't going to help anyone, even if anger felt better than fear.

Other than Steve explaining that he had missed a call on his phone from the hospital, the group sat in silence. Both sets of spouses held hands and considered possibilities and outcomes.

Finally, a short, bespectacled woman approached the group, her white coat standing out against her blue scrubs. "Are you the family of William Peck?"

Steve stood from his chair quickly, followed by the others. "Yes, I'm his son, Steve." He pointed at Gail, "And this is my sister, Gail." She nodded wordlessly, the anticipation making it too difficult to speak. Holly placed a comforting hand on the small of her back.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Nguyen. Your father was brought in by ambulance because he was experiencing a tightness in his chest and shortness of breath. He never lost consciousness and was alert and communicating with us. When he arrived we did an EKG and angiography and determined that he had several narrowed arteries, which were restricting blood flow to his heart."

"Does that mean he had a heart attack?" Steve asked, his voice quieter than when he had first introduced himself.

"No. But if left untreated, that most likely would have been the result. With his consent, he was taken in for a procedure called angioplasty. We inserted cardiac stents into three of his arteries to help open up the blood flow. The stents will remain in the arteries to help keep them open and prevent something like this from happening again. The procedure is minimally invasive and he responded very well. Right now he is in the recovery unit, but he should be moved to a regular room within an hour or two. He will be groggy and probably won't be able to stay awake for very long."

"So he's ok? I mean, he's going to be ok?" Gail asked. She had followed the explanation fairly well, but knew she'd need to ask Holly to explain the details later.

"Yes. The procedure went as planned and after a short recovery period, your father should be able to return to his regular routine. We will, of course, recommend a modified diet and exercise plan, but he shouldn't have any long-term restrictions." After pausing for a moment, she asked, "Do you have any more questions?"

The group looked around at each other and when no one said anything, Steve turned back toward the doctor. "Not right now. Thank you. For everything."

"You're welcome. Someone from the front desk will let you know when your father is in a room and able to receive visitors." With that, the doctor nodded and walked back through a set of double doors near the desk.

Gail immediately turned toward Holly and dipped her forehead into the space between her wife's neck and shoulder. Holly wrapped her arms around the blonde and pulled her in close. She kissed the blonde above her ear, the smell of sunscreen and sweat filling her nose. She vaguely registered that Steve and Traci were also hugging each other.

After a couple of minutes where no one in the group spoke, Gail lifted her head quickly to say something only to close her mouth again when she swayed a tad to the side. Holly used her arms to push her wife back to center and leaned away slightly without letting go. "Are you alright? Do you need to sit down?"

Gail nodded. "Just moved too fast. I'm ok." Steve and Traci broke their own hug and watched Gail carefully.

"Ok, well let's sit down anyway. We're going to be waiting for a little longer." Holly shuffled on her feet so that Gail was nearer to the chairs. She pushed gently on the pale shoulders to get her to sit down and then sat in the chair next to her.

Gail was too tired to argue. She simply nudged Holly's arm with her body until her wife understood and wrapped it around her shoulders, pulling her in close.

"I'm going to try to call mom. Does anybody need anything while I'm gone?" Steve asked.

"Could you get some water and a snack from a vending machine?" Holly pointed her eyes at Gail's head, which was resting on the top of Holly's chest. The woman looked exhausted.

"Yeah, no problem. I'll find it," Steve assured her. "Anything else?"

After a chorus of mumbled no's and a quick kiss to Traci's cheek, he walked away down the hall.

* * *

Holly ran her fingers through Gail's hair in a soothing gesture. The women had sat silently except for a brief exchange between Holly and Traci where the detective agreed to text their friends to update them. After a while, Gail mumbled something, not bothering to lift her head from Holly's chest.

Holly stilled her hand and tilted her head toward Gail's face. "What, honey?"

Gail pointed her face up and spoke a little louder. "I have to pee."

"Ok, I think the restroom is just down the hall. Let's go." She waited for Gail to sit up and then stood from her chair. She extended her hand to Gail and grabbed the woman's hip when she stood next to her. She waited to make sure the woman was steady on her feet.

Gail gave Holly a small smile. "I'm ok, Lunchbox. You don't have to come with me."

"I could use a restroom too and I'd like to wash my hands and face after that ultimate frisbee game." She turned toward Traci. "You want to come, Traci?"

Traci shook her head. "No, I'm ok. I'll stay here in case the nurse comes to tell us Bill is in a room."

"Ok, we won't be long," Holly said.

Gail finished using the facilities first and stood looking in the mirror while she waited for Holly. No wonder Holly was hovering. Her face was paler than normal and she looked like she could use a day or two of sleep. She put her hands on the edge of the sink and bent her head down to take a few breaths, trying to sort through her conflicting emotions.

She didn't lift her head when Holly stood at the sink beside her, taking a minute to wash her hands and face. To Holly's credit, she didn't say anything to Gail or ask if she was ok. She just stood nearby, letting her presence reassure Gail that she didn't have to handle this alone.

Gail took a deep breath and lifted her head. She turned so she was facing her wife. "I don't know what to do, Holly."

Holly nodded, even though she wasn't sure yet what Gail meant.

"He's my dad, you know? No matter what has happened between us, he's my dad. So I feel like I should go see him. He's in the hospital and even though he's fine now, things could have gone differently. He could have had a heart attack or even died if he had ignored the signs. So I feel like I should at least visit him."

Again Holly nodded, not wanting to interrupt, as she knew Gail had more to say.

"But now that I know he's going to be ok, part of me just wants to leave. Because he's my dad and he disowned me. I mean my parents were never going to be parents of the year, but they told me that I couldn't be their daughter if I stayed with the woman I love. What parent does that? What parent chooses to not be a part of their kid's life?" Gail moved her hand to cover her stomach. "I mean I know how much I love this little bean inside of me so I can't imagine that they don't love me at all, but how can you love someone like I love this little bean and not be in their life? I can't even imagine it."

Holly took a step closer and put her hand on Gail's arm. "I know, honey."

"So part of me thinks, that's not a dad. Someone who chooses not to be in their kid's life – that's not a dad. Hell, Oliver has been more of a dad to me than my own dad."

"You don't have to see him, Gail. You know I understand. And Steve will understand too." Holly ran her thumb over Gail's wrist.

Gail nodded. "I know. But what if it breaks his heart, Holly? Not literally. But what if me not going to see him when he's in the hospital is the thing we can't come back from? If I go seem him, maybe there's still a chance that he will come around, that he will want to know his grandkid one day."

Holly's heart squeezed at the hope in Gail's eyes.

"But what if I go and he doesn't want to see me? What if he says he'll talk to me, but only if you aren't there?"

"Gail, I can wait outside. I don't have to go in. I can do whatever will make this easiest for you," Holly said. She didn't want Gail to worry about her on top of everything else.

The look on Gail's face told Holly what she though of that idea. "No. Absolutely not. You're my wife. We are a packaged deal. He doesn't get to talk to me if he can't accept you. And anyway, I want you to be with me. I need you to be with me."

"Ok, sweetheart. So what do you want to do? You know whatever you decide, I will support you," Holly assured her gently.

"I know. Thank you." Gail shuffled forward and wrapped her arms around her wife. She pushed her nose into Holly's collarbone. "I just don't know what to do. I hate when people say that because usually people know what they need to do, but they just don't want to do it. But I genuinely could go either way on this."

Holly ran both hands up and down Gail's back. "You don't have to decide right now. We can go home and change and come back later if you want. Your dad should be in the hospital at least overnight for monitoring."

Gail stood in silence for a moment, attempting to force her brain or her heart or whatever to decide what she should do. But there was no easy answer. Either decision could end in regret. She sighed and leaned back. She couldn't stand here forever.

"Let's go find Steve and see what he's going to do," Gail said, sadness tainting her voice.

Holly cupped Gail's cheeks and kissed her forehead. "I love you, sweetheart."

Gail closed her eyes and let the words sink in. "I love you too, Holly."

The women joined hands and made their way back toward the waiting room.

* * *

When the women returned to the waiting room, Steve was once again seated next to Traci. They were huddled together, talking, worry coloring Steve's features.

In one of the seats across from them, Steve had placed a bottle of water and some pretzels. Holly grabbed them as she sat down, immediately opening the water and handing it to Gail. The blonde took it without protest, taking a few sips before handing it back to Holly.

"The nurse came by while you were gone," Traci said. "Bill is in room 832."

Gail nodded. "Were you able to get in touch with mom?"

Steve sighed, "No. She could be on a plane. Or she could be in part of the conference center that doesn't get a signal or she might have turned her phone off. I called her secretary to try to get her schedule, but it's a holiday. I left a message on mom's voicemail. The hospital probably left her a message too so between that and my voicemail, she'll probably be pretty anxious when she sees her phone."

"Oh please, mom doesn't get anxious. Robots don't have feelings," Gail retorted.

"Even Elaine has her weaknesses. I think dad is one of the few," Steve replied, unfazed by Gail's caustic comment. He knew how she reacted to stress. And he also knew that his mother deserved any ire Gail threw her way.

Holly glanced at Gail and decided to ask the question that she knew was spinning in her wife's mind. "Are you going to go see him now?"

Steve ran his hand threw his hair. "Yeah. I should. Now that I know he's going to be ok, I'm sort of tempted to just leave. He didn't visit me when I was in the hospital last year. But mom isn't here and well, he's my dad." Seeing how Gail's shoulders were drooping, Steve continued. "Gail, why don't you go home? Get something to eat, take a shower, maybe a nap. Dad will be out of it anyway. I can call you later and update you. Then if you want to come back tonight, you can."

Gail's expression was a mixture of guilt and relief. "I should come with you. You shouldn't have to go in alone."

"I'll go with him, Gail," Traci quickly added. "Besides, you sort of look like hell." She grinned slightly.

"Gee thanks, Trace," Gail deadpanned. Internally, Gail was grateful. Her brother and sister-in-law were giving her an out or at least a momentary reprieve from having to make a decision on whether to visit her father or not.

Traci laughed softly. "Seriously, Gail. Go home and give yourself some time to think and process. We will call you if anything comes up."

Gail bit her lip and rubbed the back of her neck, trying to decide what to do.

Holly placed a reassuring hand on Gail's back. "Love. You need some real food, a shower and a nap. Let me take you home for a little while. There's plenty of time to visit later tonight before visiting hours are over. We will come back if that's what you decide you want to do."

Gail sighed, dropped her chin to her chest and nodded. "Okay."

Normally, so many people telling her what to do would upset Gail. But right now, she was overwhelmed and emotionally drained. She was no closer to deciding what she wanted to do and if she were honest, the thought of taking a nap made her feel a little teary. She knew that her family was helping her take care of herself and the baby.

Holly put her hand around Gail's waist. "Come on, honey. Things will be clearer after you get a little rest."

Gail stood and leaned into Holly's side. Steve jumped up and pulled his sister into a hug. "We're going to be ok. We have each other."

"Thanks, Steve," Gail whispered.

Traci squeezed Gail's arm and gave Holly a hug. "We'll call if there's any news."

"Thanks, Traci. I'll have my phone on me." Holly raised her eyebrows, hoping Traci would catch the hint that they should call her first instead of Gail. Traci nodded knowingly.

Holly put her arm around Gail's waist again. They said their goodbyes and headed for the elevator.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail makes a decision about whether she should go see Bill in the hospital.

The drive home had been even more silent than the one to the hospital. After about 5 minutes in the car, Gail had succumbed to the motion of the moving vehicle and drifted off to sleep, her head propped up against the window. Holly had sensed how drained Gail was and thus hadn’t attempted to make conversation. She used the drive to process her own thoughts and emotions. 

While Holly could empathize completely with the particular terror that came with seeing your parents in hospital, she had never been disowned by those parents. So when Holly’s parents had been sick, there was no hesitation about being with them. Her father had had a heart attack and spent three days in the hospital before having another – the one that killed him. Holly and her mother had kept vigil by his bedside, only leaving for an hour at a time to shower and change clothes. Likewise, when Holly’s mother had gotten cancer, Holly had spent as much time at the hospital as she could, even quitting her summer job. 

As horrifying and heartbreaking as it had been to see her mother slowly slip away, Holly had never considered not being there. But Holly’s mother was just that – a mother. When Gail was young, Elaine and Bill had been demanding caretakers, not nurturing parents. And in recent years, they hadn’t even been around, not attempting to make any contact with Gail since she had told them she was a lesbian. But they were still Gail’s parents, the only ones she had. So even though Holly couldn’t compare her experience with Gail’s, she understood the dilemma that her wife faced. Should she visit her father and risk being rejected again by him and possibly also her mother? Or should she not visit and risk feeling guilty for not attempting to reach out? Neither option seemed like it had a happy ending. 

After they got home, Holly coaxed Gail into the shower while she made them a snack. When she brought the food upstairs, she found Gail sitting on the edge of the bed in an oversized t-shirt, head bent toward the ground. 

Starting with a safe subject, Holly set the tray of food on top of the dresser closest to Gail. “I brought some sandwiches, honey. Want to try to eat a little before you take a nap?” 

Gail continued to look down but nodded her head slightly. “Yeah. I’m not very hungry, but I don’t want to wake up feeling nauseous.” 

Holly hummed her agreement and handed half a sandwich to Gail. She brought her own half and sat next to her on the bed. The women chewed in silence, Gail wiping some crumbs from her lap when she had finished the last bite. 

“Do you want the other half?” Holly asked before she put the last bite of her sandwich in her mouth. 

“No. That’s all I can eat right now. But thank you for making them,” Gail said, her head still pointed at the ground. 

Holly studied Gail’s drawn face and then lifted her hand to rub her hunched back. “Why don’t you lie down, sweetheart. You’ll feel better after you sleep a little.” 

Gail closed her eyes and nodded, a wave of fatigue sweeping through her body. She let out a deep breath, lifted her legs under the covers and lay down. "Will you stay with me?" 

Holly pulled the covers up to Gail's chin and then placed her hand on Gail's cheek. "I will always stay with you," she answered with a smile. "Will you be ok if I take a quick shower? I promise I won't be long." 

"Yeah. Pretty sure I’ll be asleep in about thirty seconds," Gail mumbled. Her eyes had already drifted close. 

Holly leaned down and kissed Gail's forehead. "I'll be right back." 

She was true to her word and was back from the shower within five minutes. She tiptoed around the bed, gently climbed under the blankets, and cuddled up behind the sleeping blonde. She wrapped her hand around Gail's waist, her thumb coming to rest just below her bellybutton. Holly closed her eyes and let herself drift off. 

* * *

When Gail woke from her nap, she rolled from her side onto her back, stretching her arms above her head. How it was possible to be sore just from sleeping, she would never understand. 

"Hey, sleepyhead," Holly murmured softly, setting the book she had been reading down on her nightstand. She reached over to run her fingers through Gail's hair. 

"Mmm," Gail wasn't quite awake enough to form words. She rolled over and lay her head in Holly's lap, hugging the brunette's legs. 

Holly continued to run her fingers through the blonde's hair, massaging her scalp as she went. "Do you feel a little better after the nap?" 

"Yeah a little. Still feel...weird." 

"Weird?" Holly questioned. 

"Yeah, I don't know. It's hard to describe. It's like the pregnancy just zaps all my strength any time anything emotional happens. And it takes longer than usual to feel normal again. So I do feel better after sleeping, but not completely normal. I feel like I could sleep for two more days and still be tired." 

"So much of your body's energy is going to the baby, it makes sense that it would take longer to recuperate after you go through a shock. You had a mini panic attack at the park. That takes a toll on your body." Holly slid her hands down Gail's side and started rubbing circles on the side of her stomach. 

Gail hummed with pleasure. "I like it when you do that." 

"That's good because I can't seem to not touch your adorable baby bump." 

The blonde scowled, "Don't ruin it by calling me adorable." 

Holly laughed softly. "Oh, you're not adorable. No, no, you're too badass for that. Just your tummy is adorable." 

"Ugh! Don't say tummy!" Gail buried her face in Holly's legs. 

Holly laughed louder now. "I love your adorable tummy!" For emphasis, she rubbed the palm of her hand all over Gail's middle. Then she started tickling Gail's sides, which caused the blonde to jerk and wiggle in panic. 

"No! No tickling!" Gail flipped over to the other side of the bed and curled her knees up to her chest, her arms outstretched in a defensive posture. 

Holly laughed and held her hands up in surrender. "Ok, no tickling. Come back over here though. I wasn't done snuggling." 

Gail flashed a skeptical look at her wife. "No tickling?" 

"No tickling," Holly confirmed.  

Gail rolled back over and pulled Holly down so that they lay flush against each other, Gail angling her body so that her stomach was resting against Holly's hip. The blonde pressed her face into her wife's collarbone and wrapped her arm around her so she could pull her in as snuggly as possible. Holly tilted her head so that it rested on Gail's, one of her hands covering Gail's, while the other once again swirled gentle circles on her wife's stomach. 

Gail sighed and closed her eyes. She never felt so safe or as content as when she was curled up with Holly. "Can we just stay here?" 

Without hesitation, Holly responded, "Always." Sure, they couldn't stay there forever. Even Gail wouldn't want that. But Holly didn't feel the need to point that out right now. 

Gail nodded her head and shifted a bit so she could kiss Holly's neck. "I love you, Holly." 

Holly smiled and turned to place a kiss on the top of Gail's head. "I love you too, honey." 

The women lay together like that for several minutes, thumbs stroking, feet tangling together. They knew that decisions would have to be made shortly, but for just a few minutes, they wanted to just be, to hold each other, to feel safe and happy. 

Gail was the one who finally broached the subject that needed to be discussed. "I have to go see him." 

Holly angled her head toward Gail's. "You don't have to, honey." 

"He's my dad," Gail stated simply, as if that was explanation enough. A few seconds went by before she added, barely above a whisper, "If it were me, I'd want him to come." 

Holly tightened her grip on her wife, "I know, love." 

* * *

After a few more minutes of cuddling, Gail and Holly got ready to return to the hospital. Holly called Traci to check on Bill's status and to see if they had heard from Gail's mother yet. Even though they knew she'd show up eventually, both Gail and Holly felt a little relieved to know that they might not have to deal with both Bill and Elaine right away. Gail was happy enough to not have to defend herself against her mother's criticisms while also trying to wrap her mind around her father's mortality. Holly was just happy to not have one more element of stress for Gail to endure. 

When they arrived at the hospital, Traci met them outside the entrance to Bill's room. "Hey, guys. Bill's sleeping. He's been in and out of it. Mostly out of it. Steve is sitting with him." 

Gail nodded. "Still nothing from my mother?" 

"No, we haven't heard anything. Steve was able to figure out what hotel she was staying in and they confirmed that she had checked out. But she hasn't returned any of Steve's calls." 

Gail nodded again and took a deep breath, squeezing Holly's hand. "Alright, let's get this over with." She walked into the room, pulling Holly along behind her.  

Steve was sitting in a chair in the corner, away from the bed. He was looking down at his phone until the women came into the room. He stood from his chair and moved to put his arm around Gail's shoulder for a quick hug. "How are you feeling, sis?" It was obvious that he wasn't just referring to her physical state. 

"Glad mom isn't here," Gail answered bluntly. 

Steve just chuckled, "Sounds about right. I have a feeling she'll make her appearance soon. I checked on flights and based on when she checked out of the hotel, she could make it here any time." 

"Well, let's all pray for fog then," Gail quipped. She glanced over at the hospital bed, trying not to look too closely at her father. His face was pale and god did he look small and weak just lying there, asleep in a room full of people. "Did you talk to him?" 

"A little. He asked what happened, but he fell asleep before I could finish explaining. The nurses said it's normal after anesthesia to be a little disoriented." 

Gail looked at Holly for confirmation and she nodded. "A little confusion at first isn't anything to worry about."  

Gail nodded again. "Well, I guess we wait then."  

She pulled Holly's hand toward a couch adjacent to the chair that Steve had been sitting in. The couple sat down while Steve allowed Traci to have his chair, coming to lean against the wall next to her. They passed the time mostly with silence. It was difficult to know what to talk about and Gail at least was reluctant to make much noise, not wanting to be the reason her father woke up. The child in her would always, on some level, be afraid of inciting his temper. 

Eventually, Bill began to stir, coughing a little as he brought his hand up to rub his face. Steve moved closer to the bed while still maintaining a respectable distance. The women remained seated, waiting to see how things went. 

"Hey, dad," Steve said. 

Bill hummed in response as he scooted up on the bed. 

"Do you remember what happened?" Steve asked. 

"Yeah. I lost my bacon privileges," Bill said, his voice low and rough. 

Gail couldn't help but laugh out loud at her dad's snarky comment. It was something she would say if she were in a similar situation. 

Bill looked over at each of the women, taking them in one by one. But he only acknowledged one of them. "Gail." 

Gail pulled Holly's hand in her lap and nodded, "Dad." 

"How have," he stopped and cleared his throat, "I mean...you're ok?" He could have been asking about the weather, his tone was so detached. 

"Fine," was all Gail responded, her tone equally detached. 

Bill cleared his throat again and smoothed his hand down his chest, as if straightening an imaginary tie. He looked at Steve again. "Did the doctor say when I could leave?" 

"He said you could leave tomorrow if everything..." 

"Nonsense." Steve was cut off by Elaine, walking into the room and walking directly to the bed. Dressed in a business suit and heels, you wouldn't know she had just come from an airplane. She looked as put together and severe as always. "I will be taking you home today. No need for you to sleep on this community mattress for the night." 

Gail scoffed and rolled her eyes, drawing the attention of her mother. 

"I'm surprised you're here Gail. Who knew you cared whether your parents lived or died?"  

"I care if dad dies," Gail snapped back. 

Elaine paused for a moment, as if planning her attack. "You look tired Gail. You have dark circles under your eyes. Perhaps you should have Miss Stewart take you home." 

"Mom," Steve warned. 

Holly squeezed Gail's hand and ran her thumb along the back of it. She really did not want Gail to get riled up.

"That's  _Doctor_ Stewart-Peck." Gail was all but growling. "And we are here for dad. He wants us to stay." She turned her head toward her father. "Right, dad?" 

Elaine turned to look at Bill at the same time he looked up into her face. He then turned toward Gail and smoothed his hand down his chest again, an obviously nervous habit. He cleared his throat, "Well, um, maybe Dr. Stewart, um..." 

Gail let out a breathy laugh and stood from the couch, pulling Holly up with her. She shook her head as she glared at her father. "I don’t know why I thought a health crisis would change anything. My  _wife_ , Dr. Stewart- _Peck,_ and Iwill be leaving together." She walked toward the door, adding just before she left, "Glad you're not dead, dad." 


End file.
